“Well for ‘a brief shining moment’…and then that mouth”~ Michael Caine in “Miss Congeniality” 
In my short life online, I have to say that I have stumbled and mixed paths with some very beautiful women. And in the beginning, I knew that kindness and respect would get me far. But back then, ashamed to say that it didn’t actually last too long before I gave them the unusual impression that I was some kind of maniacal marauder.
Why? Because of my mouth.
It was awful that I had said something so quizzical to someone that it would be misconstrued. The next thing I know, they vanish forever. And probably offended to the most degree.
Looking back, I honestly regret having said what I did. And understanding HOW that might have been a bad thing. Lessons learned over the course of several years before I learned to relax and just take things one conversation at a time. And actually take time to think and re-think and then re-think again before I say much of anything.
But the mouth returns and gets in the way and just blows everything into bits.
I’ve abandoned the complete and total adulation conversation for the most part. Through experience and watching others, the adulation is nothing that these women hasn’t heard before by anyone else. So why in the world would I believe that I would stand out? One doesn’t necessarily stand out when joining the masses of others who have gotten out of control to speak their opinions about how gorgeous, beautiful, and sexy some woman is.
I’ve learned that models, personalities, and “small time celebrities” are human too. Complete with feelings and opinions of their own. And they are none too shy to express that, when you are talking with them and acting like a complete and total ass hat.
Almost ten years ago, I was chatting with a woman from Hollywood, California. And even though everyone who reads this blog knows how I feel about all of that, I was attempting to get passed all of that and actually KNOW the woman. She was a performer of sorts. So I casually brought up the question of what it would take (money wise) to have her come local and perform.
When she gave her price, which was seriously high, I sat there blinking and staring at the screen thinking what in the world could cost THAT much money! She also insisted on paying for airfare and a place to sleep, which I did think was fair. But both items didn’t actually cost that much money. So then: enter my mouth.
What I told her was a legit concern. I was worried about spending so much money for her to do what she does and then just leave and return home. To me, it wasn’t worth it so I asked her if she was willing to do something more than that so that it would be worth that high price in my mind. But it came across to HER like I was propositioning her for a little “somethin-somethin” on the side.
Needless to say that she vanished within a month after that conversation online.
I could see the problem and it was an accident, a mistake. But I could still see why she split!
And then a little more than a year ago it happened again with an author that I was attempting to get across my point that I wanted an autograph. She doesn’t live nearby so it would take some money and travel in order to personally receive her autograph. And I went on and on about how expensive that would be to me and what not. I was very comfortable giving her my mailing address to see what she might sign and put in the mail. Again, the mouth got in the way. Even though she attempted to bring up a tentative invitation of having lunch or coffee.
I have since then learned to pull back and tone it down…. A LOT!
If I do not respect these women, then I shouldn’t expect them to respond kindly.
I think that though it is totally awesome that when these kinds of things happen with certain women and they offer a tentative time for lunch or coffee or drinks with their family and/or husband, that it should tell me that they are trusting in me enough to do something so bold. And that I have EARNED their trust. I think that it comes from each and every time I have spoken to these women that I have been nice, social, kind, as well as respectful. Particularly when there is a mention of a husband.
Why wouldn’t there be a husband? I think that these women are very attractive, so its not a surprise that they would be married for years already. But they are showing their trust in me and that really needs to sink in.
Also I should learn that when these women are willing enough to offer something like that. I just need to be thankful towards them and then after that? SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!
I should not complain about the difficulty, I should not complain about the hardship in order to make it happen. Rather I should stop talking and then later on try to figure out a way TO MAKE it happen!
Very early this morning I received yet another generous invitation. It was the “if you are ever in the area….” conversations. The thing is that it was the second time she had mentioned it. And instead of seeing that she was quite serious and friendly about her invitation, I opened my mouth about how I could take a day trip and make all kinds of fun about it, but after the holidays.
Saying crap like that can often lead to a retraction of someone’s invitation. Its happened to me before. I hope however, that this most recent flap of the lips didn’t do any damage at all.
I hope that my brief stories of experiences will be a warning to some. Telling someone that you think they are beautiful isn’t a crime. However, going on and on and on about it gets old fast. More than likely, they’ve already heard it before so many times that it just flies over their heads as they ignore it all.
There’s nothing wrong with thinking that someone is beautiful or sexy. However if you vomit your opinion on someone, all you are doing is getting them dirty and they aren’t going to like it all that much and so their first impression of you is automatically negative.
Will you stand out in their mind? Maybe. But if you do, it might not be what you were wanting.
Men and women DO have feelings just like yourself. If you’re just trying to jump in the sack with someone that you just saw and thought that they really flip your pancakes, chances are that if you take that route of trying to gain their attention, you may get their attention. But your pancakes are going to burn.
Stop burning your pancakes. Treat other people with respect.
And this goes for me as well as others– learn to shut up. Less can be more in this situation.
I’m actually stunned most of the time when I see the comments and posts made by men that are constantly the same. And then they say the same to other women. As if they are spreading around their so-called complimentary words thinking that eventually one of them are going to take the bait.
Nine times out of ten, its going to be ignored. Sad to say that in my early years of being online, I did nearly the same thing. I did however, learn not to vomit on women. Sometimes my mouth will cause a little spit up as I struggle with learning to shut up, but a little drool is a lot easier to clean up than verbal vomit.
I get so frustrated at times when I read these kinds of comments. It makes me want to reach into the monitor and choke them and try to slap some sense into them. But that’s never going to happen. And I suppose that when they are in this habit of doing crap like that, then the chances of them learning the mistake is less and less.
For lack of a good analogy: Let sleeping dogs lie.
Express yourself but do it with respect towards others. Learn to leave it alone.