Battling Against The Emotional Vampire

Posted: October 18, 2011 in Uncategorized
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“When other little girls wanted to be ballet dancers I kind of wanted to be a vampire.”~
Angelina Jolie
“Emotional Vampires”. We’ve all been forced to deal with them at some point or other in our lives. They are not the conventional “blood suckers” we see in movies or on television.

But what exactly is an “emotional vampire”?

Anyone who seems determined to “feed on you” emotionally in a desperate attempt to build up their own reserves of emotional strength would fall into this category.

There are people in this world who do everything in their power to boost your spirits and fill your heart with hope and joy, even to the point of their own exhaustion and coming to an end of their brain power and energy. but then there are also people who will do everything in their power to bring you down and drain you of all your hope and joy and love, and those are the ones who can be considered emotional vampires.

For example, you may have an emotional vampire in your life if, upon experiencing something truly wonderful, then they take the opportunity to knock the wind right out of your sails by trying to create for you, a level of low self-esteem, doubt and even try to get you to second guess yourself into believing perhaps this wonderful thing that has happened to you, is not so wonderful at all.

What Motivates Emotional Vampires to Behave in This Way?

Jealousy. It is as simple as that.

However most emotional vampires struggle mightily with a wide variety of “self esteem issues.” Because they don’t feel good about themselves in life, they try their hardest to deflate everyone around them, often in a misguided effort to boost their own self-esteem. They do not care about whether or not you have a life or career. Once they are able to get to you, they will do whatever they can to make sure that they are getting what they need. Even if that means having you sacrifice everything that you have so you can “be there for them”.

Each time they are feeling low, they hunt for someone to bring down to their own level of unhappiness. They first disguise themselves as this wonderful person, but in the end when they are exposed, they have reached a level of draining you away from what you used to be. And now they are not feeling so alone.

Some of the specific “personality disordered emotional vampire types” to describe them include Anti-social, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Obsessive-Compulsive.

They often appear to be charming and seductive at the outset of a relationship, but they tend to turn emotionally lethal after they have already drawn you into their emotional lair. One of the ways to determine if someone is going to act like an emotional vampire with you is to spend some time finding out how they have behaved in their past personal and/or professional relationships.

Of course, if someone in your personal life is behaving like an emotional vampire, it is advisable to make every possible effort to cut that person out of your life FOR GOOD!!!

If you have an emotional vampire, and you realize it, once you make that contact again, it starts all over. 

  • Remind yourself (constantly) that their horrible behavior is their problem, not yours.
  • Don’t get sucked into their endless series of obviously senseless drama.
  • Limit your interactions with them as much as is humanly possible.
  • Always keep your cool and maintain your composure when dealing with them. (They will likely try to get you just as worked up and upset as they tend to get. After all, as we all know, “misery loves company;” so don’t fall into their emotional traps.)

Use a tone of voice that is not cold or cruel, but that does send the message that you intend to keep your emotional distance. In fact in this case, use force. Because their powers to drain you of your energy are quite powerful and charming. Stand absolutely firm with them and tell them what’s what.

Once they see that they cannot easily engage you or rile you up, the emotional vampires in your midst will likely figure out that you have already “got their number” and chances are that they will give up and stop targeting you for emotional harassment. Instead of admitting that they are being the abusive person and then make a step for change, they will move on to their next target and forever stay in that cycle.

We might not always see them coming. But that doesn’t mean that you are to blame. These emotional vampires will do everything that they can in order to mask their true selves from you, so that you are still around whenever they feel the need to feed on your energy. If you don’t “see” a problem, then you are less likely to leave. Many of them will right from the start tell you that they are afraid that you will leave, when they are developing that beginning stage of selecting for someone to use and take advantage of. And naturally, that can cause you to think that they are crazy, and you end up vowing to them that you will never leave. Once you do that, they’ve got you.

And the feeding begins on everything you have, so they can feel better about themselves.

Don’t be afraid to stand up to them once you realize that you do have an emotional vampire in your circles. It is time for you to release the demons and cast them away. They will fight you tooth & nail of course, but as long as you remain strictly firm with them, then they will stop trying.

Remember: None of this is your fault. What they’ve done to you or what they are doing to you is supposed to be kept in secret. So there’s no real reason for you to blame yourself for something you didn’t even know was going on.


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