Archive for September, 2013

5yrs

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”~ Nelson Mandela

Five years. Seems like a lifetime ago already. A moment marked in life that is significant to nobody else in the entire world, but me.

The 30th of September in the year 2008, was the long yet almost simple journey to my personal freedoms from a relationship with a woman whom I had no longer feelings for, and had also feared for my own life. And with good reason.

After surviving in a place with no outlet, no freedoms of my own, no voice, no opinion, and existing as nothing but someone on the arm of a woman who happened to be a few years older than I, eight months of that mental prison and it came down to this day where I left without saying a word, without giving any sort of clue that I was leaving, nothing.

I just up and left.

After being ignored to my feelings, thoughts, and wishes of what was to be “OUR HOME” between my last girlfriend and I, The relationship and all of its connecting parts had breathed its last breath. From that point on, I knew that there was nothing in the world that I could say or do within my own powers to make her change her mind or even consider changing her mind on how she lived her life and/or behaved.

Two separate ships sailing away from each other in the same ocean. One sinking, the other one sailing in circles.

I had proven to my family, myself, and to anyone else in the world that CHANGE is still possible. You just have to want it bad enough to do something about it. And then actually DO it in order to get it.

I had actually cried over the telephone when speaking with my elder brother and the sounds of my tears and frustration and sorrow really struck a nerve with him. Within one month, a plan had been put together by my family to help me escape my dark and lonely existence in a place where I was thousands of miles from anyone who honestly and truly cared about who I was and how I felt.

Even to the point after confessing my sadness to my family where my girlfriend would once come home from work after having a seriously bad day, not wanting to cook and wanting to go out to eat so that we were fed. When it was explained to her that there was no money to go out, she began to unravel from within. As she began cooking preparations with kitchen utensils that belonged to my departed mother, she came after me when I told her one last time that we were NOT going out to eat for that evening, and she had to cook if she wanted to eat. Deflating her efforts to plunge that kitchen knife into my chest cavity and ending up with her sobbing and shouting her words of hatred towards me.

One week before (on the 23rd) the plan was explained to me. And I had to be able to keep things quiet and not let anyone on to anything for seven full days.

My elder brother coming up from the south all the way up into Rhode Island to basically grab me and send me out of the trap of a household, all while the girlfriend had made her daily route to her job. I left in the early morning hours of that day, dropped the key in the mailbox, said farewell to the two cats that she owned and never looked back as my brother and I cruised down the Interstate which lead us to the airport in Providence, Rhode Island.

I had made the decision to return to Texas with the lessons learned in my brain. My sister picking me up at the Austin airport and I lived with her family for six months before I returned back to the same apartment that I had lived in before… to this day, is being said is still a miracle that I would return back to the same unit. But here I am.

Leaving the girlfriend in a confused state of mind, when she realized I had left with no real explanation left behind. Only that I was leaving and that I was finished with the relationship. The lengthy, four paged written “Dear John” letter that was scribbled on a legal pad would be mailed to her from a neutral location so she was unable to track my whereabouts.

All because she swung a knife. (And the confusing tale on my family’s behalf of whether or not her family still had ties to the New England mafia. In which they honestly did not. She just had a relative that was born by the seed of the head of the mafia many moons ago, a great aunt who had been dead for a few years by that point in time. My family still were confused though for whatever reason.)

Starting over with very little of my own possessions and only a few important documents and momentos, beginning at the ground level all over again.

Its been a hard road as I have not recovered in that aspect. But in these five years I have matured, I have learned, and I have gained MORE than what I had BEFORE I entered into that ill-fated relationship. And yet to this day I find life to be more satisfying without the things that I had, compared to having that knife actually plunged into my thorax.

