P.S.A. #3 – It’s My Life

“It is my own firm belief that the strength of the soul grows in proportion as you subdue the flesh.”~Mahatma Gandhi

It has come to my attention that I need to break the news to a few of you about who I am.

Countless times in the past year I have heard someone utter the words “Oh, I didn’t know you _____________!!” No matter what it was, from where I’ve been to where I am going and what I have done and what I am doing.

I understand that people who are in my daily life right now are not going to know every single thing about me and my life. It would be an impossible task to get everyone “up to speed” with everything that I have done that was note-worthy or of interest.

 Parts of this blog actually contain such moments or events, but not every single moment in time and in life that would be fascinating for the world to know is known in this blog. Nor will it ever be because even some of the most spectacular moments in life are best kept in secrecy. (Like how I’ve obtained personal contact information of certain musicians and celebrities.)

I suppose that I often think of certain things that I’ve had the life experience with, isn’t all that cool, that someone is going to want to be all ears.

The other day, I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings and I started singing aloud. People started to gather to listen. Then I was told “I didn’t know you sang.”

I responded (that time) with kindness, explaining that I have been singing for all of my life and even had been a participant in some musical projects, including my own band in the 1990’s. And then I heard “I didn’t know you were in a band!”

“I didn’t know you did that!” ….. “I didn’t know you knew those people.”

Really?? Why is it so hard for people to think that it just might be possible that I CAN sing, or have been in a band, or have played a musical instrument, or rubbed elbows with “celebrities” or whatever the case may be???

And I am not about to go into who I’ve met and who I know, because some of you are going to come flying at me with your messages and your e-mails. So I am putting a stop to that before it even begins. Shame on you to begin with.

I could be very wrong in this, but it has begun to feel like discrimination. Just because I’m in a wheelchair- all of a sudden, I cannot do any of these things?????? WHY????????????

You pretty much freaked out when I told you that I played sledge hockey. But you researched it, or allowed me to tell you about it. And got used to the idea. But these other things are just beyond the line of your comprehension… and so I ask, why is that?!?!?!?????

You certainly don’t see me questioning you when I hear that you have done this or that and it was a personal milestone for you. Why can’t I have them as well in my own way and terms?

It is MY life!!!!

I can do anything that I want. And so can you!!!!!

The saga continues. People suck.

Lady Killer #1

“A human being is a being who is constantly ‘under construction,’ but also, in a parallel fashion, always in a state of constant destruction.”~ Jose Saramago

I’m not one who gets sucked into the world of fashion. I have deaf ears towards those who tell me what I should and should not be wearing season by season, year after year.

In fact, I get on the nearest soap box when I am shopping for clothes and I find something that I like, and the price tag is well over $20.

And boy do I get LOUD.

But this purchase of many years ago landed me a nice comfortable button up blue shirt that I had actually found in a Chinese shop in a shopping mall. Complete with gold stitching of Chinese dragons.

Under $20 (even from a shopping mall) and there was another one that was red in color. I wanted both but could not afford them both. So I bought the blue and made plans to go back and by the red at a later date.

Unfortunately it was more than a year before I would return to that same shopping mall. And that Chinese shop was gone and replaced with a GNC store.

I never got the red. But I had the blue. And I have been wearing it only during special events or important dates or whatever. Now I wear it whenever I go out to a show whether its local or out of town.

Over the years, it has had its ups and downs. It’s been mended and sown back together again in the shoulder area. Thanks to the mother of the woman that you do not see here in the photograph, who is wearing the blue leopard print style dress.

However during the first “date” that I wore the shirt on, I noticed that the woman would not keep her hands to herself. She kept rubbing all over wherever there was this soft silky-feeling material.

I observed her hands and her eyes throughout the rest of the night. She just found something about it to be irresistible.

I wore it again at another official function and people were coming up to me, placing their hands around my shoulders and up and down my back, softly drawing their fingertips up and down my spine.

Nobody else was doing this but females. When I button up this shirt and I head outside…. apparently I am unstoppable and irresistible.

Feel my Chinese silky wrath!!! Oh wait… you already do.

Never mind.

I have about a half a dozen nice looking shirts where this has happened when I was wearing them. But none so much as the blue shirt. I finally had to name it: Lady Killer #1. And it went up to #3 but 2 and 3 were destroyed or discarded by the foolish and careless.

When women see me in it, they can’t help themselves but to touch it. Some announce that they are about to, others just get a free feel.

When I was out the other night, I promised I was going to write about this….. but this past Tuesday, I was sitting outside on the sidewalk getting fresh air and some random drunk woman just totally attacked me from behind. She grabbed as much of the shirt that she could in her palm and began to pull.

