Archive for February, 2012

Little Snooki Junior

Posted: February 29, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Yes. It is official. Its the buzz everyone has been talking about for, oh… only the last 24 hours.

But yes, it is official that there is a rumor about Snooki being pregnant.

There’s no official word that I’ve read or heard about at this moment in time to tell if whether or not the story is real. But it’s not going to change how I go on about my days and nights if whether or not she is pregnant. I really don’t care if Snooki gave up her cookie.

But from what I have read, is that a giant percentage of the general public is now living in fear that it could be true. And they are ready to run for their lives once possible child is born. And others are expressing their opinions about how this is just another stroke of creating a buzz just so she can earn money, literally comparing the rumored incident with the wedding of Kim Kardashian. Both in saying, it’s just for money.

The 24 year old, 4 foot 9 inches tall (1.45 m), Chilean born Nicole Polizzi , only was shoved in our faces by MTV and the apparent media back in December of 2009 when she was cast in what? Of course, Jersey Shore.

A television show in which I must admit (and proudly do so) have never watched a single second of.

But because of the force feeding by the media and television, I feel like I know all about her and her life. Whether public or private. AND whether I want to or not.

She’s been bashed in the face. She’s had sex in places that were so public that it would make any sex therapist in the world tremble in fear, and she’s been arrested but later had charges dropped. If that had been any of us, there wouldn’t have been dropped charges.. that’s for sure!

Everytime the woman sneezes, we suddenly have to know about it.

Anyone remember the buzz about the photograph of her WITHOUT make-up? Did anyone really care?

Then she has dyed some of her hair red. Not all of it though. Did anyone’s life receive an epiphany? I doubt it.

The only thing that it had done for me when I first saw the photographs of her, is that my body had to make a decision of where the blood should flow. THANKFULLY, it all went upstairs to the brain rather than downstairs.

'Someone please take her away and spare the world!'

I will say it again, she is a puppet of the media. A “slob-rity”. Famous for joining the cast of a show that is aired on MTV.

And come to find out after researching because I’ve never watched it, there’s only a handful of episodes. Far less than one would think. But it is enough that her famous status keeps popping up for one stupid thing after another. I cannot say that the show became famous because of her, or if she became famous because of the show. That’s not any kind of mathematical equation that I want to waste any time on anyway.

Buzz, buzz, buzz… and it’s so sad. Snooki is on more people’s minds than the people who suffered through last nights storms which produced tornadoes and killing nearly a dozen people throughout three states as it roared in the middle of the night.

Or the fact that Davy Jones from the 1960’s group THE MONKEES passed away this morning in Florida from a heart attack at the age of 66.

Dear media, where the hell are your priorities?

If she isn’t pregnant, I’m not going to care. If she is pregnant and has a baby, I don’t have to care about that either and I won’t.

Hold on to your Jersey Shorts, the truth will eventually come out. One way or another.

Happy Leap Day everyone, see you in four years!


“But, truly, I have wept too much! The Dawns are heartbreaking. Every moon is atrocious and every sun bitter.”~ Arthur Rimbaud
The one thing that started out as an announcement of pleasant, much happier news turned into a 70 minute fiasco against my emotions, feelings, and thought process. No matter how I fought it to allow that person to say what they felt, and then move on, only found me sitting there listening to them hit the repeat button.
Harsh criticisms and negative thinking in a fiery abundance which totally surpassed the original content of my conversation which was the joyful news of something positive and happy that happened to me today.
I wondered if they were even considering what they were telling me over and over and over again. After all, at last check, I am still human.
The only thing to do, was to walk away. Which I did- abruptly.
Guess what that did? Made me worse of a bad guy. As I gained a distance between myself and my “mental punisher”, I don’t think that it was anything short of a miracle that I made it within the walls of my home without shedding a single tear.
In every new experience, I’m frequently reminded that there are people out there who seem totally incapable of seeing the good and vomit the bad. No matter what we do, we’ll never measure up to their levels of satisfaction to where they will ever see us in a brighter light.
Often we are faced with those who feel the compulsion to be mean and nasty. And they do so without regard of others.
Yes, it does hurt. And it hurts a lot.
And on the flip side of the topic, there those of us who always see the train at the end of the tunnel, rather than the rewarding light. We are never happy when we find that others are happier than we. And we allow it to bother us. When that happens- WE are the ones who become the mental punishers of others. Not because they deserve it, but because of our own petty insecurities that keeps us stuck in the quicksand of brutal and insufferable gloom.
I grew up hearing “treat others as you would want them to treat you”. A lot of the times, that just never happens. Whether we are the ones being attacked or we are on the other side, attacking other people.
Of course we want to be treated with kindness and love. But often… do we treat others with the same respect? There are those times in which I feel we need to stop and reflect within our own hearts and ask that question. If we are experiencing misery when other people are experiencing joy.. don’t we owe it to ourselves to ponder that question inwardly??
Funny how this pendulum swings so wide.
If we fight our urges to keep the bitterness and nasty away from those who are sharing with us a moment of their personal triumph and joy then perhaps we just might receive it in return when it is our turn to bask the glory.
Being shot down by those with whom we share our triumphs and personal victories always catch us off guard.
It is a horrible feeling to drop out of the sky like that because of someone’s response or reply or feedback.
There’s no real cure for it. We can’t avoid or change how other people may view things, but we CAN control how we are interacting with others.



