Capturing Your Freedom

“Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.”~ Jim Morrison

Four years. Four very quick and yet long years since I had escaped the situation that I was in while living in Massachusetts with my ex-girlfriend. It was on this day in 2008 that I was in a position to leave her and ultimately allow myself to have back my life and my freedom.

It was one of those times in my life that I can honestly say that once I left, I never looked back again.

I was able to change things that I felt had gone terribly wrong. I honestly believe that if I would have stayed with her that I either would have been so miserable or even dead.

The fact still stands that I was able to CHANGE things. I had set out on a goal to leave. I made a plan. And with the help of my family, I was able to get out of the troubled and dangerous relationship that I was in.

And since then, I sit back and ponder of the last four years of what I have done. The things that I have accomplished. And the people that I would meet for the first time. And even going as far as to think about those people and whether or not they are still a part of my life today. Most of them are. Some of them are not. I’ve realized how much of a support system that I’ve had in place when I was getting over the lasting effects of the relationship.  And I also ponder the many times I’ve heard stories of other people who are in situations that did have some common factors from mine. The biggest common denominator of them feeling miserable and unhappy.

But I often must remind myself that not everyone who has similar problems as I used to have actually has the opportunity or support system that I had. Not everyone has people in their lives that they could turn to help them escape their negative situation.

The good news is that there is still hope. There’s always hope for those people who have enough of a desire to be able to make the decision to change.

It is very easy to just give up and surrender on our hopes and dreams of a better life. Particularly once we began the journey and then we are met face to face with something that blocks our path. Many just give up. They do not seek any other options and therefore they do not find another way to get around whatever it is that stands in our way.

And it is not just relationships, it is very true in many aspects of life in general.

The best example that I can give is that earlier, the sledge hockey team got together and had a meeting. There was some talk about going to the next tournament in 2013 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Of course, those of us who were in Dallas this past April know just how much fun it was to have been there to participate. Having that experience was such a blast. It would stand to reason that they would want to go to Philadelphia to be able to participate again.

But the team on the majority voted NOT to go.

I was disappointed because I personally would like to go. But it all depends on how much of a desire that I have to go. I cannot allow this to stop me and I cannot let this block the journey to attend the next tournament. I decided that instead of  just giving up, that I will explore any and all avenues that I can take up in order to go. And I’ll take it from there.

NEVER allow anyone or anything get in your way of your freedom. Take every possible avenue there is to obtain what you need. Be yourself and let yourself fly!!

 

Sugar In Puberty

“When I was 14 years old, I decided I could cook. It was either that or puberty. “~ Dom DeLuise

As we all know, going through puberty really sucks!!

I remember when during that time in my life that I had re-discovered this television channel called “MTV”.

Yeah, it was actually MTV and not this rubbish it is today. It was actually music videos 24 hours a day, seven days a week. But on the weekends, they would have their Top 10 Video Countdown.

MTV was a channel that was forbidden growing up. I don’t honestly remember why. But we were not supposed to be watching it.

However, I would always sneak downstairs and watch it in silence, usually with the volume off.

And then one day I found myself watching the Top 10 Video Countdown and then my life would change forever.

I had not paid any attention to what I was watching. I did notice a lot of women dancing around, doing different things, and wearing VERY short shorts.

And then I saw this…

It caught my attention to say in the least. With a body and mind going through puberty as I grew from a boy into a man, how could I NOT pay attention.

The image in the music video progressed. Back then, the high heels, the big hair and often times … really bad hair, and the tight fitting shorts.  

Things were going on inside of me, weird things. But for whatever reason, I liked it!! In fact, I LOVED it and wanted MORE of it!!!!!!!!!!

I didn’t know who she was, I just knew that I liked what I saw. My acne-loaded face began to grin from ear to ear.

I watched as she moved around in those high heels, being twirled around and hugged upon and whatever else. But her image would not last very long on the television screen in this music video.

This was not the age of technology where I could just pause live television and rewind it back and stare and drool.

I would say that I made a mental note of at least which music group made the music video.  It was not something that I had in my music collection.

The image would stay in my head for the rest of the day.

Then at the end of the year, MTV would always do their Top 100.  Again, I got extremely lucky to have been surfing through the television channels with the sound on mute and I would catch the music video again.

It was as high as #13, I believe.  I don’t remember now.

A few days later, I would see an advertisement on MTV that they were going to show the Top 100 again. And I made another mental note of when it started. Ten videos shown (in their entirety mind you), and so it would be on somewhere within the eighth hour which allowed for music videos #100-20 to go by.

My brain synchronized to be downstairs at that time so I could see the delicious redhead one more time.

This time I would catch myself nearly missing out because I was playing with my younger brother in a bedroom upstairs. When it came to me, I told him that we had to go downstairs as fast as possible. I told him that I wanted to show him something.

My poor younger brother would sit there for almost 45 minutes nervously because he knew that we were not supposed to be watching MTV. And he just didn’t want to get in trouble.

Then it came on. I told my younger brother to be extremely quiet and just watch. She would begin to pop up on the screen eventually.

When she did, I pretty much lost control. I went up to the television screen and I kissed the woman’s face on it. There I was standing there, kissing the television.

