Surprising Sundries #01

“Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.”~Voltaire

Truth be told that the idea for this came from the beautiful YouTuber “TorrinPaige” … Sundries are about to become a thing here.

I’ve been spending a lot of free time watching YouTube videos from a wide variety of topics and subjects. And of course I have my rather large list of people that I subscribe to that come out with their daily/weekly content that I am never able to catch up on any more which causes me to think that I may want to cut back on some subscribers.

But something else caught my eye as of lately. There are a myriad of different styles of videos posted with a common theme, tags of any kind seem to be the most popular. But coming in right behind the tag, is the ultimate Q&A video. Viewers will post questions that they want to ask the video creator whether that is delegated to either the comment section of said video or taken up as a collection on other social media websites. Such as Facebook or Instagram.

Allegedly the following video would be of the content creator going through the list of questions and answering those questions in that video.

From what I have experienced this season, is an explosion of Q&A videos being posted. Most, if not all of them, going far beyond the fifteen, or even twenty minute mark in length. Depending on their subscriber count plus their followers.

And as I sit there watching, my mood changes from interested to astonishing disbelief.

I will totally admit that I can NOT keep up with everyone and everything. Neither can I keep up with “the rules” any longer. What is prudent? What is not acceptable?? How do you know what is what???

I will preface the rest of this message by saying that I totally do understand that if a person desires privacy that they are allowed to obtain it. Therefore, at least online, there may not be a whole lot of information available from someone. And that is their choice. In which it is totally fine.

I literally watched a YouTube content creator make two videos (cutting it into two parts) because they received well over 200 questions from people.The total elapsed time for the two videos combined was over a half an hour. A lot of them of course were the same questions asked over and over again. But I think that is really to be expected.

The content creator was female. Described as a model, doing hair care tips. The questions that kept coming up time and time again where:

How old are you?
Where are you from?
What is your relationship status?

The two videos were poorly edited as the creator kept reading these questions and you could see her getting frustrated by the look on her face. And she would totally ignore it. And then they kept coming up again and again and again. Finally, she no longer ignored it and instead kept looking up at the camera and saying that she would NOT answer any of these kinds of questions. And she further commented that she did not understand why these questions were repeatedly coming up. She finally reached the point of no return by looking at the camera angrily and repeating herself that of these three questions she would not be answering them.

Minus “Where are you from?” which was a general location by state. I understand that. I would not want just anyone coming into the town or city that I lived just because. But then again for those of you who have been reading this blog for a while already know its happened!!

Over and over and over again however, YouTube content creators are refusing to answer these similar questions. Not just once, not just twice, not just three times did I watch Q&A videos of this manner, but SIX DIFFERENT YOUTUBE CONTENT CREATORS!! (Not all women either.) 

Has society reversed itself and gone back several decades to a time when it was not socially acceptable to inquire these things? Are we back to keeping these kinds of things to ourselves??

Clearly, the content of the Q&A belongs to the content creators and they have every right to answer or not answer any questions proposed to them. But as I said, the videos were poorly edited. For example:

“Joe Blow asks ‘how old are you and are you single?’… I’m not going to answer that!”

I thought that we were finally allowed to ask questions of people and those people have the right not to answer. So it did come across to me that the creators were going about it and being very rude in how they approached that they did not want to answer the question.

I don’t think that you can fault Joe Blow for their question. But just thwarting it off like that every single time, was just a serious turn off for me.

If you don’t wanna answer certain questions, why not skip them altogether? Or better yet if one slipped into the video, why not edit it out??

So then tell me what is the protocol now in late 2016. We are getting so close to 2017. Do we keep our questions to ourselves or what?

The Reblog

So maybe this would be something that fellow bloggers can help me understand.

That is the REBLOG.

I’ve seen it used. I know that two posts of mine have been reblogged by others.

Still… what would be the point? Why aren’t bloggers blogging any more??

Granted nobody wants to be accused of stealing one’s creative works. And nobody wants to go through any bitter arguments. But reblog?

I guess I am too old school for it. If I had seen something that I thought I would share with you here, then you know that I would provide you the URL for it.  

Technology and its ways are moving so fast. I wonder if I will ever be able to catch up with it??

Maybe there are some benefits to it that I am not getting or understanding.

Maybe there is something more to it because I think its just another way of being lazy. But that’s just me.

I’d rather provide for my followers rather than clicking a few buttons and EXPECTING them to go read something else.

It could be that I just prefer my own creative content.

So if you have any answers, I’m all ears to the comment section below.

