Dear Musicians: I’m On To You

Well then. I may be late for the party, but I find myself a way there. And that is the most important part of it, is finding yourself at the finish line no matter how long it has taken you to get there.

I may have been born at night, but it sure as hell was not last night.

Music is my life. It is in my soul. It has always been there, and it will forever remain.

And because of it, when I find myself surrounded by musicians in my social life, it is astounding to determine those who are fake and those who are real.

For those of you who are fairly new and for those who have foolishly forgotten by now… it is no secret that if I find something in music that I really like.. then I am 100% all for it to the point that I even promote it during my own time. I live it, breathe it, rinse and repeat.

I understand in the music business that there is a product that needs to be sold to the masses. It is a musician’s dream come true for their material to spread like wildfire, and perhaps even go viral for just a day.

The more the merrier as they say.

I am not against anyone in the business trying their best to do that and be successful at it. In fact, as I said… I will do all that I can to help make that happen if I can, if I am totally into it.

But I am on to you. I really am.

Today’s example goes international.

A band was brought to my attention from South America. And I had only heard ONE of their songs and I enjoyed it. So I did what any other human being would do, and started to follow the band on social media from top to bottom, left to right. And stuck it out with the band even though there was not much to offer in the way of merchandise. Plus coming from another continent I thought would be kind of tricky.

But the band was nice to talk about it. They gave several different options and offers that would include international shipping. And dummy-me, I took the bait. Not to say that I did not want what I paid for, but I had no idea of the shit storm that was soon to follow.

A storm that would turn me off of bands in general.

It took over two months to finally arrive from South America. And I wasn’t thrilled about it at all. But then again, it wasn’t like there was something I could do about it any way.

So from the beginning, the South American band wasn’t in a good light when it came to merchandise.

The second round came within a week of receiving my first shipment. In fact, I was asked if I wanted some other merchandise in that week BEFORE receiving that first shipment. And again…. dummy-me goes and buys more. Now I’ve spent more than $50 (including international shipping) on stuff that I bought, but haven’t received in hand.

Eventually the first shipment arrived. The second shipment came just as slow. About two to two and a half months after ordering so easily through PayPal.

Second shipment I was more content with than the first for whatever reason. And then just DAYS after receiving the second shipment, I was again given some particular “special offers” that wouldn’t last for very long.

Guess what? I fell for that sense of urgency. Shipment #3 took yet again TWO FRICKIN’ MONTHS. And yes, I was approached during that two month period with offers of something else.

I finally told this band, “I want a t-shirt and maybe the CD. And that’s all. Nothing more.”

To which I was given this rotten wrap-around about how t-shirts are so expensive and everything. And the blame went to shipping costs from South America. Whether or not that is entirely true, I do not know. I do not have a t-shirt yet.

But more and more and more and more options and offers kept coming. After three in a row, I really needed to stop and take a break. But the offers took no break. I began to feel like if I kept saying “NO” that they would stop altogether.

Needless to say, I am not a fan of shipments taking so freakin’ long. Nor am I enticed or interested in watching a “special concert” via the Internet and paying for it. If this band wants to perform for me, they can find a way to come to the United States of America and do it live in person. I mean after all, isn’t that the musician’s way of life? Isn’t that their ultimate dream?? Travel the world and spread their music to as many people as possible. Isn’t that the point of it all???? If not, it used to be at one point!!!

Here’s where it all fell apart for this South American band. Even though I was a huge fan of the one song that I found on YouTube, the live performances were an entirely different thing. And it was unsettling.

There was some teaser videos made for their performances online. Excerpts of performances from the past that were live. This band sounded awful. Absolutely horrible. And it was so full of cringe.

Some bands sound fine when they play live. Others (like this one) not so much. I understand that bands will not sound like a copied self from the studio. But if you can’t sound remotely close, there’s a big problem!!

Ever since, I have been wondering if I was going to be filled with regret to support what I could consider a “lost cause” in the end.

Just recently I saw that the band was posting photos of fans with their merchandise. To which one fan from the USA had like 30 signed photographs or prints. I exclaimed with a bit of envy of the person, and the band took that as an opportunity to jump me privately.

They were going to offer me various combinations of photographs/prints.

Three photos for $11.90.. international shipping included.

Then it went on from there:

Seven photos for $16.90
Ten for $20.90
Twenty for $27.90

Umm… it got worse from there. The original post was of 30 photos. Wanna know how much 30 of them would cost? $37.90

And the band chooses which 30 photos will be sent. Keep in mind they are not signed or autographed. As you can expect, they are leaving that up to the imagination that signing them would be extra.

However… if I wanted to be the one who selected the photographs, they were $5 each plus shipping. Suddenly, just because I want to choose… $37.90 turned into $150 PLUS shipping.

What in the hell??

They sold it as urgent. This time I did not fall for it. The moment that they realized I was not  going to buy anything, they stopped talking to me.

