Posts Tagged ‘break ups’

“Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.”~ Jim Morrison

Four years. Four very quick and yet long years since I had escaped the situation that I was in while living in Massachusetts with my ex-girlfriend. It was on this day in 2008 that I was in a position to leave her and ultimately allow myself to have back my life and my freedom.

It was one of those times in my life that I can honestly say that once I left, I never looked back again.

I was able to change things that I felt had gone terribly wrong. I honestly believe that if I would have stayed with her that I either would have been so miserable or even dead.

The fact still stands that I was able to CHANGE things. I had set out on a goal to leave. I made a plan. And with the help of my family, I was able to get out of the troubled and dangerous relationship that I was in.

And since then, I sit back and ponder of the last four years of what I have done. The things that I have accomplished. And the people that I would meet for the first time. And even going as far as to think about those people and whether or not they are still a part of my life today. Most of them are. Some of them are not. I’ve realized how much of a support system that I’ve had in place when I was getting over the lasting effects of the relationship.  And I also ponder the many times I’ve heard stories of other people who are in situations that did have some common factors from mine. The biggest common denominator of them feeling miserable and unhappy.

But I often must remind myself that not everyone who has similar problems as I used to have actually has the opportunity or support system that I had. Not everyone has people in their lives that they could turn to help them escape their negative situation.

The good news is that there is still hope. There’s always hope for those people who have enough of a desire to be able to make the decision to change.

It is very easy to just give up and surrender on our hopes and dreams of a better life. Particularly once we began the journey and then we are met face to face with something that blocks our path. Many just give up. They do not seek any other options and therefore they do not find another way to get around whatever it is that stands in our way.

And it is not just relationships, it is very true in many aspects of life in general.

The best example that I can give is that earlier, the sledge hockey team got together and had a meeting. There was some talk about going to the next tournament in 2013 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Of course, those of us who were in Dallas this past April know just how much fun it was to have been there to participate. Having that experience was such a blast. It would stand to reason that they would want to go to Philadelphia to be able to participate again.

But the team on the majority voted NOT to go.

I was disappointed because I personally would like to go. But it all depends on how much of a desire that I have to go. I cannot allow this to stop me and I cannot let this block the journey to attend the next tournament. I decided that instead of  just giving up, that I will explore any and all avenues that I can take up in order to go. And I’ll take it from there.

NEVER allow anyone or anything get in your way of your freedom. Take every possible avenue there is to obtain what you need. Be yourself and let yourself fly!!

 

This post is kind of a last minute thought, but I think that I have some really good and valid points here.

I ran into one of my ex-girlfriends today. When I first saw her, I was not 100% sure of who she was. But she looked up and saw me and waved at me heavily. That was the dead giveaway.

I was not sure what I was going to do in that exact moment. I knew that if once there was any conversation and it started to drift towards the past, it was gonna get very ugly. I was not even sure if there was going to be any conversation at all. So, I faked like I did not know who she truly was, but I guess my poker face needs work.

Luckily for me, there was only bit a brief conversation. No talk about the past, no talk about “What are you up to now?”, nothing like that. Instead, I got “Hey! Good to see you. Glad to see you’re doing well. Here’s my card. Call me, we’ll catch up!”.

Umm, are you NUTS!?!?

Never in my life I thought I would be having that kind of an experience with an ex. They always show that kind of rubbish on television and in movies. Yet they also show that once the former lovers re-connect, something always sparks the flames again, and then they live happily ever after, THE END, roll the credits!

It is my belief that it just doesn’t happen like that in real life. There were specific reasons why the particular relationship ended between her & I, and reasons why I chose to end it. One of those reasons was not to bump into her years down the road in the future to get back with her.

There are hard lessons to be learned when ending a relationship. Whether you dump someone, or they dump you. What I am trying to say is that there are reasons why it ended when it did. And my own personal opinion is to dust yourself off, learn those lessons and move on. So it doesn’t make sense to me when couples break up and then later get back together again.

Comedian Larry Miller did a stand-up comedy routine about relationships and for couples who break up and then get back together. He says, “Getting back together with your ex is like wanting a bowl of cereal in the morning. You go to get some milk and then realize that it has passed the expiration date and you say to yourself, ‘This milk is sour! Well, maybe tomorrow it will be fresh!’.”

I couldn’t agree with him more.

Now I don’t know what my ex truly is seeking. All I know is that whatever business or personal card she gave me, was non-chalantly dropped into the street when her back was turned.

But the fun drama doesn’t stop there. NO sir!! After returning home and getting ready begin another day of working on some projects that I have lined up, I checked my e-mail. I had a message from my last ex-girlfriend who was asking specific questions:

How is life treating you? Where are you at now? Are you married?… and so forth. As many times as I have simply hit “BLOCK” on her e-mails, she’s always finding the time to create new free e-mail accounts in order to try and reach out.

I started to wonder what was in the air that was making these women do these stupid and annoying things. Neither one of them are ever going to hear from me. I thought that was clear that I’ve not said a single word to them once the relationship was terminated. So instead of bogging my mind with questions that I probably will never get the answers to, I decided to make supper and watch the Stanley Cup playoffs.

But still though, there are those people who dare to try a second go at it for whatever reason. To be fair, I will say that sometimes it does pan out and it does work. But most of the time? Not so much.

And then there are those who go in and out of relationships like a broken record. You KNOW what to expect of them because most likely they haven’t changed, and neither have you. But you try anyways and fail, over and over and over and over again.

Its like sticking your hand in the fire. How many times are you going to do that until you finally realize that “Ouch, that hurts!”??

But in all honesty, its not just about relationships that we do these sorts of things. A lot of times we do whatever it is that is bad for us, and we get burned the first time. But then we go back to doing it again and again. And we never seem to learn from our mistakes.

I think that it comes down to two kinds of people. Those who learn, and those who will never learn. And I do feel sorry for the latter, but I don’t feel sorry half the time when they are repeatedly doing the same crap that causes them pain in the first place, even IF they say, “Yeah, I know! That was stupid of me.”, and there they go the next day doing it again.

I don’t know. I guess it just doesn’t make sense to me. And as far as my relationship past? Well, that’s where they are going to stay. I am so lucky I am that strong as to not go falling into those kinds of pitfalls. Not saying that I don’t have my own, but at least its not those past relationships where I am looking for fresher milk because I KNOW what is there, and I KNOW what to expect. And since I do not care for that, I will not entertain the thought.

When will you learn?