Let me just add that kissing a woman in real life is nothing like kissing a woman on a television. In real life, her face doesn’t taste like very thick glass.

What happened next, would make me cringe for many years afterward.

I felt someone grab me by the arm and squeeze the life out of it.

I turned around, and it was my father.

My younger brother was crawling along the floor behind my father as to not to be detected by him as he made his escape as he crawled far enough to be out of reach before he was safe enough to jump up to his feet and run like hell back upstairs.

I got into so much trouble!!!!

I was yelled at for what my father’s point of view was, kissing the butt of a woman. I also was yelled at for watching a channel that I KNEW that was forbidden in the house. I was instantly grounded. Grounded from watching television, grounded from going outside. And not to mention I had to spend the rest of the night in my bedroom.

Not only did this woman in the music video began the unleashing of attraction to women, but the song itself would cause some sort of trauma because after that day when I would hear it on the radio,  I would simply cringe and want to die.

My memories of seeing a delicious redhead but rather a cold, dark memory of how I had been “caught” doing something that I should not have been doing, and the consequences that were dearly paid afterwards.

Fast forward out of my budding years into manhood and into my adulthood, at a time when I was living with sister and her family. I was going to be left all alone during the week of the Thanksgiving holiday. So I used my sister”s Netflix account and started renting movies that “I” wanted to watch. And I didn’t have to give way to what the rest of the the adults in the house wanted to watch.

I think I had in the queue anywhere between eight to ten various vampire films. It was a collection of probably the worst low-budget films, mixed in with some foreign classics from the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s.

Enter: Graveyard Shift.

A low budget film that dealt with a very old vampire who was a taxi cab driver. He was a very sad vampire who would only drink the blood of women who were hopeless and at the end of their desperate lives.

I would after so many years, come across this woman again. 

The woman who had captured my attention when I was so young, that I instantly recognized her when she came across the television screen.

But this was different. This was a full length picture. And she came on kind of early in the film. I thought for sure I’d get something more. I knew that if a person acts in a film, and they have a speaking role that they are to be listed into the cast of characters which either rolls at the end of the film or at the beginning.

And she did have a speaking part. I was tempted to skip through the DVD to the very end to find the cast of characters, once I figured out what her character’s name was.

But I didn’t. I wanted to see just how much of the vampire story she was going to be a part of. Her character was of a stripper. And there was nudity. Can you imagine what that could have done to me if I had seen the film when it first came out and I saw her naked as a kid going through puberty?

Again, just like her appearance in the music video, she was not on screen for very long at all. But she did speak!

This pathetically lame film from the 80’s turned into a piece of gold.

So when I got to the end, I realized that I never caught on to what her character’s name was. I had to go back to watch and listen closely to see if I could catch on. I was successful.

Her stage name was Sugar Bouche. (Probably pronounced “bush”.) I immediately spent the rest of the night on the Internet trying to find out as much as possible that I could about her. But it was Sugar that entered into my puberty!

Polish born Sugar Bouche lives in Toronto, Ontario. And has had small parts in a variety of films. All of which were either low budget or just didn’t do very well at the box office. An actress, a singer, and surprise surprise- an exotic dancer in the Ontario area for a while before she left that all behind and CURRENTLY is more focused on the rights of animals around the world.

She had her own “dot com”. And I e-mailed her, giving her the stereotypical adoring fan message. I told her about how long I had been looking to find out who she was and was so glad that I found her and I couldn’t wait to find her more and more and more.

Researching her on the IMDB website was also helpful. I would be able to buy these crappy films off of eBay just to see her in them. And nine times out of ten, her character was a stripper. I would also buy her album that she recorded called “Future Gospel”. Yet I didn’t listen to it much. It was really there for nostalgic purposes of being part of a memorabilia collection that included very old and used VHS cassettes of the films she was in.

But I would become rather disappointed in the “dot com”. Even though I was receiving back replies to my messages, I caught one message that said “she/her” instead of “I/me”. Someone else apparently had been running the site. Or at least the e-mails.  

Soon after, the “dot com” would vanish and would be no more. But I would find Sugar Bouche on MySpace, then on other social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. Her focus was on the animal activism that she was involved with.

Her being in Canada made any dream of meeting her in person a very challenging one to the point of surrender of thinking that I probably never will. But one never knows, anything is possible.

Today, I have no idea where she is. I have no idea what she is doing in her career. I do know that her Facebook profile is still running and available. And the reason as to why I am writing about my stories about her in the first place is because the 27th of September is her birthday. Or that is what it has been posted as.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUGAR! Wherever you are!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Military Moments In History

 

“Only those who are willing to risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” ~ T.S Elliot

Okay guys- this one’s for you!! Well, maybe for the girls too. I know some of you women just love a man in uniform!

This being the 225th anniversary of Constitution Day of the United States of America, I decided to go dig into my military fascination with a story to post.

This is Craig Harrison. A member of the British Military. This 37 year old Canadian is note worthy because of his actions that occurred during war.

Using an Accuracy International L115A3, he killed two Taliban members with consecutive shots at a distance of 2.47 km (8,120 ft or about 1.54 miles) in Helmand Province, Afghanistan in November of 2009. He then fired a third shot and hit the Taliban’s PKM machinegun in perhaps the most prodigious feat of marksmanship in military history.

