“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ~Marcel Proust
I would have to say that this is insanity. Maybe I’m just too burnt to a crisp at the moment or maybe I am not thinking clearly. But for now that’s what I will call it….. insanity.
My best friend called me after 11 PM the other night, and vented. I said nothing, with the exception of asking a few questions to make sure that I was understanding what they were saying. They felt better, took a deep breath and let it out. After that, they said “thanks” and hung up.
That’s fine. I believe that is a big part of the friendship. The sad thing is that they vented about this scenario about how someone ELSE called them to talk and vent, but gave no consideration to my best friend’s schedule or personal life. None at all.
Dear readers, I think that it is redundant to say but I will anyways: I don’t like it when people screw around with my friends and take advantage. I am certain that nobody likes it when their close friends and loved ones are messed with in any way.
Having a one-sided relationship with anyone, isn’t cool. It also isn’t healthy. I don’t know the full scope of the story with regards to my best friend. All I know is that they are receiving this person’s dumping night after night after night and there’s not been a lot of consideration for my best friend’s feelings, or time.
A neighbor of mine suffered a personal assault on their feelings as they were speaking to someone else and they were gathering the impression that the other person was just there to talk about themselves. So again, someone vented with me about this and I just couldn’t believe what all I was hearing.
Friends do not abuse friends!!
A friendship is in fact, a relationship. You take everything with it once you enter it. The good, the bad and the extremely ugly and off-putting. But you also reciprocate the good, the bad, and the extremely ugly.
I was fine when my best friend called me so late at night. The first goal was to allow them to feel better. Mission accomplished. I am fine with it because I know that I too, can turn around and vent with them whenever I am needing it. And I did so today.
But in the other case, I just was so stunned to hear that the casual conversation was just so one-sided that it gave the listener to that conversation the thoughts in their head that perhaps this was not a healthy exchange. I honestly do not know what was going on as I was only hearing one side of it. Yet it did sound like something that I too, would be upset about if someone did that to me.
Friendships are (or at least should be) based and have a foundation of mutual love and respect for one another. When someone takes advantage of that, the friendship immediately begins to crumble and fall apart. What in the world would make a person believe that they are still going to be maintain relationships with people when they are totally wreckless without regard towards others? What makes them believe that its okay to get everything off of their chest that is bothering them, without the consideration of the person who is listening and what they are or are not able to withstand? What is it about a person that makes them talk about “me, me, me” and not about “us, us, us”? There is a great responsibility when it comes to having to be the listener, and that is something personally I have understood.
It breaks my heart that this crap is going on with people that I love so much and hold dear. And yeah, today– I’m breaking the silences and probably just letting off a lot of steam.
There’s taking, but there is also something called “receiving”. If you are a true friend, you would do both! And to do both actions graciously, willingly, and without prejudices.
I always brag about “being on-call” 24 hours a day, seven days a week for my friends and loved ones. If you have someone who is like this, then you truly are blessed. Someone that you can turn to, someone to confide in all your deepest, most darkest of hours. But keep in mind, if this is someone whom you consider a friend then you should in a certain sense be aware that your turn might come to be the one who is listening.
If you are a person who is constantly taking advantage of your friends, living this proverbial see-saw life in a see-saw relationship then I can absolutely without a doubt, guarantee you this: The relationship WILL FAIL.
There will come a time when you decide to take just that much more from a person, and they will bitch slap you right in your tracks and because you are unwilling to admit your transgression, will be stunned when you feel their sting. Once the sting subsides, you’ll find yourself all alone and that person is gone because they’ve had enough of you taking advantage of them and have terminated the relationship.
Realize what you are doing towards others, when you ask them for help. Understand there are SHOULD be boundaries, and that you should stay within them. But also understand that you should open up and reciprocate.
And if you are the kind of person who totally desires to be there for your friends and loved ones, then more power to you. Yet set your boundaries and do not allow yourself to be bulldozed by those who are selfish. Stand up for yourself and let them know what is what.
It isn’t love, it is hateful. And that’s the way the person is going to feel once they’ve had enough. Stop taking advantage of those people you call your friends.
Dambreaker 