Posted: February 27, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,
‘I couldn’t have been any more surprised.’

So then we’ve reached what I feel, is a milestone. I wrote a blog post when I hit 1,000 views. This afternoon, I’ve reached over 10,000!!!

I honestly didn’t think that it would come this soon on the day that I noted that I had just over 9,000 views.
I remember at one point, I did some basic math and estimated that I would get 1,000 views every seven weeks or so. That’s not the case any more.
But I think that with the expansion and the higher number of blog posts, that the view count also went up. On the 14th of February (Valentine’s Day no less), was my first day in which I had in a 24 hour period over 100 views. I was literally floored. Since that point nearly two weeks ago, views were over 100 four other times. I can remember way back when I got started that I thought that receiving 50 in a day, would be an absolute miracle.
If I have counted correctly, I started this blog about 55-56 weeks ago. And now I am over the 10,000 view count. Amazing!
I am proud of my efforts to this blog. In the over 225 different posts that I have so far, it is kind of interesting to see just which blog posts receive the most views. “The Frontal Lobe”, which was reader specific, seems to have captured the attention of many, many readers as the view count on that post alone is over 1,000.
And there seems to be a lot of people with a fascination for Lizzie Borden, just like me. Even if they disagree with the information that I wrote in that particular post.
Very frequently, I will post and think that it will just go through the roof with views. And then I will proven wrong. And vice versa with posts that I never thought that anyone would pay a lot of attention to. Funny how that works.
With nearly 30 people either following or subscribed to this blog, the last 12 months definitely has been an eye opener. Never in the world would I think that I would reach that many views in a year’s time. But to those people, thank you for hanging on this far. Thank you for putting up with everything that I throw out there.
And of course I must say thank you to the people whom I call “my blog parents”.
J.S. Chancellor and Frothtonomy… whom without their inspiration and encouragement, this blog would probably never exist. Their own blogs are on the list of links on the side. Check them both out.
And to the other people who continue to read this blog in secrecy and in silence, still I thank you. I know you are out there.
To the rest of those readers, I also thank you for making this trip a wild one. I do enjoy blogging and writing, whether I am sharing a thought or a feeling. Or trying to help someone out with a specific situation, or whether I am bitching and moaning about people.
As for the future, I think that I will continue the blog. Although I have been given some quiet and self-contemplation about starting a whole new blog that would be separate from this one. As well as my desire to write a short story in the historical fiction genre. The research for it is going well so far.
I am thankful for each and every person who has made this blog what it is. Being that I am a very affectionate person in real life– you ALL get hugs! (okay, okay, okay, and kisses too.)
10,000 views is a lot. Especially in such a short amount of time. Like I said, I NEVER thought I would reach it so soon. But here we are. And here we began the next chapter of the journey.
Thank you for sharing it with me.

“Whisper to my heart when hope is torn apart and no one can save you.”~ “I Walk Alone” by Tarja

Ohhh holy fire and don’t forget the shredded bacon bits!!!

There’s a song that I’ve been listening to ALL WEEKEND LONG, and it has captured me to the point of going nutty. My poor, poor neighbors.

The discovery was more or less something that “just happened”. Ever since that moment, I’ve been immersed into it.

I was watching a few videos on YouTube made by the very beautiful, Thayze Luck. She has a collection of videos where she is actually swinging her beautiful knee length hair in a windmill as if she is headbanging. The soundtracks that she puts behind it comes from a various sort of different black metal and other metal bands, so you get the feeling of “Yeah! YOU ROCK!!!”.

But I would also find other videos that she had uploaded of her singing different covers of various genres and musicians. The voice that Thayze Luck has is wonderful. Beautiful voice, beautiful hair, beautiful woman.

I found that Thayze Luck lives somewhere in Brazil. I immediately thought, “I GOTTA LEARN HOW TO SPEAK PORTUGUESE!”. But then I would find this cover of Tarja.

I was so taken by the song that I couldn’t even finish watching the cover video and went looking for the original artist and music video. The more I researched, the deeper and deeper I sank and surrendered my curiosity.

Tarja Turunen is from Finland. She is a former member of the band, Nightwish. In which she was the lead vocalist from 1996 until 2005 when she left the band. She went on to a solo career, as it were. And she came out with her first two albums. This song that got to me, comes from her second album, “My Winter Storm”. It was the first single release from that album.

