cancel

“The moving finger writes, and having written moves on. Nor all thy piety nor all thy wit, can cancel half a line of it.”~ Omar Khayyam

For most of my adolescence and young adulthood, I had always considered and thought that a cancellation was based on something more than it actually was.

Throughout my high school years, I was THE KING of no-shows, no calls, being stood up, and downright cancelled at the last possible and final minute.

Not that I was the one doing the cancelling but rather I was being cancelled upon!

I recall asking a girl in high school if she wanted to go out for some ice cream after a vocal performance in which the entire town was going to be attending. Yes, I asked her out on a date. And I even explained that she and I would both be performing in our perspective choirs and therefore afterwards, all she had to do was drive the both of us to get ice cream and then after we were finished, drop me off at home.

My parents were not that willing to believe that it was going to happen. My father stayed behind, until he and I were the only bodies left in the auditorium nearly an hour and a half after the ending of the performance.

I didn’t even cry or get upset about it. It was like I was actually expecting it to happen and then it did. The worst part of it was that I had a class with that girl the next morning and she would be forced to deal with it. The only optimism that I received was my father telling me that I didn’t have to spend any money and I still had that money in my pocket for something that I might really and truly want later on…. OTHER THAN taking a girl on a date.

That next day in class, I did receive the explanation that she was told to come straight home from her parents after the performance and she didn’t want to get into further trouble at home. But I received nothing in notice of this and I could have saved myself the humiliation of standing there all alone with my father and gone straight home or done something different.

I didn’t say anything to her. I didn’t point the finger. I just nodded and never brought it up again. Until now.

Throughout the rest of my adult life, I began to wonder if the problem was who I was. Particularly when it came to the areas of dating and relationships.

I knew that I would be rejected by many. But I was confident that eventually a NO would turn into a YES. And at times, I would receive that YES. But again, only to be cancelled on or stood up and without any good reason as to why they never showed up.

I just couldn’t understand the why. And I began to blame myself for it. Was I coming on too strong after the woman agreed to the date? Was I in some way, being a total and complete douchebag because I finally found someone who would say YES??

Fast forward to these past months of 2013.

I’ve been up and knocked down so many times that its not worth counting the times I’ve dusted off and got back on the horse. I’m just glad that the horse never runs away when I get knocked off of it!

These past few months I have been going through it all over again, in one capacity or another. And yes, being rejected really sucks. Its not fun. And it hurts…. really hurts.

But I am done with the self-blaming.

Most recently I have made effort after effort after effort to expand my social life, only to find myself with the ending results that I experienced in my youth. And these were not even circumstances in which dealt with dating or relationships.  So I’m also done with the butthurt.

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She simply never told me why she stood me up until she was forced to deal with the confrontation the following day.

To be fair, there are times in which a cancellation must happen because of circumstances that come that are beyond our control. And we must deal with that. I get that. I’ve always known that. But I’ve always excused people’s behavior to be just that.

One must really take into consideration what people are doing to you, when they are continually cancelling on you for a myriad of reasons and/or excuses.

I believe in giving people a second chance in these situations because simply shit happens. But if the shit is constantly draining, then you should really think about the kind of person you are dealing with and realize just how long you are willing to put with that stream of shit that they keep pouring out. How deep are you willing to let it get??

And if you are easily manipulated and controlled, just like I was in high school, then you too will eventually be up the creek with no paddle.

As for me, I can probably give people a chance or two but no more. After that, I must think about the kind of person that I am messing with and see for myself whether or not they are just full of excuses or just cancellation prone.

For myself, having gone through it practically my entire life…. I’ve adopted the “one and done” method. Its basically goes with the expression of fool me once, shame on me.

There are better people out there in this great big world who are worth far more than the people we are attempting to connect with. People who are willing to give to you what you need and open to receive what you are willing to give to them in return.

Those who do not fit inside that category? Think to yourself: Do you REALLY need them??? The answer is probably going to come out as NO. So rid yourself of the anguish. Don’t cement yourself in a place where you are going to be stood up and cancelled on all of the time. Don’t be like I was in high school!!! Its definitely not a picnic.

So here I sit, thinking about those who have put me through this process in most recent times. Ready to shove them into the rear view mirror. Opening myself to different and new opportunities with other people.

One and done, everyone. Are you ready??????

 

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