It is the longest recorded kill in history, and he did it TWICE consecutively!!

L115A3

This action found its way also into the Guinness Book of World Records.

There are many military records noted in the world. A lot of them dealing with a sniper’s kill count. But this is the longest shot made for a kill. I do not know what Harrison’s kill count is, but this really is an amazing accomplishment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Mask Of Great Insensitivity

 

“Maybe you should stop staring and start learning.”~ Lizzie Velasquez

23 year old Lizzie Velasquez was introduced to me via YouTube today. Apparently, she has undeservingly been given the title “The Ugliest Woman in the World.”

Lizzie is one of three people in the entire world who has the same undiscovered condition. She was born without adipose tissue. She has no body fat. She cannot gain weight and must eat dozens of times a day.

She is an author and a motivational speaker. And apparently the news that I received today was that there was a group of people on the Internet who gave her this terribly insensitive title.

Now I know that beauty has always been in the eye of the beholder. But whomever it was that said she is the ugliest woman in the world obviously has some issues of their own.

This cruel behavior isn’t going unnoticed. In fact, I do not think that Lizzie is ugly at all!

However the Internet is truly the best opportunity for people to hide themselves. These people who have been bullying her, picking on her, have been hiding behind their computers when they have said such cruel comments about her physical looks.

Being someone who “isn’t quite like everyone else”, I can understand (to a point) of what she is dealing with. And that I know for a fact that these insensitive pricks are NO BETTER than Lizzie.

The Internet is quite frankly a den of people that are disgusting, callous, sad, and yes I’ll say it- very pathetic.  But this is more in reference for those who use the Internet to hide their TRUE selves. Even though anonymity is often a safety measure and the Internet definitely provides that, it is these kinds of people who also use it to their advantage.

I’ve had experiences of “meeting people” and when I was only asking questions to get to know these people better and they cut me off and disabled the capability for me to communicate with them. And it wasn’t really because I was “getting too personal” or whatever lousy excuse that they wanted to give, it was because I was “getting too close to the truth” about them. And they obviously had something to hide.

I don’t think that these bullies of Lizzie are any different. I believe that they ALL have something that society and possibly the WORLD would categorize that there’s “something wrong” with them. I can almost get the sense that the people who have been bullying Lizzie knows that they have their own insecurity issues and have decided to pick on her. And the only reason why they have decided to pick on her is to make themselves feel better.

I agree with her statement. Stop staring and start learning! If people would remember this, then at least in my own personal experience, people wouldn’t stare and assume as to why I am in a wheelchair.

Ugliest woman in the world? Absolutely NOT!!!

People honestly could learn from her message that she shares with people.

As a matter of fact, I did learn that she’s from my area.

Lizzie: if you are out there and reading this,  I’d LOVE to meet you!!!!

Cheering The Underdog

“The underdog often starts the fight, and occasionally the upper dog deserves to win.”~ E.W. Howe

I was pondering last night that there are a lot of situations in life that there is an underdog.

In my first year of college, the group of friends that I made there was no exception.

There was one who was kind of an underdog. I’ll refer to him as “Brian”.

Brian was actually the stereotypical shy guy. But he was also one of the nicest people on the planet.

During the times when we were not in class we would hang out a lot. We’d play cards, eat in the cafeteria together and so on. Eventually getting to know him was quite interesting.

He was the kind of person that would give you, not only the shirt off his back, but his pants as well. He and I took several road trips and logged in lots of miles on his own vehicle. And he never once expected or asked for gas money. Even though at times, I would give him some.

Like many young men starting their college career, it would be kind of a culture shock. We all were away from home, in a world where we made our own rules, and had nobody there to tell us what to do. His life up to that point was kind of structured in that manner. But now that he was in college, all bets and rules were off.

Brian and I eventually developed in our friendship to the point where we were there for each other. When one of us would either be homesick or have some kind of problems, we would listen to one another. Especially him. He was always willing to stop whatever it was he was doing to listen.

The group of friends would eventually come up with our own code, our own language. It was our way of being able to talk about certain things and certain people without anyone knowing about it. It got to the point where Brian would always talk about how much he had a crush on a girl who was in a lot of his classes.

But because of his shyness, he just didn’t have it within him to tell her that he liked her. He wanted to ask her out on a date but was too shy and too scared.

The code and language that we developed actually sounded like a foreign language. We probably would have made really good spies. Brian would eventually talk in that way all of the time.

The girl that he had a crush on was tiny redhead with deep dark blue eyes and very pale white skin. And because of those physical characteristics (red hair, white skin, blue eyes), we would begin to refer to her as The Patriot.

But even those characteristics of her would have certain code words. Her eyes were deep blue, so they were called “sapphires”. Green eyes were “emeralds”, and so on.

Brian eventually began to talk to the girl more and more. He would be that friendly smile and that openness would allow them to begin a wonderful friendship. But he just couldn’t bring himself to tell her just how much he liked her.  

The Patriot would eventually come up for Homecoming Queen. I don’t remember anymore for sure, but I do not think that she won the title. And Brian was heartbroken that she didn’t win.

He stood by her side in all things, even in her shadow. This secret devotion that he had would only come out when he would speak in the code.

