P.S.A. #04 – The Lap Sitter

“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”~ Albert Einstein

DISCLAIMER: Every person is different. This is educational post is only for myself and for those that I know who are also in wheelchairs and what they have expressed to be their opinions on the matter, and since I have reached a rather large majority of the consensus, I will list what the results of that majority will be. 

The other night, a strange woman came up to me and just made herself at home while plopping herself down onto my lap. Miraculously, she did not spill her cocktail in the process.

But I swiftly rejected the idea and ejected her from my lap. For many reasons. One..  I did not know her. Two, she was more than obviously drunk. Three, because she is a stranger, I don’t need any possible significant other getting any weird and wrong ideas about what is going on.

So allow me to provide for you some rules as well as dis-spell some myths about able-bodied people sitting upon the laps of those who are confined to wheelchairs.

Rule #1- Before making the decision to do so, always ask the person if they are okay with the idea of having you upon their lap. I would like to believe that this would be the case for anyone sitting on any body’s lap in general.

Rule #2- Do not assume or freak out that the person in the wheelchair is going to cop a cheap feel. If they are touching you, they are more likely concerned about you shifting your weight to the degree that they fear that you are going to fall off their lap and then you end up on your ass. If they do end up in contact of your body in a place that you are not comfortable, chances are greater than none, that it was simply an accident.

Rule #3- Making engine sounds while sitting on a person’s lap, is only going to make that person think that you are immature. Or really drunk. Or something to that. Don’t make jokes about “riding a stick shift” or “go vroom.” Anything of that nature is just frowned upon from the person sitting in the wheelchair. They will probably think you are an idiot, and they will hope that you will get off of their lap as soon as possible.

Rule #4- “Wheelchair Tricks” are out. Not to say that if you are on a person’s lap, that the person is going to say that you are fat, however with the added weight of you being on his lap, wheelchair tricks are going to be twice as difficult to perform, if not impossible.

Rule #5- NO Free Rides. If I had just one penny for every time some random person came up to me, jumped on my lap, and then insisted/requested a ride… I’d be so rich that I could hire somebody else to write this blog for me. It is rude. Its unnecessary. The difference here being that YOUR legs work, and OURS do not. If your legs work…. YOU CAN WALK!! You don’t need a ride. Don’t be fucking lazy. Remember, we are WISHING our legs would work.

Myth #1- People in wheelchairs (males) are not going to get an “automatic erection” because you (a female) have decided to sit on their lap. Although it is true that the person in the wheelchair could possibly joke about that. And the joke is probably coming because they are a little uneasy about you being in their lap for whatever reason may be.

Myth #2- You’re NOT going to end up pregnant from sitting on someone’s lap. Dumb as soup to think that!! Clearly the only way that is going to happen both people are naked and their sex organs make a connection and intercourse begins.

Myth #3- Sitting on a wheelchair person’s lap will NOT give you any STD!! If you think Myth #2 is dumb. This is one is beyond ridiculous. And yet I’ve met people who honestly BELIEVES that it will happen. Trust me: it won’t.

Myth #4- We are not going to piss on you. There are some people in wheelchairs who have such a disability that they deal with problems of incontinence. Not everyone though. But that does not mean that men are going to whip it out and just let loose. Women are not going to just lean closer to you and just have at it. We’re disabled human beings… not gross human beings. Chances are if the person does deal with that issue, you’ll be denied to sit down on their lap for their own protection and state of mind.

Myth #5- Duration will be short. If you are told it is okay to sit, don’t expect to be there long at all. If our legs don’t work, it does not mean that they don’t get tired, and you don’t realize when the best time is to shift your weight around like you do on your own. Or even how to shift your weight. Listen to the person that you are sitting upon. Off means off!

So this small lesson should be helpful for you in the long run, especially for those who are socially connected with the physically handicapped. And if you know me personally… then DEFINITELY pay attention to this. It will save you in the long run.

You Can’t Make Me!

“It is astonishing what force, purity, and wisdom it requires for a human being to keep clear of falsehoods.”~ Margaret Fuller

 

It can honestly be amazing what kinds of personal advice that we seek from other people. We could probably ask 100 people and tell them that we are seeking their advice on one particular situation. Once their advice and/or opinion is offered, then it is also amazing what we do or don’t do with it.

 

It’s called a “choice”. The things that we choose to do or not do with the input that has been given to us after we request it, is the choice we have made.

 

But it can be pretty frustrating and disappointing once we have played the role of the sounding board and given our thoughts and input to those seeking our advice, only to find that the person never applied it to their personal lives in the first place.

 

This would become quite evident without the other person having to admit to you, “I didn’t take your advice”. Sometimes it just shows up on its own.

 

If for example,  someone came up to you asking for your advice on whether or not to break up with their girlfriend because things have been less than pleasant, and you knew that in the end the person seeking advice would be happier if they were single or at least away from the current situation- it will show up in their continuing misery because they never did call it quits and decided to press on with the relationship. Only to still be miserable and probably feel worse.

 

They didn’t have to admit that they didn’t take your advice. As a matter of fact, to my knowledge I have never heard of anyone ask for advice and then a few days later say, “I didn’t take your advice”.

 

I honestly would not find it all that surprising that anyone would do such a thing. Because what they are doing in fact, is admitting that they knew better but didn’t DO better.

