Archive for September, 2012

“Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.”~ Jim Morrison

Four years. Four very quick and yet long years since I had escaped the situation that I was in while living in Massachusetts with my ex-girlfriend. It was on this day in 2008 that I was in a position to leave her and ultimately allow myself to have back my life and my freedom.

It was one of those times in my life that I can honestly say that once I left, I never looked back again.

I was able to change things that I felt had gone terribly wrong. I honestly believe that if I would have stayed with her that I either would have been so miserable or even dead.

The fact still stands that I was able to CHANGE things. I had set out on a goal to leave. I made a plan. And with the help of my family, I was able to get out of the troubled and dangerous relationship that I was in.

And since then, I sit back and ponder of the last four years of what I have done. The things that I have accomplished. And the people that I would meet for the first time. And even going as far as to think about those people and whether or not they are still a part of my life today. Most of them are. Some of them are not. I’ve realized how much of a support system that I’ve had in place when I was getting over the lasting effects of the relationship.  And I also ponder the many times I’ve heard stories of other people who are in situations that did have some common factors from mine. The biggest common denominator of them feeling miserable and unhappy.

But I often must remind myself that not everyone who has similar problems as I used to have actually has the opportunity or support system that I had. Not everyone has people in their lives that they could turn to help them escape their negative situation.

The good news is that there is still hope. There’s always hope for those people who have enough of a desire to be able to make the decision to change.

It is very easy to just give up and surrender on our hopes and dreams of a better life. Particularly once we began the journey and then we are met face to face with something that blocks our path. Many just give up. They do not seek any other options and therefore they do not find another way to get around whatever it is that stands in our way.

And it is not just relationships, it is very true in many aspects of life in general.

The best example that I can give is that earlier, the sledge hockey team got together and had a meeting. There was some talk about going to the next tournament in 2013 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Of course, those of us who were in Dallas this past April know just how much fun it was to have been there to participate. Having that experience was such a blast. It would stand to reason that they would want to go to Philadelphia to be able to participate again.

But the team on the majority voted NOT to go.

I was disappointed because I personally would like to go. But it all depends on how much of a desire that I have to go. I cannot allow this to stop me and I cannot let this block the journey to attend the next tournament. I decided that instead of  just giving up, that I will explore any and all avenues that I can take up in order to go. And I’ll take it from there.

NEVER allow anyone or anything get in your way of your freedom. Take every possible avenue there is to obtain what you need. Be yourself and let yourself fly!!

 

“When I was 14 years old, I decided I could cook. It was either that or puberty. “~ Dom DeLuise

As we all know, going through puberty really sucks!!

I remember when during that time in my life that I had re-discovered this television channel called “MTV”.

Yeah, it was actually MTV and not this rubbish it is today. It was actually music videos 24 hours a day, seven days a week. But on the weekends, they would have their Top 10 Video Countdown.

MTV was a channel that was forbidden growing up. I don’t honestly remember why. But we were not supposed to be watching it.

However, I would always sneak downstairs and watch it in silence, usually with the volume off.

And then one day I found myself watching the Top 10 Video Countdown and then my life would change forever.

I had not paid any attention to what I was watching. I did notice a lot of women dancing around, doing different things, and wearing VERY short shorts.

And then I saw this...

And then I saw this…

It caught my attention to say in the least. With a body and mind going through puberty as I grew from a boy into a man, how could I NOT pay attention.

The image in the music video progressed. Back then, the high heels, the big hair and often times … really bad hair, and the tight fitting shorts.  

Things were going on inside of me, weird things. But for whatever reason, I liked it!! In fact, I LOVED it and wanted MORE of it!!!!!!!!!!

I didn’t know who she was, I just knew that I liked what I saw. My acne-loaded face began to grin from ear to ear.

I watched as she moved around in those high heels, being twirled around and hugged upon and whatever else. But her image would not last very long on the television screen in this music video.

This was not the age of technology where I could just pause live television and rewind it back and stare and drool.