Thank you in advance.

 

Lessons Of Sorrow

I learned a lot today. Some things new, other things were more of a review.

This blog post comes unscripted, unplanned. And I will leave it up to the readers to decide whether or not it is good.

In trying to select an image for this blog post (once I decided that I would write it) I read a phrase. I don’t know if it is a quote from something specific or not.

“I can’t sleep because my pillow is all wet.”

The phrase clearly indicates that the person is crying in the middle of the night. And to be honest, I have been as well tonight. So I sit here in the silence of the dark, writing.

I have been living with a broken heart this evening. My lesson was that the past isn’t something that you can change. No amount of having the will or desire would ever change me into a super hero where I can turn back the hands of time and go back and FIX what would be that exact moment where my heart would begin to unravel.

And yet, there was something else that I would learn. Or at least remember about myself. And that lesson is the fact that I still have the capability to let go of my own hurt. More specifically, letting it go when I know that someone ELSE is hurting. And it is time for me to be that friend that they need because it is their time of sorrow, loss, and pain.

Right now in my life, there are a lot of other people who are hurting. They are lost, confused, sad, and don’t really know if the sun will ever rise again. It is my duty as a friend to be there for them in this stressful hour of need. And I know that I can be there for them and that I will be there for them. It is my duty as I took on the risk. My part of the bargain of maintaining what I have come to know as a friendship filled with love and compassion.

We’ve all been in the situation where we’ve heard about someone’s pain and we wished that we could just take it all away from them. But that magic pill hasn’t been invented as of yet. And until it is, it would just be better if we realize that we have to do the best to our abilities to sit down in silence, shut up, and listen to the cries of help.

One aspect of a friendship that I have learned through my own experiences is that “being there for someone” doesn’t necessarily mean you are there to give advice. “Being there” often means that you are listening to whatever problems your friends are having. Allowing them to say what is on their minds and in their hearts for the sake of them getting it off the chest and eventually work towards the healing process away from the current pain that they are experiencing.

I’ve gone through many times of being called on the telephone and the conversation lasted over an hour. And by the end of it, I’ve only said about a dozen words. Giving that person the opportunity to go through the motions and say what they need to say and having the thought process of what they are thinking outloud has always appeared to give that person some clarity in their confusing and frustrating world.

But no matter what whenever that person disconnected the telephone conversation has always been able to feel like they were starting to get back on their feet again. Because basically, all they needed was that attention for that time, without having the need for feedback or a sounding board.

That’s the kind of person that I am. Plain and simple.

I hate the fact that these people are hurting at the moment. I also hate the fact that there’s really nothing concrete that I can do. Other than listen.

I love my friends. And I am not a person who is shy to say it or admit it. Those who are really close to me know this about me. Because I tell them every chance that I get. Whether in times of rejoicing or in times of sorrow. This blog post just happens to be brought upon by a lot of people that I know who are experiencing sorrow. And should they call upon me again and again, I will remind them.

I have a very large reputation on the Internet for being this way. And so far, there’s never been any permanent damage from it. In fact, it is quite the opposite. When I have sacrificed whatever is going on in my life at that moment for the sake of someone’s heart who is breaking and I have listened? It has always turned out wonderfully in the end. Particularly for those who were previously drowning in sadness.

Again, that’s who I am.

I also believe that when the clouds are over us and we cannot see the silver lining, that we often forget that we are actually blessed with the fact that we have friends. Friends that we can depend on to be there for us in our need. Not so much that, but what is forgotten is the amount of friends that we have, that will support us. Friends that “have our backs”. Yeah sure, we call upon specific people because we know that we can rely on them. But there’s also those in whom we do not call upon. It doesn’t mean that they are not there sitting in our corner. It is something that is just simply forgotten because our minds are so concentrated on the fact that we are hurting.

I have no idea when all of this will end for everyone that I know specifically, who is hurting and is having a difficult time. I cannot tell the future nor read minds. But from what I have experienced personally- I’ve always come to a point where I have hit nothing but the bottom of the barrel, and still some how and in some way managed to reach the top again.

Those that I know who are down right now, will also reach the top. Each and every one of us has that capability.

Nobody said that life was easy. And then again, nobody said that we had to live our life alone.

But I surround those right now who are down, with the love from the bottom of my heart and I will open myself to them if they need me.

If we are able to do that, and not expect anything much in return (if anything at all), I believe that is the true definition of a friendship that has a foundation based on love, trust, and faith. 

