Option Over Obligation

Posted: December 30, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

“I do not want to be anyone’s obligation. I’d much prefer to be someone’s option rather than their obligation. To be someone’s obligation means that they are feeling forced to deal with you.  When you are feeling compelled or forced to do something, eventually it will grow old and you will become tired of it and not want to do it any more. And that is far worse than having someone make the conscious choice to do so from their own free will, because being the option means that they’ve made that choice.” ~ P.T.

I find myself sometimes very fortunate to have deep meaningful conversations with people one would least likely believe would come from. Mainly those who are in the professional fields, and I am someone whom they are working with.

But this conversation about “option vs. obligation” was rather interesting to the point that I really did agree with them. The basis of this conversation was the whole idea of people’s social interactions with others. Whether it be a pleasant telephone conversation or meeting for lunch somewhere or whatever it may be. And the bottom line was that there’s a vast difference between an obligation and being an option.

To be someone’s social obligation, means that you are feeling very compelled and responsible for socially interacting with someone. You do it, because you feel that you have to. But the obligation will eventually become a drag, and after a while of doing what you do to socially interact with that person, you’ll began to feel bitter and negative about it “because YOU HAVE TO” and far less because you WANT to.

Being someone’s social option, it was agreed upon, is far better. Nobody honestly owes us anything in life. Instead people take the option because they make the choice to do it. They choose to give you a call or go out to lunch… why? Because they truly want to! And not because they feel that they have to.

So the conversation ended with the desire to be the social option. Because people are going to socially interact with you because they WANT to. And they’ve made that decision of their own free will.

A lot of us crave social interaction. Some need it more than others. And even still, others will get it in any way that they can. But it is a necessity in life (to a degree).

I would not want anyone to call me, or hang out with me because they felt that they had to. I’d much prefer that they do so, because they genuinely want to. So I too, prefer to be the option instead of the obligation.

I would not want anyone to socially interact with me time and time and time again, in order to keep a social flow when they honestly don’t want to be doing it. Because then eventually, it will collapse and fail, and they will make the choice to stop interacting.

I know that on the Internet, there’s a quote that constantly pops up:

“Do not make someone a priority when they’ve only made you an option.”

Yes, I agree with that as well. Mainly because I translate it as “Don’t spend so much time on someone, who isn’t willing to spend just as much time in return.” But being the option is not so bad once you realize that people are actually doing something with you because they honestly like you and enjoy interacting with you, rather than feeling that they have to.

If they call you, great. If they don’t? Too bad, its their loss.

If they want to go to the movies with you or go shopping or something, well then that’s awesome! But if they do such activities because they feel that they are in debt: well then eventually their minds will change at some point in time in the future and they will believe that their debt has now been paid in full, and no longer interact.

Everyone makes choices. Allow others to make their choice to hang out with you. Never force their interactions with you, otherwise they will just be filled with regret in the long run.

 

 

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