With the PTSD that I get to deal with…. it wasn’t the best of ideas for her to have. But she suddenly and mysteriously let go as she had grabbed it in the first place. As I pulled away from whomever was attacking me, this woman rolled her face and chest all over my back. Her hands all over my arms, neck, shoulders, and chest……. IN public!!!

I was in very close range of her face to find her eyes totally red and bloodshot. Her breath smelling like the lethal mixture of high grade alcohol and tobacco.

Vyper Lily stepped up to remove the woman from her attachment to my body however her male counterpart actually had her by one of her hands and pulled her back in line to continue on their journey. I heard her shout at me as she walked off “Oh my God!! I fucking love that shirt!! I WANT IT!!” to which the answer by her male companion was “Shut up and keep walking.”

Over the years, women have been discreet or secretive about putting their hands on me, or rather the shirt instead of just asking me about it. There have been times when women have asked if it was okay to touch it. And then we had this drunken sow.

So its been all over the place. Touched by countless women, married, single, divorced, or otherwise. And it doesn’t discriminate either. All kinds and manners of females have felt the shirt. If there was a way to charge people to do it, I would do it. But you just cannot stop someone from wanting to come up and start feeling around. Especially like the drunk who came from behind.

I guess that I should be feeling lucky that nobody has gone “Beatlemania” on my butt and torn the thing right off my body.

It still reigns supreme. Nobody can resist it.

 

22 April 2014: Dambreaker Versus The Hell Katz at Headhunter’s

“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”~ Friedrich Nietzsche  

What did I get myself into? What rabbit hole have I fallen into?

Its the 2014 version of the go-go dance troupe here locally at one rather small venue.

I introduce to you The Hell Katz.

Every Tuesday they have their rendition of Ta Ta Tuesdays. I just happened to come in during the Easter Edition. I was promised sexy bunnies.

What I ended up with, was a mild orgy of flesh and tattoos and wild hair…. with the periodic plastic bunny ears.

It was something I had no experience with and so calling it a learning experience is beneath the definition by a long rimmed shot.

But it was also something that had been to my attention for at least a month now, ever since meeting the one they call “Vyper Lily” at the 2014 SXSW Festival at a different venue, doing a different job.

Vyper Lily

Ironically, she and I found one another on social networking sites and we have become somewhat of strange friends.

It is what it is though.

And so I’ve known about this dance troupe for a while, I just couldn’t get out for one reason or another to decide for myself what it was all about.

Last night, those discoveries would be unearthed.

I didn’t know what to really expect, other than these girls were going to be dancing throughout the night and most of them dancing while on top of the bar.

This ain’t your Coyote Ugly!

I thought that it was going to be a very bad night as I couldn’t find the place to begin with. Apparently Headhunter’s don’t have the smarts to put a sign out front to show their location. They are running under the disguise of “Metal and Lace” still, and I don’t know why.

I went by that place at least five times before I realized that I was needing to go inside of it.

I finally established where the venue was and found it to be pretty empty. The first band was still kind of hanging out and warming up, not quite set up on stage to go for it. Just laid back and relaxed.

I had a few conversations with the barmaid who seemed to be pretty nice. But her evil side came out when it came to leftover Easter eggs. More on that later.

I realize that I was really early, and I needed to just calm myself and relax a little before any of these Ta Ta Tuesday dancers showed up. Especially Vyper Lily.

I think that I definitely should have known something was up when I looked and saw that this film was being played called “Watership Down.”

Why are the rabbits being bloody and violent??

I don’t think that I’ve ever heard of it. I know that I’ve not seen the animated film. But geez, whoa, whiskey tango foxtrot, over?????

When you have scenes like these, you realize that you are not in your safe little bubble of animated features that you grew up to know.

I heard someone there excuse it because it was British. But that didn’t cut the fat with me.

I complimented the barmaid about her hair, and she turned such a deep shade of red that you thought she was going to turn into a tomato. Needless to say, she avoided me much of the rest of the night. And it was  still way too early. Bands hadn’t even started yet.

As the first band played, I wasn’t sure what I got myself into. It definitely was not the kind of music that I would choose to listen to. And now I was to understand that Vyper Lily wasn’t coming until later in the evening.

So much for in and out and back.

As more of The Hell Katz began to come in and then I saw Vyper Lily, I knew that I was in for the long haul. It wasn’t all that bad.

Let me tell you what it was NOT: There was no nudity. No stripping. No topless activity… no matter how hard one of the bands on the stage tried to see some titties.

That isn’t what The Hell Katz are about.

Although they shake what their mama gave them….. that’s all part of the job. Bring in more customers, earn more tips. Rinse, wash, repeat.