But I couldn’t stop myself. Search after search, and video after video of watching other people cover this song. I think I’ve seen them all. And yes, I did go back and watch the cover by Thayze Luck in its entirety. Such a voice!

I plastered my Facebook page with both the cover that I had originally found and then the official music video. My Facebook friends at the time probably thought I was nuts. Well, they were partially right.

Over and over and over and over again, watching the music video and learning the lyrics to the song. In all honesty, it was creeping me the heck out. The lyrics, the music, and Tarja’s magnificent soprano voice was absolutely captivating me.

Even within the first verse, I was gripped:

“I left a thorn under your bed.”

Umm wow. Just that lyric alone actually inspired me to write some more poetry, but from a darker, more eerie part of me.

I would learn that the video was filmed at Devil’s Lake in  Berlin, Germany. Tarja’s interpretation of various characters such as the Ice Queen, the Doll, and the Phoenix just gave me the shivers. Plainly put, the Ice Queen and the Doll scares the crap outta me. But listening to her powerful voice seemed to make it “all better”.

Haunting lyrics and images + a beautiful voice that has three octaves = AN OBSESSED DAMBREAKER.

I continued to watch live performances of Tarja singing the song and it’s just as magical. Although I did have to laugh a time or two when each individual video showed a few of her stage antics. I think that she really enjoys singing and performing and getting thousands of people to sing along with her, I would imagine is a great thrill for her.

But let’s continue on.

Some of the videos found on YouTube don’t exactly have the FULL length of the song. I would find that there’s about twenty seconds missing from most videos. And I wondered why because I thought that once I heard the missing twenty seconds and it sounded familiar.

More research had to be done! God Bless the Internet!!

“I Walk Alone” was written by Mattias Lindblom and Anders Wollbeck. It was inspired by a musical motif in Requiem by Mozart.

And that musical motif was the missing twenty seconds at the beginning of the song.

Being that it was from the second album, the song “I Walk Alone” was actually released on the 27th of October, 2007 by Universal Music. Wow… what a brilliant idea for Halloween.

But wait, I just discovered it and its now 2012. Where in the world have I been? What was I doing in 2007 that I missed this? And who the heck is Nightwish and how did I miss them as well?

I do have a vivid memory of people posting songs on their Facebook profiles from Nightwish. Why wasn’t I clicking on them to listen?

But I had to stop and think, “where was I in 2007?”. Then I remembered and it all made sense why I had missed it.

So I am nearly five years behind on this one. And as far as origins go, I’m just not sure if Tarja Turunen has toured in the United States before, or if she will ever do so in the future. She’s on tour now in major parts of Europe and Asia. In March she’ll be in Russia and three days after, she’ll swing down into Central and South America.

Close, but no cigar. Oh well!

And yet if this song got stuck in my head for six months, I wouldn’t care. Just throw me in the corner and put it on repeat. I’ll be sure to tell you what size to but the restraints and jacket later.

I’m not sure exactly what I am going to do at this point. I don’t know if I am going to get all of her albums or just buy the single. I’ve heard a few other songs and it is just as beautiful. But I am still undecided.

But I really love this song now.

I would have to give recognition to Thayze Luck for actually recording her cover of it, even if English isn’t her best language. Without her recording a cover of this song, I never would’ve known it existed.

So to Thayze Luck: Obrigado!! Você é muito bonita!!!!!

Now to figure out what in the world to do to settle this obsession.

Our dreams must be stronger than our memories. We must be pulled by our dreams, rater than pushed by our memories.”

As much as this blog post is reader specific, I believe that it can go for just about anyone in the world who also reads it.

I was speaking to one of my wonderful friends about their upcoming trip. I told them about an exhibit that I just knew that they would enjoy.

They replied that they had been there, but the exhibit had some bad memories to it from their previous visit based on the company that they had with them.

As much as I felt for them and their heartache, the wheels in my head couldn’t help themselves from spinning. I was sorry to hear that their previous visit was not actually pleasant. But hey, that was then. This is the time we are in… the NOW.

If it was something that they were going to enjoy in the time of today, why avoid it??

So let me get to the point right away: Make NEW memories. Let not the past control or dictate our future. We hold the keys to our memories. We can save them or lock them away forever and forget all about them.

My personal is example is the fact that I have visited The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas. Twice. And with each visit, I was within the company of two different people, who would ultimately become a bad situation and a bad decision to involve myself with.

Does this mean I should never go to The Alamo? Of course not!

If I ever get a chance to go again, I know that in a heartbeat, I would! Why? Because it is something that I totally enjoy! But with the bad experiences and memories of the bad women that I was with, I don’t believe that it should stop me from doing what I enjoy and love doing. Instead, if I ever get a chance to go again, I will go with someone else and make new memories to cherish.

