Posts Tagged ‘competition’

fightwc“We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.”~ Winston Churchill

I don’t think that I have ever felt such frustration as I am about to write about in all of my life as an adult. Eventually this will go away, but this blog has always had the original intent to be my therapy so buckle up.

And before you start going on and on about how fighting is never the answer. Yeah, I know that. You just need to keep reading.

I went out the other night and I ran into this woman that I had not seen in a very long time. Someone that I have wanted to see more of but never actually do.

And while she did hang out with me for part of the night, I did notice that she would disappear off and on. I didn’t know if she was going to the restroom, or going to the bar, or going outside to smoke, or anything.

I will spare you the boring and long details of the evening, but I will mention that I was making the moves, and I planned to see just how far it would go and to see where I stand with her.

But during her frequent disappearances I noticed that when I looked around for her that she was standing there talking to another man who also was in a wheelchair. That guy and I would pass by each other a lot and he always was giving me dirty looks. I tried to engage him in conversation but he never said a word to me. I even threw him a compliment and still got nothing.

However after I decided to make a move, I noticed that whenever she was socializing or doing whatever it was with the other guy, he was doing the same stuff I was doing.

What in the world?!?!?!??

The woman is beautiful. She’s going to gain attention, I get that. But I felt like this guy was taking away from me and taking for himself.

This non-verbal, non-physical altercation of an event was happening.

Physically speaking… even though he and I lack severely in that department, he still had a bigger build than I. If he and I were to stand up and face each other, he would in fact be much larger than I in all capacities.

At that point I knew that if something between he and I broke out, he would have the advantage and probably the victory. But as time went on, I realized that he kept drinking and this was actually causing him to become weaker and ultimately a burden for anyone surrounding him.

At times when I would actually go and seek her out and find her with him, he gave even more dirty looks towards my direction. I took it as a non-verbal threat. This shit is not cool!!

Towards the end of the night, this woman did come to me to tell me that she was leaving. I offered to walk her outside so I knew she was safe, but she emphatically refused my offer.

She left, and then shortly after the other guy left. But I cannot definitively tell you that they left together.  I don’t know that.

I realize that I live in a certain corner of society where it is the survival of the fittest. I know that it is winner take all. But what people don’t realize about this kind of world, for who do not live the same as I do that it is an understatement to say that it is brutal.

Two men fighting go at it until there is a clear loser. We always hear about how if two women fight that it is even worse because they never fight fair.. pulling hair, clawing each other and so on. It is not pretty.

So then let me explain that if two disabled people are in a physical fight, it is far worse than you have ever seen!!

Because of the fact that they are disabled to begin with, they fight like they have nothing in the world to lose and everything to gain. They literally fight to the death. The only two ways that a fight between two physically disabled people come to an end is if someone steps in and breaks it up, or the victor realizes that their opponent is near death and they don’t want to go to jail or have that on their minds for the rest of their lives.

Disabled people already are engaged in a fight for their lives because of all that we have to deal with in daily life. Going down in a blaze of glory for something we want to have or to protect is not a second thought. There have been too many times where I have found myself in that situation and I did what I did to make sure that I protected myself.

Now that a few days have passed, I think about how I probably could have taken this other guy down after realizing that he had too much to drink and probably couldn’t fend for himself that much.  But I never went after him for it. I also knew that starting a war with him from the moment that I saw what was going on would have been a personal disaster for me. I am still pissed off about it. And I could probably blame everyone and everything. Him, her, and myself included.

Some of you reading this might say that she’s not worth it. But I think that it is worth something because if I had not done anything I would never find out for sure where she and I stand, or could stand because there is no omelets without breaking any eggs.

Carpe diem, baby!

“All of the sports have a safety net, but boxing is the only sport that has none. So when the fighter is through, he is through. While he was fighting his management was very excited for him, but now that he is done, that management team is moving on.”~Gerry Cooney
 
Here I sit in absolute soreness! And I’m smiling about it every time I grunt or groan.
 