After awhile of watching these girls do their thing, and realizing that people were getting drunk and were not watching what they were doing… I stepped outside to get some air.

Vyper Lily was out there, and I took advantage to take some photographs with her. There was another dancer that I took photographs with. She had been talking to me like we were the bestest of buddies in the whole wide world.

And that’s cool. Suddenly, she makes the request that I find her on Facebook. And that was a first.

I asked for a photograph and she agreed. We found someone to operate the camera and then she slithered onto my lap like she freaking owned it and gave a pose like she couldn’t give a damn. Gotta love it!!! Thank you, Vyrus McDisco. (Where do these stage names come from?)

After the flash went off, I barely had time to thank her as she jumped off and went back inside. 

Then shortly after that, I took even more photographs with Vyper Lily. And then I was assaulted by some random woman walking by. If I have the time, I’ll write about that in my blog separately. All I have to say is, she could not resist to put her hands on me. Even while she was being dragged away by her significant other by the hand.

The music never got better but the dancing by The Hell Katz was in rare top form I think.

It’s hard to shove cash in someone’s stocking when there’s the ever present danger of being kicked by a dancer’s boot who is doing her job on top of the bar.

Sometimes I hate being at this altitude.

I wonder what these girls can make in one night? The crowd seemed to be pretty small so maybe not a whole lot. But just enough?? I don’t know. I’m not going to ask either. That’s their personal business. But I am curious.

Probably the one thing that I will remember most about the night is how Vyrus McDisco manhandled some drunk trying to get in for free, claiming he was late for work at the bar.

Surprise is on YOU, jackass!! The Hell Katz have been dancing there every Tuesday night for a long, long time. They are going to know who does and who does not work. But she grabbed him by the shirt and kicked his ass out into the street.

Awesome, awesome display of female power!! I for one, will not be messing with Vyrus McDisco…….. ever.

So at the end of the night, Vyper Lily gave me probably one of the sweetest hugs I’ve received since the invention of fire. And I had no idea how I was going to get home. But I said my farewells, I introduced myself to the barmaid finally and she was talking to me at last. 

She walked behind me with her confetti eggs and I moved away. She said that she was using me for cover. And I think now that was probably just some trick to get me to sit still. She then attacked someone with a confetti egg and I began to move away. But she came up from behind me and smacked me like Little Bunny Foo-Foo over the head with one of those confetti eggs. I had been hit three individual times by those stupid things throughout the entire night.

Anyone have any ideas on how to get her back unexpectedly in the near future?

So I made some new friends. Took a lot of photographs. And then found that my luck was still running on GOOD when a taxi cab turned down the block and just parked- waiting for a customer.

I was trying to get the driver to understand that he was too far away from the curb and a drunk couple tried to intervene. The guy said that he was going to through my ass into the cab so hard that I would stick. And I was NOT okay with that.

I watched his every move.

When we finally got the vehicle close enough, I climbed into the taxi cab and the drunk guy was attempting to hail a taxi for him and his +1 AND help with my situation at the same time. It wasn’t working well. Why he didn’t let his woman go get the taxi is beyond me?

But he threw NOTHING. I made sure of that.

I came home knowing that I made some new friends. I finally figured out my camera that I got as a gift. And I posted photos on Facebook.

Geez, when I woke up this morning…. my Facebook had gone down the toilet with people looking at my photographs of me hanging on to the dancers and the dancers all over me. That was the POINT!! I’ve received mixed reviews about my night out based on those photographs.

Dear readers, understand this: I was NOT there to try and take one of them home with me last night. Most (if not ALL) of the dancers have boyfriends or significant others. So it would be fruitless. I was just out to let my hair down and be happy for once.

But I got out for a night, it did some good too. I am thankful to Vyper Lily and her constant badgering of Ta Ta Tuesdays.

I might not make it out for a while though.

The cab fare was $19.00 and I gave the driver a $20 bill. The look on his face was if he wanted to kill me. He drove all that way, for a dollar tip. Sadly, I didn’t have anything else to give him. So I paid him, bid him farewell, and got the hell inside of my home before he decided to pull a stunt.

It was fun though. Now that I have some kind of learning experience as to what to think or expect. I hope I get the chance to return.

Twerking Like Its 1893: In South Korea

“I got obsessed with classical music; I got obsessed with Chopin, with playing the piano.”~ Gary Oldman

Classical musical composer Antonín Dvořák, has got to be spinning in his grave in better fashion than Miley Cyrus at the MTV Music Awards.

Yep. This one is incredible, ladies and gentlemen!!

Classical Twerking 

The Belgium B-Classic Music Festival produced the video to composer Antonín Leopold Dvorák’s ‘Symphony No. 9,’ published in 1893. The festival aims to expose modern audiences to classical music.

