A Concerned Letter To Miley Cyrus

 

Dearest Miley, 

As we approach the middle of the week which is the last week of August 2013, I am plagued and have been plagued for the past couple of days of what some could possibly call a raunchy performance, your name still hasn’t slipped back into obscurity as it was for the last … oh I don’t know … how long. 

And even though you’re not the first “celebrity-type” person to have done something as raunchy as what you did, and I regretfully admit that you will not be the last person, we must deal with right now, in the present. And face our consequences for the past. 

I am reminded (personally) of an early episode of The Big Bang Theory. I believe it was Season One. I do not know if you (or if anyone reading this will actually) watch it, since I do not know whether or not you have the kind of time to watch these kinds of programs that are on television, but let me break down one particular scene that comes to mind. 

The horny yet innocent and still lovable character of Howard Wolowitz overhears that the cousin to his friend’s female neighbor is in town, and she’s just about as easy as Ramen noodles when it comes to amorous activities in the bedroom. So later after their dalliances, the girl makes her first on screen appearance and says “There’s my little engine that could!” Well, the reaction of one of the lovable scientists comes out to “There’s a beloved children’s book I’ll never read again.” 

Something similar happened after viewing your performance on the VMA’s this year.

I WILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO LOOK AT A TEDDY BEAR AS AN INNOCENT CHILD’S TOY AGAIN!

CHILDREN SLEEP WITH THOSE THINGS AT NIGHT FOR SECURITY AND PROTECTION FROM THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT!!!!

And what you had done with those costumes of Teddy bears gallivanting on stage, has ruined the innocence of the Teddy bear for me, forever. I am an adult. I am not a parent, but I am an uncle, and now because of this… my nieces and nephews will never have the delight and joy of knowing what owning a Teddy bear is all about. At least not as a present from their uncle. And so when my nieces and nephews ask me why I shake in horror at one of those things today, the only thing that I  can do is wonder how to tell them. But I am paralyzed to do so, without doing so first in a therapist’s office with faceless dolls. 

And needless to say that cheering on a personally preferred sports team with a foam finger is now out of the question, indefinitely. How many uses did you intend on having to fulfill your heavily veiled masturbatory acts on stage to prove you are a woman and not a child? 

You have been in our living rooms, TV and movie screens for many years now. I have no idea what it could have possibly been like for you, being a nameless product of a giant company that brings up child stars and then spits them out when they are done with them. 

We, millions of Americans, and some of us being your fans, already understand your plight with your identity. Let me repeat that you are not the first one to have the stress of this problem. Not by a long shot, and you will not be the last. 

We all remember Britney when she went through her tragic meltdown. All in the pursuit of making a name for herself, attempting to step into the lights of adulthood and closing the chapter of her childhood. 

And you, no less, have similar stresses to deal with in order to make that happen. I don’t know if you recall or not, but we nearly lost Miss Spears to all of it. I would imagine that’s not the end result that you are or have been looking for.  

However, dry humping costumed Teddy bears, singing about illegal activities and substances at parties, and grinding Mr. Thicke isn’t the best way to go about making your transformation. 

The eyes of millions are still upon you. Now that you have reached the age of twenty, things are different in the world that you need to recognize. 

Chances are that you probably not going to completely strip away your past. You are who you are. And you will not be able to strip away the things that you say and do now, when you are thirty-five years old. The time to pay attention is NOW and in the PRESENT. 

There are just going to be many people who remember the child star that you had become right before our eyes, which propelled you to who and where you are today. 

And even those fans that have followed you through thick and thin through your teen years, there’s always going to be some younger sibling of those fans that will find you as a new and fresh approach in their lives. And they will toss you up there so high on that pedestal again that we’ll see nothing but the bottoms of your feet as you are forced to stand upon it. 

I read today, someone else who had posted their feelings and I quite agree that your life is far different from your faithful followers. If they were to do the things that you do, and act upon the things that you sing about, they will not be swept away by some fancy attorney who will come in and save the day. No! Instead they will be forced to face the music of their actions. Most of them either in jail, or with a criminal record that will plague them throughout their own personal adulthood, or the inevitable and difficult to think about option, death. Meanwhile, you are earning income off of their purchases that relate to you.