The time has come to begin the 2011-12 sled hockey season for my team. It was definitely a work out as the team hasn’t really been in shape. But you know what? Nobody on the team is going to complain because we finally were able to get back out on the ice since last May. (And for me even longer, probably February of this year.)
 
I can admit that I am out of shape for this kind of excercise and activity. But once we get going, everything should be just fine. Each of us were just as sore as the other. Although a few of us might be even more so, because they had trouble staying up on the ice.
 
We warmed up, we did some drills, and then we got down to business. Unfortunately while drawing up the team in half and then playing, I found myself to be amongst two players. One of which hasn’t been on the ice for very long. I cannot say anything bad about him because I do not know him at all. Only that he is a very young player.
 
And the other player who should probably be off of ice entirely. Not to say that his skill isn’t great or that he sucks, but his foul attitude and the way he treats the assistants because he is that player’s brother, really does bother the rest of the team.
So anyway, after it all was said and done, I ended up with a hat trick. For those of you who do not know what that hockey term means, a “hat trick” in hockey means that I scored three goals in one game.
 
The day started out to be very difficult though when I had heard the news that our team captain was out for three months, due to a broken ankle. He broke it while participating in wheelchair basketball. So because he went and got wreckless in one sport and ended up with an injury, he’s not going to be participating in THIS sport for several months.
 
The personal relationship that I have between myself and the team captain is at best- strained. But I do try to keep a lid on it when I am on the ice. Still though, hearing that he wasn’t going to be joining us for the first few months, did cause me to grumble.
 
The sled hockey program has been going on since 2005. I have been playing since 2008. And I LOVE IT!!! Even after being named co-assistant captain of the team last season, I’ve still done whatever I could to help the team, both on and off of the ice. And I do need to work on that grumbling even when I am off of the ice.
 
This year though, we have an new addition to the team. I believe I’ve mentioned it before. Someone is coming in and taking care of the “behind the scenes” stuff for the team. Setting up dates and events and what not.
 
After our little icy war yesterday, we gathered outside and met with the family who has come in to help. We would all find out at the same time that we are about to embark on several different activities and events that would be so helpful for the team in the long run. More exposure and more face time with the general public to let them know that yes, we may be disabled, but we’re kicking your butts when you are standing there on the ice with us and we dance around you in semi-circles.
 
And it was confirmed that this team now is going to travel. The thought of it is quite exciting. A lot of the major activities and events however, will happen in the early months of 2012… and that is fine with the team, we’re just so happy that we get the opportunity to do this.
 
The sad part was hearing the news that with all of the fund raising opportunities that we have received, we are going to need a minimum of $3,000 this year. It will pay for the time on the ice for THIS season as well as for a few times from the last season.
 
Yesterday, was our first day. We had six people there. So I suppose that if each person can raise $500 a piece, that would take care of the minimum.
 
So if it comes down to having to use this blog to get the word out, in order to raise sufficient funds, then I will do it!
 
The other thing that was so disappointing was that our other co-assistant captain told me in the locker room that he will not be able to go with us on our first road event, which is in November. Meaning, I will be left to be the leader of the team. And I think that I can do the job, what is the sad part is that he is a very powerful player. So without him and without our team captain, we’re gonna have our butts handed back to us on ice. Leading the team is one thing, carrying them is another. To be honest, I am not looking forward to that. We can lose 100-0, but I’m not looking forward to doing all of the work on the ice. 5 against 1 is never fair.
 
So stay with me. The excitement comes and goes. Particularly after each Sunday when I have hockey. The soreness is always to come that night and into each Monday afterwards.
 
The events will begin in November. Then we’ll do more stuff in January and March.  I’ll never forget that feeling of playing on the ice in front of a sold out crowd of over 6,000 people for just a few minutes at an AHL hockey game. Probably the best night of my hockey career. And we’ll get to do that same thing again.
 
If you are willing to help. Leave a comment. Even if its fundraising ideas. All feedback is much appreciated.