A Concerned Letter To Miley Cyrus

 

Dearest Miley, 

As we approach the middle of the week which is the last week of August 2013, I am plagued and have been plagued for the past couple of days of what some could possibly call a raunchy performance, your name still hasn’t slipped back into obscurity as it was for the last … oh I don’t know … how long. 

And even though you’re not the first “celebrity-type” person to have done something as raunchy as what you did, and I regretfully admit that you will not be the last person, we must deal with right now, in the present. And face our consequences for the past. 

I am reminded (personally) of an early episode of The Big Bang Theory. I believe it was Season One. I do not know if you (or if anyone reading this will actually) watch it, since I do not know whether or not you have the kind of time to watch these kinds of programs that are on television, but let me break down one particular scene that comes to mind. 

The horny yet innocent and still lovable character of Howard Wolowitz overhears that the cousin to his friend’s female neighbor is in town, and she’s just about as easy as Ramen noodles when it comes to amorous activities in the bedroom. So later after their dalliances, the girl makes her first on screen appearance and says “There’s my little engine that could!” Well, the reaction of one of the lovable scientists comes out to “There’s a beloved children’s book I’ll never read again.” 

Something similar happened after viewing your performance on the VMA’s this year.

I WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO LOOK AT A TEDDY BEAR AS AN INNOCENT CHILD’S TOY AGAIN!

CHILDREN SLEEP WITH THOSE THINGS AT NIGHT FOR SECURITY AND PROTECTION FROM THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT!!!!

And what you had done with those costumes of Teddy bears gallivanting on stage, has ruined the innocence of the Teddy bear for me, forever. I am an adult. I am not a parent, but I am an uncle, and now because of this… my nieces and nephews will never have the delight and joy of knowing what owning a Teddy bear is all about. At least not as a present from their uncle. And so when my nieces and nephews ask me why I shake in horror at one of those things today, the only thing that I  can do is wonder how to tell them. But I am paralyzed to do so, without doing so first in a therapist’s office with faceless dolls. 

And needless to say that cheering on a personally preferred sports team with a foam finger is now out of the question, indefinitely. How many uses did you intend on having to fulfill your heavily veiled masturbatory acts on stage to prove you are a woman and not a child? 

You have been in our living rooms, TV and movie screens for many years now. I have no idea what it could have possibly been like for you, being a nameless product of a giant company that brings up child stars and then spits them out when they are done with them. 

We, millions of Americans, and some of us being your fans, already understand your plight with your identity. Let me repeat that you are not the first one to have the stress of this problem. Not by a long shot, and you will not be the last. 

We all remember Britney when she went through her tragic meltdown. All in the pursuit of making a name for herself, attempting to step into the lights of adulthood and closing the chapter of her childhood. 

And you, no less, have similar stresses to deal with in order to make that happen. I don’t know if you recall or not, but we nearly lost Miss Spears to all of it. I would imagine that’s not the end result that you are or have been looking for.  

However, dry humping costumed Teddy bears, singing about illegal activities and substances at parties, and grinding Mr. Thicke isn’t the best way to go about making your transformation. 

The eyes of millions are still upon you. Now that you have reached the age of twenty, things are different in the world that you need to recognize. 

Chances are that you probably not going to completely strip away your past. You are who you are. And you will not be able to strip away the things that you say and do now, when you are thirty-five years old. The time to pay attention is NOW and in the PRESENT. 

There are just going to be many people who remember the child star that you had become right before our eyes, which propelled you to who and where you are today. 

And even those fans that have followed you through thick and thin through your teen years, there’s always going to be some younger sibling of those fans that will find you as a new and fresh approach in their lives. And they will toss you up there so high on that pedestal again that we’ll see nothing but the bottoms of your feet as you are forced to stand upon it. 