 

That is the thing about it. They can come to you all they want and ask for it. But if it is not something that they honestly and truly want to do once your advice is offered, or they disagree with your advice then they are not going to follow it. And there’s nothing that you can do about it. You cannot make someone follow your advice once it has been offered.

 

I’ve given plenty of advice to all kinds of people. Sadly, most of them do not follow it. But then again, neither do they come back to me after they’ve been defeated in life and say, “You know what? You were right!”. That kind of thing just doesn’t happen in the real world.

Knowing your advice was not taken can often feel like this.

 

But it still feels so very disappointing when you’ve realized that you’ve given your time and effort to help a friend, and they continue to suffer with whatever it is that is giving them the problem because they chose not to follow what you had told them.

Let me repeat something for you:

 

You cannot make someone do something that they do not want to do in the first place.

 

I know that a lot of times when you do give someone your advice and the other person doesn’t follow it, that you sometimes feel like you never want to give that person advice ever again because since they didn’t follow it the first time, what will make you think that when they need help or advice again that they will the next time?

 

Even so, look at the other side of it. This person didn’t take your advice the first time. And now they are back for more advice- probably about something totally unrelated to the first. Instead of throwing your walls up and denying them, try to understand that if they are coming back to you again and again then it probably means that they still value your opinion. Even if it is something that they disagree with or do not follow.

 

Your thoughts, ideas, opinions, and advice are clearly of a greater value than you thought if they are returning to you again and again.

 

I know that from an earlier post called, “You’re Not Listening!”, I was pretty upset and steamed because I gave some advice and that person didn’t listen.

 

I will admit however, that the advice was just simply given and it was not something that was requested. I attempted to warn them not to get involved with something, and they did. And I knew that if they did, that they would regret it. And they did regret it. But there’s just nothing that I could’ve done about it. Still, I was pretty upset. And not to sound cocky but I knew that I was right. And so it became the next blog post so that I could just get my feelings of frustration out and let it go.

 

It was just a lesson that they were going to have to learn on their own.

 

I didn’t like it, I got upset and blew up. But after a while I calmed down and that was the end of it.

 

We’re not meant to police our family, friends, or loved ones. We cannot stop them from making what we might feel is the wrong decision. We are responsible in how we treat the other person when we are approached with the request for advice. What we say and how we say it. But we’re not responsible if it is not followed to the letter of the law… so to speak.

 

This is something that I hope to change personally in my own life in 2012.

 

And I am not saying that we are not allowed to be pissed off or disappointed or feel like we’ve wasted our time giving advice when it has clearly been ignored. I am saying that we’ve got to come to an understanding that whatever happens after we’ve spoken our mind is not up to us any more. If the person asks for it and then applies it to their situation and comes out smelling like roses, then HOORAY!

 

But if they don’t apply it to their situation and come out miserable, then there’s nothing much else that we can do. It will just have to be their cross to bear.

 

 

 

 

You’re Not Listening!

“Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.” ~ Jeff Daniels as ‘Harry’ in “Dumb and Dumber” (1994)

You know, every once in a while the bite of reality clamps on to my butt and hangs on the for the long haul. Just when I thought that I knew someone well enough, they go and they prove me totally wrong!

What is it about people and their apparent inability to listen? Are there people really that bad to the point where they just won’t listen to anyone?

This ‘chick’ as I shall call her at the moment came to me asking my opinion about a specific online forum that she had an interest in, that was in common with what I enjoy. I gave my opinion and told her both about the pros and the cons of joining such a forum. Realizing that I would not honestly be able to tell her not to join or whether to join because I am not her father. Nor am I in any position with regards to her on telling her what to do.

So the cons were that there were specific members of this forum that I warned her very specifically to stay away from because they’ve had a history of causing some bad blood amongst their members, particularly newer ones who join. Trolls or creepers, whichever term you prefer.

She joins the forum anyway. I brushed it off. Not even a full 24 hour period went by when I had heard from a third party that she had joined the forum, does she come crying to my side… totally freaked out about those members in which I had previously warned her about staying away from.

You insenstive cow! You did not listen to me!! And now you got your feelings hurt and you feel that you are being stalked because you made the choice to connects with these idiots on a personal level by handing out your personal contact information.

This is MY fault? HOW?????

I’m not the world’s best professional on giving out advice. I mean, I’m not getting paid for it. Neither am I getting paid for offering my opinion, because you already know what they say about people and their having an opinion.

Yet I would think that with some of my closest colleagues, they would trust and have faith in what I am saying and telling them what is true. Apparently she had to find out for herself… which is fine. Sometimes, I am that way too. But she had been warned. Now she can’t get rid of them. And this is “all because of me”.

Maybe next time she’ll pay attention. But it won’t be to me as I have removed myself from her situation in any and all regards.

If you’re not going to listen to me, well that is your choice. But keep in mind that whatever happens, whether good or bad, is also your consequence and not mine. If you choose to ignore my words/thoughts/feelings, then so be it. But do NOT dare return and place the blame on me for something that went wrong. And perhaps you’ll think twice about asking or seeking my advice to begin with. You asked, I gave. Then you ignored, and got burned.

Your choice, your consequence. I am not the guilty party here.