Posts Tagged ‘banned’

red-velvet-bundt-cake-andee-photography“All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.”~ George Harrison

The Blog Train rolls. Next stop: A little bit of humor before hitting the town of serious and confusion.

A few weeks ago, I went to the grocery store with many of my neighbors and was rolling around in the bakery.

Side story: If you know me, you know that I LOVE red velvet cake. I go crazy for it.

I even was going to have a red velvet groom’s cake way back when.

So as I was meandering, I saw red velvet cakes on display.

However, they were only bundt cakes. And not the full sized  cakes that I was used to seeing. I WANTED the full sized cake. I didn’t want a bundt cake.

The other thing that I noticed about it was the fact that there was only frosting on the top and nothing on the sides of the cake.

I sat there in awe of the missing frosting. I kept wondering what was going on. And why the heck would I pay almost $8.00 for this freakin’ thing when there’s only cake on the top??

Maybe that’s how bundt cakes work. I don’t know. I just know that I wasn’t happy with being ripped off of that creamy and sugary deliciousness.

As I began to fall into a daze, a bakery employee came up to me and asked if I needed any assistance.

I picked up the cake and asked them to double check the price. And they said that it was the real price.

I snarled to myself. What a robbery!!! And you haven’t even finished with the frosting!!!! redvelvet

I curled up to them nice and close and pointed to the empty center of the cake as is a bundt.

I asked them, “Where is the rest of the cake?” and what happened next was truly amazing.

Yes, I was being sarcastic but I was also being sincere at the same time as I wanted MORE cake.

They were confused. Until I made a nuisance of myself at poking at the cover of the cake at the center, telling them that the center of the cake was missing and the frosting was missing as well. Let me tell you that they were none too happy about the question and they couldn’t believe that I was being that serious about it.

I told them that I just couldn’t see myself paying that much for a cake that had a hole in it, because they baked it that way on purpose.

I was told to leave the bakery section of the grocery store and never to return. They were so upset about my question that they felt it to be a huge waste of time.

I mentioned this fact when it happened on Facebook. All I got was a bunch of perverted queries about baguettes. Shame on you all!!!

I do not think that I am asking for too much. Just put frosting all over the cake. NOT just the top. I don’t care if it is bundt or not. Spread that stuff, baby!!!!! Be a good Samaritan to those who want to purchase your delicious bakery items and give them their worth of money if you are going to insist on being a rapist of wallets and purses and bank accounts.

Give what the customer wants!! Hell, I had time. You probably could have baked a fresh cake and drowned it all in frosting. But no… you got offended.

Sad.

“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.”~ Henry Ward Beecher 

I guess some drunk people just can’t take a joke sometimes. But I knew that eventually I was going to get into trouble some day.

Karaoke night. And the first thing that happened when I went through the front door was someone coming up to me asking if I was going to participate in singing karaoke. Of which I didn’t realize was going on.

Since I have done so in the past at that particular place, I agreed. Without skipping a beat, the person who was asking gave me a list of songs that I was banned from singing.

Banned.

Wow! Seriously? And they apparently were.

It was a list of pop songs with my name on it at the top a full page long of various songs that I have sung in the past and won their karaoke contests with in a landslide vote by bar patrons.

And now I’m banned from singing them ever again in that establishment. And one another has banned me from singing one pop song in particular. That is if I am wanting to be a part of their karaoke contests.

I never actually take their prizes. Usually its just free drinks or a free entree or whatever. And since I do not drink, I never use it. I always give it to someone else before I leave.

Okay, whatever. So this forced me to go through their “book” to find something to sing that I was comfortable with, and that I could work with in my vocal range.

I had one problem. One very huge problem. The book was full of country karaoke music.

But as I went through the book and worked towards the end, I saw something listed on a page that was familiar with me. It was written in the genre of country music too. Everyone who sang ahead of me were singing country.

So I selected the song, “Good Enough For Now” by none other than “Weird Al” Yankovic.

Since most of you have not been living under a rock, I do not have to explain who that is. But when you have a room full of people who are drinking tons of beer and enjoying country music, this selection was ripe with disaster. I just wouldn’t know it yet until I got settled on the stage.

I had a very tough act to follow. The guy who was singing before me, had brought his girlfriend up near the stage and he sang John Michael Montgomery’s version of the song, “I Swear”. To which brought her to tears and many people who watch this magical romantic moment.

How the heck am I going to dazzle a crowd in which the winner is chosen by applause and THAT kind of thing happens? There is just no beating that kind of act!!

I watched the crowd, and I selected two women that I would “sing to”. One extremely drunk, the other pretty wild, drunk, and dressed very slutty celebrating her 21st birthday. It was too easy to select the birthday girl for this rather amusing and funny gag.

I sang this song to the two women and I nearly was torn off the stage by them both. By the first for most of the song, and then by the second woman by the end of the song. Of which I might add was not a karaoke version. I had to sing along with the album version.

They should have realized that by the second line of the song, that this was all just a big joke.

One of them, I guess it might have been a husband or boyfriend was standing there with a beer rushed the stage and stuck his middle finger in my face and screaming with a resounding “Hey, fuck you buddy!!”. 

I kept singing. I moved away when I could but he would follow. But then when I turned my attention to the second girl (the birthday girl), he stopped. But then the second girl was throwing a fit and that was probably because she was embarrassed. She was just so awfully tempting to pick out because she was so loud and obnoxious and of course, drunk out of her mind.

I got yelled and screamed at for a while after I got off the stage A lot of people shouted their obscenities at me. Luckily nobody came after me and started a physical confrontation.

If you want to know why this caused such a problem, you can find the song on YouTube or you can Google search the lyrics.

The song came off of the album “Polka Party” which was released in October 1986. I thought for sure that many of these people would find the humor. I thought wrong. Maybe everyone in this crowd were born AFTER 1986? I don’t know.

I just know that if I am going to be “banned” from singing songs, and my hands are tied behind my back when everyone is doing country songs, I’m going to go at it in my own way. Which I did.

I even said during the musical solo into the microphone that it was just a joke. Nobody found it funny Except for a couple of people way in the back sitting at the bar who was laughing to themselves when they heard me singing the words to the song.

I wasn’t going to win. But then again I never planned to join the contest in the first place. I was just trying to get out of the house and have some fun and relax. This is probably no longer the place to do that any more.

I’m still trying to wrap around my mind of how they can “ban” me from singing specific songs.