There’s no savior for those whom you call your fans. All the while, you have just about everything set up for you. And still you struggle with the inappropriate actions of trying to separate yourself as a twenty year old woman living in pop culture. 

Finding your identity as an adult is not a crime. Nope, it surely isn’t. But with adulthood comes more responsibility than you ever had to bear before in your entire life. And that responsibility comes with the choices that you personally make. And with those choices come the consequences that you and only you will have to answer to. 

Your poor choice of doing what you did at the VMA has brought all of this attention of the world down upon you. And quite honestly, it was well deserved from your performance. So in that, I say BRAVO!!!!

But I do have some concerns that I would like to bring up at this time. 

Your wardrobe, it was a living nightmare. There comes a time to take stock and re-consider when you backside bits are dangling out and posing similarities to a specific protein that is within the American diet. Particularly during one late autumn holiday that is late on the calendar. I could call into question whether there was a malfunction or that is what you had intended? Only you can answer this. 

Secondly, is there by chance, any particular need to see a dentist or an oral surgeon? 

Good job of veiling your action of masturbation on National television!

I am keeping my fingers crossed that the reason for it all, is NOT because you have some sort of or any combination of temporomandibular disorders. If that is the case, then you have my sympathies. As a person with a physical disability, I can some what relate to having to deal with pain and medical procedures.  

Yet your tongue had about, what I could count, four inches of residue. Nobody wants to see this. And I mean NOBODY!!! I’m not sure what you had to eat that day but whatever you consumed (whether legal or illegal) showed up quite plainly as you appear to rather enjoy having your tongue wag from between your teeth. For someone wanting to close the chapter on immaturity and childhood, a wagging tongue is not the way to go! 

So in conclusion, it is a real triumph to be the person that outshocks and outshines Lady Gaga. Not even Taylor Swift’s lip-readable “F” bomb came close to what you pulled off on stage. But then to think about it, is that something to be proud of? 

I just wonder about your poor parents. And I wondered if they even cared. I cannot even begin to imagine your plight, growing up as progeny of musical talent that was as hot as you are today just a few decades ago. I couldn’t even begin to dream to understand. 

I just know that I can draw another parallel with that as back in 1983 as a child, I did two television commercials that were ran statewide in the state of Arkansas. (You know the place!)

They were for raising funds to build a handicapped accessible swimming pool. And when I had finished recording those two commercials and weeks later when they began to appear on television, I had many teachers and professionals in my school asking me for an autograph. Of course they were being cute about it. 

My parents one day overheard me getting rude about it and assuming to charge them ten dollars for me to autograph a scrap piece of paper. My father came up to me and whipped the tar out of me for acting like I did, told me to apologize, and then sign the paper with grace, humility, and a little more self-pride. 

My autograph is worthless compared to yours, so I can’t even bring this up to point out how horrible your actions were, even though mine were horrible enough in their own right. 

In conclusion, I hope that by the consequences that you are currently suffering, that you will have a lesson to have learned throughout all of this. I will hope that next time, you will be wiser in deciding what to do in your career, and your personal life as well …. even though that is your business and not mine. 

But for now, the posts on Facebook will swell until the next big Hollywood SNAFU. And that will inevitably come as well. I just hope its not you, which will make it look like a continuation of this situation at the present. 

I will continue to post them because just like you with your fans, I mean something to the people who know me. And I wish for them to know and understand the horrible ends that are you are experiencing because of foolish choices and that those who know me and look up to me (for their own personal reasons, just as your fans look to you), that they may know what NOT to do in the future and use your experience as a lesson for their own lives and learn to make better choices and live better and healthier lives. 

Good luck, Miss Cyrus. And goodnight.

When Split Seconds Turn Into A Lifetime

“Every choice you make has an end result.”~ Zig Ziglar

There I sat by myself this afternoon. Rubbing my forehead and wondering what just happened.

Flustered, attempting to recall everything in my head to play it all back. Failing miserably for at least twenty minutes. Then minutes turned into hours of obsession.

Such a red flag as most of the day was wasted while attempting to make sense of things.

I was standing in line at a store and a young attractive woman caught my eye.

