Archive for January, 2013

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“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”~ Confucius

I’m reflecting on this day. And I would have to say that today, I am doing much better personally and emotionally than I had been doing just one year ago.

By the way, my apartment manager gave me Starbucks for my birthday, so if this seems “off” you can blame him.

Its my birthday. A year ago, I was laying in a hospital bed with a deadly infection that had me out of commission for 12 days. It was something that I saw coming and noted in a previous blog, and I was right.

But this year I am not in the hospital. I am at home. And healthy.

Around the time of my birthday in 2011, I had not yet started this blog. It was created a few days later. But this is the first time that I am at home and able to write on this blog on my birthday.

I’m grateful to those who have given me birthday wishes thus far. I appreciate everyone who have thought of me thus far today. I’m sure that there will be much more as the day goes on.

As for the rest of 2013, I am full of hope. I’m feeling upbeat and not so depressed. Let’s hope I can hang on to this kind of emotion for a long, long time.

I am looking forward to more hockey, and many more times with friends and away from home.

Nothing but good times.

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So I won’t find something like this in my home for my birthday, but I can dream!! Right?

I probably will not be doing anything special to celebrate and that’s just fine. I’ve not been able to do something like that in such a long time that I’ve pretty much forgotten what that is like. And I’m probably not missing anything.

But I give my love to all of you who continues to read my mindless posts, whether or not its been educational or not.

I’m glad to be alive. And I’m glad to know that I do have so many people thoughtful and caring enough to take a second out of their lives to wish me a happy birthday.

I do have many more subjects that I wish to write about in this blog in the near future, so keep your eyes open for those.

And as I suffer the caffeine crash from the Starbucks and the sugar drop from the cookie, I do feel bad for anyone within 150 meters of me for the next several hours.

But all in all, I am so happy that I am NOT in the hospital this year. And that I am free to do what I want to do on this day. Its a wonderful feeling to have this freedom.

Thank you dear readers, and stay tuned!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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“Every choice you make has an end result.”~ Zig Ziglar

There I sat by myself this afternoon. Rubbing my forehead and wondering what just happened.

Flustered, attempting to recall everything in my head to play it all back. Failing miserably for at least twenty minutes. Then minutes turned into hours of obsession.

Such a red flag as most of the day was wasted while attempting to make sense of things.

I was standing in line at a store and a young attractive woman caught my eye.

I observed in silence for a while. No wedding ring, no clingy 6’8” boyfriend around her neck, no children nagging for her to buy something.

As I moved forward with each patron ahead of me checking out, I keep as much of a visual as possible. And then it was soon my turn.

When I had purchased all of my items, I swiftly put away my wallet and suddenly saw the woman making a move for the front door.

I shot off like a rocket. Running over the toes of no less than two people that were within proximity of me and slamming into unoccupied chairs and tables just to reach the front door before she could.

She and I both would end up in the doorway with the door being held open by the both of us before I even realized it. It was a battle between whether or not I was being chivalrous to hold the door open for a woman or if she was being caring to hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair.

I motioned for her to go first as I pushed the door open with all of my strength, ready to catch it as it sprung back at me from its hinges. She thanked me and walked out and disappeared within five seconds. Meanwhile, I NEVER said a single word. I didn’t even get a “hello” out or formulated the thought to extend to her a compliment. I was left there with just a simple grin on my face as she pulled her sunglasses over her eyes and walked away.

A split second after that, I never saw her again.

Who knows what would or would not happen had I actually spoken to her.

In daily life, we all come across the point where we make split decisions. But usually, they are not so complex as the situation that I found myself obsessing about for hours.

If we are running late for work, do we still stop for coffee or do we press on without it? If we find ourselves in an emergency, who do we call for help first?

Simple examples, but important ones all the same. And it only takes a split second to make a choice in these matters. If we don’t get coffee, some of us end up being a real pain towards others at the office. If we don’t call the right people in an emergency, well as they say “seconds matter” and its true.