Yes… there are a lot of times where I stop and think about where I may have placed something, wondering why I cannot find it. Only to finally remember that it was not brought with me in the Great Exodus. And I must somehow deal without. I think that for the most part, I honestly cannot complain about material things too much. For the other things that I have gained in my life in the past five years is, as the saying goes, more precious than silver or gold. setfree

Its not where I thought I would see myself in the year 2013, but it is far better than the ultimate and other option of being six feet under.

I now have friends that surround me with love and TRUE care when I visit Houston. And I also have those who will in silence, support me in whatever I do, which is a great span from California to Canada to Florida and New York and over across to France, Norway, Germany, New Zealand, and Russia. And the one thing that lights up my day about them all is that had I stayed with the girlfriend, these relationships would have never blossomed into anything at all if she was still around. I would not be friends with ANY of those of whom I speak of here. Because that’s the kind of person that she was. SHE had to be the one and only #1 person.

I have been without a romantic relationship since in my personal life. And some how, some way, I continue to breathe every day. I sleep at night and rise in the morning, and nothing becomes frozen over. And yes, it does get lonely and often times I wished I had someone to share my day and my night with. But if that is to happen for me in my life, then it will come at the proper time.

But until then, I can be eternally grateful that I have a family who was loving me enough through the stupid mistakes that I made during that relationship, so much that they still helped me when I called for help. I can be eternally grateful for those that are “new” in my life, and have been so positive and promising for me. And those are the people that will never stray from my life.

People come and people go, but they are the ones that remain. 525356_454686747955875_1230830816_n

So here I am in 2013, a few years older. A few more grey hairs. Lots of time to think. And lots of time to learn how to truly live.

For those of you who ARE in my life (and you know who you are) I LOVE YOU. And I always will.

Five years since I started this new journey, and we’ve still yet to come to the end of the road.

 

 

 

 

 

dfw

“Rape, mutilation, abuse, and theft are the natural outcome of a world in which force rules, in which human beings are objects.”~ Chris Hedges

Recently, it has been in the news about how the sled hockey team located in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area had equipment stolen from them.

http://dfw.cbslocal.com/video/9359854-equipment-stolen-from-dfw-sled-hockey-team/

It becomes more and more surprising for me that there are more people in this world who are so low that they have to engage in criminal activities such as these.

And now all the extra equipment for the Dallas team is gone and they have to rebuild.

I decided personally as a member of a sledge hockey team, as well as being part of the Texas Sled Hockey League, that I would put this out there to everyone in the world to read about. Hopefully with your kindness that is within your heart, you will be able to help DFW Sled Hockey get back to where they used to be.

Send your donations to the address below:

SWAA
Attn: Sled Hockey Equipment
PO Box 1389
Hurst, TX76053

300.gorga.lc.051011

“I’m not going to take the bullet for everything.” — Penny Drossos

Real Housewives of New Jersey star, Melissa Gorga is under fire right now for a book she wrote that was just recently released.

I could not believe it when I heard about it. The messy details are right here and you can even get a sense of what is actually in the book:

http://jezebel.com/real-housewife-melissa-gorgas-new-book-advocates-mar-1371722729

That’s right!! MARITAL RAPE, and she stands by every little word.

Unbelievable.

And now I sit here and wonder how in the world these kinds of people are getting TV shows, music deals, and other financial endorsements. Its all just mind-boggling to me how some of the most heroic kinds of people are barely mentioned in the media, but we give so much to these kinds of moronic masses. Its the heroes of this country that should have the TV and endorsement deals, NOT these kinds of bozos!!!!

I’m going to take a guess, way out here in left field, and assume that Mrs. Gorga has never experienced a rape personally. And what she cares to lean towards in the bedroom that turns her on by her man, should actually stay in her bedroom.

I’ll take the guy who saved twenty kittens from a burning building over some blonde with fake boobs who can’t even spell “IQ” to be on television at any given time.

1233529_727066600653002_1589297057_n

“Rock and Roll, baby. Just Rock and Roll.”~ POC, “Rock and Roll Baby”

Last night would go down into the history books of me doing something that I don’t normally do. Although there are some in this world that have constantly been on my back to get me to actually do some things that I don’t normally do, so that the social life that I have, gets better.

