Conversation Serial Killers

Posted: October 17, 2011 in Uncategorized
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“It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.”~
Josiah Stamp

A conversation is taking place. A jovial and social interaction between two people. But by the time the end of the conversation comes, you’ve realized that the topic of conversation has drastically changed.

What was once a pleasant exchange about how you enjoyed your time at last weekend’s family picnic has ended with you discussing how when you were seventeen, you stole your neighbor’s car for a joyride and now you are feeling remorse.

How in the world does that happen?

The subject matter never came to an ultimate conclusion. I mean that it never got to the point where you have said all that you had wanted to say about it and now its still incomplete. Some way, some how, someone did not want to hear about the food fight over Aunt Gertude’s prize-winning Spicy Potato Salad.

Sometimes when we engage with others in correspondence, we have multiple things that we would like to tell them. But when it comes down to the fact that you are going your separate ways, you realize that only a fraction of the topics that you were wanting to share with them were brought up.

You have been side-stepped. Once something comes up and the topic begins to change, it is do-si-do and away you go! The other person side-steps the subject and moves on to something else even before you are finished talking about it. Almost as if they are line dancing around what you feel is important to discuss.

Now I understand that there are times when a person will bring up something that might be uncomfortable for you to discuss, whether it be answering a personal question or discussing something that you feel might hurt the other person’s feelings. But do you honestly believe that dodging the subject or question is going to make things better?

What does that make you look like? And how do you think that makes the person who was talking to, feel??

There are many ways in which people dodge conversations. I went to find out just why people do this. There was very few legitiment possible answers to the question.

Comfort. Apparently the other person is not feeling comfortable with the topic and does not wish to continue any longer in that particular sore subject.

Defensiveness. This comes in particularly if a person is asking a question that is either difficult or personal, or both. The other person dodges the subject and tries to move on because they believe that by responding back, they are going to hurt that person with whatever they respond with.

Ego. The person with a massive ego always takes delight in changing the subject. Mainly, because they want their time in the spotlight and they want to talk about themselves rather than anything or anyone else. For as long as they can, by as much as they can, they will do whatever it takes to talk about them.

Of course there may be others that I am missing. But these seem to be the repeated ones over and over again as to why this nonsense is happening. Yes, nonsense!

Ego- I believe this explains itself.

Defensiveness- When I was in high school, I had a serious crush on a girl who did not reciprocate any crush back. In fact, she was more repulsed by the idea. And because of those wild and running feelings of that crush, I was blind to that ever being the possible reason why she did not return those feelings. Yet my father knew of the situation, he knew that she would turn me down. But he said nothing. Even when I went to him with tears in my eyes, asking the question of “Why won’t she talk to me?!?”, he kept silent throughout because he knew that the only truthful answer that he could give, was going to hurt my feelings.

Would it have been best for him to say something? Possibly. Although there was that chance that yes, my feelings would have been hurt. But then I may or may not have been responsive to it, so I think in this case my father allowed me to learn my lesson on my own.

Comfort- Let’s face it. Sometimes in life, we are ignorant. And I think that is why we talk about certain things, and ask specific questions… because we do not know and we are willing to take that risk and ask a question in order to lessen our ignorance and lean more towards knowledge. There are those times when we think we know a person, but then there are those times in which we touch a nerve by mistake. And the next thing we know that person is feeling uncomfortable (but not to our knowledge) and therefore that’s when the attempt of a new topic of conversation comes into play.

However this is my bottom line opinion on this entire scenario: We should not ignore people and try to manipulate what is being discussed.

If it is a situation of not being comfortable, I think that the other person should take up the responsibility to just simply and calmly say, “Hey, I do not wish to talk about it”. There should be no resentment at all for having to say that.

“If you don’t mean it, don’t say it.” — Does anyone remember hearing this growing up??

If the conversation is making you uncomfortable, you have the option as well as the right to change it, but allow the other person to know what page you are on instead of line dancing around it.

As far as defensive, there are times that I think people need to hear certain things. Particularly if it is clear and obvious that they are going down a dangerous road in their life. They really do need to be told of the warning signs that you are seeing, and apparently they are not. If you honestly care about a person, wouldn’t you feel that obligation to let them know how you feel?

As we all know, we can’t stop people from doing stupid stuff. But if we warn them about it, then it does return the responsibility back on to the other person who brought it up in the first place. Dodging the conversation because you don’t like it, is pretty lame.

Everyone has their own equal rights to say how they feel, think, or believe. Yet at the same time, if you actually engage in correspondence with that person, you are taking up the responsibility for that conversation, particularly your side of it. You’ve made the choice to talk to them, rather than not.

With equal rights comes equal responsibility. Use that responsibility, and use it wisely. Allow the other person to know that whatever it is that they are saying or asking about, is something that you don’t care to discuss. When you have done that, you have taken the mature step to ending a conversation that could ultimately become uncomfortable. And if they are not willing to accept it, then you are NOT responsible for their own actions.

I think that it is totally ridiculous that conversations bounce all over the place. Unless these certain things don’t take up a lot of breath and time and you are able to say what you wanted to in the first place and then swiftly move on to the next thing that you wanted to talk about.

Don’t be a conversation killer. In the end, it kills more than just current conversation.

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