The Testiculate

Posted: September 7, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

I’m just going to jump right into it.

All of us have seen the horror of other people’s lives by watching what they post on Facebook. And all of us are bombarded with shared posts from different and unique fan pages. It happens all of the time.

Yesterday the care-free afternoon turned almost instantaneously into a fight to the death for one fan page.

The administrator is a mildly attractive woman and an amateur-ish model.

But in her exact moment of despair she posted “I HATE HIM! IT’S OVER!”. Signaling the end of the relationship between herself and her boyfriend.

Come to find out that she had just seconds before broken up with a boyfriend that she was frustrated with, via text message.

For the next several minutes there were messages from those who had joined the fan page. ALL men. And they were fighting with one another over her.

And meanwhile as I was contemplating whether to leave a comment of condolences or of humor, the comment feed just exploded.

These men at first were not going after each other. But what they were doing was trying to win the affections of the administrator by offering her gifts.

“I’d come over there with a box of chocolates.”

“I’ll stop by with roses.”

“I’ll be there and give you a massage every night for the rest of your life.”

And so on.

Then the content had changed to bashing the newly broken up boyfriend. Many of them calling him a loser and saying things like he doesn’t know what he is missing, etc.

Her ego must have been sailing.

After a while, I noticed that she was in a sense encouraging it.

But by the time I had made up my mind about leaving a comment, it was far too late and it wouldn’t have mattered.

Then I noticed a friend of mine who was also on the fan page say something. So I asked him what in the world was going on with all the testiculating going on.

He mentioned that in an earlier post (that I had missed) that she said that the boyfriend was treating her poorly and didn’t trust her being on the Internet as much as she is.

From that, I decided to just lay low.

But those comments from men kept growing. And I thought about my purpose of being a part of that fan page. And there really wasn’t anything solid that I could come up to justify it.

The promises of showering her with gifts in order to win her over kept pouring in.

At the very end, I saw a guy promise to get her a brand new car and bring a bottle of Dom.

That was all she wrote! I left the fan page immediately.

Let me admit something: Men are often stupid. And these guys were blemishing the male stereotype as well as posing as a danger and a threat to my own reputation because I AM a male. These are the kinds of guys that make me look bad, when I’ve not even had a chance to foul things up for myself. Believe me, I know how to mess things up and I can do it all by myself, thank you very much!!

And after I had time to think about it, I was so glad that I didn’t leave ANY comment at all and had left the fan page altogether.

The administrator’s ego was inflated so much that I personally can do nothing to help maintain it. But as it was, this was a break-up and it wasn’t a time for games. That isn’t really what she needed.

Besides, who in the world wants to be “the rebound relationship”? Certainly not I.

And if the relationship is solely based on that kind of materialism, how long do you honestly think that it will last? People are so notorious for breaking other people’s banks and then moving on to the next person.

Where’s the respect? Where’s the honor??

So then when I checked my messages for the first time this morning, my friend wrote me to say that on the fan page, the administrator had left another message stating that she had it out with her boyfriend, but they reconciled.

Wow, I bet those guys who were scrambling to win her over feel like crap!

A man’s ability to testiculate far outweighs his ability to think, especially when the flow of blood has gone downstairs.

 

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