I keep getting reminded of the episode of “The Big Bang Theory” where Howard Wolowitz is on a train and he’s spotted a celebrity and he’s obsessing with trying to come up with the BEST opening “line” that he can think of. Meanwhile, his friends are just able to walk up to the celebrity and talk.

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That’s the thing with taking risks. You never know if it will work out in your favor or become dangerous.

But then there’s also the other side of the process where I continually think about what could have been. And eventually some kind of thought attempts to relieve my poor brain with the idea that it was okay not to have said a single word to her because you never know what she could have done.

And its usually negative to the point where I think that I am much better off having not said anything because, she could’ve been crazy. She could’ve been dangerous.

Just at a point where I have thought that I was getting better at dealing with the idea of doing nothing and losing out on the possibility of everything.

I would say that in the last two years, maybe three, that I have taken a lot more chances and risks than I ever had in my entire adult life.

And as much as I really am tired of being disappointed or even getting to the point of devastated by people in one way or another, I know that the old saying about dusting yourself off and getting back on the horse just rings true.

There was an example of me chatting with a young woman who lived three hours from me. And within three days, I had taken a risk and made the suggestion on her traveling to where I live and go out. No promises, no expectations.

Hell, even me asking a woman out on a simple date has never been easy for me.

But she agreed, and the night that she was to arrive from out of town, she kept getting lost and the hour was getting later and later and later. Almost late enough to where it wouldn’t have done any good to have gone out on the date because I was aware that she had a three hour drive back home.

Still, I pressed on and had someone drive me to meet her at a central location.

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What do I say to her? If anything at all?

The date was nothing short of a dud. Boring and nothing really fun to do because by then just about everything was closed for the night. Ultimately deciding to go to a beer bar to drink and talk.

It would take less than an hour to figure out that this roommate she kept talking about was really her boyfriend. And even at the end of the night as she dropped me off at home I didn’t waste a whole lot of time. I jumped out of the chair, shouted inside my gratitude for the evening and slammed the door shut and kept moving.

Making that split second decision to end the night as I did was probably the smartest thing I had done all night. Considering that later on, I would find out that she would travel about a half an hour away to meet with another man with whom she slept with and didn’t get back to her own home until noon the next day. Then that following evening, she was pulled over by a police officer because she was going in and out of traffic lanes due to her exhaustion from the hours before and it led to a search of her vehicle. And during that search, her trunk was found full of illegal drugs.

Those drugs were inside her vehicle during the time that I was with her. And that was something scary to think about.

It would lead the affirmation that when involving yourself with the possibility of meeting someone from the Internet, you DON’T make plans that fast. Its safer and smarter to take the time to get to know the other person for a long extended period of time before even considering that face-to-face meeting.

But this is only an example of where the decision of taking a risk COULD have led to a really big disaster. Not all risks that I have taken in the past couple of years have been so tragic.

When I have asked other people around me what they think about split second decisions, they always think about situations such as the “fight or flight” scenario. Those of you who have read this blog from near the beginning know that I have had a lot of those situations arise in the past few years.

It has been two years now since I was in that very moment where a split decision had to be made. Something that one could either call life saving or life defending. I defended and thus I survived.

The choices I made led to the decision of me starting this blog. And from it, I have gained a lot of what I would consider good. People that I probably would have never known to exist are now in some small way, a part of my social circles in my own personal social life. I find it hard to think about today what I would do without them.

And as I catch myself rambling, I realize that Zig Ziglar was right. There’s always an end result to each and every choice that we make in life.

We’ll make choices in our lives that are important and some will be less important than others. But they all tie up into a nice little road that we travel down the path of life.

I only wish that for myself that I would stop obsessing with these cognitive distortions whenever it comes to the situation of whether or not to chat up a woman that has caught my eye. Certainly, I cannot be the only one out there in this great big world that does that! Right? Although I would dare to say that I am one of few people that realize that what I am experiencing is a cognitive distortion. Others would dare to think that the other person having them are just whacko!