Towards the end of the school year, we all got together and we started to talk about what each of us was going to do in the next year. Some were going to transfer to other colleges, others were going to return for a second year.

Brian was coming back for a second year to earn his Associate’s Degree. But The Patriot was about to transfer to a state school to continue on in her education to enter a program that was going to take her six or seven years to earn her degree. I didn’t know it yet, but I would not return for a second year.

The end of the school year was coming near and Brian was actually running out of time if he had any chance at talking to The Patriot about how he was feeling.

Brian would end up having a conversation outside of her dormitory and he said to her, “I appreciate all of the times that you have smiled and made my life worth living. You are a terrific person. And pretty too. I could swim forever within your sapphires.”

The Patriot was totally confused. Brian would tell us that she smiled when he said that to her, but he just didn’t have enough within him to come out with the truth of his feelings. And it was something that he said to at least throw the hook into the water to see if she would bite.

Brian and The Patriot were such good friends by that time, that they traded phone numbers and addresses and became penpals over the summer.

The Patriot did go off to the state school and Brian returned. But they kept in touch. Brian never once used her phone number but never called. Instead, he wrote her.

As the next school year was in full swing, I would go back to the college to visit for a couple of days. Brian and the rest of the group of friends were so elated to see me again.

He still was talking about her as he always had. His crush never faded away even though she was gone. His one and only hope and connection was to write her while she was away at another college.

It just so happened that Brian admitted to me that he wrote her a very long letter and explained his feelings for her in a way that he knew that she would understand. And took that opportunity to ask her out on a date if she were to ever to be near.

That second day of me hanging out with the guys at the college dorm, he would receive a letter from The Patriot.

Nobody was really paying attention because it was common for her to write. But soon everyone was paying attention was Brian exclaimed “Damn! Damn!”.

Brian was a deeply religious person. He didn’t smoke, drink, do drugs, or even use profanity. We knew that from the obscenities coming from him that was something was horribly wrong.

Brian would eventually lock himself in the bathroom for twenty minutes. It was there that everyone heard him weeping.

When he emerged, he explained that The Patriot had turned him down. She had given him the “just friends” bit.

Women today are still notorious for that kind of crap. But for Brian, having never gone through a crush and then rejection before, his world was destroyed. He said that it would have gone over so much better if she had simply told him that she wasn’t interested or just a no.

Brian and I would fade in and out of communication. But I always knew that I could call his parents to see where he was at. The bonding friendship even had grown so much that I was seemingly “adopted” by his own mother as she would kiss me on my head when she saw me.

Several years later I would still contact his mother to find out where he was at. He now is probably the happiest in life that he has ever been. He is now married to an incredibly gorgeous woman and has a son. Nobody really thought that Brian would come out to be the winner because he was so much of the underdog based on his shyness. And then it turned out that he would have the most beautiful spouse out of any of us guys who were in the group of friends.

Cheering for the underdog is not a bad thing. We all know that often times the underdog will win. And in this case, the underdog won BIG!!

My point here is never assume that you should count out the underdog. They do rise to the top from time to time. For Brian being the underdog, he went through hell and back. And then he won in the end and still is riding high.

 

Meet Kristen

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”~ Walt Disney

The closing ceremonies took place in London of the Paralympic Games.

This is Kristen.

She was born with Cerebral Palsy, although she is capable of walking independently.

I met her some years ago, via her website.

One afternoon, I was reading the newspaper and I spotted a large image of her in a racing chair. Over the weekend, she had participated in the Capitol 10 K race. And I was both intrigued and shocked.

Kristen is the person who has turned into my athletic idol. She was the one who through correspondence, introduced me to the sport of sledge hockey. And she was even willing enough to come pick me up from my home to take me to a practice one Sunday afternoon. That very day, I was strongly encouraged by her and her mother to try it. Once I got on the ice, I fell in love and the rest is obviously, history.

I would learn that Kristen has had a very interesting racing career. It was something she was very passionate about. Suddenly, I was completely captivated by what she had done and by what she was doing.

Soon enough, my own passion would come from that fateful afternoon when I was on the ice with her and the rest of the team. And eventually, I would have scored my first ever goal in an athletic competition in a round robin match on Mother’s Day of that year.

My time with Kristen was unfortunately short lived. I was binding myself to her and to her social contacts which were other people with disabilities. She now lives and trains in the northwestern United States.

When I was with her, she always talked about her dream of being at the Paralympic Games. She wanted to represent her country well.

SHE DID IT!! 

Kristen made it on the team and participated in two events of the Paralympic games. She raced in the 100 m and the 200 m races.

While in London, she didn’t make it to the medal stand. But she was able to fulfill the dream she had for such a long time. And she even claimed a World Record for one of her races in her class.

Such an accomplishment.

I am so very proud of her!

Without knowing Kristen, I probably would not know sledge hockey. And I would be stuck at home doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself.

My debt of gratitude to her is so great. And I wish her future success as she returns back home to the United States and continues on in her journey and career.

She is another prime example of someone who stuck with her dreams through hard work and extreme dedication to make sure that those dreams came true.

The Testiculate

I’m just going to jump right into it.