I went, on my own, to a bar because POC from Mexico City was going to be playing in town.

If you remember back in March when I went to SXSW to go watch BEAUTIFUL DISTURBANCE play, I was then introduced to the band POC. They call themselves the POC Nation.

Back then, was my first taste of it. Last night became a second helping. All because I had planned it out and actually followed through to leave home and go somewhere else.

It was on the infamous Sixth Street. And I honestly had no idea what to expect. But what I did know is that I wanted to see POC play again, and hopefully be able to get a t-shirt from them or something because their merchandise table was gone before I knew it the last time.

I was so excited about going that I honestly left so early that I had a ton of time to kill when I got to the bar. img_11610805_primary

There I sat at the Gypsy Lounge. And right away I knew that there was going to be some accessibility issues, and I talked with the people there ahead of time to make sure that they knew that I was going to be there, and that they needed to accommodate for me being there. So no matter where I wanted to go, they needed to at least be sure that they helped me through.

So nice that they did just that!!

So there I sat, in the bar, looking oddly at two large TV screens that was playing a horror film that for the life of me, I could NOT remember the title. I had to ask. I knew it was a re-make, but couldn’t figure out what it was.

It was a DVD showing of THE HILLS HAVE EYES. Pretty gruesome in parts. But then again so was the original in its day.

I was flabbergasted that I was watching a horror film inside of a downtown bar. It just blew my mind. And there was so much time to pass before the music part of the night would even start.

I noticed that members of the POC band were already roaming around, but didn’t see the lead singer, POC herself around at all.

So then as it got near, I had to be escorted around the building and out to the back of the property. It was my first outdoor venue experience. And boy, was it humid. drff

The first band that played was DRIFTER. It was a cover band that plays only Iron Maiden songs.  I had watched towards the back for a while but eventually pushed my way forward by the end of their set.

It was unusual because the lead singer, I couldn’t figure out at all. The ambiguity was a thick cloud as I sat there all the way in the back. In leather pants and cut off jean jacket, emulating Bruce Dickinson, I was totally thrown when I heard “Hey, how ya doing??” spoken in a FEMALE voice.

So there they were. An Iron Maiden cover band with a female vocalist. Interesting. It was going to be an all female night.

In between sets, I had been communicating with POC’s mother. It was an interesting conversation as she had remembered me from last March at SXSW.

And then once I spoke in Spanish to the mother, it was all over. I don’t think that she spoke another word of English again, unless I had shown confusion to what she said.

And then, POC showed up. I wanted to scream. Because, yeah… I’m a dork like that. Dork Moment #1.

poc1

POC playing at Gypsy Lounge.

Her mother snagged POC over and then POC smiled big. And she too, said that she remembered seeing me from before. I flipped out. I didn’t think that she would remember who I was. Dork Moment #2.

So she sat and talked with me. She had changed her hair color and hair style a bit. She used to be blonde but now its more of an auburn color. It looks REALLY red in certain lighting situations.

I didn’t mind getting up close to the stage but I did keep my distance. Eventually the band begged the crowds to come up closer to the stage because they couldn’t SEE them. And I was obviously the first person to run like hell to get to the stage. Dork Moment #3.

Centered and to the right, I sat there getting my face blown off with volumes of amplifiers…… losing my hearing. And loving each and every minute of it. Dork Moment #4.

I did notice that when POC would look at me and smile, she would shoot the “I Love You” sign, and then made another gesture to which I believed was her blowing a kiss. It was pretty damn awesome to have her on stage like that and acknowledge that I was there and for her to be doing that. I got all thrilled about it. Dork Moment #5.

And then, a character came out of nowhere that I named “Mr. Green Shirt.”