I went back to the person who had been contacting me all this time and I went back through every time that they had contacted me. I read over the contents of the conversation and suddenly realized that the evidence was right in front of me. This band never contacted me to say hello. They never contacted me to find out how my day was going. Every time they reached out, they were attempting to sell something.

All the times that I had attempted to initiate contact, was met up with silence and them ignoring my messages.

Let me repeat myself by saying that I fully understand that bands have something they want to sell. And that’s how their career works. But there has to be a level of reciprocity between musicians and their fans. At some type of level musicians must communicate with their fans. How else are they going to know what their fans want?

It is very clear that there is no reciprocity by the way of communication. Either you discuss buying some of their merchandise or purchasing the opportunity of watching them in their live streamed gigs…. or you don’t talk to them at all.

That is bullshit. I am on to you and every other band that has done me like that!!! I’ve received something from other countries. South America, step up your game or lose your career.The separation is soon coming.

Dining Or Dating?

“You think relationships are difficult? Try friendships. Try courting someone in order to convince them to join you in some nameless, shapeless Platonic complication — forever. Convince an adult stranger that you are worth a healthy slice of their limited time and energy without the prize of sex or romance.”~ Laura Jayne Martin

Time for a review. Why? A- because its become necessary unfortunately. B- Going to catch up for some of the people who are newer to this blog than others.

This afternoon, I received a telephone call from a man who was whining and complaining and going on and on about how his dating life was starting to stink.

I asked him when he started having a girlfriend. He said that he did not have one. But he had been dating one girl that just flew his rocket and it hasn’t been going well. When I asked him why, he shouted at me that he didn’t know and he wanted to know what to do.

So with him screaming (and crying) in my ear, I came to drill down to the bedrock of his problem.

Expectation. Or intention. Whichever term you choose.

He had been taking his special girl out to dinners. A few times they would meet for lunch. But they hadn’t gone and shared in any other activity other than one of the three meals of the day.

Well, everyone has to eat.

He has been coming across with his invitation that its nothing but a meal. Even though he’s been wanting to improve his relationship with this woman and maybe see if they couldn’t get a little more serious.  

He’s also paying for it each and every time. So guess what then?? She’s taking him on for free meals because according to him, that’s all it is. It is his own words.

Being that I know the both of them personally, the guy asked me to be the middle man… the go-between…. and talk with her to make her realize that its not just dinner but dating.

I knew right away there was a red flag. But I went ahead and was going to talk to the woman in the first place over something completely unrelated and found it absolutely easy for the topic of conversation for her and I to talk about him and what she thought and felt about him taking her out to eat.

I didn’t need to bring it up myself. It just presented itself.

I have bad news for the guy:  She just isn’t looking for that in him. She already has a crush on another man.  And she IS dating him. But because of his terminology and vocabulary, she doesn’t feel that she is doing anything wrong. Of course she is worried about whether or not she is coming across  that she is only being a leech because he keeps paying for all these times they go out to eat.

So now with them, not only is it expectation and intention. It is also communication.

Umm, I wouldn’t suggest doing that if I were you!!

He likes her. He wants to date her or have a serious relationship with her.

She likes him. But she doesn’t want him to think that she’s the kind of woman who is using him for free meals.

Now what?

He needs to express himself clearer with her. He needs to tell her of his future intention. Even though you and I now both know that’s going to end in rejection.

She needs to tell him that she’s got her eyes locked on someone else. And she also needs to express her concern and get him to admit his feelings of whether or not he “thinks” she is using him. And then tell him that’s not what she’s doing.

If people would somehow learn to be more open with one another, these difficult situations wouldn’t come around as often. At least, I don’t think so.

And I wouldn’t have to suffer something like this as much as I do. If at all.

Besides, a relationship cannot survive for long without decent communication.

 

 

Internet Security

“Never think you’ve seen the last of anything.”~ Eudora Welty.

Well, let’s face it. We should probably add this phrase to the list of oxymorons. Is there such thing as Internet security?

In some cases yes, there is. But most cases, no there is not.

Probably the number one thing we overlook as far as having our security online is the infinite ways of mass communication. Sharing sites, social networking sites. Even though you are told that you are secured- you really are not.

I am not referring to some high-tech illegal hacking ring somewhere thousands of miles away. I am talking about right here at home, the neighboring state, even in the other room.

Confused yet?

The information that we pour out into the Internet via e-mails, message boards, social networking sites, and other ways of mass communication drops that curtain of security and allows others to come into our lives. Even though we are not embarking on a journey to pass out our credit card information, we are sharing with others the OTHER kinds of information that sometimes we feel is safe.

After all, you would never had known I was wearing underwear with holes in it, if I had not told you so. Right? And no, I am not going to turn on any camera and prove it either! (Freaking perverts.)

These social networking sites are the worst. This is my main point. It allows us to say whatever we want to say, knowing that others are going to see it and read it. On a few rare occurences, they do strike back at us.

Photographs being uploaded of us soooooooo drunk the weekend before that now we are embarrassed that it ever happened. Or even some random rant that we scream at the top of our lungs about something, only to find out that we were wrong in the first place. Its out there and its there for forever.