All of us have seen the horror of other people’s lives by watching what they post on Facebook. And all of us are bombarded with shared posts from different and unique fan pages. It happens all of the time.

Yesterday the care-free afternoon turned almost instantaneously into a fight to the death for one fan page.

The administrator is a mildly attractive woman and an amateur-ish model.

But in her exact moment of despair she posted “I HATE HIM! IT’S OVER!”. Signaling the end of the relationship between herself and her boyfriend.

Come to find out that she had just seconds before broken up with a boyfriend that she was frustrated with, via text message.

For the next several minutes there were messages from those who had joined the fan page. ALL men. And they were fighting with one another over her.

And meanwhile as I was contemplating whether to leave a comment of condolences or of humor, the comment feed just exploded.

These men at first were not going after each other. But what they were doing was trying to win the affections of the administrator by offering her gifts.

“I’d come over there with a box of chocolates.”

“I’ll stop by with roses.”

“I’ll be there and give you a massage every night for the rest of your life.”

And so on.

Then the content had changed to bashing the newly broken up boyfriend. Many of them calling him a loser and saying things like he doesn’t know what he is missing, etc.

Her ego must have been sailing.

After a while, I noticed that she was in a sense encouraging it.

But by the time I had made up my mind about leaving a comment, it was far too late and it wouldn’t have mattered.

Then I noticed a friend of mine who was also on the fan page say something. So I asked him what in the world was going on with all the testiculating going on.

He mentioned that in an earlier post (that I had missed) that she said that the boyfriend was treating her poorly and didn’t trust her being on the Internet as much as she is.

From that, I decided to just lay low.

But those comments from men kept growing. And I thought about my purpose of being a part of that fan page. And there really wasn’t anything solid that I could come up to justify it.

The promises of showering her with gifts in order to win her over kept pouring in.

At the very end, I saw a guy promise to get her a brand new car and bring a bottle of Dom.

That was all she wrote! I left the fan page immediately.

Let me admit something: Men are often stupid. And these guys were blemishing the male stereotype as well as posing as a danger and a threat to my own reputation because I AM a male. These are the kinds of guys that make me look bad, when I’ve not even had a chance to foul things up for myself. Believe me, I know how to mess things up and I can do it all by myself, thank you very much!!

And after I had time to think about it, I was so glad that I didn’t leave ANY comment at all and had left the fan page altogether.

The administrator’s ego was inflated so much that I personally can do nothing to help maintain it. But as it was, this was a break-up and it wasn’t a time for games. That isn’t really what she needed.

Besides, who in the world wants to be “the rebound relationship”? Certainly not I.

And if the relationship is solely based on that kind of materialism, how long do you honestly think that it will last? People are so notorious for breaking other people’s banks and then moving on to the next person.

Where’s the respect? Where’s the honor??

So then when I checked my messages for the first time this morning, my friend wrote me to say that on the fan page, the administrator had left another message stating that she had it out with her boyfriend, but they reconciled.

Wow, I bet those guys who were scrambling to win her over feel like crap!

A man’s ability to testiculate far outweighs his ability to think, especially when the flow of blood has gone downstairs.

 

Fanaticism Gone Very Wrong

“Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.”~ George Santayana

I suppose that it is okay to write about this since giving the latest news of what has been going on has seemingly come to an end. I don’t know if I can confirm the latest news and it would be a shame if it were true, particularly the last parts of it.

I have been reading this blog for a while now about a man, who for safety’s sake, I am going to call him “Josef”.

Josef is a man who lives in Eastern Europe. Serbia or Croatia, I believe. But he has gained a little of a cult following because of his fanaticism and his choices which has led him to his own personal demise. Part of his passion seems to be the draw to his blog and for others to keep in touch with what he has been doing.

Josef is a big fan of Céline Dion and her music. And he is not afraid to tell that to anyone.

Much like any of us who has a certain passion for musicians or artists, Josef’s life seems to be encompassed by it. The only problem for Josef was that he’s never seen a concert in his area. For him to see a live show, he would have to travel to another country. And it was something that he found difficult to do.

But it didn’t stop him from being a fanatic. Instead, his own memorabilia collection has grown. And he’s not been shy about showing that off either.

So up to present day where Céline Dion (again) has a show in Las Vegas for the next few years. Josef wanted to go but knew that it would be terribly expensive. His options of seeing her live were dwindling.

And then Josef’s blog was totally shocking to his readers as he announced that he was planning on selling everything that he owned just so that he would have enough money to fly to the United States of America to see Céline Dion perform in Las Vegas. And that’s exactly what this twenty-something year old European fan did. He sold everything!

With the exception of a few essentials (clothes, etc.) he took everything that he had and sold it for some kind of profit. Although it is up to debate on what he truly kept and what he sold. His goal was to be able to stay in Las Vegas for as long as he could and see as many shows as possible. And a personal goal was that maybe he would get to meet Céline in person.

He sold his vehicles, his furniture, his belongings, and his house. He even quit his job so that he could travel. And as a bonus for cash, he would do smaller jobs, such as yard work for others. His last day of his employment was the day before he was planning on flying over to Las Vegas.

He was quite successful. As he began a large stash of money, he began to plan what he had called his “once in a lifetime opportunity”. The conversion rate actually had worked in his favor to have more in US dollars.

