Going To the Cracker Barrel

Posted: May 8, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

“If you don’t like the memories you have. Go out and make new ones.”

Every second Thursday of the month, the people of my apartment complex get together for a monthly resident meeting. It is then there decided that on every second TUESDAY of every month, we would go as a group on an outing to lunch.

This month’s selection: Cracker Barrel.

The last time that I went to the Cracker Barrel to eat, it was frought with bad experiences and horrible memories. But that was actually several years ago. I thought that by going today, I would have the opportunity to make a NEW memory to replace the bad ones. That, plus I wanted to get out of the house.

It would turn out to be the funniest thing so far in 2012.

Its raining today. I thought that it could be a bad omen. I was trying to keep hopeful. But as I pulled up the back of the group, I was greeted by the employees cheerfully and one woman ended up giving me a box of three crayons and something to write on with puzzles and mazes and what not. You know, those things that they give small children.

I was approached with, “The one lady at the head of the group told me to give this to you.” And she did so honestly, seriously, and with a smile.

So I thought, “Oh how funny! Someone is messing with me. I’m gonna run with it.”

And I did. When I finally got to the table I immediately opened the box of crayons and announced, “At least I have something to do while we wait for our food. YOU ALL have to sit there and be bored.” I proceeded to use the crayons and began coloring.

A few moments later, someone nearby wanted to see what I was doing. But I covered the paper just like in grade school with my entire arm to block their view of my “masterpiece”, telling them that nobody can see it until I was done.

They didn’t like that.

Too bad!!

And then when I found out exactly WHICH ONE of them it was that pulled this prank on me, I noticed she started to refer to me as “son”, in front of everyone. So then I turned around and asked her, “If I’m your son…. are you paying for my meal??”.

Half of the people at the table laughed.

Then I started over-emphasizing a lot of things and behaving as like a child. I was asking for chocolate milk, and I wanted my dessert first, and many, many times I said that I “had to go potty”. And that I wanted a bending straw in my beverage, and I didn’t want any vegetables. And so on.

The three crayons that I had were the colors of red, yellow, and blue. I improvised with them and came up with something a little special. When I was finished, I showed everyone at the table. They were impressed!!

Yes boys and girls, yellow and blue STILL make green. Who would’ve figured?!?!?!?!? So I was able to make green for the stem in this photo.

But I continued to milk the situation, as it were.

I didn’t do anything overly foolish like intentionally knock over my drink or drop something like that though. I had to draw a line into maturity.

So then I got up from the table and passed by the woman who had given me the crayons in the first place. She asked me if I had finished with my puzzles, and I just laughed and told her that I had, and I would come by later again to show her my work. To my surprise she said, “I’m looking forward to it.” All the while, keeping a straight face.

The general store inside the Cracker Barrel was filled with wonderful items. Especially dozens of stacks of patriotic items on numerous shelves. 

But as I’ve always said when it comes to these kinds of things, that I can’t be around them without adult supervision.

So difficult to withstand the temptation to get something. But I pressed on and returned the table. I grabbed the paper that I drew the rose upon and went and showed the woman.

The only “bad thing” that happened was that when I was moving towards the cashier, I got hit on the side of the neck with a serving tray by a waitress who wasn’t paying attention to what she was doing and where she was going.

Being at a certain altitude in a wheelchair, accidents like that almost always end up in weird places. I probably should have cried bloody foul and murder. At least that way, my meal could have been free. But the waitress was paranoid and more attentive to what she was doing after that, especially if she saw me moving around from place to place.

When I showed the woman what I had done, I got another surprise. She was so impressed with it that she asked if she could KEEP IT!!!


And then in my abilities of being a smart ass, I asked “Would you like for me to autograph it as well?”, as I pulled a pen out from my shirt pocket. She agreed to that as well.

So there she had it. An original “masterpiece” complete with autograph. Done by Dambreaker with using only three crayons.

I got back to the table and I mentioned that I shouldn’t be left alone in that general store because there were so many things in there that I would want. One of the neighbors asked me, “Did you bring your credit card?”.

I replied, “UNFORTUNATELY…. yes.”

Then the food came. And I didn’t think it was too terrible. But I didn’t eat a whole lot because I had stuffed myself with breakfast tacos only an hour and a half before. But it still was very good indeed.

When we were finished, the cashier’s table is inside that blasted general store. And I began to look around more seriously. Still wanting all of these really awesome and cool things. I grabbed a shirt that I liked, but when I saw that the price was $39.99 …. that was the end of that!! Holy crap. It was a t-shirt for crying outloud.

I found something else and I was looking for a price tag. I think it was cheaper, and then I was looking for my size, but the collective group that I was with starting making their way through the exit doors and I had no more time to find a shirt that was my size.

The lady that was working in there, kept working on me the entire time, trying to get me to buy something. She was close. But I shrugged at her as if I had the last laugh on the situation. Thinking that it was over. And as I was going through the doors I heard her say behind me, “Well, you’re just gonna have to come back. Have a great afternoon!!”.

Dang it!!!!!!!

But still, with the paper and crayons and being told that I needed to have it. And then me just taking it all in stride and running with it beyond what the original prank was intended for, made it the funniest thing that has ever happened so far in 2012.

I crack jokes, pull pranks, and make people smile. And yes, people do it to me too. But warning: I can get very crafty and devious if I decided to ONE UP you on your prank.




  1. Kathy Huff says:

    I often have lunch with one of my friends, and have always enjoyed the chicken salad sandwich, until today. The sourdough bread was so thin you could practically see through it. The lettuce was limp. The small slices of tomatoes were tasteless, and the chicken salad was nothing but chicken with mayo and pickle relish. What has happened to the quality of food at Cracker Barrell? As in most restuarants the prices are going up, but that doesn’t mean the quality should go down.

  2. Brenda Pattison says:

    On Sunday, February 17, 2013, my husband & I stopped for breakfast at Crackel Barrel on I75 in Georgetown, KY, we have been stopping there for years & he orders the same item “Sunrise Sampler”. we cannot believe how much it has changed, the HAM has gone to almost nothing but a size of a piece of bacon! I order the Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich, first of all each time I order it sometimes I get cole slaw, sometimes no, you can hardly taste the bread & the tomatoes are limp & has no taste. We should have called the manager on these two meals. But, we thought we would try a second time on our way home, from Spartenburg, SC, this time I did call the manager on the meal, the ham was the same, this time it had FAT on the top & bottom, by the time he cut it off, there was maybe four bites to eat. I told the manager, I could understand why they put it on the bottom of the strip of bacon & sausage pattie to hide it! Never again will we stop for meals at Crackel Barrel, there are too many other quality restuarants to eat at. Crackel Barrel’s quality is not like it used to be!!!

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