The first person I ever met from the Interent lived in Indiana. Five full days of uncertainty and at the end- a bit of disappointment. Not because of the person with whom I am visiting, but because of circumstances that arose that was out of our control. The last day and a half in the state of Indiana, I was plugged in a hotel. Alone. And able to do nothing.

Does that mean I should never visit that person or enter the state of Indiana ever again? Hogwash!!

As a matter of fact, I still am in communication with that person today. Probably not as much as it was from the beginning, but I keep up with them every once in a while. Their life is busy and so is mine. But we get caught up every so often.

I just don’t think that we should allow our past to haunt us from doing things that we love to do.

My last girlfriend’s name was Melissa. Terrible and horrifying ending to the relationship. Should I take the lessons learned and avoid every female in the world by the name of Melissa, Melanie, or Lisa? Because they all are similar by name.

Sure, whenever I met someone else named Melissa, I would remember. But then again, THIS Melissa is not the OLD Melissa.

We will always have our memories. Some bad, some good, and some that you just want to hold on to for the rest of your life! But to be ruled by them is to be kept prisoner. Particularly the “bad stuff”. And eventually as we begin to move forward and make NEW memories, our brains won’t have enough room for the bad stuff and we can replace them with the new and better memories.

When opportunity knocks, it’s always best to open the door. When the experience from that opportunity is learned, we can take it from the bad and move on. Or we can take it from the good and thrive better in life.

But we have to make those choices on our own. Nobody can force us or make us to make choices that we deep down, really don’t want to do. I just have a firm belief that allowing that dark cloud to hang over us, when it no longer needs to be there, becomes a wasted opportunity.

As they say, “Get up and back on the horse again.” But for sure, I’m not calling anyone a horse! Let’s not get me wrong!!

When we are stuck by the lightning of fortune and opportunity, we shouldn’t just stand there and cough up dust. Instead we should go inside and do something about our soiled clothes.

And I am sure that my reader could possibly feel picked on by this blog post. Honestly, that isn’t what I am doing. Instead I am trying to present the tools of enpowerment for a better and happier time of opportunity to make NEW memories that are far better than the old ones.

If need be, I’ll pay for the damned admission price for the exhibit. I’ll send the money by post or wire it or whatever it takes, because deep down I know that they are going to enjoy the new attraction. The only condition is that they buy a postcard from their trip at some point. Neener, neener.

Don’t be enslaved by bad and old memories. Just LEARN by them. And lift yourself up and create times to be able to make new ones.




Posted: February 25, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,
‘Hearing through the grapevine’
“Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement.”~ Henry Ford
Well, I guess I’m potentially gonna be a butt load of trouble soon. I probably have tomorrow to live through it, a few days from now I might not be so lucky.
What started out as an innocent private and personal investigation, could possibly turn into a bunch of back biting and mistrust amongst the nurses, the physical therapist, and other employees within the home health agency that is currently working for me. Hopefully not, but at the very worst on my end, they’ll drop me and I will have to go with another company. Or things are about to get very dull and anti-social because they won’t wanna talk with me in fear of being brought up again.
This agency is working out for me so much better in the first place. Not like the one that was shoved into place without my input.
Needless to say that I still believe that the grapevine is NEVER a place to receive information. Believing in gossip and rumors is terrible and involving yourself in them is poison.
I was informed by a nurse this past week that “I” was discussed in length at their weekly staff meeting. A few people said different things about me and my current health status and other things.
So when I heard about it? Well, they mentioned names, but alas they had forgotten that I know the people in which names were dropped.
That wasn’t the problem. At least not for me. What was bugging the crap out of me was that I would begin to receive information about a conversation over me, and then suddenly right when things were rolling and I was hearing what was talked about, they’d stop and say, “I CAN’T TELL YOU!”.
Umm… you start a conversation and then end it in secrecy? I don’t think so! I don’t go down that easily. And besides, does anyone else in this world believe that to be fair? To begin saying something like that and then immediately shutting it off?? No way! Go from beginning to end. Finish what you started.
So that immediately began my investigation.
But today as the nurse came to do the dressing change to the surgery wound, I started to pull out all of this information that I had collected from the previous workers. This nurse isn’t stupid. She knows what was said by who at the meeting and who could possibly have told me that such information could have been given to me.
She stood firm and said nothing else about the meeting. The only thing that she did do was admit to what she had said about my case at the meeting, and in dramatic flailing style. Oy vey!!
Then I heard her say, “Guess I need to be more careful about what I say in front of certain people around the office.” Ohhhh boy! This one might look at the others like a group of people who will spill the beans to any patient, and particularly me.
In time they are all going to have to realize that I’ve established quite the friendly relationship with the physical therapist, since I’ve with her for a while before. For them to assume anything more than that, would just be wrong. So yeah the PT and I are going to talk. We have ever since I can remember. What we talk about is not the business of anyone but her and I. But then that seems a bit double-sided as I am pretty bad at this investigating thing to see what ALL was said about me in the meeting.
I told a dirty joke to one nurse. I think she got embarrassed. And so she announced that I am kind of a flirt. Ain’t that nice?
I only told the joke because #1- humor and laughter is the only thing that distracts me from them doing their job which on certain days can be very uncomfortable. And #2- I thought she’d be “adult” about it. But evidently it jumped the fence and did a sprint straight to her emotions and she turned red about it.
LOOK OUT!! I’m DIRTY!!!!!!!!!! Oh well.
But now I hope that things don’t get wonky with them. And just how much of a backlash could I expect from this? It is a bit creepy to think about. But I’m gonna do my best and try not to worry about it. I am who I am, and they all know that by now. I just hope that their information sharing isn’t going to get them all in a sticky situation.