So yesterday is gone and it will not come back. There’s no way to wind the clock and actually pry my mouth open to say something to the woman that I held the door open for. I must take my medicine for it though. Hopefully I will also turn this experience to something that I will learn from. And I can acknowledge when I should speak up more and when I should back off. There’s always an unbalanced line when it comes to that because everyone is different. Things that are okay with some, won’t be okay for everyone. So we take the hits and learn the boundaries. Learn our lessons, and go on.

 

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“It’s cool to meet your idols. It’s a good opportunity to travel. Those kinds of things are good.”~ Meg White

Idols. We all have them. Sometimes, they change throughout our lifetime for one reason or another. But there’s always someone that we are looking up to in our lives no matter if that person changes at one point or not.

We admire them. We think about them a lot. We daydream constantly and about what it would be like to maybe one day meet them.

And for many of us, that dream will come true. But not all of us will. I have met a number of people considered “famous” and a “celebrity” in years passed. From musicians to politicians and actors. The people whom I have a great admiration for are NOT the same people that I once dreamed about every night from a decade ago.

We’ll bump into someone that we’ve admired for a long time or find ourselves to take advantage of the perfect opportunity to finally come to face to face with them.

But I think that a lot of times people forget that our idols are actually human. And they even have idols of their own!!

Our lives certainly do change though when that magical moment falls upon us and we meet them for the first time ever with our very own eyes. The world becomes your taco.

The taco however won’t last forever.

And there are those times when we meet them and when the magical moment is gone, you’re left standing there reflecting upon it and realizing that there was nothing magical about it at all.

That happened to me once. I had met a musician once and an autograph was given, but the pleasant exchange of conversation wasn’t pleasant at all.

To be fair, I had met the musician based only on the fact that they were the idol of a girl that I wanted to get together with. And in thinking that if she knew that I had met her idol, it would place me at the top of her list. But in reality, it didn’t do a thing to help my cause. Instead of having the autograph made out to me in MY name, I had it made out in HER name and then I sent it to her. I didn’t even receive a word of thanks from her. Just an acknowledgement that she had received the autograph in the mail a week later.

At the end of the night I could not for the life of me figure out what was so awesome about their personality. I was aware of their musical talents as they had won Grammy Awards, but who in the world would willingly want to hang out 24 hours a day with a personality like that? Oh well.

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Fighting over meeting your idol is true behavior of selfishness. They are also human like you and I.

But recently it seems to me that in the wide world of fanatics over one person, an actor or musician, that there are two groups of people within that circle. Those who have met their idol and those who have not. And I have noticed that for those who have met their idol have a sense of “holier than thou” over those who have not. And its really ugly.

The most recent example I can give you as that I read that someone had finally met their idol after 20 years of being a fan. They got to have dinner with them, took photographs, the idol signed autographs and was on their way. Pretty fancy, I’d say.

But now they are talking to other fans like they actually KNOW the person and they’ve been friends ever since the invention of sliced bread. To be honest, that kind of ego-trip is highly annoying. And all they are doing with other people who share that same idol, are pissing them off.

This was an actor, not a husband prospect, and simply just another human being that was actually beyond more than kind to have offered them to have dinner and talk. And now that person who had that wonderful opportunity is parading around with proverbially no pants and showing off.

And this week, someone else who has NOT met their idol really wants to. But they have been meeting constant resistance from that one person who thinks now that they are virtually family. And now a fight has broken out. Its scattering other fans to choose and pick sides. Two groups of people (those who have met their idol and those who have not) have splintered off into four, five, even six smaller groups of fanatics. But they have hatred and malice toward those who are not on their side.

I sit back. Watch. Stay silent. And shake my head in great disappointment. I would give them ALL the quote from Rodney King, but unfortunately those involved in this ridiculous dispute are too young to remember who Rodney King is. Which I suppose, makes me old.

