My Future Fifth Ex-Wife

I usually give in to the requests of others when I know that people have been reading this blog and they tell me, “You should blog about that.” 

It was suggested that I write about this.

It’s humiliating to think of and yet today it is so funny!!

A few years ago, I got exceptionally lucky that I would find myself within the company of two Hollywood actors, Sandra Bullock and Matthew McConaughey.

I had something fierce for Sandra Bullock and decided that she would be my future wife. Because the other four women before her either got married or did something to turn me away.

But there she was.

The two of them were minding their own business and I went up to them and started to speak. The conversation was held mostly with Matthew. Sandra didn’t say a whole lot. Something that I hadn’t noticed until much later after this experience happened.

Anyways, when I saw that the conversation was about to come to an end, I kinda went into fan shock.

I had a notebook with me. At the time I was attempting to write a screenplay. And I looked over and I asked if I could have an autograph.

Yet this would pose as a big problem as I was not specific. My intention was for Sandra’s autograph. Not Matthew. But I did not make myself clear. Matthew McConaughey was more than happy to oblige. And when I saw that I had made the mistake by not being specific enough, the following words came falling out of my mouth:

NO! NO! NOT YOURS!! I MEANT HER, I WANT HER AUTOGRAPH!!!

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. As I think about it now in 2012.

At the time I kind of thought that Matthew may have been an actor or he may have been famous or whatever. I had seen him in the film EdTV, but that’s all I knew of his acting career. And I wasn’t even 100% sure that it was him. But I surely knew Sandra and all of her acting roles. Hell, I had nearly all of them on video and DVD.

They both kind of looked at me in disbelief coupled with annoyance.

Matthew handed over the notebook to Sandra. She had noticed there was nothing to write with. I hadn’t given them anything to write an autograph. And I sat there fumbling around trying to find my pen. I would later realize that I had lost it along the way just shortly before I decided to go over to see them.

Matthew had one, which I thought was to my favor. Sandra scribbled something and then gave back the notebook.

As Matthew attempted to return the book to me, I had realized that what I had  said and done was very rude. And I was grasping at straws to redeem myself from the stupid behavior that I had exhibited.

I asked for Matthew’s autograph.

This plan to redeem myself had failed miserably that it could have gone down in history as the worst attempt at a comeback ever.

After numerous times of being asked if I was sure, I insisted that I was.

So then he signed the following message on another page:

“Thanks for being a giant asshole.  MM.” 

Yeah, I totally deserved that one.

By the time I had looked up from reading what both of them had written, they were gone. Looking back at it now, I can’t say that I blame them.

Any fantasies or dreams of having Sandra Bullock being the future Mrs. Dambreaker ….. were gone. I had blown it big time!!

But I learned that I should always watch what I say around people. Even if I am star struck by them. After all, Hollywood celebrities are people too. They have feelings and emotions.

I would later run into other famous people and such, but I had learned what NOT to say and what NOT to do. 

I still follow Sandra’s career. I am more aware of Matthew’s acting career as well now. And I do like them both. But I’m forever haunted by my own slip-of-the-tongue so many years ago that no matter how far or fast that I run, its always going to be there. I can’t undo the past. But I can surely live and learn from it.