According to his blog, he went to Las Vegas either in June or July. Everything that he wrote about was always “after the fact”. It appeared that he had enough money to stay for close to a month. But Josef did not consider any of the consequences of his actions.

He chronicled each time he went to a show. Sometimes he was in the front row and other times he was not. But he had at least ten different entries on show appearances and reviews alone. Not to mention the posts of what he was doing in Las Vegas when there was no show to attend. He attempted to keep track of what he was spending, but ultimately had failed.

According to his blog, he did not gamble at all. And he was not spending big either. But his opportunity had come and he was totally elated.

He originally was staying at Caesar’s Palace. But for reasons that Josef did not disclose, he was removed and he had to find lodging somewhere else. He was able to find some place that was cheaper. And that allowed him to have more money.

I knew that it would be interesting to see how he adapted to life once he returned to his home country. He would be homeless & jobless. Going back to his blog posts that were written prior to his journey, he mentioned once that his family was not in his corner and begged him not to go through with the plan of selling everything. And from my perspective, it sounded as if his own family went through great lengths to warn him not to do this, to the point where they said that if he did follow through that they would not help him out when he returned home.

But when the money ran out, Josef took everything that he collected during his visit and came home. Or at least to the country from which he lived in.

Josef had to rely on the kindness of his friends or even strangers because he had no place to sleep. Or he would sleep in the parks or the forests. His family and some of his friends who threatened not to help, kept their word. The exception being that this family would from time to time give him something to eat so he didn’t starve to death.

And now there’s this wild story being spread that Josef has found it so difficult to survive without having a place to stay or a trying to find a job. His old job wouldn’t take him back. What is worse is now lately, there is a buzz about Josef having killed himself because he couldn’t handle it.

His blog has been silent for a few weeks now. There’s been nothing. The last submission was basically a cry for help. He was looking for a place to stay and was willing to do some kind of household work in order to stay wherever. He also was asking people locally to help him find a job. But he didn’t sound too positive about it.

Nobody can say for sure what has happened to Josef. I personally just sit and wait to see if there is to be any kind of update or blog post to confirm that he is still alive or if someone would write a post, announcing that his death is not a rumor.

There are several words that come to mind when considering Josef’s story: Insanity. Obsession. Stupid.

People often do things that are inexplicable. Especially when it comes to their fanaticism about something or someone. In this case, I found his story to be way over the top and perhaps unnecessary. But because of his hellbent attitude and his enthusiasm… he did get to do what he wanted in the end. But he did not consider what it would do to him.

A lot of people who either know about or have read about his story often argue that he should have kept everything and just saved his money a little bit at a time until he had enough. But for Josef, he found the quickest and easiest way to get what he wanted. For him to have saved the money instead, would have taken time. He obviously didn’t have the patience for it.

There are fans even within the United States that would love to go to Las Vegas, but cannot afford it. For some, they are able to. It simply is a case of how much desire a fan has in order to make that happen.

But I personally had a feeling that something like this was going to happen to Josef. Reading his blog and watching him descend into chaos was kind of similar to watching a train wreck. It was going to happen, but there was nothing that anybody could do to stop it.

Some fans have argued that he should have waited for the next world tour. And while he waited, he could have saved money to enter into another country to be able to attend the concert. But I get the sense that Josef felt like he was running out of time because there’s been no talk of a world tour. There’s only been talks about Céline Dion staying in Las Vegas for a while with her show.

Personally, I believe that Josef went way out of line. Mainly because he had no plans on what he was going to do with his life once he returned to his home country. He should have either saved his money slowly or drawn the line.

I know that for myself, with the things that I am ultimately passionate about that I am able to fulfill those desires of being there and participating, if things would change where it would become different, then I would draw the line.

As much as I love the music (and the people) of SIX MINUTE CENTURY for example– if I was told that from now on, their live shows would only be played in Paris, then I would draw the line. I would still support them because I do enjoy their music, but I would not do the same thing that Josef had done and sold everything just to go to Paris.

I honestly hope that the stories and rumors that I hear about Josef are false. And I will keep an eye out to see if by chance he surfaces again. Like I said, he always writes in his blog “after the fact”. But if it is true that he did kill himself because he couldn’t handle the fact that he had nothing, and his family refused to help him, then this is definitely a case of fanaticism gone VERY wrong. And hopefully each of us can learn something from his story and evaluate what we are doing as fanatics of the things that thrill us the most and figure out whether it is bringing us joy and enlightenment OR leading us down the path of disaster.

 

 

 

Highway To Hilarity

“My advice is: if you’ve got to be miserable to write great music, then drive a truck.”~ Chris Isaak

One of the most vivid memories I’ve carried with me is one of sharing moments with several women who were my childhood crushes. Even before I reached the age of ten years old, I had my favorites. Three of them in fact! They were girls named Lisa, Martha, Kayla and Ana.

More specifically related to this blog post, was the time that I went to a high school parade. Kayla and Ana who were cheerleaders and classmates of my elder brother would soon find me yet again in their presence with my heart all beating wildly. In fact, the entire cheerleader squad knew that my eyes would always twinkle when I would see any of them.

