Vexing Advertisements

“Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.”~ William Shakespeare

As of lately, I have been noticing this bombardment of television advertisements for online dating sites. More specifically, match.com.

It is one of the more popular and well known websites for singles who are looking for dating and relationships.

But this commercial has annoyed me since the first time I noticed one of the actresses giving a “testimonial” to the website.

She says something similar to the following:

“I’m not looking to date a bunch of guys. Just the right ones.” 

Simply annoying. After all, the whole construct of dating is to FIND the right one. Whether or not a person does when they date is clearly a personal choice.

I am not a member of match.com and I probably never will be. I’ve only signed up for ONE dating website that was supposed to be FREE, but really wasn’t. And truthfully, I didn’t find anyone that caught my eye.

But I am going to safely assume that match.com takes you through a journey of your likes/dislikes and then “matches” you up with someone that has given the same answers as you, believing you are a good fit.

It is a business and they do what they do. But still, if you are “dating all the right ones” then what in the world is the point to continue to use an online dating service? If you found the right one based on your matches, isn’t that enough? Why would you continue to date if you have “found the right one”?

Stupid.

I’m not saying that people who use these websites are lame, but what I am saying is that this commercial that I see over and over and over again… IS lame. Or am I wrong?

Yes, match.com is a business. And they do what they do and offer the possibility of dating and relationships. And I know that sometimes things work out in the end and two people who have found each other have fallen in love and get married and have their happily ever after. Most certainly, match.com has its own ways of measuring their business with success. And that’s fine. I believe that they say 1 in 5 find matches that they are happy with. Sounds like pretty good odds, right?? I just think that the marketing tool on television is a little FUBAR. Just the one commercial.

Naturally, match.com will want to continue in gaining business by having people join the website. I have no idea just how many have joined, neither do I know how many couples have successfully found one another and it lead to a happy life of marriage. I am sure that it has happened. I won’t dare say that it hasn’t because that is not something that I know.

It is my personal opinion that the woman that they’ve probably hired to give that kind of statement, honestly isn’t all that attractive physically. I know that they try to make things full of glamour and what not. That’s the point. Attract as many potential members as possible.

But its a little nuts to have someone say, “I don’t wanna date guys, just the right ones.”

Dating has come a long way. Most certainly things have changed from what I believed worked in the world.

I was sharing a story with someone just yesterday about how a few years ago,  I would go to the club and when I found some woman that I thought was attractive, I would buy them a drink. I would tell the waitress that I wanted to buy them a drink, and I would watch from beginning to end. From the pick up at the bar all the way to the delivery of the drink to the woman. Anticipating that the woman would at least sit next to me and have a conversation. THAT NEVER HAPPENED. 

But that’s how I thought it worked. Geez, how wrong was I? To me, that was money well wasted. And after a few times of that happening, I quit doing it and saved my money in the long run.

Whether or not online dating works, is not the subject for this blog post. It’s the fact that I’ve lost count at how many times I’ve rolled my eyes into the back of my head hearing this stupid commercial. And for those who are successful at it? Congratulations.

 

 

 

“Hi Mom!”

'Hi Mom! I'm going to Disneyland!'

“People love coming on television, even if they have to show their miseries.”~ Victoria Abril

I stayed up kind of late last night, and I’m not sure as to why. But it would turn out to be a good idea.

 

Due to the fact that the NFL Playoffs were on so late and some dumb American Idol special, it caused the late local news to be VERY late news.

 

Before a commercial break right before the sports segment, I heard the words “sled hockey”, and I turned and looked but missed whatever they were previewing. So I sat there waiting for the news to come back on so that the sports would be shown.

 

Of course, with the NFL Playoffs and then the news of the death of Penn State football coach Joe Paterno, these were some of the more highlighted stories of the broadcast. And I kept yelling at the television, “C’mon already!”. I was just far too anxious to see what I would see.

 

And then, they brought it to a “local setting”. And that’s when I would see our Paralympic Event being broadcast on television from the Cedar Park Center.

 

Keep in mind, nobody interviewed me while I was participating, but there was about a half of a second of video footage of me lazily skating across the ice. But they did interview a teammate and our new team leader. Both of which didn’t get a lot of face time either.

 

And that was my moment of glory for 2012, appearing on television in less than a blink of an eye.

 

This doesn’t happen to me a lot, but this is also not the first time that I’ve been on television. The moment that I saw myself last night made me think about the other times that I had been on television before when I was much younger.

 

Many times I’ve been in the background of some video footage as I was last night. But then when I was only eight years old, I did two commercials. It was for a fundraising event to build a wheelchair accessible swimming pool on the grounds of Camp Aldersgate in Arkansas. A summer camp designed for handicapped youth. Something I went to for six days each and every summer until I was nine years old.

 

The first commercial, I stood in the background with another girl who also had Spina Bifida, just like me. And the gentleman who was in charge of this project spoke. I didn’t say anything, neither did the girl.

 

But the second commercial, I actually had lines to speak. They attempted to make it sound like I was having a conversation with the girl about the difficulties of going to this camp and having to go completely out of the way on a rented school bus to get to the nearest public swimming pool. Other children that had disabilities more severe than my own, struggled with what seemed like to them, life and death, just to get on board the bus.

 

I remember when they had asked my parents if I would do it. My father would ask me if I could say words like “therapeutic” and “donation”.

 

It was kind of difficult because we had to say our lines and be done in 28 seconds. Not one second more, not one second less. Take after take after take before we finally got it right.