“I’m inclined to think that a military background wouldn’t hurt anyone.”~William Faulkner
So I am going to speak out about this. Some will agree, some won’t.
Yesterday morning I noticed that the weather was a bit chilly, so I grabbed the first jacket that I could find. That jacket or at least that decision caught so much crap that it really annoyed me to death.
What I wore was a BDU jacket. Or in civilian terms, the dark green camoflauge jacket that we all can identify.
But this jungle or forest green BDU evidently caught the attention of some people, and they threw one of the worst hissy fits in the history of mankind.
They shouted at me that it was illegal for me to wear the jacket because I am not personally active duty or a military veteran. Needless to say that the pants that I wore had nothing to do with camoflauge. And I was wearing a common t-shirt and not the camoflauge shirt. Nor was I wearing any military style boots or shoes.
It was just the jacket. And they screamed and cried that what I was doing was totally illegal. So I researched it. This is the only thing that I was able to find:
“In accordance with chapter 45, section 771, title 10, United States
Code ( 10 USC 771 ), no person except a member of the U.S. Army may
wear the uniform, or a distinctive part of the uniform of the U.S.
Army unless otherwise authorized by law. Additionally, no person
except a member of the U.S. Army may wear a uniform, any part of which
is similar to a distinctive part of the U.S. Army uniform.”

Here is the applicable federal statute:

Sec. 771. – Unauthorized wearing prohibited

Except as otherwise provided by law, no person except a member of the
Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marine Corps, as the case may be, may wear –

the uniform, or a distinctive part of the uniform, of the Army, Navy,
Air Force, or Marine Corps;


a uniform any part of which is similar to a distinctive part of the
uniform of the Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marine Corps