By sending in attractive women from South Korea to record a music video of them dancing and twerking to classical music.

It is the most incredible thing that I have seen so far this year! 

And its horrible to admit that I’m not even focused on the classical music when I watch this music video.

Just when you thought it was safe to return to YouTube and casually watch videos again. Even your run of the mill videos of women you think are attractive…. this comes up as some marketing ploy to get people to dig classical music again.  

Like I said, it doesn’t work. Not with me at least.

The only thing that really came to mind were the following things:

#1- These girls ought to be lucky that it was done in SOUTH Korea and not NORTH Korea. Otherwise, they’d be in jail or executed.

#2- Are these girls that serious? 

#3- Where could I find them?

I did not have to look far at all.

This is an actual dance group in South Korea. A professional dance team.

They are called “Waveya.”

I don’t know that much about them, other than that’s the name of the group of girls that did this music video for classical music. And they’ve been around for a little while.

Honestly, I don’t know what to say… twerking in 1893 seems a bit ridiculous. But it was all to get the public’s attention back to enjoying and appreciating classical music again.

Who’s next? Mozart?? Beethoven??

In fact, I DARE them to do all 55 minutes of Mozart’s Requiem… how about that????

Perish the thought!!! Mine eyes hath already behold enough of this Asian booty  buffet as it is.

 

 

Life Moves With Or Without You

Tonight I am reminded by the film quote from “Shawshank Redemption” where Morgan Freeman’s character says “Get busy living or get busy dying.”

I know that the quote from Dr. Froth is far better, but I don’t remember where it was placed or what exactly he said word for word.

Nonetheless today on this quiet Good Friday evening, history was doomed to repeat itself to drive home the fact to me that life moves on whether I want it to or not.

People are getting married. People are getting divorced. People are even dying and leaving this life on Earth. And it has been feeling like I’ve been watching all of it happen through a window while munching on snacks, sitting back lazily as everything just keeps going!!!

Often I have been finding myself at a loss because the people that I watch grow up, and live on, are doing so without me. Or in the very least, with minimal influence or contact.

That’s not the best pill in the world to swallow. 

Guitarist for the band BEAUTIFUL DISTURBANCE, Auggie Del Ray, almost daily gives everyone a reminder about how we should take life by the neck and hang on until it comes down into submission and we can control our destinies again. He also has wonderful insight on other facets of life that causes me to want to pay attention as well. I’m begging and pleading for him to come out with his own personal blog.

But we’ve had control all along I think. Yet what have we been doing with that control? Are we taking our lives and doing what we want to do with it OR are we allowing others the control and watching our lives spin round and round and round without knowing where to get off the amusement ride of life??

My doomed attitude of life got a swift kick in the pants tonight. Especially after seeing certain people from life either becoming the tops of their perspective fields or watching them dust off and jump back on and rise to the top again.

I don’t have to live a life that I am not happy with. I can change my life to true happiness because life will go on with or without me and one day, I will spend my last day on this Earth. And what will I have to say about it or to show for it before the presence of others? 

If you are not happy with life, remember you are not a tree. You CAN move in any other direction that you want. And you can return to the path of happiness, wherever it may take you.

Be in charge in your life. Be in control of your destiny. If you do not like where it is going, then change course. And do not fear the change that comes with it. For you never know what rewards await you on the other side.

Understand though that life will not wait while you decide. If you wait for too long, it may be too late.

Don’t be tardy to the party, that is your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Idiot Award For April 2014

“I have no words.” ~ Dambreaker

After almost one full year since the bombing at the Boston Marathon, the brilliance of one idiot has come out in full bloom.

Kayvon Edson be thy name.

He was found near the finish line of this year’s Boston Marathon, shouting and parading around. He had two backpacks and then he simply left them (or at least one) behind.

One of the bags was being carried by a barefoot man who was wearing a long black veil and screaming “Boston Strong.”

What kind of idiot is this?

Turns out he’s a 25 year old “performance artist” from the Massachusetts College Of Art and Design.

Is it just me (and it probably is) or what the hell is it with 25 year old people going on right now???

The hoax literally scared some people to death and the police took action on taking care of the backpack. Only for it to have a rice cooker inside full of confetti.

Again, I say… idiot.  

This is NOT art. This is NOT a funny “ha ha” joke. This is NOT amusing. People died last year and many, many others were severely injured. And you wanna stroll around Boston calling this art?

This isn’t art. It’s illegal. What it truly is, is a FELONY!!

And now that Edson is now in the custody of Boston Police, I hope they let him have it while they can.