 

I did those two commercials. My family & I caught them on television four times at home. But it was always the commercial that I had the “conversation” with the other girl. Only once did my family catch the FIRST commercial with the gentleman who spoke that was in charge.

 

I became quite popular in the neighborhood, in school, and anywhere I went. People would recognize me from television. Even my own school principal and the school office staff would make a big deal out of it whenever they would see me. The principal insisting that I give an autograph. Other people wanted my autograph as well. Including the older neighborhood kids. They were kinda proud to say to their friends that they knew the kid in the commercial.

 

Then my family went to watch my older brother play high school basketball, and I had a crowd of people surrounding me wherever I went. It was fun, but at the same time really scary and creepy.

 

Shortly after that, I would be there for the groundbreaking ceremony. Myself and my co-star standing there with shovels as dignitaries and local politicians on hand to help in our needs to stabilize our balance on the uneven terrain.

 

The mayor of Little Rock, Arkansas stood behind me and helped as I kept digging as best I could with a shovel. I can still hear in my head his commands of “PUSH!” and “GRUNT HARDER!”, as he whispered to me that the grunting would help me dig deeper into the ground. The media was there and I ended up on the front page of the newspaper.

 

Who was I to argue with the mayor? I was always told to respect those who were my elders and those who were in positions of power. So when he said to grunt, I grunted!!!

 

It would happen again at the ribbon cutting ceremony. Front page news with photograph included.

 

The swimming pool was built some time later and I was the first person in it. They placed me in a wheelchair and I had scores of parents, politicians, private donators, and members of the local media, as well as the governor of Arkansas at the time, Bill Clinton, in attendance.

 

A few speeches were made, and there I was cutting this ribbon along side a volunteer who had been a camp counselor ever since I can remember when I would go to the camp during the summer.

 

The ramp was built in the shallow end of the swimming pool. But as you went further and further down the ramp, the surface of the pool water would rise. First your feet, then up to your knees, then to your waist. But by the time it got past your waist, your body freely and instinctively just floated away from the wheelchair and then VOILA!!– You were swimming.

 

Being a child, it was a creepy feeling. But then again, the way it worked was a complete and total success. It was the first of its kind I understand today. Probably the first wheelchair accessible swimming pool ever built.

 

That was probably thirteen out of my fifteen minutes of fame spent. Not bad for an eight year old boy, huh??

 

I’m tempted to call the television station that recorded the commercials to see if they still have it in their archives. I would love to get a copy of it. The station still exists as it was back then. But I’ve not tried it as of yet.

 

If they do have it and they send it to me, then perhaps I’ll upload it to YouTube or something.

 

But since that time, I’ve been in video footage that had been on the news at one point or another. Only one time that I can remember did I actually have an interview with the journalist who was covering a story, but I also remember they edited about 80% of what I had said. I guess for time limitations for the story. I don’t know.

 

They totally edited out the part where I turned and shouted, “HI MOM!!!” on camera. Sorry bastards..!

 

However, seeing myself on television last night was kinda cool. Nothing to write home about. But still … kinda cool. I was just at the right place at the right time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Super, what?

Today is Super Bowl XLV. (That’s “45” for you non-Romans.) And yet I find myself not much in the hype of the big game, or at least not getting involved in it all. I have to be honest, the NFL is not one of the things I ascribe to.

But don’t get me wrong. I am like any other warm-blooded male who enjoys his sports. It just happens to be that this is not one of them.

My mood has been the same all day long. There’s been no crescendo of jubilation or any countdown to kickoff of any kind. And I understand that there are many out there who have been waiting and waiting for this day to come.

Locally however, the apartment complex in which I live in, they have been struggling with management to let them be able to access the community room in order to watch the game. Our community room has a television, VCR/DVD, several dozen books, furniture, tables, chairs, and six computers. Its there for our use in the first place. But since the great remodel job of 2006, its been closed to the residents on the weekends. A bit unfair, but I’ve adapted to the fact that we must be crammed into our tiny apartments like caves for the weekend. So in a sense, it is a great victory for us living here.

As far as just having it opened for the Super Bowl, I’m not so sure I agree with that. But as they say, one step at a time. The struggles and tribulations of the community room is best served for another time, another blog.

I have been given the understanding that there will be food. So I suppose that would be one good thing about it. One thing about being a bachelor is that I can take the opportunity to partake in the munchifications and nobody will say anything about it. Finding places like that to eat, that is on the outside of the home is always a bonus in my book.

But here we go back again to the game. Its not giving me any interest at all. The Super Bowl takes a common football game which should last about two and a half, and up to three hours and stretches it so far with special commercials and what they consider “Halftime Entertainment”. Including the pre-game, the pre-pre-game, the pre-pre-pre-game, the trophy ceremony and oh…. on top of that, the post-game.

And did I mention, they get some goofball to sing our National Anthem and turn it from a two minute and ten second moment of patriotic pride to a four minute church hymn?

Altogether, a heeping pile of five to six hours in total length.

There’s almost a guarantee to have nothing else on television. For those of us who do not have cable or satellite, you know what I am talking about. Options are absolutely nothing on this day.

Yes, I know the commercials are amusing and sometimes hilarious. But believe me, you’re not missing anything because those commercials will be re-broadcast again throughout the rest of the month. Plus, there’s always the Internet. So that argument is out.

I think that instead, I’ll just stick to my sledge hockey. (Sled hockey as its called in the USA.)