I observed in silence for a while. No wedding ring, no clingy 6’8” boyfriend around her neck, no children nagging for her to buy something.

As I moved forward with each patron ahead of me checking out, I keep as much of a visual as possible. And then it was soon my turn.

When I had purchased all of my items, I swiftly put away my wallet and suddenly saw the woman making a move for the front door.

I shot off like a rocket. Running over the toes of no less than two people that were within proximity of me and slamming into unoccupied chairs and tables just to reach the front door before she could.

She and I both would end up in the doorway with the door being held open by the both of us before I even realized it. It was a battle between whether or not I was being chivalrous to hold the door open for a woman or if she was being caring to hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair.

I motioned for her to go first as I pushed the door open with all of my strength, ready to catch it as it sprung back at me from its hinges. She thanked me and walked out and disappeared within five seconds. Meanwhile, I NEVER said a single word. I didn’t even get a “hello” out or formulated the thought to extend to her a compliment. I was left there with just a simple grin on my face as she pulled her sunglasses over her eyes and walked away.

A split second after that, I never saw her again.

Who knows what would or would not happen had I actually spoken to her.

In daily life, we all come across the point where we make split decisions. But usually, they are not so complex as the situation that I found myself obsessing about for hours.

If we are running late for work, do we still stop for coffee or do we press on without it? If we find ourselves in an emergency, who do we call for help first?

Simple examples, but important ones all the same. And it only takes a split second to make a choice in these matters. If we don’t get coffee, some of us end up being a real pain towards others at the office. If we don’t call the right people in an emergency, well as they say “seconds matter” and its true.

I keep getting reminded of the episode of “The Big Bang Theory” where Howard Wolowitz is on a train and he’s spotted a celebrity and he’s obsessing with trying to come up with the BEST opening “line” that he can think of. Meanwhile, his friends are just able to walk up to the celebrity and talk.

That’s the thing with taking risks. You never know if it will work out in your favor or become dangerous.

But then there’s also the other side of the process where I continually think about what could have been. And eventually some kind of thought attempts to relieve my poor brain with the idea that it was okay not to have said a single word to her because you never know what she could have done.

And its usually negative to the point where I think that I am much better off having not said anything because, she could’ve been crazy. She could’ve been dangerous.

Just at a point where I have thought that I was getting better at dealing with the idea of doing nothing and losing out on the possibility of everything.

I would say that in the last two years, maybe three, that I have taken a lot more chances and risks than I ever had in my entire adult life.

And as much as I really am tired of being disappointed or even getting to the point of devastated by people in one way or another, I know that the old saying about dusting yourself off and getting back on the horse just rings true.

There was an example of me chatting with a young woman who lived three hours from me. And within three days, I had taken a risk and made the suggestion on her traveling to where I live and go out. No promises, no expectations.

Hell, even me asking a woman out on a simple date has never been easy for me.

But she agreed, and the night that she was to arrive from out of town, she kept getting lost and the hour was getting later and later and later. Almost late enough to where it wouldn’t have done any good to have gone out on the date because I was aware that she had a three hour drive back home.

Still, I pressed on and had someone drive me to meet her at a central location.

What do I say to her? If anything at all?

The date was nothing short of a dud. Boring and nothing really fun to do because by then just about everything was closed for the night. Ultimately deciding to go to a beer bar to drink and talk.

It would take less than an hour to figure out that this roommate she kept talking about was really her boyfriend. And even at the end of the night as she dropped me off at home I didn’t waste a whole lot of time. I jumped out of the chair, shouted inside my gratitude for the evening and slammed the door shut and kept moving.

Making that split second decision to end the night as I did was probably the smartest thing I had done all night. Considering that later on, I would find out that she would travel about a half an hour away to meet with another man with whom she slept with and didn’t get back to her own home until noon the next day. Then that following evening, she was pulled over by a police officer because she was going in and out of traffic lanes due to her exhaustion from the hours before and it led to a search of her vehicle. And during that search, her trunk was found full of illegal drugs.

Those drugs were inside her vehicle during the time that I was with her. And that was something scary to think about.

