Being The Muscle

Posted: December 6, 2011 in Uncategorized
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“Anger and resentment take you away from love. Forgiveness is a return to love.”

Every time I hear that quotation from Khalil Gibran, it never fully comes to mind what it is trying to say. Instead I always get this image in my head about setting a dove free. But then again, since when has anyone ever been a part of setting doves free and it comes back to you on your front porch six days later?

If I were however, to be laying on that proverbial red leather couch, I think it stems from being told that so many times when I was a teenager that I resented it because I knew it was true, and that I knew whatever it was that I was setting free was NOT going to come back .

Whether it relates to this post or not, I am being reminded again and again that sometimes it is just better to let go. Let it go, and not worry about whether or not it will come back.

The same goes for people. In the years that I have been on the Internet, people have come and gone. Some stay longer than others and some just vanish like the sun after it hits the horizon. 

And with those who stay, I’ve learned how to enjoy their role in my life. I’ve come to know them intimately and personally, as well as they have come to know me in the same way.

The connection begins to solidify and now a bond is made. And so it becomes a challenge whenever the road that we travel together becomes rocky. But the bond still holds on.

Those people who truly have a sense or feeling of caring will stop and look behind them to find me behind and then rush back to help me up again and carry me along the road for as long as it takes for me to get back on to my feet.

And still I find frustration in times when I can see those who are around me begin to get off of the path and turn into turmoil, and they are doing it without really knowing it.

It comes back to the whole “forest beyond the trees” situation. I see them start to fall off of the path, and they believe that they are fine.

With as many people that have crossed paths with me in this short amount of time, whenever the same dangerous scenario comes up, I begin to worry. Having to watch so many wonderful and good-hearted people crash and burn is never easy for me. And I don’t suppose it is any easier for anyone else.

So when I speak up, I become the muscle. That guardian from evil in the lives of people in which I strongly care about. But I can’t always be there for them when they step into the same quicksand time and time again. And a good question is: Should I be?

Just like a parent, who wants to protect their children from any and all harm, they are unable to do so. They are not capable of saving their children night and day for the rest of their lives. At some point, the parent must let the child leave the nest and carry on with their own lives. The parent then prays and hopes for the best.

Of course, I want the best for those around me. And I do not want to see them get hurt. Especially after watching other people get burned in the past by similar situations.

I commonly joke that “my super cape is at the cleaners”. Perhaps there comes a time where I need put aside the humor and put the cape away. Then I can start to hope and pray for the best. It is not an easy thing to do.

On the other side of it, it just isn’t within me to be the kind of person to say, “I told you so!” whenever someone really screws up and makes a mistake and then pays the consequences for it. I mean, that only makes them feel that much worse. Why push the salt in the wound??

Even if I have tried in the past to warn those that they are getting off of the path, and they’ve ignored my warnings, I can never actually get into their face and get that bold with them. I think that deep down that they know they’ve been warned, and they know that they’ve failed to heed my warnings.

And that probably accounts for a good percentage of them coming to me and saying something like, “I screwed up. I’m sorry.”

For as long as they did learn their lesson and their apology is legit and honest, AND they don’t make that same mistake twice, then my worries can deflate.

But sadly, there have been those who pay the price repeatedly. And never once do they say to me, that they were sorry. Probably because they are too busy failing again for another time.

Yet with every new individual, causing the same exact problems as the person before them, how can I NOT get frustrated? I’ve seen the signs, I know the consequences that they are about to face. But I cannot MAKE them do or not do something that I feel is right or is wrong.

If you are trying to warn someone NOT to do something, and it gets to the point where you are trying to force your muscle on them, because you don’t want them to pay the price? Well guess what?? The more you force the issue, the more and more they are going to try to break from your grasp and do it anyways, just to show you that they can. And you know that they aren’t thinking about the consequences at that point. They just want to defy all logic and thinking because they’ve been told not to do something.

At that point, you’ve made a very serious error. They are going to screw up any ways because you forced the issue. Whether or not they come back and say, “Oops! I’m sorry” has nothing to do with it. It is YOU that is going to have to go to them and say, “Hey look, I’m sorry for being so forceful with you.”

We can defend and protect those people that we care about. But at the end of the day, we’ve gotta be able to let them screw up on their own. Dragging yourself down with them is never a smart thing to do.

Clearly, they are not the cubs in the den that you are trying to protect. It isn’t in your job descriptions. Let their parents worry about it.

But don’t walk away from them either. Instead support them, love them, and hope for the best in them that they’ve learned and will never go through that again.   

 

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