This isn’t funny at all. A ceremony had just finished taking place to remember those lost and/or hurt from last year’s tragedy. And this buzzed-out boner of a brain comes prancing around without shoes and pulls this prank.

The 2014 Boston Marathon will take place on the 21st of April with thousands of people participating in hopes to march (or run) forward leaving this adversity to Boston behind them. And strive for a new and brighter future.

And I will add, although it goes without saying, they will do this WITHOUT having to deal with people like Edson. Good riddance and please throw the book at him!!!!

Jack Robinson

Jack Robinson, four years old. Diagnosed with cancer that was inoperable. And given about a five percent chance to survive and live.

His parents however put together a sort of “Bucket List” for their ill child, and pretty much ALL of Jack’s wishes came true. Including the biggest wish ever a small boy could ever dream of having.

A Star Wars funeral.

Jack did not survive the cancer and passed away. But his family kept their word and gave him a Star Wars themed funeral that was fit for any member of the Jedi Council.

This funeral even surpassed the funeral held for Darth Vader!

I am very sad to hear how young he was to have been diagnosed with such a disease.

Those who have been with me since the beginning know that cancer has been the thief that has taken many of my family members and friends, which include my own mother when I was a child.

However I am exhilarated to see that this family came together for Jack and gave him the tremendous memorial that he requested.

 

http://sourcefed.com/family-organizes-star-wars-funeral-for-terminally-ill-son/

Taking And Losing Control With Fear Control: 11 April 2014- Dirty Dog Bar

“Last chance to take a stand
Finally lets kill this man
Loss of fear now takes control
Lost my chance to save my soul
Now there’s no turning back
Now’s the time we must attack
The end of your reign has come
Swift vengeance now be done” ~ ‘Off With His Head’ by Fear Control

I sadly missed the Texas Independence Fest today  with CASKET OF CASSANDRA playing along side other bands with big name recording labels such as Behemoth and Goatwhore.

But I went to the pre-party the night before. Again to the Dirty Dog. I realized that I had not been out in a few weeks so the bus ride was a little wonky even though it seemed like I got there in no time.

One of the bartenders actually took the time to introduce himself because he said that he had been seeing me a lot and wanted to say hello. He kept my hands filled with Coke whenever he saw that I was done drinking one.

It felt good to get out of the house. Especially since it was the beginning of the weekend and I started to hear chatter about other people’s plans of showing up at the venue.

Some actually showed up. Others did not. But I was definitely there for Fear Control as I have been in close communication with guitarist Frankie Rodriguez and lead singer and guitarist Kash Sakaria. They KNOW that I am pretty much obsessed with their song “Off With His Head” and proud of it.

I was very much happy to see most of the members of CASKET OF CASSANDRA there at the Dirty Dog. They had one missing due to work. But they were also busy with getting ready for the Texas Independence Fest. So they stayed for a while before taking off.

Meanwhile, I kind of was splitting my time between CASKET OF CASSANDRA and Fear Control’s guitarist.

After a while the show got started and soon enough things were going up and up. Like I have been saying every time I write one of these show reviews for my blog, whenever I am sticking around long enough to hear OTHER bands… I end up getting swept up into some other band.  And that show was no exception to the rule.

Trauma Concept

I couldn’t understand a lot but what I could hear, between listening to music and being involved in conversation I got swept up in two different bands by the time the night was over.

First band was Trauma Concept. I don’t know what it was, there was just something about them that caught my attention and then I ended up being stuck either in front of the stage or off to the side of the stage and just listening and watching.

I went to their merchandise table and gobbled up everything that they had to offer.

I did the same thing for Nekrist who played later in the evening.

But I was for sure about Trauma Concept.

After that there was one band on the bill that kind of made me A LOT nervous.

Whore Of Bethlehem

Whore Of Bethlehem.

I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what they were up to. I had no idea what their gimmick was. All I know is that their band logo was on the bass drum on the drum kit.

The thrashing death screaming vocals that came out of this guy was amazing. I had never experienced anything like that in my life. And the band was probably singing a song about slaughtering angels or someone innocent or puppies or something.

So after that I took a look at their business that they had to offer.

I didn’t know that the woman that was standing by the table was the girlfriend of the lead singer. And since I didn’t know her name at the time (and cannot remember it now even though she told me) I referred to her as “Satan’s girlfriend.”

Death/Black metal….. even they get the ladies. But had I known that’s who she was… I would have left it alone. I took a photograph with two members of Whore Of Bethlehem, and then turned around and took one with the woman who literally said “Let me get my boyfriend to take the picture.”

I knew then to stay clear, but I didn’t realize it would be the guy screaming his heart and soul and lungs out on stage minutes before.

Scary situation!!! But I survived.

