Head

“Everyone has highs and lows that they have to learn from, but every morning I start off with a good head on my shoulders, saying to myself, ‘It’s going to be a good day!’.”~ Lindsay LohanIf I did not write this down, it would be a complete tragedy and total loss to mankind.

Even though I cannot give specific details, I can give you at least the story which is too good to keep to oneself. I’ll have to change the names. Not for their safety, but to keep my ass from getting sued. Ready? Here we go.

Not that long ago, I was laying in a hotel bed at night just watching television, thinking to myself that I should probably go to sleep because the following morning, I had to get up early and knew that I would be working hard all day long.

The moment that I had the room dark with all the lights turned off, there was a knock on my door.

When I opened the door, they asked for me by name. I said that’s who I was.

It was a woman. More specifically, a prostitute. Hookers aren’t my thing, so I decided to turn her away. But she insisted that either she come into my room or she get paid. She told me that “Mark” had called for her to come to my room, and she was not going any where until something happened. Either her work or her getting paid.

“Mark” had a room two floors above, and I tried to tell her that it was “Mark” that called so she should attempt to get her money from him. But she was insisting.

I slammed the door in her face. But she kept knocking. I’ve never met a more persistent prostitute in all of my life!

So I gave her the money that I had made working for the week to get her out of the hotel and told her to get a cab ride home.

“Mark” was going to get it. I am in charge of “Mark”, so he was screwed.

But I double checked with those that are in charge of me, and to be honest, they do not like “Mark” and they wished that they could find a reason to fire “Mark.”

A small group of people went on a horse riding tour. One of which, took a long a shovel.

Don’t get ahead of me… keep reading!

But in fact, this group of people did gather the manure from the horses, and picked up more and placed it all inside of a plastic bag.

Here’s where it gets hilarious………

I know some people who have worked in the industry with make-up and the like. They took this head full of horse shit and sculpted it into the shape of a head. And then they painted it and made it look like a person’s head. Complete with facial features and everything. The only thing missing were ears for whatever reason.

They put this head and placed it into “Mark’s” luggage.

At the airport, there was an elderly man working. This guy was probably really close to retirement when he began sniffing into the air. Something was wrong. But he couldn’t figure out what.

So he had “Mark” open up his luggage to figure out what the problem was.

The moment he flipped open the lid, that head was right there in the middle of it all. The poor old man working luggage screamed like a pre-pubescent girl. He was terrified at the sight of that head being there.

“Mark” was busy staring into his cell phone when he jumped hearing the old man scream. He looked down and he screamed as well.

“Mark” immediately started to punch at the head, squeezing and pounding it. Allowing for the contents on the inside to scatter all over the place.

That’s right. Horse shit was everywhere. Everything was ruined.

“Mark” soon quit the job a few days later. Not because of the luggage prank, but he started having marital problems being away from home for so long at a time. He went home to fix his marriage.

Moral? Don’t mess with me. Especially if I am the one person you have to answer to.

Disturbed By A Text Message

“Point me out the happy man and I will point you out either egotism, selfishness, evil – or else an absolute ignorance.”~ Graham Greene

I was sitting there one evening in the passenger seat of someone’s vehicle, very frequently looking down at my cell phone and responding to text messages that were coming in faster than I could respond, based on the fact that an event was unfolding before me as I sat there in the darkness looking out at a back door of a club. My only goal was to “watch the car” as they had put it. The doors were all locked, the keys were in the ignition still and I was jamming out to music of my choice while I waited.

Very long moments had gone by before I was startled by a pounding on the window from the driver to let them back inside of the vehicle.

From that moment on until the end of the evening, I was chewed out that I “was not doing what I was told to do.” Instead my nose was uncharacteristically buried in my cell phone.

I explained I was getting frequent updates on a situation that they knew about. And that I kept looking up from time to time and saw nothing to be alarmed over. Nothing “bad” ever happened to the vehicle. I was able to “watch the car” without having to put eyeballs on it 100% of the time.

Then there’s this piece of nuggetry:

http://loudwire.com/disturbed-david-draiman-texting-audience-member-dallas/

http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/disturbed-frontman-calls-out-fan-for-texting-during-concert-are-we-that-boring/

I’ll give you a minute.

Before I go on, I will say this: the law of averages is most likely on Draiman’s side. What he said was in fact true. It is rude. However, for those of us who weren’t there… those of us who aren’t this person that he so heroically called out, we honestly don’t know what exactly was going on. All we know is what we get from Draiman’s side of things that is muddled in frustration.

I’ve lost count how many times I’ve been in conversation with someone and at some point during that conversation, their attention went immediately and straight to their phone. And yes, that is rude.