I would say that I made a mental note of at least which music group made the music video.  It was not something that I had in my music collection.

The image would stay in my head for the rest of the day.

Then at the end of the year, MTV would always do their Top 100.  Again, I got extremely lucky to have been surfing through the television channels with the sound on mute and I would catch the music video again.

It was as high as #13, I believe.  I don’t remember now.

A few days later, I would see an advertisement on MTV that they were going to show the Top 100 again. And I made another mental note of when it started. Ten videos shown (in their entirety mind you), and so it would be on somewhere within the eighth hour which allowed for music videos #100-20 to go by.

My brain synchronized to be downstairs at that time so I could see the delicious redhead one more time.

This time I would catch myself nearly missing out because I was playing with my younger brother in a bedroom upstairs. When it came to me, I told him that we had to go downstairs as fast as possible. I told him that I wanted to show him something.

My poor younger brother would sit there for almost 45 minutes nervously because he knew that we were not supposed to be watching MTV. And he just didn’t want to get in trouble.

Then it came on. I told my younger brother to be extremely quiet and just watch. She would begin to pop up on the screen eventually.

When she did, I pretty much lost control. I went up to the television screen and I kissed the woman’s face on it. There I was standing there, kissing the television.

Let me just add that kissing a woman in real life is nothing like kissing a woman on a television. In real life, her face doesn’t taste like very thick glass.

What happened next, would make me cringe for many years afterward.

I felt someone grab me by the arm and squeeze the life out of it.

I turned around, and it was my father.

My younger brother was crawling along the floor behind my father as to not to be detected by him as he made his escape as he crawled far enough to be out of reach before he was safe enough to jump up to his feet and run like hell back upstairs.

I got into so much trouble!!!!

I was yelled at for what my father’s point of view was, kissing the butt of a woman. I also was yelled at for watching a channel that I KNEW that was forbidden in the house. I was instantly grounded. Grounded from watching television, grounded from going outside. And not to mention I had to spend the rest of the night in my bedroom.

Not only did this woman in the music video began the unleashing of attraction to women, but the song itself would cause some sort of trauma because after that day when I would hear it on the radio,  I would simply cringe and want to die.

My memories of seeing a delicious redhead but rather a cold, dark memory of how I had been “caught” doing something that I should not have been doing, and the consequences that were dearly paid afterwards.

Fast forward out of my budding years into manhood and into my adulthood, at a time when I was living with sister and her family. I was going to be left all alone during the week of the Thanksgiving holiday. So I used my sister”s Netflix account and started renting movies that “I” wanted to watch. And I didn’t have to give way to what the rest of the the adults in the house wanted to watch.

I think I had in the queue anywhere between eight to ten various vampire films. It was a collection of probably the worst low-budget films, mixed in with some foreign classics from the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s.

Enter: Graveyard Shift.

A low budget film that dealt with a very old vampire who was a taxi cab driver. He was a very sad vampire who would only drink the blood of women who were hopeless and at the end of their desperate lives.

I would after so many years, come across this woman again. 

The woman who had captured my attention when I was so young, that I instantly recognized her when she came across the television screen.

But this was different. This was a full length picture. And she came on kind of early in the film. I thought for sure I’d get something more. I knew that if a person acts in a film, and they have a speaking role that they are to be listed into the cast of characters which either rolls at the end of the film or at the beginning.

And she did have a speaking part. I was tempted to skip through the DVD to the very end to find the cast of characters, once I figured out what her character’s name was.

But I didn’t. I wanted to see just how much of the vampire story she was going to be a part of. Her character was of a stripper. And there was nudity. Can you imagine what that could have done to me if I had seen the film when it first came out and I saw her naked as a kid going through puberty?

Again, just like her appearance in the music video, she was not on screen for very long at all. But she did speak!

This pathetically lame film from the 80’s turned into a piece of gold.

So when I got to the end, I realized that I never caught on to what her character’s name was. I had to go back to watch and listen closely to see if I could catch on. I was successful.