It would lead the affirmation that when involving yourself with the possibility of meeting someone from the Internet, you DON’T make plans that fast. Its safer and smarter to take the time to get to know the other person for a long extended period of time before even considering that face-to-face meeting.

But this is only an example of where the decision of taking a risk COULD have led to a really big disaster. Not all risks that I have taken in the past couple of years have been so tragic.

When I have asked other people around me what they think about split second decisions, they always think about situations such as the “fight or flight” scenario. Those of you who have read this blog from near the beginning know that I have had a lot of those situations arise in the past few years.

It has been two years now since I was in that very moment where a split decision had to be made. Something that one could either call life saving or life defending. I defended and thus I survived.

The choices I made led to the decision of me starting this blog. And from it, I have gained a lot of what I would consider good. People that I probably would have never known to exist are now in some small way, a part of my social circles in my own personal social life. I find it hard to think about today what I would do without them.

And as I catch myself rambling, I realize that Zig Ziglar was right. There’s always an end result to each and every choice that we make in life.

We’ll make choices in our lives that are important and some will be less important than others. But they all tie up into a nice little road that we travel down the path of life.

I only wish that for myself that I would stop obsessing with these cognitive distortions whenever it comes to the situation of whether or not to chat up a woman that has caught my eye. Certainly, I cannot be the only one out there in this great big world that does that! Right? Although I would dare to say that I am one of few people that realize that what I am experiencing is a cognitive distortion. Others would dare to think that the other person having them are just whacko!

So yesterday is gone and it will not come back. There’s no way to wind the clock and actually pry my mouth open to say something to the woman that I held the door open for. I must take my medicine for it though. Hopefully I will also turn this experience to something that I will learn from. And I can acknowledge when I should speak up more and when I should back off. There’s always an unbalanced line when it comes to that because everyone is different. Things that are okay with some, won’t be okay for everyone. So we take the hits and learn the boundaries. Learn our lessons, and go on.

 

The Relationship Jigsaw Puzzle

“Trust takes years to build and only a second to shatter.”~ Unknown. 

Reader’s Request Blog Post.

Awesome! I love it when I hear from people and they request for me to talk about a certain subject. I’m always open to those kinds of ideas.

Over the course of two and a half days, I listened to someone talk about realtionships and their life. All of them. From romantic to friendships, both past and present.

I gave him the analogy of the jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes we never know what is truly there behind someone until we began to put the pieces together.

Much like trust, relationships fall under the same guidelines as to what will make or break them.

Sometimes, relationships end when one thing tragically strikes. Which was the case for this person that I spoke to. He said that he was completely crushed when he found out that someone who he had considered as a friend, was probably not at friend at all. He was also crushed at the fact when he admitted to seeing the signs, but chose to either make excuses for them or chose to ignore them.

But I think that it is true. We never really know who people are, especially on the inside until we’ve taken the long road to get to know them. And in most cases, it does take years to understand who they are, what they are like, and whether or not they are someone that we would prefer to keep in our lives. Each day brings another piece to the puzzle. This person said that he thought he saw a beautiful picture forming in this jigsaw puzzle that was his friendship with this other person, but as days and weeks and even a few years went on… he realized that there was more to the picture of the jigsaw puzzle and it was NOT something that he liked. So now he’s feeling stuck because of the fact that he had invested so much of his life with them and now finds himself in a position where he doesn’t like where things are going.

I believe that in one way or another, we all go through the same thing in life. We begin a common bond with someone based on what we see at the surface. But as things progress and we get to know one another, we get to a point where we have to make a decision of whether or not we want to continue on with that relationship. Especially when things become very unstable or rocky. And they almost always will at some point.

The only thing that I could advise him on, was either stay with it or walk away and never look back. Relationships are never perfect. We have to understand that. There’s just going to be those times in which those people will do or say something that displeases us. Then the choice is either walk away from them, or forgive them and either way you go the point is to be able to carry on…. with or without them.

It wasn’t easy for him to hear me tell him this at all. He’s afraid that if he continues on with the relationship, that he’ll just find more and more negativity about them and it would make him miserable. But on the other hand, he feels that if he walks away that his time with them was worthless and wasted. On top of the feelings of guilt and being alone because he made the choice to walk away and that they are no longer a consistent fixture in his life.