So this tells me that perhaps that they might have been correct. However, I found another answer to the question that states as long as there are no insignia or marks or names of the military branch worn, then it is okay.
This law however, is not exactly enforced. The law makers do not necessarily jump at the opportunity to arrest people for wearing camo or military gear. They do not actively pursue the law because they do not wish to cause a situation where the support of the military would begin to decrease.
After all, a few years ago it was quite fashionable to wear camoflauge. From head to toe!! And nobody got arrested.
So then what is the big deal?
I looked back at my BDU jacket and I actually do have some insignia attached to the jacket. My last name and a few patches from different units and companies. Particularly from the Second Armored Division, which used to be called “Hell On Wheels”. Before was re-assigned to the National Guard and removed from the regular Army.
Now if you knew me, you’d get the joke. “Hell on Wheels” and I am a paraplegic in a wheelchair. That’s not harmful to the country, nor is it harmful to the military. It’s quite fun as a matter of fact.
I think though that there is one piece of insignia that actually has caught the attention of civilians and veterans alike. And that is the insignia pin for a colonel.
And I also have OTHER pins and other decorations that are on the jacket that do NOT come from the military at all. So the jacket is not exactly a replica of what is worn by active duty soldiers, at all! 
Army Colonel Insignia
I asked someone who is a veteran where it belonged on the jacket and he told me. And that’s where I had placed it. But since then, I have actually had someone call out to get my attention by saying, “Hey, Colonel?”. It actually kind of frightened me so immediately I turned around and explained that I was not a military veteran, and I wasn’t 100% sure that the pin was in the right place. The person actually noticed a POW/MIA patch on the left breast pocket and was wanting to know where I may have been taken prisoner. But once I explained that I was not actually a veteran, they apologized for the assumption and backed off.
I wear the BDU jacket with pride for this country and support for our military men & women on key dates throughout the year. Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Veterans Day. But as I said, the jacket is the only thing that I wear that would confuse someone that I might be former military.
With the exception of a set of dogtags that I wear around my neck and NEVER remove.
But I will defend by saying this: A civilian obtaining dogtags is ohhhh so easy!! There are a lot of places that will make you a set of dogtags for a price. Mainly at tourist attractions that may or may not be militarily themed.
What makes them different though- is their refusal to make a person a copy that is indentical to the active military. These items include:
  • Last Name
  • First Name and Middle Initial (although some will place full name on the first line)
  • Social Security Number
  • Blood Type
  • Religion Affiliation
Places nowadays will refuse to add the Social Security Number and Blood Type. But they will be more than willing to put anything else in its place. So the dogtags that I wear around my neck are consistently INCORRECT.
What drives me nuts (as I come back to topic) is the fact that even when veterans find out that I am NOT actually a veteran or active duty and they see me wearing the BDU, they smile. Its the civilians that seem to have such the huge problem with it.
I’ve never intentionally told other people that I have been in the military. Even though several have made that mistake and assumption.
The worst story that I could tell you was a few years ago, it was windy day and the BDU jacket was again the first thing that I grabbed. I went to the grocery store with my ex-girlfriend and a man came up to me in the aisle and got my attention.
When I turned to him. He saluted me, then shook my hand and said, “Thanks for your service. Do you mind if I ask what happened?”.
Just at that point when I was about to tell him that I wasn’t a veteran my nutball of a girlfriend came up to him and literally gave him a line of total and complete bullshit.
“He was in the Army. Remember a few years ago when we were in Iraq and we killed Saddam’s sons in that seige? Well, he was in there and was injured during that assault.”
The man suddenly had tears building up in his eyes. He saluted me a few times more and thanked me ever so profusely for the sacrifice and service that I gave to this country. He hugged me and then backed off thinking that he might have invaded my personal space and then walked away with yet one more salute.
I ripped into my girlfriend, asking her why in the hell would she do such a thing and lie to the man?
Her response was more or less as deplorable as her answering that man’s question with falsehoods.
“My father was in Vietnam. And when he came home, nobody saluted him. Nobody gave him a parade. Nobody liked him. They hated him. So if YOU get the praise and honor then my father can have it vicariously. Even though you, yourself were not in the military.”
Well, to set the story straight. I would hear stories from her father at that time about his military career. He was in Vietnam for less than a year. He was not involved in any particular battle or conflict. In fact, he never saw any action and did not ever fire his weapon. But he was there. After that time when he was in the military and at the point where I had met him… well, let’s just say that her father was almost 10% of the reasons as to why I broke up with her in the first place.
It bothered me that she would lie like that and so willingly!!
So all in all, I do not think that it is illegal to wear my BDU jacket. It IS illegal to actually lie and present falsehoods to say that I was in the military. It is illegal for anyone in this country to lie about being a part of the military. But then again, if someone was actually caught doing it, I am not quite sure what the penalty has been or even if they actually brought charges on that person.
I recall many years ago that a man was arrested and imprisoned for impersonating being a firefighter. But that was so long ago.
This is not something that I am actually doing. I’m not out there in the world and telling people that I was injured in war, or that I was a part of the Army or anything like that. Because I knew that was illegal.
But it cannot be and is not illegal for me to wear a military style jacket. Otherwise the courts and jails would be full of people.
These civilians need to get off my back about it. I wear it because I am proud of those men & women who serve and those who have served and even those who gave their lives in the line of duty so that this country can be as free as it is.
Many members of my family have actually served. Grandfathers, uncles, cousins, and even my own younger brother! (Which is where I got all this stuff from in the first place!) I love my family and am proud of them. This is how I show support.
So to those who want to argue that what I am doing is wrong, back off and mind your own business.


“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”~Jonathan Swift
Well, dang.
Two weeks into this entire business of healing at home and I have absolutely no way of knowing whether or not I am healing or if my health is going in the right direction in order for my body to heal with wound left from surgery.
Some days, I’m doing fine. Other days I am not do so hot. It is a relentless dance of taking four steps forward, two steps back, then three steps forward, and another step back. This dance overall is annoying.
And then it struck me like a ton of dirt being dumped on my head.

'Reality Calling!'