Her stage name was Sugar Bouche. (Probably pronounced “bush”.) I immediately spent the rest of the night on the Internet trying to find out as much as possible that I could about her. But it was Sugar that entered into my puberty!

Polish born Sugar Bouche lives in Toronto, Ontario. And has had small parts in a variety of films. All of which were either low budget or just didn’t do very well at the box office. An actress, a singer, and surprise surprise- an exotic dancer in the Ontario area for a while before she left that all behind and CURRENTLY is more focused on the rights of animals around the world.

She had her own “dot com”. And I e-mailed her, giving her the stereotypical adoring fan message. I told her about how long I had been looking to find out who she was and was so glad that I found her and I couldn’t wait to find her more and more and more.

Researching her on the IMDB website was also helpful. I would be able to buy these crappy films off of eBay just to see her in them. And nine times out of ten, her character was a stripper. I would also buy her album that she recorded called “Future Gospel”. Yet I didn’t listen to it much. It was really there for nostalgic purposes of being part of a memorabilia collection that included very old and used VHS cassettes of the films she was in.

But I would become rather disappointed in the “dot com”. Even though I was receiving back replies to my messages, I caught one message that said “she/her” instead of “I/me”. Someone else apparently had been running the site. Or at least the e-mails.  

Soon after, the “dot com” would vanish and would be no more. But I would find Sugar Bouche on MySpace, then on other social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. Her focus was on the animal activism that she was involved with.

Her being in Canada made any dream of meeting her in person a very challenging one to the point of surrender of thinking that I probably never will. But one never knows, anything is possible.

Today, I have no idea where she is. I have no idea what she is doing in her career. I do know that her Facebook profile is still running and available. And the reason as to why I am writing about my stories about her in the first place is because the 27th of September is her birthday. Or that is what it has been posted as.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUGAR! Wherever you are!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Only those who are willing to risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” ~ T.S Elliot

Okay guys- this one’s for you!! Well, maybe for the girls too. I know some of you women just love a man in uniform!

This being the 225th anniversary of Constitution Day of the United States of America, I decided to go dig into my military fascination with a story to post.

This is Craig Harrison. A member of the British Military. This 37 year old Canadian is note worthy because of his actions that occurred during war.

Using an Accuracy International L115A3, he killed two Taliban members with consecutive shots at a distance of 2.47 km (8,120 ft or about 1.54 miles) in Helmand Province, Afghanistan in November of 2009. He then fired a third shot and hit the Taliban’s PKM machinegun in perhaps the most prodigious feat of marksmanship in military history.

It is the longest recorded kill in history, and he did it TWICE consecutively!!

 L115A3

L115A3

This action found its way also into the Guinness Book of World Records.

There are many military records noted in the world. A lot of them dealing with a sniper’s kill count. But this is the longest shot made for a kill. I do not know what Harrison’s kill count is, but this really is an amazing accomplishment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Maybe you should stop staring and start learning.”~ Lizzie Velasquez

23 year old Lizzie Velasquez was introduced to me via YouTube today. Apparently, she has undeservingly been given the title “The Ugliest Woman in the World.”

Lizzie is one of three people in the entire world who has the same undiscovered condition. She was born without adipose tissue. She has no body fat. She cannot gain weight and must eat dozens of times a day.

She is an author and a motivational speaker. And apparently the news that I received today was that there was a group of people on the Internet who gave her this terribly insensitive title.

Now I know that beauty has always been in the eye of the beholder. But whomever it was that said she is the ugliest woman in the world obviously has some issues of their own.

This cruel behavior isn’t going unnoticed. In fact, I do not think that Lizzie is ugly at all!

However the Internet is truly the best opportunity for people to hide themselves. These people who have been bullying her, picking on her, have been hiding behind their computers when they have said such cruel comments about her physical looks.

Being someone who “isn’t quite like everyone else”, I can understand (to a point) of what she is dealing with. And that I know for a fact that these insensitive pricks are NO BETTER than Lizzie.

