I Used To Date What’s Their Face!

Posted: July 11, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

“I always take a relationship to the next level. If that works out, I take it to the next level after that, until I finally reach that level when it becomes absolutely necessary for me to leave.”~ Dave Chappelle as ‘Kevin’ in “You’ve Got Mail” [1998]

Sometimes relationships just don’t work out. And there are so many reasons for it that we can’t possibly sit down and go through them all and live a happy life. Pondering the worst of things that occur would only drag us down into the levels of despair that many of us would have a hard time getting out of.

What we do often enough after a break up can differ in time from one person unto the next. Depending on the relationship itself and the reasons behind its termination.

Personally though, I’ve noticed that once a person has come out of a relationship due to a break up, it seems to be the thing to do to totally become evil and speak as if their ex was the worst person in the world. I don’t know, maybe its just a part of the healing process in a sense where it is a sort of a release to get out all of the angry feelings that they are dealing with because it ended. It is a fascinating theory to me because when the relationship was in full swing they couldn’t stop talking about their significant other almost as if they couldn’t say their name enough times in one day to show their affection and feelings for them.

Even with the use of the Internet, once that break up has happened there seems to be a bit of a hurtful situation whenever there comes a time when that person’s name is simply being read on a computer screen. Or perhaps a certain song is played on the radio that reminds them of what was good at one point but they quickly remember that it is now gone. They take into consideration simply abbreviating the name of their lost loved one because it has become too painful. I could be wrong on this.

Too many times, I have read on Facebook in the past twelve months people coming in and out of relationships. But commonly once its over, they’ve got no desire to read their former partner’s name or talk about them. And so either their names are abbreviated or they are given some kind of code or nick name, that is actually dangerously close to the edge of being spiteful and mean.

But in time, the hurting stops. The healing process is over. And that person can move forward and function better in life because the pain of the loss is either no longer there or has become something that they can deal with.

I left my last girlfriend nearly three years ago. I would consider it a very bad break up. Probably the worst I have ever had to go through. And yes, it was painful for me. Yet, what had given me hope to carry on for another day was the fact that I knew that I was alive and not dead. Which probably would have been the ultimate fate had I stayed in the relationship.

I was glad and very thankful that I was able to see the world again without fear, without pain.

And I healed. I cannot say for sure how long it took to heal, but because I had that positivity within me to believe that things WILL get better, and a supportive group of friends, family, and other colleagues– I survived the hurt of the break up. I knew what I had done wrong, and I learned from that. And I keep it all in mind when I am associating with other females.

I could mention as well that memories of my first girlfriend that I ever had are gone. I have no recollection of what she looked like back then and probably would not be able to recognize her if I saw her today. That much time has passed. The only thing that I remember of her is her name.

So then are we forcing the memories out of our heads when we tend to refer to our exes as “them, they, or it”? Do we believe that our liver and kidneys are going to explode just because we mentioned their name in conversation after the relationship is over? Some just may believe in that. It is just personal opinion that I feel that they are wrong in thinking that.

I’ve been witness to relationships with people from beginning to end. At first, I would get to the point where I was happy for them. Then I just wanted them to shut up about it because hearing over and over again was driving me to believe that they were incapable of talking about anything else in the world. The fact of the matter was probably that they could, they just didn’t want to. And then when the ending of the relationship came and it was time for the hurt and the heal, well… you can imagine the bashing, the name calling, the evil ways they spoke about their ex.

And this was someone you just a few days ago felt that you couldn’t live without? You are calling them names and talking in a bad light about them suddenly? Why is that??

You loved them last week- and now you loathe them.

It is just all very interesting to me.

I do not loathe those who are a part of my past. I do not hate them. I do hate what they had done as well as what I had done that would ultimately cause the relationship to terminate. But even then, I shouldn’t “hate” on that. Instead, I should take the signs as they came to me and learn. Recognize what went wrong and what was bad, and do not repeat it with anyone else that may cross paths in my life, EVER!!!!!!!! 

I remember them all. Once someone makes a very big mark in your life, you never really “forget” them. You just lose your attachment to them. Once that is done, you’ve healed and are ready to move on. But the healing process and how we are handling ourselves in times of hurt and end, are quite fascinating to me.

Naturally, I am not a professional on this. Nor do I claim to be. I just simply know and speak from my own experiences. Doesn’t mean everything is going to end up the same with each relationship, or person in which I choose to have a relationship with. I fully trust in that. Because if I did not, I would have never dated again. Neither would I have had the experiences afterwards that I did, nor the opportunity to learn from these experiences to grow, mature, and develop in my own short life.

Each person is different as I said. They attach themselves towards others differently. They adapt differently, and they also heal differently. The best part about healing is that it doesn’t mean that you will hurt forever. At some point, it will stop hurting.

Life will go on.

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