The band is local. So that means these people and this woman are local. And I live in a city of over a million people and that means I’ll probably never cross paths with them again, at least not on the street. Maybe at some other venue or show though… that would be possible.

Kash Sakaria

I did however think that it was really cool that Frankie allowed me to hold his guitar and pick a little at it. Then he took a photograph with my camera. I’m happy he allowed that. I begged Kash not that long ago to do the same thing with his guitar but …. no such luck so far.

KASH!! BROTHER!! Please!! Just one photograph with the guitar!! Lemme know….

And then came the problem of the night: ALCOHOL.

What I mean by that is FREE alcohol.

I’ve always thought that fans were responsible for giving bands their buzz. I never thought that bands would souse their fans.

I cannot count how many people had bought me so many cocktails and beers. And you know what they say about mixing them or drinking them in the wrong order. Ughhh!!!!

From all of that happening and the free Coke that I was getting myself, it made for a long, long, long, long night when I returned home and an excruciating morning afterwards. And again, not a single penny was coming out of my wallet for these beverages. I got to the point where I didn’t even know where they were coming from. Just that I would look up and there were more beers, more cocktails sitting there in front of me. 

Fear Control hit the stage and they started to tune up, set up, and I was ready for action again. Sweat pouring down my face as I began to wonder whether or not to change t-shirts in the bathroom. I received a very limited edition WHITE t-shirt from Fear Control.

Basically, they only had a few more left. And now I have one.

I was happy to hear that my favorite song was on the set list. I do not know why I would have ever thought that they would take it off of the set list. At least not right now. Perhaps down the road when more new songs are written.

I must say that I am really enjoying the song “Texas Tea” as well. Its basically a drinking anthem.

But “Off With HisHead” was a very surprising OPENING song to their set.

I lost it!!! But in a good way.

Singing along and just having a fun time. As their set went on, I realized that some drunken idiots attempted to start a mosh pit. The only way that I know is that someone bumped into me as he was shoved in my general direction from behind me.

Ohhhh crap. Not this again. I had problems enough with this going on at SXSW Festival this year and I probably would have had a little bit more help as this was a venue. The fine folks at the Festival probably would not have done a thing.

Suddenly “Satan’s girlfriend” comes up to me while I was enjoying “Off With His Head” and I turned around away from the stage and she took a photograph of me in front of the band playing on stage.

That was cool. But then mosh pit was getting a little more active and a little too close for comfort for me. My back is damaged enough from assholes in the past who injured me over trying to steal something that had less than $20 value, I don’t need some drunk guy ramming into me and then trying to start something with me because he slammed into the back of my wheelchair and he hurt himself and me in the process.

I think that “Satan’s girlfriend” saw the concern and fear in my face. So she put her arm around my shoulders and stood there throughout the rest of the song that was playing.

I slowly turned back behind me and I saw him AND his girlfriend nearby.

And instead of having the feeling of the possibility that they were going to protect me from people slamming into me…. I felt fear again. Thankfully I never “touched” her or put my hands on her that would cause trouble.

After Fear Control, the lead singer to Trauma Concept walked by. He shook my hand saying, “Hey, I just wanted to say thank you for getting all of our shit.” Ohhhh if he only knew…. if he only knew.

A $5 cover and free drinks and merchandise. I came out of there like a fricking bandit!!

So I took off at the end of the night and had to get a taxi or something since buses stopped running. I found this giant extended van that was sitting there and this guy assisted me in finding this van. He looked to see how far my home was in miles and then did some kind of weird calculation and said that he could get me home for $25.

Well, that’s fine. Taxis are about $20…. so its pretty close. But that van was right there and I didn’t have to sit there on any sidewalk, yelling and waving like a fool and an idiot trying to pull someone over. The guy was ready to go. All I had to do was climb inside…. which was a pain because the van was so high up. But I made it. 

Come to find out that the driver was ALSO in a band and his band was in the recording studio. He mentioned that he wanted to give me his card and that if I found the band on Facebook that he would connect with me and give me merchandise……….. FOR FREE. Again, with the free merchandise!!

Has anyone that has been reading these band show posts writing this stuff down on how this is working??

Earlier in the day prior to the show, I sent messages to both Kash and Frankie stating that a storm was coming.

Boy did it ever!!!! Now someone please hand me a glass of water and a few tylenol and grab me the trash can and don’t wake me up until June. Unless there is another show that I can go to.

Don’t Short Yourself On The Benefit

“One person can make a difference, and everyone should try.” ~ John F. Kennedy

I could have sworn on the life of my music collection that I had discussed this before but when I went back through the pages of history in this blog I could find nothing.

Strap in, hang on tight. Because with history comes action and with action comes consequence.