Mr. Green Shirt, I do not know who he was and I do not know anything about him. But he came to the stage and reached out for POC and she reached down at him. He grabbed her hand and did the chivalrous kiss on the hand. Until the guitar player got on the microphone and bellowed out, “AWWWWWWWWWWWW.”

I don’t know where Mr. Green Shirt came from. All I know is that he was wasted and probably thought that he was earning himself some points. Meanwhile, I didn’t worry about points. I concerned myself with the music and the awesome nature that is POC’s voice & vocal ability.

I think though that the only disappointment that I had through the whole set was that I was so close to the stage that I could see the set list laying at their feet, it was close enough to where I could read it. OOPS!! 130927_001

After the set, I got to hang out with the band. Having drinks, meddling in conversation, and just letting the night melt away without a care in the world.

I then received their five song CD, the mother went on a hunt to find the t-shirts. Both of which the mother simply let me have because I have been so supportive of her daughter.

I asked her if I could give her a hug and she accepted. Dork Moment #6.

POC then bought me a drink and then she vanished for a while. The band members were there.

Meanwhile, the TV sets on the outside were playing “EYES WIDE SHUT” which was a film that was really weird. Just a bunch of nudity and sex from what I saw, including the naked body of Nicole Kidman.

What the hell is wrong with this film??? I mean it got to me and under my skin.

I would then get pics with POC and believe you me, I acted like a complete idiot. Dork Moments #7 & 8.

Regardless of all that, I knew that the hour was getting late and I was going to have to call a taxi to get a ride home, being that I couldn’t make any of the city buses that were still running at that hour. I mean, I would have had to have gone a long, long, long ways before I got to a late night bus stop. And being that late at night… I wasn’t going to chance it.

So I said my farewells to POC and the band. And I begged her to come back and play soon. I mean I BEGGED her. Dork Moment #9. I mean how goofy could I have acted and behaved? And honestly…. how much damage did I actually do while being that way? Hopefully nothing that left a mark.

I went outside and I called for a taxi. But then I got the worst operator on the planet who didn’t really seem to want to do her job. I just needed a taxi. I’m pretty easy to spot, after all. But I got flack about how Sixth Street was closed. In which it wasn’t. I was watching taxis speed by left and right.

So eventually, I sat there like an idiot trying to hail a cab and I had no idea what I was doing. The cab company that I had called said that they were sending someone. But I had to watch out that it might be stolen by another customer.

There was a waitress that actually saw what I was doing, and she helped flag down this taxi driver from a DIFFERENT company. She was waving and running around as if the place was on fire and she needed to get his attention. Pretty funny but I got in.

The fare wasn’t bad at all. And so I came home. I was beyond Cloud Nine. Too excited from the night. And there was no way that I was going to go to bed.

A few minutes after being home, my cell phone rang to tell me that my cab was waiting for me outside. Ummmm… nope. I’m already home, you morons.

Now I sit here and hope and pray that POC will be returning again real soon. And if so, I’m going to do whatever I can to get to go. I know that POC added me on Facebook, so we’ll see. But it was a pretty awesome night.

gotohell

That pretty much says it all right there. I first saw it when I visited The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas and pretty much have kept up with a collection of anything that had that quote by Davy Crockett printed on it. Starting out with a t-shirt.

The unfortunate thing is that Davy Crockett would be one of the many who were slaughtered at The Alamo on the 6th of March, in 1836. Along with other prominent characters of Texas, as well as United States history. Characters that would be noted for building the state of Texas as we know it today.

But here I was, only just yesterday, Taking in a lot of state history and overloading my brain with everything.

We had taken a field trip to the Texas State Capitol and I had never been to it before, so I didn’t really know what to expect.

I was given the wrong impression that we were embarking on this historical journey on the anniversary of the Battle of Gonzales, which is also important to the story of the state of Texas.  flag

Evidently, I was a few days too early as the “COME AND TAKE IT” incident didn’t actually happen until October.

