Don’t Tell Anyone! 2: The Betrayal

Posted: June 20, 2011 in Uncategorized
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“One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though… betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.”~ Steven Deitz

This comes as a part two of the post about keeping secrets. But it deals more with what happens after you have confided in someone with a secret and that someone has betrayed you by telling your secrets.

It has happened to us all. We tell people certain things about ourselves that we would normally keep to ourselves, but had faith in those people whom we love and call friends that in sharing with them that they would not betray us.

Sometimes its unintentional. Sometimes its flat out deliberate. Either way, the pain that we experience is all the same. We suddenly feel all alone in this world. Our trust is broken and we begin to build a wall around us so that we cannot be hurt by a second wave. Or so we tend to think. But whatever it is that we do, we’re almost always in the state of mind where damage control is needed.

There are several ways to deal with being betrayed. Some healthy, some more or less destructive and negative. Each person has their own ways of cope when negative situations arise.

I recently felt the sting of betrayal. At this point, the smoke hasn’t cleared yet and so I could not tell you if whether or not that betrayal was done on purpose or if it was just a slip of the lip.

Long story short: I discussed with a few people that I had put some trust in about my social life, both on and offline. All parties involved knew that it was not a topic of  conversation that could be discussed out in the general public or open. But it came out anyways, and it was done in public. Suddenly the rest of those who heard (or overheard) the conversation have it set in their minds that I am involved in a romantic relationship. In which, I am not.

So then, what should I do? What should I say?? Is there a need to go around and talk to everyone that was in the room at the time and explain to them that I am not involved with any woman at the current time? Do I need to go to those who betrayed me and just chew them out until they feel about an inch tall?

Answer: Probably not. I personally do not see the point in all of that, even though I am a bit hurt that it had happened in the first place. If it were in general terms, it would definitely be easier to go to those people who heard this information and explain to them. But those individuals whom I call neighbors are set in their ways. They will believe whatever they want to believe is the truth behind whether or not I am involved romantically.

People are like that though. They believe what they want. You can explain and defend your side of things until you are blue in the face. It doesn’t mean you are going to be 100% successful in convincing them of what is true and what is rumor. Most of us would agree that it is just not right. But we can’t change the world.

So the best way that I know how to maintain and control this situation is to NOT discuss previous topics of conversation, and of women, to those who started this mess in the first place. I can’t totally shut them out. They live nearby. I’m going to run into them a time or two. But I CAN control what kind of things I say to anyone. Just like I control the content of this blog.

I was just so horrified and shocked that those whom I had put some faith in, wanted to further discuss these topics with me and then chose to do so amongst other people. More specifically, in front of those people whom both sides had agreed that if others knew about it, then I’d be thrown into the rumor mill and it would spread like wildfire. And it has, to be completely honest.

So I’m not going to discuss these things any more, with any body. And if those whom were once trusted with such information dealing with certain subject matter come to me asking for an update… they simply will not get one. Or they will get a reply that will simply answer their question but give nothing of substance.

We as human beings have our circle of people in whom we entrust a lot of things. Deep personal things. It really hurts though when those things are suddenly made public. Our brains immediately turn to the feelings of anger, wanting to hurt those who have clearly hurt us. But I personally do not believe that revenge is the answer.

I’ve been entrusted with MANY things by MANY people. Yet I have shown my merit and worth by respecting their personal lives and keeping it personal and private. Ask any of my friends and they will tell you that.

So then how do we deal with the situation of our trust being broken? Everyone is different and has different needs and wants. One can just hope that they deal with it in a constructive manner and not destructive because it only makes things so much worse than it was before.

To those people who now believe on what they think is true about me… they are going to soon see that I am not hanging out with anyone special. I am not going to be seen with a woman on my arm. And eventually they will be forced to admit to themselves that whatever they have been thinking about me and this situation of being involved is simply untrue. It is just a simple matter of time.

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