But the quote still remains a vital and truthful statement and poses the great question of why cannot all of these fanatics get along with one another?

I have no problem with other people meeting their idol. And I have no problem with other people meeting those people that I admire the same as they do. But to have done so, and then get in the face of someone who hasn’t and speaking like they are the idol’s representative that the other person can’t have their dreams come true, just makes me so sad.

I understand the thrill and joy of meeting your idol. Nobody says that you cannot be overjoyed with emotions of happiness when you have met your idol. And nobody says that you cannot share freely of your experience. There is always someone willing to listen and share with you.

 

In the past month, I have been able to receive several autographs in the mail from people that I admire. Some of you will know what I am talking about, but most will not. And that’s because I’ve decided that I was not going to jump to the top of that mountain and start screaming about it. These were not people that you will find on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, but people that I do admire… after all, I DO have other people that I admire. More than what I discuss about frequently in this blog.

What I do not understand is how that one person who has met their idol will continue to inflate their own ego to the point where they’ve become obnoxious, rude, and turned into a monster… believing that they’ve somehow entered a new world and became a member of some secret society.

The theory that I have come up with is that they are attempting to hold on that that precious memory for as long as they can. And by letting their ego loose is one way of allowing them to continue holding on to that experience to keep it alive. But I  could be all wrong about that!

So its all about egos it seems. But I swear that these fights that I have witnessed over the past six months over actors, musicians, politicians, and other idols are unnecessary and awfully mean.  together

In my opinion, instead of fighting one another, we should be helping one another out.

Life is too short to be fighting with people. Especially if you have a common bond with that other person. Rather we all should be caring and kind and show respect. Be genuinely happy for those who have the “once in a lifetime” opportunity to have been able to meet their idol. And help those and hope for the best that other people who share that common respect and admiration that they too can meet their idol. It creates yet one more common bond that you will be able to share with one another.

I will say again, our idols are people too. They are human just like you and I. People just really need to learn to get along better.

Enjoy the taco if the opportunity arises. But when you are finished, don’t forget to SHARE it with others.

 

 

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“I would prefer even to fail with honor than win by cheating.”~ Sophocles

As I sit here waiting for my nighttime medicines to kick, I had the television on but really it was only white noise.

But then some story caught my attention. The reporting was about cheating and those who cheat.

They made an example out of General Petraeus and his scandalous affair and how he was caught.

And it really started to make sense. If the Director of the CIA can get caught in cheating due to a ton of e-mail correspondence that was exchanged between himself and his mistress, what makes anyone think that they could get away with doing it??

Twitter, Facebook, e-mails, and everything in between from letter to cell phone calls are all easily tracked down. Even though you think that you may have deleted certain messages that would prove you of cheating, they don’t really just go away. Your digital fingerprint, so to speak, is still there. amorous

Private Investigators now are using these tools to track down people who are cheating, and sadly enough its no longer a challenge for them anymore. All that they have to do is go to the Internet and see what has been going on.

Cheaters are becoming a dying breed. But rather the fact of them getting away with their cheating is what is fleeting. People are going to cheat. To some its just like the need for food and water. But they are getting caught more often than not nowadays.

So you can delete any and all messages that would link you to your indiscretions  but in this day and age of technology you’re not really going to get away with it. Especially if someone has been looking  into it. Sc6apreviewJen

Tiger Woods got caught using Twitter and the internet with his affairs. And other “famous” people have gone down in a blaze of well… not exactly glory. They were all caught, someone found them out and exposed their cheating affairs.

Cheating is never a good idea to begin with. I have my own thoughts about cheating, liars, and those who are unfaithful. But you can find some of those thoughts within this blog if you look hard enough.

Yes, studies are still finding that men cheat more than women. And of course, men are pigs for doing it. But I never really cared for the gender stereotypical double standard because it does takes TWO to cheat.