Nonetheless, the four of us were dropped off and were looking for the handicapped accessible entrance to this great state monument. And wouldn’t you know it, it was all the way in the back what is considered the South Entrance.

We looked around on our own for a bit, before finding the North Entrance that was actually more interesting than any of the other entrances.

Stephen_F._Austin_at_the_Texas_State_Capitol

Statue of Stephen F. Austin at the Texas State Capitol

It was where we found that there were in fact, Capitol tours. And a few wanted to join one. But because we were going to be picked up in just 90 minutes, we had to make sure that we had enough time. But the tour guide said about 30 minutes. And so we jumped on board.

The one thing about state capitols is that the artwork and all that is kept within its walls is so mind-blowing and spectacular. I mean, there were paintings of the “Founding Fathers of Texas” that were on the wall bigger than my home. And definitely larger than ANY vehicle out on the road today. It was incredible.

Statues and artwork were everywhere. Including a large collection of every single past governor of the state of Texas were along the walls and the collection apparently goes up each and every floor to the top of the rotunda with the most current governors on the ground floor.

When Governor Perry leaves office, his portrait will go on the walls of the Capitol. And it was mentioned that there are only space for seven more portraits and they do not know what they are going to do after that.

On the ground floor is the image of the five circles of Texas, which gives tribute to all of the different nations who had ruled over the land. The French, the Spanish, even being its own nation for a short time. I thought that was really cool too.  texas_capital8

From the middle is a star and to the top of the Capitol dome is another star which is apparently eight feet in diameter. And from start to star from the floor to the top of the dome is 223 feet.

Way too cool. It was hilarious to watch these people stand on the center star on the ground floor and attempt to look straight up inside the dome and nearly fall and bust their asses.

This was the fourth state capitol that I have visited in my entire life time. And it was just more and more and more impressive.

Texas Capitol Dome Inside

At least for me it was.

Our tour guide, the longer we were with her, well… she was turning into something really cute. And that was almost going to turn into a problem.

But we continued on, I said nothing to her personally. And we checked out the legislative rooms where everyone does their government work. Both the House and the Senate.

The Texas State Capitol however has some really cool stuff in it. And I wondered if that was the case for every state capitol in the nation. The unfortunate thing is that its been so long since the last capitol that I visited that I don’t really remember what was inside.

Probably the one thing that blew my mind was the life of Sam Houston. Yet another founding father of the state. His political career is curiously interesting.

Sam Houston is the only person ever to be governor of two states. He was governor of Texas in 1859 through 1861. He had been a U.S. Senator from the state of Texas in 1846 through 1859. Samuel_houston

But here’s some thing that I never knew about Sam Houston: He was named the first and third President of the Republic of Texas, once from 1836 through 1838 and then again, in 1841 through 1844.

In 1827, he was governor of Tennessee. So that makes him the only person to be governor of two states of the union.

Sam Houston is buried in Huntsville, Texas.

I probably could have spent all day there. But we got separated from the tour group, because we didn’t understand the instructions on where to meet. We found ourselves asking the Texas State troopers where the Gift Shop was.

When we were led into the right direction……. HELL BROKE LOOSE.

We met up with our “turning cute” tour guide and realized that it was basically the end of the tour, so we instead just went on our own way into the Gift Shop.

Somewhere in the world…… it turned dark. Nearly pitch black as $61 dollars was burned up and gone from my pocket. Can anyone say OUCH?!?!?!?!?

The one t-shirt alone was $19.

Souvenirs are just not cheap any more and I think I may have stumbled on to an expensive hobby.  texas-state-cac

The Texas State Capitol though has got some really odd statues on the lawn and property. Some of which were dedicated to the CONFEDERATE state of Texas during the Civil War. I never thought I would see something like that. But there it was.

After that, I returned home. But my day was not over. Not by a very long shot at all.

I had plans to go out to Sixth Street to watch a show. I had been looking forward to it for a very long time. And simply because of that, I had some serious dork moments last night. But that’s for the next blog post.