The Internet is quite frankly a den of people that are disgusting, callous, sad, and yes I’ll say it- very pathetic.  But this is more in reference for those who use the Internet to hide their TRUE selves. Even though anonymity is often a safety measure and the Internet definitely provides that, it is these kinds of people who also use it to their advantage.

I’ve had experiences of “meeting people” and when I was only asking questions to get to know these people better and they cut me off and disabled the capability for me to communicate with them. And it wasn’t really because I was “getting too personal” or whatever lousy excuse that they wanted to give, it was because I was “getting too close to the truth” about them. And they obviously had something to hide.

I don’t think that these bullies of Lizzie are any different. I believe that they ALL have something that society and possibly the WORLD would categorize that there’s “something wrong” with them. I can almost get the sense that the people who have been bullying Lizzie knows that they have their own insecurity issues and have decided to pick on her. And the only reason why they have decided to pick on her is to make themselves feel better.

I agree with her statement. Stop staring and start learning! If people would remember this, then at least in my own personal experience, people wouldn’t stare and assume as to why I am in a wheelchair.

Ugliest woman in the world? Absolutely NOT!!!

People honestly could learn from her message that she shares with people.

As a matter of fact, I did learn that she’s from my area.

Lizzie: if you are out there and reading this,  I’d LOVE to meet you!!!!

“The underdog often starts the fight, and occasionally the upper dog deserves to win.”~ E.W. Howe

I was pondering last night that there are a lot of situations in life that there is an underdog.

In my first year of college, the group of friends that I made there was no exception.

There was one who was kind of an underdog. I’ll refer to him as “Brian”.

Brian was actually the stereotypical shy guy. But he was also one of the nicest people on the planet.

During the times when we were not in class we would hang out a lot. We’d play cards, eat in the cafeteria together and so on. Eventually getting to know him was quite interesting.

He was the kind of person that would give you, not only the shirt off his back, but his pants as well. He and I took several road trips and logged in lots of miles on his own vehicle. And he never once expected or asked for gas money. Even though at times, I would give him some.

Like many young men starting their college career, it would be kind of a culture shock. We all were away from home, in a world where we made our own rules, and had nobody there to tell us what to do. His life up to that point was kind of structured in that manner. But now that he was in college, all bets and rules were off.

Brian and I eventually developed in our friendship to the point where we were there for each other. When one of us would either be homesick or have some kind of problems, we would listen to one another. Especially him. He was always willing to stop whatever it was he was doing to listen.

The group of friends would eventually come up with our own code, our own language. It was our way of being able to talk about certain things and certain people without anyone knowing about it. It got to the point where Brian would always talk about how much he had a crush on a girl who was in a lot of his classes.

But because of his shyness, he just didn’t have it within him to tell her that he liked her. He wanted to ask her out on a date but was too shy and too scared.

The code and language that we developed actually sounded like a foreign language. We probably would have made really good spies. Brian would eventually talk in that way all of the time.

The girl that he had a crush on was tiny redhead with deep dark blue eyes and very pale white skin. And because of those physical characteristics (red hair, white skin, blue eyes), we would begin to refer to her as The Patriot.

But even those characteristics of her would have certain code words. Her eyes were deep blue, so they were called “sapphires”. Green eyes were “emeralds”, and so on.

Brian eventually began to talk to the girl more and more. He would be that friendly smile and that openness would allow them to begin a wonderful friendship. But he just couldn’t bring himself to tell her just how much he liked her.  

The Patriot would eventually come up for Homecoming Queen. I don’t remember anymore for sure, but I do not think that she won the title. And Brian was heartbroken that she didn’t win.

He stood by her side in all things, even in her shadow. This secret devotion that he had would only come out when he would speak in the code.

Towards the end of the school year, we all got together and we started to talk about what each of us was going to do in the next year. Some were going to transfer to other colleges, others were going to return for a second year.

Brian was coming back for a second year to earn his Associate’s Degree. But The Patriot was about to transfer to a state school to continue on in her education to enter a program that was going to take her six or seven years to earn her degree. I didn’t know it yet, but I would not return for a second year.