The best thing for us to do is to not say anything. That is, if you are looking for absolute total security. But then again if that is the case, what are you doing on the Internet??

Some people WANT to be seen and heard because they have something to say. And I will say, that’s a good thing. Even I can come up with a gem of a statement a time or two, sprinkled here and there.

Those who have something to share, usually do. Its those who say things just for the sake of being seen. Those are the people who end up getting burned because they opened up their flood gates and allowed all of this information that was personal about them to become known and exposed.

And of course even for those who have decent commentary and important issues to talk about, their words get twisted because of the lack of sincerity that is taken when read. Including the absence of vocal inflection. We cannot tell just how serious a person is about something because we cannot HEAR whether they are shouting from the mountain tops or just casually speaking up.

It happened to me as of recently. One comment that was “heard around the world” and back again to the point where I had heard being said to me. Unfortunately when it was repeated back to me, the person who told me did not realize it was I who had started that comment.

Always think twice when using the Internet for communication. Don’t be so shy to edit yourself, and for crying out loud… proofread yourself!!!! Nothing says “boring” more than a message that is filled with errors. And seriously though, if you are unsure about something that you have written then don’t send it. If you have any uncertainty about whether or not you should be talking about it then chances are you probably shouldn’t be.

 

Talking To A Nobody

Since the invention of the electronic mail and instant messages, the various ways of communication have been better and more convenient in times past. Or has it?

Nothing says it faster than typing up some random message and having it sent to the person it was intended for in less than a few seconds. Its quicker, its faster, its “instant”.

So then why is there so many problems? It is because of the absence of a real person in the flesh that you are supposedly corresponding to. A person can be as insignificant as the next one when it comes to dealing with communication via the Internet. Or they can be as large as any moonlit sky in the night.

We should all know by now that “faster” does not necessarily mean “better”. Not in this case. The Internet has reached its way to hundreds of millions of people worldwide. The opportunity for them to sit down, write an e-mail, and then be on their way again has opened the doors to what I call, “Fast Talking”.

But there is a huge problem. Almost to the point where I would dare to say that the Internet is flawed. The messages we are sending to one another doesn’t always carry its point across. It gets mixed up and then havoc appears. That one message that you just sent to carry on your conversation, just turned into the first bullet fired of World War III.

And all of this happened inadvertently. Have you figured out why yet?

It is because you are talking to “nobody”. Actually, you are talking to no body.

A few nights ago, I was reading a message thread that got really heated. Several people were involved, but”no body” was there. And I could see, as the outsider of all of this mess just how it came to be. And then in the middle of it all, I read this post (paraphrased):

“Without anyone there, to show body language or voice inflection, a person’s ‘tone’ can come off totally different from that person’s intention, depending on how the other person receives it and reads it. It becomes particularly difficult especially if one person does not truly know the other in which they are engaging in conversation.”

Okay that is grossly paraphrased, but still the point gets made. And I honestly could not agree with the statement any more than I do!

For years, I had been struggling in communication with a friend. Whatever I would say, I would receive back the answer, “whatever”. To me, that was just about as mean and cruel as it could get. I felt as if whatever I was telling them was only falling upon deaf ears (or eyes in this matter).

But as time went by, I started to get to know them better and better. Eventually, I would find myself in the same position of actually talking to them, using our voices to communicate. And then, with inflection, I heard them say “whatever”. Suddenly, it did not seem so mean to me. I knew what they were intending on communicating and I did not take it as personal as I once had.

Amazing, isn’t it? Something as simple as a voice that is missing from a conversation can totally turn the tide in which the waves have been crashing. One simple component of a voice. That’s all it takes.

We have got to be careful what we say, and just how we say it on the Internet. I have actually reached a point to where if I am writing an e-mail, I will go back and look it over. Not only will I correct any typos or grammatical errors (if I catch them), I will read it to myself and see if it sounds how I had originally intended it to sound. If I find just the slightest doubt within myself that whatever I wrote may not come across the way I would like it, I edit the whole passage.

I’m not saying that is what you must do. I am saying that is what I do. And a lot of the times, it works out better. I do still get snagged from time to time because I am still learning more about the person with whom I am communicating with. Commonly it DOES matter whether or not you know the person and how much you know them. If you’re a smart ass like I am and you are constantly using humor to express yourself, well… your humor often may be missed and the next thing you know you are on running damage control, trying to save yourself and the conversation from collateral damage.

Does anyone remember what it was like WITHOUT the Internet? With each day that passes by, many of this younger generation has no clue what it was like to have to either sit down and write a letter and affix postage. It was either that, or you would have to pick up the telephone and dial that person. At least then, you had voice inflection.

Now with cell and mobile phones with the capabilities to chat, send e-mails, and everything else in between- a majority of us still get caught up in this tricky and delicate situation of either misreading or being misread.

Personally though, when it comes to communication, give me the telephone and I will dial someone that I want to talk to.