Let’s just say that I hope and pray that I’ve made a new friend.

 

 

LeAnn-Rimes

“I’m living life as best I can – but I’m not exempt from failure and making bad choices.”~ LeAnn Rimes

YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME?!?!?!??!!?!??!??

So apparently whatever-genre-singing-star-she-is-now LeAnn Rimes went on a feudal tidal wave on Twitter over the weekend.

She’s apparently had enough, and now wants “her truth” to be known. That’s right, HER truth. Not the truth of anybody else.

What the heck is that supposed to mean?!?!??

I have no earthly clue. But its HER truth.

And wouldn’t you know it, a few of her Twitter followers attempted to help her in her posting fury.

Some even made neutral comments, but LeAnn Rimes just would not let it go. Because its HER truth.

Ladies and gentlemen, subscribers, blog readers, and visitors…… THIS IS A TEXTBOOK EXAMPLE OF THE DEFINITION A ROLLER POSTER!!!!!!!!

Instead of realizing that what she was doing was only hurting herself, she continued on in the same behavior to garnish attention to whatever it was that was bugging her. She wants attention to HER truth.

I understand that Rimes has a ton of problems and issues, but get off the cross, we need the wood. There are people in this world who have far worse problems than LeAnn Rimes. Since I made the choice to NOT follow her any more, I have no idea what’s going on with her and her issues. And secondly, I do not care. ringo-yeah-you-idiot

In a world where people who are in the limelight are always screaming bloody murder about their privacy being invaded and what not, LeAnn Rimes takes her situation and pulls it inside. Instead of telling people to leave her alone and allow her to handle her problems…… she GOES to people with them!!

LeAnn Rimes is losing it more and more each and every time that I hear about her. The news NEVER gets any better for her. And that’s partly due to the fault of the media. The other part is LeAnn HERSELF!!!!

Damage Control is nothing but a dream by now. Unless she hands over her Twitter account to some publicist or something. Nobody is honestly interested in HER truth. Not when she lies to herself.

Poor LeAnn Rimes and her antics.

http://www.fishwrapper.com/post/2013/09/22/leann-rimes-twitter-tweets-brandi-glanville-feud-dumb/

tumblr_m6f451lVKO1r1n2emo1_500

“Global Warming: It is a hoax. It is bad science. It is high-jacking public policy. It is the greatest scam in history.”~ John Coleman

http://roflzone.com/you-dumb-bltch/

So here’s this young single mother. She’s unable to care for her own child. Between school, work, her life, there’s just no room for her child. And she gets on to Facebook and cries to the world of morons who will listen to her that she’s having to give up her child and surrender him to foster care.

Why?? Because she’s a dumb bitch and thinks she can’t take care of him any more.

You know…. the more and more that I hear about these kind of stories, the less and less that I believe in and trust in humanity as a whole.

The only part about this story that is its saving grace is that IT IS A HOAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, Teresaa Perez is NOT giving up her child to foster care.

Personally once I found out that this was all a hoax, a few things had to happen.

#1- I had to remove the link from my own Facebook page. #2- I had left a comment to the person where I got the link from, and told THEM that it was a HOAX. #3-  Roll my eyes because this person is the SAME person that just constantly puts up anything on their Facebook page without regards to researching to see if whether or not it is true.

Here on Dambreaker, I do my best to research something before I post it. And yet since I am human, I do make a few mistakes here and there. But there’s that quality of personality which drives me through the roof when a person makes a simple mistake like this, but then continues to do so with reckless disregard of what’s going on.

I’ve lost a few people on Facebook because of it. And I suppose that this is no exception that I will lose this one as well.

It does not make any sense to me for anyone NOT to look these things up for themselves and then make their own decisions on what is best. I just don’t get it.

As for this single mother, I no longer know whether she even exits or if that’s her real name or whatever.

But its fooling everyone…. including me!

Good one, Facebook. Good one.