 

Normalcy Doesn’t Exist

At the end of what was to be my first romantic relationship, I was needing to return to the scene of the crime after the fires had settled and the smoke had cleared.

I had to go back to the house of my former lover’s sister and retrieve the rest of my belongings and get them out of her house and into what would be my first ever apartment.

It was a creepy feeling being back there after so long, but it had to be done. I wasn’t sure if the war was going to flare up again and her sister taking up her side of things and leaving me alone to defend myself in the battle zone.

I was fortunate that her sister was a bit more mature over matters than my ex. Or so I thought.

Still though, it was quite a nervous time. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know what to do. Was I to just go there, get my junk, and get out? Or was I to socialize and say “hello” and maybe stay for a beer?

I spoke to her sister in soft, shortened words. I didn’t have time to mix any of them. As I collected what belonged to me that had not been hoarded and ransacked through already.

Then I simply asked her sister, “How is she doing?”.  That was it. I didn’t want to know anything other than that. The last that I had known was that she was in the hospital, trying to work on resolving some issues she had. Which at the time, I thought was excellent for her. She would see the error of her ways and she would realize that the life she had was not so horrible and she would return back to me and it would be happily ever after. What a frickin’ joke of a thought that was!!

The rage and fury that would settle over me from her response would never be matched again by anything else that I had encountered or experienced.

She had told me, “She’s fine. She is out of the hospital now. And living with a guy, somewhere.” I nodded, believing in that. I really did not think that my ex was going to “take the time” to get over the relationship that just ended horribly and on seriously bad terms. I had expected that she was only going to bounce from one man to the next. And I was being proven right. But that’s not what got to me.

Her sister then added, “Her new boyfriend is really nice. Probably the nicest guys she’s dated in a long time. And he’s … you know… normal.”

Perhaps a back story would help here:

When I got together with my first girlfriend, she too, had Spina Bifida. She was confined to a wheelchair from the severity of her disability. At that point in my life, I did not believe that I would EVER be in any romantic relationship with just any woman. I had settled for this one, because I felt that because she dealt with a lot of the same things in life and I would not have to worry about the fear of being with someone who didn’t understand that would judge me for everything that I had to deal with, or have to sit down on a daily basis and explain everything. So she was the one that I chose for those reasons. I settled, very much so and I realize that now. Besides it was my first rodeo. There was a lot to learn.

NOW… she’s with someone “normal”.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over??

Okay, nevermind that she just said that this new guy was the nicest ever, totally insulting me to my face and insinuating that I was not nice or not nice enough… but “normal”????

I wondered in my mind if she had heard herself! Yes, I understand that my ex had moved on. I expected that. I also had expected tons more maturity from her sister. I believe that it would have been better received had she said “He is not physically disabled.” Hell, I probably would have even accepted “He’s not in a wheelchair.”

Normal???

I attempted to find a solid definition of the word. The best that I came up with was that normal is defined as “something that does not stray from what is consistant or the usual.”

That is not a  solid definition at all.

What is “normal” for some, is not normal for others. Just because this new boyfriend of hers could walk, does not make him any more or any less “normal” than me. It only means that he has more capability to walking than I do. Normal does NOT exist!

“Normal” is one of those terms that can only be defined by each individual person. But, each definition is NOT going to be the same time and time again. “Normal” is within the eye of the beholder. And therefore, normal doesn’t exist because there is not one solid definition that is accepted by everyone.

Is it normal that a man will get up at 6:00 in the morning every day, get into the shower at 6:15, and then eat breakfast at 6:30 right before he goes for a 3 mile jog? No! Because not EVERYONE does the same thing. It is only normal for that person because that is what he does every day and it is something that is consistent with only him.

Is it normal that I wake up at 8:45 every morning, get into the shower at 10:15 and then watch Internet pornography for 15 hours straight? Of course not! Because not everyone in the world does that. (And neither do I, so don’t even! I’m just trying to prove a point.)

So the word “normal” is something that is entirely incomplete. The definition is really just spread so thin because it means so many different things. Yes, generally it means something that stays consistent, but consistency bends from one person to the next.

How her sister could’ve said such a thing was something that I could not fathom. I bit my own tongue to keep me from ripping hers out.

I do not remember saying much more to her at all, other than “thank you” when I left. I never went back there again. It could have been that she didn’t know what to say to me either at that point and that was the only way she could describe what was going on. But she could have done better. A lot better. There was a million and one other things that she could have said to explain to me that this man could walk and had no physical disability that was similar to me. “Think before you speak” should’ve been something that went through her mind before she opened her mouth.