The end of the school year was coming near and Brian was actually running out of time if he had any chance at talking to The Patriot about how he was feeling.

Brian would end up having a conversation outside of her dormitory and he said to her, “I appreciate all of the times that you have smiled and made my life worth living. You are a terrific person. And pretty too. I could swim forever within your sapphires.”

The Patriot was totally confused. Brian would tell us that she smiled when he said that to her, but he just didn’t have enough within him to come out with the truth of his feelings. And it was something that he said to at least throw the hook into the water to see if she would bite.

Brian and The Patriot were such good friends by that time, that they traded phone numbers and addresses and became penpals over the summer.

The Patriot did go off to the state school and Brian returned. But they kept in touch. Brian never once used her phone number but never called. Instead, he wrote her.

As the next school year was in full swing, I would go back to the college to visit for a couple of days. Brian and the rest of the group of friends were so elated to see me again.

He still was talking about her as he always had. His crush never faded away even though she was gone. His one and only hope and connection was to write her while she was away at another college.

It just so happened that Brian admitted to me that he wrote her a very long letter and explained his feelings for her in a way that he knew that she would understand. And took that opportunity to ask her out on a date if she were to ever to be near.

That second day of me hanging out with the guys at the college dorm, he would receive a letter from The Patriot.

Nobody was really paying attention because it was common for her to write. But soon everyone was paying attention was Brian exclaimed “Damn! Damn!”.

Brian was a deeply religious person. He didn’t smoke, drink, do drugs, or even use profanity. We knew that from the obscenities coming from him that was something was horribly wrong.

Brian would eventually lock himself in the bathroom for twenty minutes. It was there that everyone heard him weeping.

When he emerged, he explained that The Patriot had turned him down. She had given him the “just friends” bit.

Women today are still notorious for that kind of crap. But for Brian, having never gone through a crush and then rejection before, his world was destroyed. He said that it would have gone over so much better if she had simply told him that she wasn’t interested or just a no.

Brian and I would fade in and out of communication. But I always knew that I could call his parents to see where he was at. The bonding friendship even had grown so much that I was seemingly “adopted” by his own mother as she would kiss me on my head when she saw me.

Several years later I would still contact his mother to find out where he was at. He now is probably the happiest in life that he has ever been. He is now married to an incredibly gorgeous woman and has a son. Nobody really thought that Brian would come out to be the winner because he was so much of the underdog based on his shyness. And then it turned out that he would have the most beautiful spouse out of any of us guys who were in the group of friends.

Cheering for the underdog is not a bad thing. We all know that often times the underdog will win. And in this case, the underdog won BIG!!

My point here is never assume that you should count out the underdog. They do rise to the top from time to time. For Brian being the underdog, he went through hell and back. And then he won in the end and still is riding high.

 

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”~ Walt Disney

The closing ceremonies took place in London of the Paralympic Games.

This is Kristen.

She was born with Cerebral Palsy, although she is capable of walking independently.

I met her some years ago, via her website.

One afternoon, I was reading the newspaper and I spotted a large image of her in a racing chair. Over the weekend, she had participated in the Capitol 10 K race. And I was both intrigued and shocked.

Kristen is the person who has turned into my athletic idol. She was the one who through correspondence, introduced me to the sport of sledge hockey. And she was even willing enough to come pick me up from my home to take me to a practice one Sunday afternoon. That very day, I was strongly encouraged by her and her mother to try it. Once I got on the ice, I fell in love and the rest is obviously, history.

I would learn that Kristen has had a very interesting racing career. It was something she was very passionate about. Suddenly, I was completely captivated by what she had done and by what she was doing.

Soon enough, my own passion would come from that fateful afternoon when I was on the ice with her and the rest of the team. And eventually, I would have scored my first ever goal in an athletic competition in a round robin match on Mother’s Day of that year.

My time with Kristen was unfortunately short lived. I was binding myself to her and to her social contacts which were other people with disabilities. She now lives and trains in the northwestern United States.