Let’s do this in steps because I’m not sure how long we’re going to be here:

1. HISTORY: Ever since the first time that  I moved to where I live currently back in early 2005, we’ve had our social services coordinator.

I’ve discussed that job position many times but had been talking about many people. However in late 2005 into early 2006, there was someone that was fresh out of college, fresh out of getting her degree in social work. Or at least, her license for social work.

Let’s face this ongoing fact: My neighbors then and still now, are old enough to remember World War II. And I can NOT recall the Vietnam War??

But what am I to do as a young adult with nobody around me or my age group?

When this new social services coordinator came into the job in late 2005… I thought I could choose her. NOT in the sense that I wanted to date her because I felt that would be crossing a boundary. But I just didn’t see any problems with doing something menial… you know, going to a movie, going shopping, taking in a meal. Whatever the case may be.

There was this little tiny thing that was in the way, and I had no idea it existed. Now in 2014, I call it the Book of the Devil. 2005 however, I didn’t know it at all.

Its the social worker’s Code of Ethics. (COE for this blog’s purposes.)

I had never heard of it. This social services coordinator was hiding behind it. And I kept getting shot down and I did not know why. Until one weekend I decided that I would search for this COE myself. I found it in a PDF and I opened it and started to read all of its pages.

It took hours. Practically the entire day of reading the “DO’s and DO NOT’s” of any person in the field of social work.

It was incredible. And if we’re being honest, a lot of it is FUBAR.

Although it did explain to me why this social services coordinator was being such a terrific butthead to me about wanting to go do something over the weekend and hang out.

At long last I had pushed this girl’s buttons too far and the words came out “If I am going to be your friend, then I cannot be your social worker.”

Touché. Game over too.

But hell at least at long last I had an answer. She also had other boundary issues where I would be myself, nice and complimentary, and she was taking it all in as harassment. Once someone else had mentioned that she had a pretty dress on. She said thanks to them, and THEN I said that I agreed. And five minutes later she took me into her office stating that what I had said about her dress was inappropriate?

Umm, what??

She didn’t last long at her job though. She quit and when people attempted to give her farewell gifts on her last day at work she turned down everyone and everything that was attempted to being handed to her. Destroying everyone’s feelings in the process in the name of the COE.

I have since grown a full-on hatred for the Code of Ethics that social workers must abide by.

The problem is that I am too friendly and too social of a person in my young adulthood for COE to be slammed down on my toe like a wall of denial. The COE and I do not click at all.

Now I get and understand that some social workers will have their own PERSONAL boundaries as well as the boundaries set within the COE. So I tend to believe that with each social worker it depends on personal boundaries as far as professional boundaries are concerned.

SITUATION IN CURRENT SPACE & TIME: Enter two more social worker interns for 2014. Almost ten years later after the nasty SNAFU that happened with someone with a social worker’s degree and some pretty high walls for their PERSONAL boundaries which led into their PROFESSIONAL boundaries.

I will not say much about them. They were here for a few sessions to hold a group for remembrance and now that area of time has passed.

But knowing it was going to be held by social worker interns, I hedged and attempted to stay far, far, far away from it all because of the ugly past that I did have. In the end I found myself going inside of the room and joining the first session/meeting so very very very late in the hour that they were going to be there. I had ideas of what it was SUPPOSED to be about however I would be proven to be very wrong.

So I stuck with it. But I was flighty for sure!

This group met once a week for an hour for a total of LESS than ten times.

So it really didn’t give a lot of people who wanted to participate a good deal of time to get settled in. As I had mentioned in the last meeting that things were just too short because we were just getting started. However, I had to keep in mind that these were college students, hired by an agency to do their internship.

Those two words stuck in my head though like flies on stink…. social worker. Even IF they were interns.

I backed off. I backed WAY off. Even though I put on appearances that I was there and I was participating. I ended up going because of a bit of a connection between the two interns. And that was fine. Because I knew based on the horrors of 2005 and 2006 that this connection soon to be severed and cut into shreds any ways.

The relationship DID have an ending and it was most definitely in sight. 

That’s the other thing….. dealing with relationships ending. It also caused me to sit back during that last meeting, refuse to eat, sweat like a hog, and keep as quiet as possible unless one of the interns had asked me a personal question.

I backed away from the group. Sat behind the couch with a pillow against my chest and stomach, clinging on to it for dear life.

I attempted not to make direct eye contact with either of the interns. But that quest failed miserably. The two of them were the kinds of people on this Earth that actually LOOKS at you while they are engaged in conversation. Me having my face to the floor would have been very obvious to them, and they would have definitely called me out on it.

Even more horror dripped across my sense of hearing as I heard someone else ask “Do you gals have Facebook?”