If you are thinking about cheating, you had better think again. You may not be found out right away, but the truth will always come out in one way or another. And besides, if you are cheating already…. then why you are still with the original person with whom you entered a relationship with? Its not fair to them what you are doing.

Don’t cheat. Its dangerous. Its dumb in the first place. And you’ll get caught.

 

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“If it was legal to shoot all of the stupid people in the world, we would run out of bullets.”~ Dambreaker

This morning, I strolled on over to the corner store. I went up the hill and some random guy shouted at me asking if I wanted any help getting to the top of the hill.

Before I could politely decline, this very muscle-bound man came up behind me and shoved me over the top of the hill and then he kept going even when I was on level ground again.

It was like being blasted like a rocket into outer space.

Sometimes I allow people to help, sometimes I do not.

So then he wanted to know what the reasons were that I was in a wheelchair. And I told him.

His response was the worst thing that I have ever heard in my entire life!!!!

He told me that he couldn’t understand how I could live my life this way, being stuck in a wheelchair all day and night for the rest of my life.

Honestly, when I explain my disability, I do not normally expect people to have that light turn on and they fully understand what all I have to go through every day of my life. What he said next, ruined my entire day.

He honestly looked me in the face and said that he could never life the rest of his life in a wheelchair, and that he would just kill himself before he was confined to a wheelchair like that.

I was filled with shock, rage, and disbelief.

I asked him if he felt that was his solution. If people that live in wheelchairs should just kill themselves.

And then the rage and disbelief continued to grow.

He said with a straight face that he just couldn’t understand why more people don’t do it.

I told him a story about a man who was born in Austria who would eventually become the leader of a country called Germany in the 1930’s. That man also had the same solution. He called it the Final Solution.

Yes, I compared him to Adolf Hitler. Although Hitler’s rage was more focused on the Jewish and other classes of society. But he did exterminate and kill anyone who were in wheelchairs and were physically disabled as well.

Before he had time to react, I told him that he simply needed to go away and leave me alone.

I did have my 23” broken hockey stick with me. And yes, I could have chosen to smack him with it. But because of his muscle bound body, I felt that I would have lost that battle.

Now I have really heard some stupid things from people who do not understand the life that I have to live. And I’ve probably heard every little joke, insult, or remark in the book. And I’ve learned to just roll my eyes. But this one? It hurt. And it hurt a lot.

I came home. Began to cry, and ended up falling asleep for about an hour. I woke up, still angry at the guy. And I really do not wish to ever see him again.

It is like this guy’s brain wasn’t attached to his spinal cord. There’s a reason why there is a brain inside of his skull and its not to fill up the space inside. And why he chose not to use it before he opened his mouth is beyond me. disabled-veteran

Why should I kill myself? Why should anyone with a disability kill themselves?

And what of our nation’s veterans. Ironically those people who have fought and sacrificed their limbs so this guy can keep his freedoms to say stupid things like that?

Should they kill themselves as well because they are now in wheelchairs for defending our country?

The bottom line answer is not just no but HELL NO!

I’ve talked about thinking before you speak, and this is an excellent example of that NOT happening at all!

I have tough skin, but this time it broke through. And I really shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of immaturity and stupidity.

There’s nothing wrong with me that I should have to die. Just because I do not walk and often appear that I may be having trouble getting up hills. Good grief!!!

So this guy is a complete and total douchebag. And who knows what his deal is? Having to say something like probably just to make himself feel better?? Nobody will ever know.

But I am NOT going to throw in the towel like that. You can just screw off if you think like that. We have enough difficulty as it is, we don’t need your psychological stupidity on top of it.

 

A Rare Day

Posted: January 23, 2013 in Uncategorized
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“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”~ Sydney J. Harris

I am absolutely beside myself today. And a long range of openness and freedom lies ahead.

No appointments, no GED students, no babysitting, no need to hang by the telephone, no deadlines…. nothing.

This is a rare day indeed.