When I was with her, she always talked about her dream of being at the Paralympic Games. She wanted to represent her country well.

SHE DID IT!! 

Kristen made it on the team and participated in two events of the Paralympic games. She raced in the 100 m and the 200 m races.

While in London, she didn’t make it to the medal stand. But she was able to fulfill the dream she had for such a long time. And she even claimed a World Record for one of her races in her class.

Such an accomplishment.

I am so very proud of her!

Without knowing Kristen, I probably would not know sledge hockey. And I would be stuck at home doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself.

My debt of gratitude to her is so great. And I wish her future success as she returns back home to the United States and continues on in her journey and career.

She is another prime example of someone who stuck with her dreams through hard work and extreme dedication to make sure that those dreams came true.

The Testiculate

Posted: September 7, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

I’m just going to jump right into it.

All of us have seen the horror of other people’s lives by watching what they post on Facebook. And all of us are bombarded with shared posts from different and unique fan pages. It happens all of the time.

Yesterday the care-free afternoon turned almost instantaneously into a fight to the death for one fan page.

The administrator is a mildly attractive woman and an amateur-ish model.

But in her exact moment of despair she posted “I HATE HIM! IT’S OVER!”. Signaling the end of the relationship between herself and her boyfriend.

Come to find out that she had just seconds before broken up with a boyfriend that she was frustrated with, via text message.

For the next several minutes there were messages from those who had joined the fan page. ALL men. And they were fighting with one another over her.

And meanwhile as I was contemplating whether to leave a comment of condolences or of humor, the comment feed just exploded.

These men at first were not going after each other. But what they were doing was trying to win the affections of the administrator by offering her gifts.

“I’d come over there with a box of chocolates.”

“I’ll stop by with roses.”

“I’ll be there and give you a massage every night for the rest of your life.”

And so on.

Then the content had changed to bashing the newly broken up boyfriend. Many of them calling him a loser and saying things like he doesn’t know what he is missing, etc.

Her ego must have been sailing.

After a while, I noticed that she was in a sense encouraging it.

But by the time I had made up my mind about leaving a comment, it was far too late and it wouldn’t have mattered.

Then I noticed a friend of mine who was also on the fan page say something. So I asked him what in the world was going on with all the testiculating going on.

He mentioned that in an earlier post (that I had missed) that she said that the boyfriend was treating her poorly and didn’t trust her being on the Internet as much as she is.

From that, I decided to just lay low.

But those comments from men kept growing. And I thought about my purpose of being a part of that fan page. And there really wasn’t anything solid that I could come up to justify it.

The promises of showering her with gifts in order to win her over kept pouring in.

At the very end, I saw a guy promise to get her a brand new car and bring a bottle of Dom.

That was all she wrote! I left the fan page immediately.

Let me admit something: Men are often stupid. And these guys were blemishing the male stereotype as well as posing as a danger and a threat to my own reputation because I AM a male. These are the kinds of guys that make me look bad, when I’ve not even had a chance to foul things up for myself. Believe me, I know how to mess things up and I can do it all by myself, thank you very much!!

And after I had time to think about it, I was so glad that I didn’t leave ANY comment at all and had left the fan page altogether.

The administrator’s ego was inflated so much that I personally can do nothing to help maintain it. But as it was, this was a break-up and it wasn’t a time for games. That isn’t really what she needed.

Besides, who in the world wants to be “the rebound relationship”? Certainly not I.

And if the relationship is solely based on that kind of materialism, how long do you honestly think that it will last? People are so notorious for breaking other people’s banks and then moving on to the next person.

Where’s the respect? Where’s the honor??

So then when I checked my messages for the first time this morning, my friend wrote me to say that on the fan page, the administrator had left another message stating that she had it out with her boyfriend, but they reconciled.

Wow, I bet those guys who were scrambling to win her over feel like crap!

A man’s ability to testiculate far outweighs his ability to think, especially when the flow of blood has gone downstairs.