Ohhh GOD NO!! PLEASE NO!!

I stopped. I attempted to melt into the background. But I listened with great intent.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that the answer to the question of  “Can we friend you on Facebook?” is an emphatic NO. I know this!!!

After reading the Book of the Devil… its not allowed. My everything however turned and did a flip when I heard the two of them fumble and bumble like a comedy duo routine of whether or not they could add anyone to Facebook. Their final and official answer to the open question was “We’ll ask and find out. But do not get upset if the answer is no and we never hear from them again.”

Good show, ladies. Because I am calling BS on that one. They both knew the answer. And they both knew that the answer was NO. They knew that answer long before they started. But perhaps they will ask, if maybe only for the sake of knowing for sure that the answer is in fact NO. The only reason that the answer would become YES is if these two were to abandon their COE and come up with their own personal boundaries with regards to communication and socialization with anyone that was involved in the group.

THE PROBLEM FROM THE SITUATION: Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t call BS and I think that’s because I would WANT to be wrong. I just think that based on the horror and experience that I had as well as talking to other people in the social working field, its not going to happen. So right now, I’m not crying about it.

But I totally and completely robbed myself.

I think that people (even social workers) can agree that what happened to me many years ago was insanity and that the person back then did not handle the situation correctly at all.  However for me to take those memories and experiences and apply them to build a wall around me when I first go into this group meeting to fight against these two interns, was unfair both to them (as people) and to me because I was short changing myself from receiving the full benefit of the services that these two interns were actually offering.

But because of what happened in the past, I didn’t fully participate and therefore I didn’t fully take on everything that I could have. Even if there were professional and personal boundaries. I am aware of those. It doesn’t mean that I need to shoot myself about it because there is this belief that I need to avoid any and all situations where the COE would come in and just stop everything because whatever was going on and/or being said was crossing a boundary.

I was called gregarious today. After looking that word up, I totally agree. I am a very gregarious person. In fact, that’s going right next to being called a RENAISSANCE MAN by LFC. Hand in hand, you know????

And for me to be in a social situation where there’s a undefined boundary that can be sprung up in my face just is a major conflict with me.

Instead of attempting to avoid the landmines of life, I need to charge forward and attempt to receive anything and everything that life has to offer to me. These two interns, I had nothing personal against them. They were uber nice and kind. One of them reminded me of someone from my past that I had a serious crush on and currently working on getting past– but that’s okay. Its going to happen. And its definitely not her fault. 

I did learn my lesson though. I definitely cheated myself out of some thing. Whatever that some thing is, I will never know. Because I cheated myself out of it by stepping back and retreating based on experiences. That was definitely foolish!!!

And now there will be no second chances. No second guesses. No second tries.

Even though something is uncomfortable, never short change yourself out of any opportunities that may fall upon your path. Because you just never know.

I was successful in taking photographs of the group as a whole. And I got a few shots with the interns as well. It was something that I definitely felt that they were going to say NO to, but they didn’t. And that was their choice, not mine.

And I wrote down the URL to this blog for them and gave them my e-mail address. So they could be reading this, you never know.

Just don’t do what I have done and rob yourself of opportunity, benefit, and glory… just because something makes you feel uneasy or horrible. Step forward and march on strongly and you never know what will be the spoils of your victory in war.

The Law Will Not Win

“It is on, like Donkey Kong.”

The lyrics say, “I fought the law and the law won.” But in this case I’m afraid that the law is about to have its ass handed back to them on a silver and gold toned platter.

What we have here is a serious mismatch of a former Vietnam veteran against a former law enforcement officer. The Master Sgt. versus the police sergeant.

The two of them for whatever reasons have been trading jabs at one another. Silently and of course behind one another’s backs.

It appears that I am the only one that remains neutral in this escapade.

Until now.

Because when one of them parades around as if they are entitled to everything and anything under the sun… there will come along someone who will pull that sun out from under them.

And sadly it is coming and coming soon!!!

Nobody is paying attention to the warning signs. Nobody is doing anything to bring peace. And the rest of them are just adding their own fuels to this fire because for once its not their personal fight but someone else.

Of course that is so wrong.

Geez. Its about to get really NASTY here at the SGC.

Entitlement is about to be brought down by swift and heavy actions. The sad thing for Miss Entitlement is that she’s burned so many bridges around here that she cannot find shelter from any storm. And then expects everyone to still get out of the way and let her HAVE her way???

The hammer is down and “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” has been called.

The only way that the law will win this battle is if someone calls the actual on duty service people. Not the former ex-cop.

Grab your popcorn. Grab your drinks. And fire up the La-Z-Boy. Here we go!!!!!