And I have no clue what to do for the rest of the day.

As we all know, these kinds of days are very few and far between. But they also are a very welcomed experience in a sense. But then if you get like me, you honestly have no clue what to do with yourself.

Anything that I have done earlier this morning was because I wanted to. However it turned out to sting a little. But nothing that I could not recover from.

And I still have this entire day of nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no obligations.

Good grief, this hasn’t happened since Madison was President, perhaps earlier than that!!

I could jump into my creative writing projects, I could sleep the rest of the afternoon. I could do anything.

But I was told that whatever I decide to do, that I should relax.

And it got me thinking…. how does one actually relax? Is it from sleeping? Is it from a massage? Is it from going to the beach and talking a walk in the sand?

More than likely the answer comes in various ways as we are different from one another and we find our own ways of relaxation.

So then my question to you is: What do YOU do to relax?

 

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Karen Alloy

“In a relationship each person should support the other; they should lift each other up.”– Taylor Swift

More than a week ago, I checked my mail to find an envelope from Karen Alloy, aka spricket24 from YouTube. I had been following her through her videos for many years now and find that a lot of what she does is hilarious. Especially since the one time early in her YouTube career where she supposedly consumed body deodorant.

Now she currently is making homemade soaps on the side. I’m not sure if this is some kind of extra means of income or not, as she does really well with her YouTube videos. Well enough to have won an Emmy.

But I figured I’d get in on an opportunity where she was promoting her homemade soaps and offering a headshot photograph with any purchase of her soaps.

And so I bought some and purchased some soap and received as promised, the photograph. I was relieved to find it signed.

A lot of people who know me better personally would automatically assume that I support her because of her looks and beauty. But that’s not the case.

Around the same time, I gave a generous donation via PayPal to another YouTube personality that I find fascinating and interesting with her knowledge of certain things.

I think that in our own lives, we all have a list of people that we would definitely stand up and support in whatever endeavors that they choose to do in life. And we have our own list of reasons as to why we do it.

Most people online by now see me as the “mouthpiece” of the band SIX MINUTE CENTURY. In a sense, they are correct. I do talk about the band and their music constantly and whenever I get a chance. Why???? Because I enjoy their music and I support their future projects. I just believe it to be a very great bonus that I have become friends with them all and have been added to their circles.

With spricket24 and the person that I gave the donation to, I just really appreciate their hard work and dedication. As I said, I think Karen Alloy is hilarious. And she’s even a strong woman to deal with the sexually graphic comments that she receives constantly. Some of her responses back to these morons are just as funny as the content in her videos.

This afternoon, I was having a conversation with a “nay-sayer” and needless to say that it was quite ridiculous that I found myself in that situation to even entertain their thoughts and feelings. Their suggestion was to chill out and cut back on the amount of support that I give to certain people.

And yes, I thought that was quite ignorant, irresponsible, and honestly dumb.

When there is something or someone that makes us happy, we all have the tendency or feeling to want to shout it from the top of the mountain. I do not believe that there’s anything wrong with that feeling. However, one must understand that once you’ve climbed up there and started shouting that you are going to eventually cry out to someone who disagrees with you for whatever their own personal reasons may be. And while you are up there, sometimes its good to analyze the point of WHY you are shouting. Is it because you want the world to know that something or someone has made you happy, or is it because you want to be heard and noticed? If by chance it is the latter, then perhaps you might not want to shout so loudly.

Am I trying to get the attention of spricket24? Nope. If I wanted to do that, I can just e-mail her or send her a letter. Am I trying to get the attention of others? No. I already received it in some way or another, and I simply support those who I care about. A majority of them that end up being some of my best of friends.

But again, there’s nothing wrong with sharing with one another your joys and your blissful moments. I don’t believe that anyone should have the right to tell you what you can and cannot like or support. Its your life.

Life is too short to be someone else’s puppet. Do what you feel is right in your heart. And support whatever and whomever you enjoy!!