Dating Pool

Posted: February 15, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea.”~ American Proverb

So this blog post is from a follower’s request. I’m more than happy to take requests on blog posts. But keep in mind that this post is copied from a personal and private journal entry that I had many years ago, before blogs were “blogs”. And it also represents a time in my life when I was observing the dating lives… OF OTHERS! And realizing that others were dating and I was not, and I was bitter about my single life. This post has been edited for content, grammar, and the exclusion of vulgarity.

So I’m told by a friend of mine today that he’s got a new girlfriend. Right away, I was stunned to hear the news because I had thought that he already had one. I was not aware of the fact that she had dumped him for another guy. And he moved on and found someone to replace her.

I honestly don’t think that this friend of mine was thinking straight at all. I think that he was just hurting because she dumped him, and instead of going through the motions… he just decided to replace that feeling of hurt with another person in his life. And I seriously doubt that this is going to last long for him. I mean, did he even think about the feelings of this new girlfriend? And seriously: IS she a new girlfriend or is she just someone whom he is dating and spending most of his time with??

We date for many different reasons. Or at least we go through the motions of dating for different reasons. However the purpose of dating is still the same today as it was when courting and dating had begun. Relationships are the same way.

Clearly as a human being we were not meant to be alone. We were meant to be with someone and procreate and extend our families to thrive throughout future generations.

The REAL purpose of dating? Yep….. SEX.

However the evolution of dating and relationships has greatly changed in the past few generations. It used to be that we’d date, spend time with one another, get married, have children, and then watch our children go through the same process and end up giving us grandchildren.

Some of it still exists today, but the conventions of relationships have changed a bit. If you were to go back in time… say, 50 or 60 years… and tell them that you are dating and have been having sex with your significant other and you weren’t yet married? People back then would’ve shunned you and would’ve been ready to send you to the gallows.

That’s the way it was back then. But not so much any more.

But then again let’s shift focus here and talk about the ins and outs of relationships. Some people have been with the same person for decades. Other people have had relationships come and go so many times that its difficult to keep track of.

Another friend of mine has been recently whining and complaining about how he’s never been able to find “the one”. And that too, is part of why we date.

He’s been out of any relationship for an extended period of time and he feels that he is ready to jump back into the dating pool, as it were.

Being that I have not dated anyone or have been in a relationship for what seems to be FOREVER– I really couldn’t help him with what he should know. I mean, I could tell him what he wants to hear… but that could be far off from what he needs to hear. And it could be two totally different things. I would not want to hurt him like that.

'You get turned on by her. She likes you. Now what?'

So as he’s ready to date again, I think that he must realize WHY he wants to date. Is it because he’s lonely or is it because he’s ready to settle down and make a family. Whatever the case may be, he is going to have to realize what he wants and needs first.

That is my own opinion.

When people break up and then they find someone new again, they’ve got to be careful, I believe. It would not work out well if they had gone through a break up and then just jumped right back in again and they didn’t give themselves enough time to heal from the wounds of the previous relationship.

But what really gets me (or gets to me) is the way that these people that are around me, seem to be able to go in and out of relationships like nothing, and here I am having to watch and hear about it when I don’t have anyone in my life at all.

I probably need a new set of friends. Or new group of people to hang out with, because I really don’t think that they understand or care that they brag about their girlfriends and whatever and haven’t given it the thought that I haven’t been happy in that situation because there’s been nobody for me, in a very long time. I think its rude. Or am I just being selfish and bitter??

I think that as a whole, when someone is ready to jump back into the dating pool, it shows a sign of strength and endurance. At least for those who have taken the time to heal from their wounds of the heart and was able to get over it. So it is a positive thing. But really? BEWARE: When one jumps back into the dating pool, one must remember…. there’s a deep end and a shallow end.

'He's into you. You dig him. Do you go into Warp Speed?'

If you jump face first into the shallow end, you’re more than likely going to break your neck, and where’s the fun in that?!?

I think that one component of dating that often gets overlooked is the speed. The couple never really “takes things slow”. And so then they burn out after a short period of time and the relationship is over.

If dating is something that you desire, then more power to you. We all go through it in one way or another. I am just saying that diving in can either make you or break you and your newly found relationship. How you jump back into the dating pool is key.

Enjoy one another. Learn about one another. Don’t automatically assume or believe that once that person catches your eye, and you ask them out, that soon there will be a white picket fence, a happy tire swing, and 2.3 children in the near future. Do what is right for you and date whom is best fitting. If you find out that they don’t fit, that’s okay. Move on. Just don’t be so damned hasty about it when one ends and you have the possibility of a new beginning.

 

 

 

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