With The Deepest Sympathies

“He’s going to have to understand that the minister is not giving him options from a menu.”

This is making a splash on Facebook at the moment, so I might as well share it here as well.

A little while ago, I ended up crossing paths with a woman that I had dated. She was bold in telling me that she was getting married to the man that she is now currently with. Deep down, I thought “Why would I care?”, but what came out was “Well good for you!”.

So then she began to tell me how funny this man is, and he keeps her cracking up. But then she began to go into comparisons between him and I. Clearly, she would always give him the advantage.

As I began to attempt to bring the conversation to a close… just to get her to shut up… she began to forcefully insist that I get them something for the wedding, that way, “I” didn’t look bad.

I told her that I would pass on the idea and she became furious, demanding I tell her why. (And she wonders why I broke up with her?). I told her that I wasn’t going to get a gift for a wedding that I was not invited to, and before she thought about it, I didn’t want to be invited either.

As insistant and bitchy as she was, I finally asked her what her address was. Apparently, that was a satisfactory response. And then I told her that I would send something.

Later that evening, I went to the store and bought some stamps. My gift for them was going to be sent in the mail.

What was my gift, you wonder?? I sent the soon-to-be husband: A sympathy card. Complete with my condolences and a written prayer. (I will call him ‘Jim’.)

“Dear Jim, congratulations! And my complete condolences to you for what you are about to endure. Oh Lord, forgive him for he knows not what he does.”

A couple of days after I sent that in the mail, I get an e-mail from Jim. I figured that he was going to just scream and fuss and everything like that. But instead, he invited me to lunch so that “we could talk”.

I declined his invitation. He wanted to know why I sent a sympathy card and wondered if there was something to know about his soon-to-be bride that I knew, that he did not.

He was confused. She on the other hand, was pissed off!!!

He asked if I had any advice for him as he enters into this union with her. He wanted to know what the relationship was like between her and I. But that’s our business, not his. The same as it is none of my business what they do together.

But the only thing that I told him was that “when the minister asks ‘for richer or for poorer, for better or worse’, that the minister was not giving him options for him to choose from.

And that’s when I heard from her again today with her screaming and yelling at me in ALL CAPS. The e-mail address from her was blocked as I laughed my butt off.

After all that talk that she thought her man was hilarious and had a greater sense of humor, I figured they would get a kick out of it. But no.

So anyways, I do feel bad for the guy. Having to live a life with her like that. I told someone on Facebook that a rimshot needed to be struck as soon as he says, “I do.”