0.with-Three-Breasts“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”~ Jane Austen

Since I’m on a roll here ….. 

Dear Whatever-Your-Name-Really-Is,

Your name isn’t fooling anyone.

I know that things must be tough for you, being 21 years old and all of that and out in the scary part of the world known as “Florida” however I don’t think that there’s a single person that I personally know in life who has been impressed by your image which has been thrust into the media lately.

Your ALLEGED $20,000 body modification to your chest is almost laughable. But since the jury is still out on the situation I shall digress.

Your comment about how you wanted to become unattractive to men, so you threw on a third breast IS however the truly laughable part. Instead of being unattractive to all men (simply because you don’t wanna date any more) now you have more breasts than anyone else on the planet, which is going to make you stand out to men even MORE and thus … your plan has officially BACKFIRED.

Seriously speaking though, what is it that as infants we cling to the most especially moments after being born? What is the one thing that gave us comfort as well as nourishment and growth?

BREASTS. 

Its actually the very first thing that everyone on the planet has put in their mouths moments after being born!!!

And you think that throwing on a third is going to turn off a guy? Wow, you don’t know men at all!!!!

One thing is for certain though, this has garnished you enough attention that you truly were seeking to begin with. And that’s all this is: a campaign to gain attention. The spotlight absolutely MUST be put on you, huh?? 0.5DC-985_634x542

Unfortunately you are not old enough to remember the 1990 original version of TOTAL RECALL starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. The three breasted look already has been done! What you are doing is nothing new or inventive.

And now you want your own television show on MTV.

Let me clue you in on something: MTV is not as popular as it once was. Hardly a soul watches MTV any more. At least to my knowledge people have have abandoned MTV since MTV quit being MTV. And you want people’s attention to watch you on camera on that particular television channel??? Is there any particular reason as to why you want MTV that I am missing or didn’t catch some where else????

I honestly though feel for you, since you are on an attention seeking campaign right now. Starting with that alleged $20,000 boob job. That’s pretty expensive to try to get the guys to turn away. But then have them turn back and look at you while on television.

You really need to figure out what it is you want.

Do you want to repel men or do you want your television show? Because at this stage, breasts are just what men are going to totally dig whether or not its two breasts, three breasts, or one hundred. Let me warn that if you add any more breasts to your chest then the TOTAL RECALL jokes and comments will disappear for sure and you’ll be nothing but looking like a woman with cow’s udders. The “GOT MILK?” jokes will come in full force. (IF they haven’t already.)

Sadly though your attention bid will more than likely be over soon. The Sam Pepper scandal along with what is going on right now in the Middle East and now another public area shooting that happened? All of these things are going to kick you out of the spotlight! And that’s not what you want, is it??

So let’s hurry up and make a decision of what you want to do with your life. The time is ticking on your viral-ness and you are almost out of sand.

I think that you WILL be contacted for television appearances but it won’t be at the caliber you are hoping for. And get ready for the offers to pose topless because honestly your goods are you being topless. Massage therapy now seems like a distant dream. The dream is fading. Better hurry up and catch it!!!

After posting this to WordPress, it was brought to my attention with absolute certainty that this story is in fact, a hoax. And personally I am thankful for that. She still needs to figure out what she needs to do with her life, other than stage hoaxes for attention.

However, since I did not believe in the story’s truthfulness 100%… I did use the term “alleged” when writing because I didn’t think that it would be true. Thank you for those people who were trying to correct the situation, as well as those who were just being vindictive assholes to prove me wrong. Instead of this being an opinionated post, it now shall remain intact on this blog…… but as satire. Thank you all for your “concern”…. DAMBREAKER

Comments
  1. And in the words of my illustrious husband….She’s on track for an AWESOME porn career. LOL

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