The parade, I remember was cold and a little damp. Being so close to Christmas time. Until one of the floats in the parade came crawling by. I didn’t notice at first, but it was the float of the high school cheerleaders. They were throwing out pieces of candy to the crowds on both sides of the street.

But once it had passed where I was standing on the side of the street and Ana had seen that I was standing there, she yelled and waved at me. Suddenly I was being showered by tons of pieces of candy as fast as she could throw with both hands. Eventually everyone on the back of the parade float would launch ALL of the candy that they had. Barrels of candy being poured into the streets.

Needless to say that children from both sides of the street came streaming to grab as much of it as possible. All the while trying to avoid getting ran over by others who were marching in the parade and the upcoming floats that were behind them. Tons of hard candy were crushed by the tires of the parade float and much of the “good candy” would vanish by the will of young children fueled by sugar-filled avarice.

After employing my younger brother to grab me a piece of candy from the streets, after hundreds of pounds of candy had been poured everywhere, I only ended up with a broken piece of butterscotch.

The reason why the cheerleaders went that wild was because I had been in the hospital because of a major surgery. And this was the first time that they had seen me since that surgery and they all wanted me to feel better. What better way to do that than to shower me with candy!

Fast forward to this evening.

A neighbor and I decided that we wanted to go out to eat. But since neither one of us have a driver’s license, we had to ask another couple who lives here to take us and invite them along. We were calling it a double date.

Their vehicle though is a small truck. There would not be enough room for all four of us to ride inside. So I was the one that sat in the bed of the pick up.

As we went blazing up the highway at speeds of at least 75 MPH (120 KM/H), vehicles that were in traffic behind us would find quite the surprise to see me just chilling out in the back of the truck. The wind blowing through my hair as I sat still.

Most of the drivers behind us stared at me with their jaws dropping. Others were curious and smiling, taking photographs of me with their cell phones.

And it was the same way when we returned home. Although the wind was more vicious and I was not able to move my head around and look about as I was on the way to the restaurant.

For several miles, I noticed one vehicle that was packed with teenage girls. Every last one of them kept smiling and laughing and pointing at me. When I noticed this, I pointed back. I smiled back at them. The next thing I knew, everyone with the exception of the driver (thankfully) had their iPhones and cell phones as close to the windshield as possible.

Then when it had seemed like everyone had taken photographs of me in the wind in the back of this truck, I watched them as they kept sharing with one another what they had. And then they sped off and disappeared.

But then later on they would fall behind again and I would see them, but from the other side of the vehicle.

Again, they took more and more photographs and the second time around I was blowing kisses, winking, and throwing up the Horns at them. To which a couple of them in the backseat threw Horns back.

But sadly, these moments of fun would come to an end as the truck turned east and the girls in the other vehicle kept on heading south.

My image is most likely going to end up on their personal profiles on several social networking websites. But too bad they will never know just who I am. But it was sure fun. 

It was like I was riding a float in my OWN parade. And every person who was ever directly behind the truck that I was in… if they dared to look straight ahead would find quite the surprise.

But even so… having my own parade, I know how others have felt when they have been riding on a float or in the back of a convertible or in any way behind in front of people from the sides.

I just don’t think that in the history of any parade, that the floats were going just as fast!!!!

 

 

 

Owning Up

“You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say.”~ Martin Luther

Not so long ago I did what some people thought was impossible. Hanging out with the guys. It was a group of about seven, all coming from different walks of life. Some married and some single.

It was a fairly good time hanging out together and not carrying about the outside world. Until I heard one guy’s story of how it was so difficult for him to deal with certain situations when it comes to the bonding between a male and a female.

He said something that at one time, I thought I was the only one who thought it and was about to take the credit for coining the phrase.

He was discussing his friendship with a female. They have been friends for the past few years. He is single, she on the other hand has been recently married and has one child. He was there for her wedding. He threw her an engagement party. He saw everything through the entire way and stood by her side, celebrating her triumphs and being the rock that she needed to fall upon when she crashed and burned. And even through the point where she was married, he remained the same guy that she always knew him to be.

But it wasn’t the fact that she had recently become someone else’s wife that was bothering him. It was not jealousy that was driving him crazy. It was the fact that whenever they would communicate, it felt like to him that she was always introducing the fact that she had boundaries.

He would go on to say, that ‘friend’ was the new F-bomb.

Some of us guys would sit there, looking confused. But I knew exactly what he was talking about.

He would explain that whenever he would talk this female that she would always say “friend” to him. And he felt that it was not used in the sense of endearment.

And because this group of guys knew that I have this reputation of being some kind of listener with valuable insight, I ended up sitting next to him, talking about this the rest of the night. I knew where he was coming from. I’ve gone through the same kind of bumpy roads. The exact roads, to be honest.

His point that I will share in this blog post is that he had been friends with this woman for a very long time. It was quite established that they trusted one another to become friends and do what friends do. But he felt like every time she would do this to him, that it was setting everything back.

Let me use this analogy:

Relationships (male to female & vice versa) can be measured on a scale from 0 to 10. The higher the number, the more meaningful and deep the relationship and the stronger the bond. Of course 10 being that this person is a permanent fixture in your life, whether that person has become your spouse or whatever. But they are there every day for the rest of your life.