Indifference and inaction isn’t the answer either. It just causes more heartache.

People come into our lives. Sometimes people leave our lives. But they ARE there for a reason. If they are not meant to be there for a lifetime, then they won’t be. And no matter how hard we fight to keep them there, it only causes things to get worse.

I feel really bad for him because I’ve been in his shoes so many stinkin’ times in my own life. Sometimes I think about how I miss those who are no longer in my life. But I have to also remember that there is a reason for that. And usually for me, that keeps my sanity at a certain balance to remember the reasons WHY they are no longer there.

The dismissal and disconnect of a relationship is never easy. But once we purge ourselves of the things that are “bad” for us, the sooner we can live a healthier life.

As social I am, I really know how much it stinks to either lose someone or let someone go. But there’s really nothing more that I can do in some situations. I can either hang on to the relationship that has soured, and stew in the painfulness and HOPE for the best, OR I can let go.. experience the pain at the beginning, and then heal and move on.

Each person is different. Sometimes it doesn’t take a lot of time for a person to realize what the jigsaw puzzle is turning out to be. And for others, it sometimes takes the entire jigsaw puzzle to be put together and stand back and see what they have before they realize what it is.

I couldn’t tell this guy “You need to leave, then it will be better”, and neither could I say, “Hang in there, it will get better” because I honestly don’t know for him what is right and what it is he is willing to put up with and just deal with certain situations. And I couldn’t say where he’s going to go. I just hope and wish for him the best.

But what I can say for those who read this, is that we must do what is BEST for us. We have to survive in life and do what we need to, in order to continue on in this lifetime. Yes, a lot of times we come across situations where its not easy to make a decision but ultimately there will come a time where we will need to make one before we can move on in our lives. Whether right or wrong.

We are strong though. We’ll make it through.

 

Change

“A lot of people get impatient with the pace of change.”~ James Levine

 

People often say that “change is scary”. But then there are others that tell you that “change is good”. So it can be difficult to know who is right and who is wrong.

 

But I think that we all have come across a point in our lives when we were in need of some kind of change, and we live to tell about it. But then why is it so scary??

 

I’ve come to my own realization that it isn’t the change that is causing the fear. But rather it is the fact of the unknown of what is going to happen once we make that certain change. We have no assurances of whether or not the change was a good or a bad idea.

 

We become overwhelmed with being so nervous about what could possibly happen next. Instead of focusing on the reasons why we felt we needed the change in the first place. We don’t remind ourselves as to why we need the change. But we fixate on the dark and scary future, to which we have no idea what will become of our change.

 

Over the past weekend, I was carpet bombed with a dose of reality that it damn near choked me. And it caused me to believe that I am in need of a change. And if that change does not happen, then I am surely going to be heading down the road of misery and sadness for years to come.

 

So then why is it so hard? Because I don’t know what is going to happen to me once I make that change.

 

Often times, we know what is the right thing to do. But we never do it because we fear the unknown future. And so our lives continue to suffer to a degree because we don’t make those changes.

 

We begin to think about the things that we could lose because of the change. We become fearful of to lose something that we have been so comfortable for so long in having and we wonder if we will lose it entirely? And if so, it takes us completely out of our comfort zone. And nobody honestly likes that. So instead of having faith that our change will take us to a better place in our lives in the long run, we cling to our old comfort zone and stay in that place of comfort, even if it means we continue to be miserable.

 

Change is not difficult. Being able to keep holding on to our faith that we will be okay, is the part that makes it hard.

 

And then there is change that happens to us without warning. How we as human beings cope and adapt to it will often be the way in which we can tell how we will deal with the change. Things happen sometimes, and we cannot control it. So in that case, change happens whether we like it or not.

 

But for those times in which we hit the crossroads, in which they are many, we have to be strong and brave enough to know that we are doing the right thing for our lives. A constant flow of positive thinking could help us along the way to remind ourselves that we are doing this for a reason. And usually that reason is for the betterment of our personal lives.

 

As for my situation, I eventually will hit that spot in the road where I will make that decision to change or not. And so I must have faith that “it will be okay”.