Truth

Posted: June 28, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

“If the truth hurts, imagine how a lie would feel…”~ Amy Diggs

I had a female colleague come up to me recently and she asked me a question that was both surprising and difficult. She had asked me if I could see myself in a relationship with her.

I totally did not expect this kind of question to come up in conversation, even though I had previously seen warning signs and her line of questions that led up to it were very much so in the category of hinting at it. Yet, it still surprised me.

My first reaction was to try and avoid the subject, mainly because I was so much in shock at the time that I had heard it. But as relentless as she was, I knew that eventually I would have to face up to her question and give her an answer.

I told her “No.” She did inquire as to why I had said that, and I began to give my reasons that her request was a bit incomplete. Yet she was apparently unable to listen to my reasons for very long, so my bottom line for answering as I did was because I did not know her well enough to just start a relationship out of nowhere. Naturally, it appeared that I had destroyed her heart. At first, she held back but she could not keep her tears in for very long.

Those who truly know me understand that I cannot stand seeing a woman in tears, or ANYONE for that matter! Knowing that I had ruined her idea, and perhaps her hopes and dreams didn’t go down easily. Not for her, and not for me.

But I told her the truth. There was no sense in lying to her just to make sure that she was smiling and happy. And since I had started out with a “no”, it would not make sense to quickly go back and change answers, just so that she would not cry.

And before you go running to write an e-mail to me, making cracks about me being a “heartbreaker” or worse, start with the hate mail… let me just say that I’ve been there where she was. I have most definitely felt the harsh sting of rejection and have been spurned before. And more than just a couple of times. Yet, I would never expect those who had rejected me to LIE to me, just so that I would be happy.

It was my decision to tell this woman the truth. And tell it from the very beginning. But to my credit, I did tell her that I enjoyed her company and she has been a very funny and awesome colleague. That’s cliché, I know.

There was no way that I would have even answered with “I don’t know”, or “maybe” because in those cases it could have allowed her to fill her own head with fantasies about the possibility, when I knew for a fact there was no possibility.

I do not know who Amy Diggs is. I do not know where she came up with such an intense and powerful quote. But I agree with it wholly 100%. It would have hurt this woman far worse if I would have lied to her.

I’ve never been a fan of the “Check YES or NO” scenario when it comes to relating to the opposite sex. I haven’t been in grade school in quite a long time. But I know that for her as an adult, one of the two things will happen:

  • Her feelings will be hurt for a short time. She will harbor some resentment for the rejection she received and began to have feelings of hatred. And in the end, I’ll never hear from her ever again.
  • After a short time of hurt feelings, she will heal from the inside and at some point be able to move on from this rejection. And we’ll be as we were yesterday.

Telling the truth often is like that ouchie you get from falling off your bike. It stings like crazy at first, then it hurts. But after a while it begins to heal and soon the scar goes away. Does anyone honestly disagree with that??

Yes, I honestly agree that “the truth will set you free”. And I also agree that “the truth often hurts”. As for my personal feelings, I would much rather hurt from the beginning rather than be led on to something that isn’t true. I don’t believe that people like being lied to by any means, but I would not want to be lied to just because it is an effort to save my feelings at the time, because lies always come out in the end. And by then, the situation is far worse to deal with mentally for me after being lied to.

Always tell the truth, right from the start. Even if you know it is going to hurt. If you care about them and they actually care about you, then they’ll see the significance of your truth. And then they will appreciate you all that much more for being honest with them to begin with.

If I had started to hate those women who had spurned me, I sure would be far worse off and a lot more lonely of a person. It hurt, I cried. But I healed, and I moved on, and I’m still alive today.

Yet for this particular woman’s situation, it is still “fresh” in a sense. It just happened. I feel awful to a point about it right now. But I also feel that I had done the right thing.

 

 

 

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