The more that time had passed for him, the deeper the relationship that he had with this woman. And it was totally based on them being friends. There was nothing that suggested that it would turn into a romantic relationship or that they would be dating one another, and so on. So this guy’s relationship with this woman would probably only be measured up to go as high as a 7 or 8. And it would not go any higher. It was something he understood and actually is quite content with that.

Yet whenever she would say “friend”, to him it felt like she was pushing him and their relationship down to maybe somewhere between 2 and 4.

He was actually intelligent enough to mention that she should have her boundaries, given her current situation in life. But when it feels like to him that she drags him down and pushes him back to a lower number, his mental state of mind gets bruised and hurt.

What in the world is he to do? He sees her every day. They talk every day. And for the longest time he says that this has been happening even BEFORE she was married to someone else. A new relationship for her, that he completely treated with respect.

There is a great amount of responsibility while being in any relationship. 

Both people should own up to their responsibility, in order to make sure that the relationship is healthy.

Upon entering a new relationship, there’s going to be those times where people slip up and make mistakes . But that is all a part of learning about one another. Because not everyone is the same, not everyone is going to have the same boundaries.

I have my own boundaries and I can tell you that there are a lot of differences between my boundaries and the boundaries of my male counterpart.

I believe that what he truly wanted to say, and I will say it for him here is that there’s nothing wrong with having boundaries. Once you learn what a person is willing to deal with and what they are not willing to deal with, you adapt to it. You learn from that. But then also you carry on. There is no good reason for a person to continually remind the other about them.

From what I heard this guy tell me, this female picks on him and pounds down upon him in a verbal sense that all they will ever be, is friends. And he feels that has already been established so very long ago, and so there’s no real good reason for her to constantly be bringing it up.

You have a responsibility with your relationships. If someone crosses a line, then yeah- its healthy to remind them that they slipped up. It is not healthy for you to come down on them with wrath because of their transgressions and then push it into their faces all the time like a dog who has taken a huge dump throughout the house, instead of doing its business outside.

If there really is a need to do that, then perhaps you should be re-evaluating things.

The way to stop making mistakes, is to learn from them. We have to allow people to do that.

I went ahead in the spirit of all fairness and non-judgement if by chance he may have crossed a line with her. But he said that he had not done so in a very long time. He recognized over the past couple of years where he had crossed a line and he did pay the price for it. And since he didn’t like that outcome, he stopped doing whatever he was doing that was making him cross that boundary. It pained him to think that he had done it before, and it pains him to think of the possibility of doing it again, and that is the driving force that prevents him FROM doing it again.

Humanity is not perfect. Neither are relationships. Are you actually going to remind people of that every time someone does something to you that was wrong or that you didn’t like? Even after the person has shown regret for it, are you still going to bring it up time after time after time? If yes, then honestly what kind of a relationship do you REALLY have with that person??

Having boundaries in life is VERY healthy. But it is unhealthy to hold people’s mistakes against them. Especially if they do not know you very well.

You cannot say that you have a coin, if there is not both “heads” and “tails”.

I believe that having open communication is very much the key. And that means BOTH sides should be able to talk about whatever they want. Should someone cross a boundary or make the other person uncomfortable, then the person who is feeling that way should be able to hit the “ENOUGH” button… explain how or why this is an issue. And if the guilty party owns up to their mistake and apologizes, it needs to be forgiven then forgotten- forever.

Being timid and hoping that something goes away, never works out. If I am doing something that is pissing you off, and I get no response or sense that it is doing just that, and I am not told about it? Chances are that I am going to do it again. Speak up and save the relationship as well as save yourself from further anguish!!

This poor guy that I talked to the rest of the night, he just really enjoys the company and the bonding that he has with this woman. And that’s just a small part of what being in this particular relationship is all about. But he feels so miserable because he’s being constantly reminded of the DO’s and DO NOT’s.

I do not personally know the woman that he talked about. So I cannot say much about her. But what I do see is a person being treated unfairly. Especially since he broke down and said that he hadn’t done anything to offend or make her uncomfortable. I do not see why this woman feels she must constantly reflect the word “friend” on him. After all, they already have been that way for years! I do not think that she should be saying this to him all of the time.

The best thing for him to do is to make HER aware that he is not comfortable with this behavior. And should the truth be that he IS doing something that makes her uncomfortable, she needs to plainly tell him instead of always being quick to run up the walls on him and push him away. It does not sound like to me that she knows what she is doing to him when she does this all of the time. But if he too, is unaware of what he might be doing to her that causes this, then she needs to speak up as well. People are not mind-readers.

Own up to the fact that you do have the right to tell someone that you are not comfortable with what they have said or done. But remember, you have to take responsibility for your own words. Understand that your words are just as powerful and influential as those words (or actions) towards you that cause you to cringe.

It always takes two to do The Tango.

Be aware that even though you might be hurt, that you could potentially hurt the other person by what you say or do. And doing so on purpose, is just cruel and mean. And personally speaking… if that is the case then you don’t deserve to be a part of that relationship.

Sure, you have the right to walk away. But remember, so do they. And if you are behaving in a similar manner as this woman has been, then by all means that other person has every right to walk away and they would be justified to be doing it and there would be no “social jury” willing to convict them of wrong-doing for it.