So far I’ve not really “missed” anything important. Since the closure of two ice rinks and the beginning of fights over who will get ice time at the last remaining sheet of ice, let’s just say I’ve not practiced or played since last November. And so in that regard, I have not missed anything since my hospital visit and beyond.
However I know that there will be events coming soon. And with an open wound somewhere on my body, it really would not be an intelligent move on my part to strap myself down in a sled and go out there breakin’ heads and scoring goals from miraculous angles of awe and glory and just setting the scoreboard on fire.
Soon though, we will be on the ice. Performing our first exhibition in front of thousands of screaming, drunk hockey fans in about a month from now. We had done that before in front of almost a sell out crowd a few years ago. Doing it again last November in Houston in front of even thousands of more fans, was totally thrilling. So I want to do it again and experience that supportive roar of the crowd. And like I said, I have no way of knowing whether or not my wound is healing.
It is truly disappointing to think that I may have to sit out the rest of the season. It’s not over yet, as many people have thought. Our schedule will go on through the month of May.
But last season, I had such difficulties finding sufficient transportation to and from practices in January that by February I was out for what would be the rest of the season because I ended up with pneumonia.
Then when the pneumonia had passed, I had two opportunities to make practices. But then again, transportation issues.
That was then. But now… this.
And with the rumor of our team captain giving up sledge hockey, and wheelchair basketball because “he’s getting too old”, it would be a personal opportunity for me to step up for my team and go from co-assistant captain to team captain. Since a lot of my teammates seem to think I would be a better candidate for that anyway, it wouldn’t be such a move made in pride or snobbery. I think deep down that I AM their captain in their minds.
But I will not bend to rumor. Whether or not he stays or goes will have no bearing on whether or not I continue my participation with the team and the season and the seasons to come.
What I must do, is get BETTER. And FAST!!!!!!!!
In March, we’ll be doing our exhibition locally. In April, there’s a possibility of participating in a giant tournament in Dallas. Of which if we do participate, we will get our asses beat to a pulp. But we’ll have the experience under our belts. And then in May, back to Houston for another “Paralympic Experience” as we hosted here back in January.
It is breaking my heart into pieces to think that I might miss all of that. I could go looking for something or someone to blame, but I won’t because it is what it is and that’s the way it is.
But if nothing I think that my silver medal would be to actually go with the team and be their support, even if I am not going to be on the ice. To miss the experience altogether would be a shame.
I know that many are looking forward to the events in March. People that have been so curious to watch me play and learn what I do because they are so interested in it. I will focus on whatever the heck it is I have to do to heal and get better. And if I am not there yet, I will show up anyways. I’m pretty adamant about that.
The dance though of forward and backward is killing me. Keep me in your thoughts as I tackle this bad boy with tenacity.


“I don’t want my body to be a distraction from my talent or my brain.”~ Shania Twain
If yesterday’s post was to have caused any worry or concern on the part of the reader, then this blog post will probably cause them to either roll their eyes or giggle. And maybe, just maybe, if the reader is freaky enough… they just might do both.
Am I in a better mood? You betcha!
Clearly yesterday was probably the worst day since my discharge from the hospital. I had done so much activity that it was overwhelming and I did too much that caused me some very serious and great pain. Some of which I am still recovering from today. Which is getting better for those who wanna know.
But today, I had gone to a birthday celebration for one of the neighbors. She is 90 years old. That’s a lot of candles on a cake!
This is someone that I do not normally speak to on a daily basis. We’ve had our run-ins before and disagree quite frequently. But this was a time to put all of that aside and be happy for her.
I had actually arrived about ten minutes early than what the posted time was for the gathering and noticed that no other neighbor of mine was present. To be honest, it was a bit disappointing as I was sure that there would be people there. How quickly did my mind turn to the negative when I thought, “Well, she has been known to piss off people so it shouldn’t be a surprise that nobody is here.” But really? C’mon! This is a monumental birthday celebration we are talking about.
So a little bit later I would realize that a few of the other neighbors were there and it was a decent group of people. The weather today is rainy so it may have had something to do with it. But more people showed up later on.
But as I was the early bird, I went into the party room and immediately locked eyes with one tremendous piece of eye candy. I nearly fell out of my wheelchair, this girl was so cute.
She came right up to me and welcomed me and told me what was going on. You know, tea and coffee over here, birthday cake over there and what not. Luckily, I didn’t go into my usual “speechless” state of mind. I instead communicated with her.
However I had to quickly excuse myself and leave the room and go and talk with someone else. A “guy talk” if you will before I was able to compose myself and re-join the party. I mean, I had to talk this out before I just made my first entrance and then blow it. You know what they say about first impressions.
As I returned to the party, I was greeted by ANOTHER girl who was equally as attractive as the first. I thought to myself, “What in the world is going on and how are these girls related to my celebrating neighbor?”. It has to be the gene pool.. it just has to be.
I was offered coffee, and then later a piece of birthday cake was presented to me. These girls were so cute and attractive that I just couldn’t deny it, or them. If they would have offered me a plate of cow manure, I would have taken it ever so graciously.
After composing myself again, I noticed that all of my neighbors were sitting at one particular table by themselves. I found it so strange that even during a birthday party that they would feel that they would have to cut away from mingling with other party guests, whether or not they knew who they were. I mean, I didn’t know ANY of the friends and family members who were there, and I mingled and talked. Why not them as well??
Then, I decided that it was time to stop staring and start sharing. Or at the very least try.
I went up to one of the cuties and began a conversation with them. I would find out that both of them were my neighbor’s great-granddaughters!
Holy smokes!! That many lines of family and generation connected these two hotties with my sometimes sweet and sour neighbor. Wow!!!!
I complimented them on the jewelry that they wore. One of which, had a diamond ring. Perhaps white gold or just plain silver? I don’t know, I’m not that savvy with jewelry knowledge.
I told her, “You’re too young to be married!”. She laughed a bit and said, “No. I’m not married, this is a promise ring that I was given. But I am to receive my engagement ring at any day now.”
I was floored. A promise ring. Does anyone else remember this? First, the lady would receive a promise ring, then the engagement ring and finally the wedding ring. You just don’t see that any more. Although it is something that I would personally do if I was to be in that position in a relationship with a woman.
Anyways, I was curious and I could not stop myself. I again mentioned that she was far too young to be married. If I had to have guessed, I would have said that she looked between 17-21 years of age.
She told me that she was 24 years old. Most certainly old enough to be married, or at least engaged. In which she is.
The flirting had to stop, at least with that one. But the other one didn’t look too much older than that either. I never found out how old the other cutie was. But if this first one was 24, then I would have to guess 24-26 years old.
The other did NOT have a diamond on her finger, but she had this really beautiful costume ring on in the shape of a blooming rose. It took up all of her finger and some of the next. It was in fact… really pretty.
I did not have success speaking with the other one though. She just never would sit still long enough for me to sit beside her and talk with her. But golly, I am guessing that she was with her immediately family and if the woman sitting to her left was her mother, then… umm.. yeah. “Hello, Seattle!”.
But my time had run out on me as I had to be home to wait for the daily nurse visit. What a buzzkill. So I returned home, experiencing a new kind of discomfort and pain. And I don’t think that I have to go into what I am talking about, you know??
Just when I thought I knew everything there was to know about post-hospital stays and the pain and recovery, I end up with a “newfound misery”. And then again, if yesterday’s blog post was any indication of the misery and hell that I was feeling, today one would have no other choice but to admit “it is better”. I just don’t know if this was quite the distraction from all that I have been going through these past few days or if its going to be something to “add on”.
Good grief!!!