I read today, someone else who had posted their feelings and I quite agree that your life is far different from your faithful followers. If they were to do the things that you do, and act upon the things that you sing about, they will not be swept away by some fancy attorney who will come in and save the day. No! Instead they will be forced to face the music of their actions. Most of them either in jail, or with a criminal record that will plague them throughout their own personal adulthood, or the inevitable and difficult to think about option, death. Meanwhile, you are earning income off of their purchases that relate to you.

There’s no savior for those whom you call your fans. All the while, you have just about everything set up for you. And still you struggle with the inappropriate actions of trying to separate yourself as a twenty year old woman living in pop culture. 

Finding your identity as an adult is not a crime. Nope, it surely isn’t. But with adulthood comes more responsibility than you ever had to bear before in your entire life. And that responsibility comes with the choices that you personally make. And with those choices come the consequences that you and only you will have to answer to. 

Your poor choice of doing what you did at the VMA has brought all of this attention of the world down upon you. And quite honestly, it was well deserved from your performance. So in that, I say BRAVO!!!!

But I do have some concerns that I would like to bring up at this time. 

Your wardrobe, it was a living nightmare. There comes a time to take stock and re-consider when you backside bits are dangling out and posing similarities to a specific protein that is within the American diet. Particularly during one late autumn holiday that is late on the calendar. I could call into question whether there was a malfunction or that is what you had intended? Only you can answer this. 

Secondly, is there by chance, any particular need to see a dentist or an oral surgeon? 

Good job of veiling your action of masturbation on National television!

I am keeping my fingers crossed that the reason for it all, is NOT because you have some sort of or any combination of temporomandibular disorders. If that is the case, then you have my sympathies. As a person with a physical disability, I can some what relate to having to deal with pain and medical procedures.  

Yet your tongue had about, what I could count, four inches of residue. Nobody wants to see this. And I mean NOBODY!!! I’m not sure what you had to eat that day but whatever you consumed (whether legal or illegal) showed up quite plainly as you appear to rather enjoy having your tongue wag from between your teeth. For someone wanting to close the chapter on immaturity and childhood, a wagging tongue is not the way to go! 

So in conclusion, it is a real triumph to be the person that outshocks and outshines Lady Gaga. Not even Taylor Swift’s lip-readable “F” bomb came close to what you pulled off on stage. But then to think about it, is that something to be proud of? 

I just wonder about your poor parents. And I wondered if they even cared. I cannot even begin to imagine your plight, growing up as progeny of musical talent that was as hot as you are today just a few decades ago. I couldn’t even begin to dream to understand. 

I just know that I can draw another parallel with that as back in 1983 as a child, I did two television commercials that were ran statewide in the state of Arkansas. (You know the place!)

They were for raising funds to build a handicapped accessible swimming pool. And when I had finished recording those two commercials and weeks later when they began to appear on television, I had many teachers and professionals in my school asking me for an autograph. Of course they were being cute about it. 

My parents one day overheard me getting rude about it and assuming to charge them ten dollars for me to autograph a scrap piece of paper. My father came up to me and whipped the tar out of me for acting like I did, told me to apologize, and then sign the paper with grace, humility, and a little more self-pride. 

My autograph is worthless compared to yours, so I can’t even bring this up to point out how horrible your actions were, even though mine were horrible enough in their own right. 

In conclusion, I hope that by the consequences that you are currently suffering, that you will have a lesson to have learned throughout all of this. I will hope that next time, you will be wiser in deciding what to do in your career, and your personal life as well …. even though that is your business and not mine. 

But for now, the posts on Facebook will swell until the next big Hollywood SNAFU. And that will inevitably come as well. I just hope its not you, which will make it look like a continuation of this situation at the present. 

I will continue to post them because just like you with your fans, I mean something to the people who know me. And I wish for them to know and understand the horrible ends that are you are experiencing because of foolish choices and that those who know me and look up to me (for their own personal reasons, just as your fans look to you), that they may know what NOT to do in the future and use your experience as a lesson for their own lives and learn to make better choices and live better and healthier lives. 

Good luck, Miss Cyrus. And goodnight.