But this woman, whomever she is that Draiman bawled out, was asked (more or less) what she was doing that was more important. The problem is, is that in these situations, audience members are NEVER allowed the chance to respond in order to defend themselves and/or their actions. By the time the obvious rhetorical question came out of his mouth, the entire audience reacted against her and therefore she was unable to answer or respond back.

This woman either had her own emergency happening at the exact time she was there to enjoy the show. Or perhaps she was giving directions for more fans to arrive. It could have been any number of things that was going on.

My mother and my grandmother both taught me when I was young that if someone is doing something that you don’t like – don’t look at them. Maybe Draiman should’ve heeded those words as there were certainly other people to concentrate upon rather than one woman who had her face buried into a cell phone.

One CAN enjoy music without using their eyes. However a concert is supposed to be both audibly and visually stimulating. At least in my experiences, they are.

Like I said, the averages are on Draiman’s side. This woman could have simply been rude as he proclaimed. But we don’t know that for sure. We don’t know what she was doing. And the sad thing is, is that we will never know! Not unless this woman comes out publicly to defend herself. And I have doubts that she will.

And these things (no matter how rude we find them) are going to happen.

So dear David Draiman,

Welcome to the age of the Internet!

Get used to it.

Why I Endorse Josh Ross

“A big endorsement deal would be awesome.”~ Matt Emmons

First off, I’ve realized that its been five years since I’ve known LISAFAYECHARDONNAY from YouTube. Wow, how time flies. Happy five years.

But I’ve been thinking about this for a while. But this is the first time (and only time) that I am going to bring this up in the public forum.

I’ve been doing a lot of talking with regards to the local band, BLACK HEART SAINTS. They truly are one of these kinds of bands that you don’t want to miss. You don’t want to come towards the end of your life and be full of regret knowing that you could have seen them play live in concert or listened to one of their songs.

However I do that with a lot of bands that I strongly believe in. So what’s the difference and why now?

The past few weeks, I’ve had the opportunity to watch lead singer Josh Ross perform in a couple of his solo acoustic sets around town. I never really knew that he could play guitar. I kind of thought it would make sense to know that he did, but during BLACK HEART SAINTS shows, he’s performing as the singer, not the guitar player.

I have heard plenty of fans of BLACK HEART SAINTS simply say that they are a fan, because of two reasons: They rock. And because Josh is hot. (Physical attraction speaking.)

But all of that sexual tension from females set aside. I choose to take back the layers one by one and figure out just what it is that is making this band tick. I am eager to search out what it is that Josh is doing or not doing that is making their audiences go absolutely bat shit crazy.

So I asked around. I asked female friends and I asked male friends. And as you can expect, the female friends were more willing to discuss the matter than the male friends were. And none of the answers that I received sufficed.

I had known about the acoustic sets but had firmly believed that I could ever attend them. Working all night and into the day, I didn’t think that I would have the strength to even bother considering it. Until recently…..

I think I pretty much shocked Josh when I went for the first time. Although he was very thankful and appreciative.

Then it all happened. He was doing his own thing with his guitar and he opened his mouth. Clear as day, this man’s vocal talents were like I had never heard before. His range, his vibrato, his breath, and his control.

I never heard him strain. I never heard him stretch. All I could do was sit there and applaud at the end of every stinking song that he chose to play. Coupled with whoopin’ it up…… a lot!!

Now that I have had a chance to speak to him personally, it is clear that Josh Ross has his eye on the prize. And its been fixed there for a long, long time. I took it upon myself to give him a list of questions as an interview. I will be publishing the Q&A on the Review page very soon.

Josh has kept his focus purely on his music and craft. So far, nothing has stood in his way for him to come closer to reaching his dreams in the music industry.

He as a musician has always been so appreciative of his fans. He talks to as many as he can after his set. He’s willing to stand there for several minutes just taking photographs or give an autograph or listen to you talk about your grandmother’s surgery.

Back to his voice however, after this evening’s set, I found myself just wanting more and more. I didn’t want him to stop singing.

No matter what he is singing, this man has the courage and the pure talent to take a song and truly make it his own. And then turn it all into gold. It is amazing to watch him sitting there, with nothing but a microphone and a guitar and turn it all into audible miracles.

Josh Ross deserves that shot to make his career explode to bright lights and Hollywood smiles. World tours and platinum selling albums.

There’s only so much a person can do. And I as a person, can do so little. I just hope that Josh Ross crosses paths with someone that’s from the big time and gives him one chance.

Sex appeal? Well of course. But its just the outside coating to a definite gem that has yet to be discovered yet.