“A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else. “~George Savile
This day is hell.
Yeah, I know… it will get better. Or tomorrow won’t be so bad or some kind of crap like that. And yes, I know that there will come a day when it won’t be so bad or so hard. But right now in this moment? It is pure hell.
This morning, I was overwhelmed by many people to see me. I know that they were here for my healing processes and what not, but going through the motions has brought me beyond the point of breaking down into so many tears.
The wound care wasn’t so bad. But it is painful enough. And I just cannot tell whether or not I am healing because I cannot see the wound for myself. I have to rely on the judgement of nurses who come to assist with that. But now that I’m starting with a BETTER home health agency, it’s only been day 2 with them and they really have nothing to go by as to whether or not the wound is getting smaller or healing as it should or whatever.
While nursing staff was there, the physical therapist came in for her evaluation as my doctor told PT to come in. I’ve dealt with her before… she’s great! An awesome person, but I’ve not seen her since she discharged me from services about a month ago. I know that she had told me then that if she needed to come back, that she would. However she would not be coming back into my home if the doctor’s orders were to continue to work on the same thing that she and I had been for many months prior, which was the injury to my upper back and shoulders. As she puts it, “we’ve reached that plateau to where there’s nothing I can do that will make anything better.” She also had been doing some deep tissue massage work. (Can you seriously look me in the eye and tell me that nobody would enjoy massage work?)  So I didn’t want her to think that’s what the doctor was having her come in for. Of course she knew better. She saw that my condition had actually become worse than it was from the last time she saw me.
How embarrassing for me. And she said she felt sorry that she was seeing me so diminished.
Once the nurse left, the evaluation was nearly over. We started to talk about how things have been going for me since she last saw me, but that was stopped when podiatry came knocking on the door.
Triple whammy, if you will!!
By the time I was nearly done with the PT evaluation, I had gone through so much that I was in pure pain. And several hours away before I could take anything for it.
My level of patience clearly isn’t where it could be. Through my tears, I keep wishing and wishing that this was healed and I can get on with life. Not that I am not grateful for the nursing staff and their help and the agreement that PT will once again come back and work with me. But I just wished that my patience would grow. I know that I still have a long road ahead. I’ve only been out of the hospital for a week and a half. It is just like I said in a previous blog post, but with different circumstances, the NOT KNOWING how long this will take, is pushing me towards the edge of insanity.
I’m not as fast as I used to be. I’m not as strong as I used to be. But I am still alive and I still have my sense of humor. And I blame it all on being flat in a hospital bed for 11 days, whether that is a correct assessment or not. And now my body’s main focus is to try and heal the wound, taking what seems to be every bit of energy out of me to the point that I cannot do other things.
Of course PT recommends that I don’t do a thing over the weekend. But I honestly do not see how I could at this point. So I do not see a problem there.
Just at the point where I was telling others that things were getting better, as slow as it has been. Now I feel like I’ve gone backwards. But right now, that’s just how I feel through all of this pain and discomfort.