Just A Little Bit- Respect

Posted: May 28, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

The ways in which society evolves around itself never ceases to amaze me. How we as human beings treat one another seems to be in a constant state of change.

But there are some things that I have noticed that remain the same. And that is that we all demand respect.

In the past two weeks, I have heard several women tell me that they’ve felt disrespected both in the past and by others who they’ve chosen to surround themselves with today. Not just one, be several. There are many, many sob stories out there to be told about how (in general) men are totally disrespectful towards women. And they get away with it.

Perhaps I am already jumping on the issue that is a double standard. But personally, men crave respect as well. It just seems to me that men still do not respect women as much as they should. And they can get away with it. But if a woman is disrespectful towards a man, then suddenly she is sent to the gallows.

I do not think that there should be much of a difference between men and women respecting one another. Perhaps I am just one of those kinds of men that are so far back behind on what is socially acceptable in this day in age that I am  considered a dinosaur for my personal beliefs.

About a month ago, I was hanging out with my buddies, at a local restaurant. One of my friends decided to bring one of his own personal friends along with him and introduce him to everyone in the group. It was one of your typical “guy’s night out”.

So the ‘new guy’ starts talking about women and sharing his score card with the rest of the group and bragging about who he had slept with, and who did what to him and how. The guy was pretty aggressive in his sharing of his personal sexual conquests. Not a lot of us said much to him about it. A majority of us just nodded and said “yeah” whenever he spoke.

Not only that, but he was speaking loudly about it, to the point where I was personally becoming uncomfortable. But since I did not know the guy personally, I decided to let it go in one ear and out the other.

Quite clearly from the tales that he told, he had no respect for women at all. It was all something that he was proud to boast about gaining for himself. This guy truly had “Man of the Year” written all over him. But by the time he finished talking about it all, he then went into this somber mood and started to ask the questions of life and wondered why it had been six years since he had a steady girlfriend.

Umm, really?

Within a couple of hours of hanging out, the same man who was spewing his “love stats” with anyone within ear shot noticed an attractive girl that had walked in by herself. He got up and went to the bar and ordered her a drink. Then he sat back down with the rest of us and just kind of stared at her while the waitress was bringing her a drink.

He admitted that he had never seen her before and wanted to know who she was. I watched as the woman smiled at him, giving a nod of appreciation towards him. Then she began to go about her own business.

It pissed him off. Perhaps she just wasn’t interested in him. Maybe she was only there to satisfy her hunger. But he didn’t recognize any of these as possibilities. Only that she had disrespected him.

Eventually, he would order her another drink.

Finally, the woman looked in his direction and smiled. She got up from her table and came over to thank him personally for the drinks. The rest of the group watched in silence. My friend who was sitting next to me whispered that he wished he had popcorn. It would’ve been a little fitting to have available for what was about to happen.

 

After the proverbial name introductions and mini-background stories of where each of them came from and what they do, this new guy in the group had the testicular fortitude to literally ask this strange and lovely woman, “So, are you beautiful all of the time or is this your night off?”

The person sitting to the left and to the right of him immediately shoved themselves away from the table as far as they could scoot their chairs and as fast as they could do it. They were right in doing so because the new guy ended up wearing that second drink he bought her.

She immediately walked out of the restaurant without paying her bill. The new guy just sat there in shock as the cold liquid absorbed through his clothes and on to his body, giving him chills.

Then he called her a “bitch”. And a few other names as well.

He carried on and on about how disrespectful it was of her to throw that drink on him. But the rest of us sitting there with him could not fathom his reasoning of why he would think that way, when we were the ones trying to figure out why he did not realize that it was he that disrespected her!

I guess what I do not understand is how people think that they can be rude and disrespectful towards another person and expect to advance in the relationship. What is it about men that makes them think that they can act like pure animals and expect a woman to want to be around them?

When you meet someone for the first time and you want to get to know them better, you do not act like an idiot. Because the person you are trying to get to know will see this and think that you ARE one, instead of just acting like one. I’ve never been so disrespectful towards women (or anyone for that matter) in all of my life.

Like the saying goes, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” I heard that from my parents all of the time growing up. By the time I was out of high school I understood what they were saying.

I don’t refer to a woman as a “bitch” or a “whore”. Not even in anger. I don’t even go that far to be so disrespectful when I am referring to an old relationship or a past lover. Regardless of how the relationship might have ended. I do not see the point or merit of it.

Heck, I won’t even use profanity in front of a woman, unless they’ve used it first. And by that time, I would really have to get to know them before I would dare use such language. At least in general. I know that I have slipped a couple of times with others but I survived because they didn’t think anything of it. But seriously using such demeaning terms towards someone as complex as is the opposite sex does not mean any real sense to me. That’s just my opinion.

I know that every person is different. Some treat others with kindness, the others just do not have a mouth filter. I am the person who treats others with respect because I want to be respected in return.

But there are those who don’t. And those are the kinds of men who make socializing with women so difficult for me. Chances are before I have met any woman, they have had some kind of bad experience with disrespecting jerks, and it lays fresh on their mind as I began to talk to them. I end up having to struggle with showing that I’m not “that guy”. I am not “just another slimeball.”

And I am gathering that it is because I choose to behave in a civilized manner when it comes to talking with women, that I am always being called “sweet” or “charming”. And I get that a lot. Hey, I don’t get it. I’m just me!!

Men (and women) who do not know how to actually behave in public, probably shouldn’t be in public. But its difficult to manage that because we are all different.

I on the other hand, will remain who I am. I will treat women with kindness and respect as they deserve. And if that gives me some sort of label to the members of the feminine world then so be it.

The whole point of social interaction is to get to know a person better. So it does not make sense to me to go out there on the first try and act stupid because there’s probably not going to be another chance to get to know someone after that. Especially if I am genuinely interested in that person. I commonly use the phrase “One, and done.” And I hate that.

Why limit myself to only one chance on making an impression and talking with someone while trying to get to know them personally? I strive for that second, third, fourth, fifth time. That next opportunity to talk to someone I am interested in. I am not interested in playing Beat the Clock. I would much rather move towards endless possibilities.

One thing is for sure, your reputation does get spread around. The guy that wore the drink, we’ve not seen him since that night. I’ve been asked before by other associates of that woman who dumped the drink, why I was hanging around with such a moron. I was just simply there and I explain that to them. They’ve literally come off the streets to ask me what my problem was. But after I explained that I was just part of the audience, they back off.

Clearly, this guy’s reptutation is in the mud now. But he did it to himself.

I do not know how my own reptutation stands with women. Outside of what I just mentioned about being called “sweet” and “charming”. But whatever it is, I hope that it is optimistic.

 

 

 

 

 

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