Firestarter

‘Hearing through the grapevine’

“Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement.”~ Henry Ford

 

Well, I guess I’m potentially gonna be a butt load of trouble soon. I probably have tomorrow to live through it, a few days from now I might not be so lucky.

 

What started out as an innocent private and personal investigation, could possibly turn into a bunch of back biting and mistrust amongst the nurses, the physical therapist, and other employees within the home health agency that is currently working for me. Hopefully not, but at the very worst on my end, they’ll drop me and I will have to go with another company. Or things are about to get very dull and anti-social because they won’t wanna talk with me in fear of being brought up again.

 

This agency is working out for me so much better in the first place. Not like the one that was shoved into place without my input.

 

Needless to say that I still believe that the grapevine is NEVER a place to receive information. Believing in gossip and rumors is terrible and involving yourself in them is poison.

 

I was informed by a nurse this past week that “I” was discussed in length at their weekly staff meeting. A few people said different things about me and my current health status and other things.

 

So when I heard about it? Well, they mentioned names, but alas they had forgotten that I know the people in which names were dropped.

 

That wasn’t the problem. At least not for me. What was bugging the crap out of me was that I would begin to receive information about a conversation over me, and then suddenly right when things were rolling and I was hearing what was talked about, they’d stop and say, “I CAN’T TELL YOU!”.

 

Umm… you start a conversation and then end it in secrecy? I don’t think so! I don’t go down that easily. And besides, does anyone else in this world believe that to be fair? To begin saying something like that and then immediately shutting it off?? No way! Go from beginning to end. Finish what you started.

 

So that immediately began my investigation.

 

But today as the nurse came to do the dressing change to the surgery wound, I started to pull out all of this information that I had collected from the previous workers. This nurse isn’t stupid. She knows what was said by who at the meeting and who could possibly have told me that such information could have been given to me.

 

She stood firm and said nothing else about the meeting. The only thing that she did do was admit to what she had said about my case at the meeting, and in dramatic flailing style. Oy vey!!

 

Then I heard her say, “Guess I need to be more careful about what I say in front of certain people around the office.” Ohhhh boy! This one might look at the others like a group of people who will spill the beans to any patient, and particularly me.

 

In time they are all going to have to realize that I’ve established quite the friendly relationship with the physical therapist, since I’ve with her for a while before. For them to assume anything more than that, would just be wrong. So yeah the PT and I are going to talk. We have ever since I can remember. What we talk about is not the business of anyone but her and I. But then that seems a bit double-sided as I am pretty bad at this investigating thing to see what ALL was said about me in the meeting.

 

I told a dirty joke to one nurse. I think she got embarrassed. And so she announced that I am kind of a flirt. Ain’t that nice?

 

I only told the joke because #1- humor and laughter is the only thing that distracts me from them doing their job which on certain days can be very uncomfortable. And #2- I thought she’d be “adult” about it. But evidently it jumped the fence and did a sprint straight to her emotions and she turned red about it.

 

LOOK OUT!! I’m DIRTY!!!!!!!!!! Oh well.

But now I hope that things don’t get wonky with them. And just how much of a backlash could I expect from this? It is a bit creepy to think about. But I’m gonna do my best and try not to worry about it. I am who I am, and they all know that by now. I just hope that their information sharing isn’t going to get them all in a sticky situation.

 

 

 

 

Conversation Serial Killers

“It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.”~
Josiah Stamp

A conversation is taking place. A jovial and social interaction between two people. But by the time the end of the conversation comes, you’ve realized that the topic of conversation has drastically changed.

What was once a pleasant exchange about how you enjoyed your time at last weekend’s family picnic has ended with you discussing how when you were seventeen, you stole your neighbor’s car for a joyride and now you are feeling remorse.

How in the world does that happen?

The subject matter never came to an ultimate conclusion. I mean that it never got to the point where you have said all that you had wanted to say about it and now its still incomplete. Some way, some how, someone did not want to hear about the food fight over Aunt Gertude’s prize-winning Spicy Potato Salad.

Sometimes when we engage with others in correspondence, we have multiple things that we would like to tell them. But when it comes down to the fact that you are going your separate ways, you realize that only a fraction of the topics that you were wanting to share with them were brought up.

You have been side-stepped. Once something comes up and the topic begins to change, it is do-si-do and away you go! The other person side-steps the subject and moves on to something else even before you are finished talking about it. Almost as if they are line dancing around what you feel is important to discuss.

Now I understand that there are times when a person will bring up something that might be uncomfortable for you to discuss, whether it be answering a personal question or discussing something that you feel might hurt the other person’s feelings. But do you honestly believe that dodging the subject or question is going to make things better?

What does that make you look like? And how do you think that makes the person who was talking to, feel??

There are many ways in which people dodge conversations. I went to find out just why people do this. There was very few legitiment possible answers to the question.

Comfort. Apparently the other person is not feeling comfortable with the topic and does not wish to continue any longer in that particular sore subject.

Defensiveness. This comes in particularly if a person is asking a question that is either difficult or personal, or both. The other person dodges the subject and tries to move on because they believe that by responding back, they are going to hurt that person with whatever they respond with.

Ego. The person with a massive ego always takes delight in changing the subject. Mainly, because they want their time in the spotlight and they want to talk about themselves rather than anything or anyone else. For as long as they can, by as much as they can, they will do whatever it takes to talk about them.

Of course there may be others that I am missing. But these seem to be the repeated ones over and over again as to why this nonsense is happening. Yes, nonsense!

Ego- I believe this explains itself.

Defensiveness- When I was in high school, I had a serious crush on a girl who did not reciprocate any crush back. In fact, she was more repulsed by the idea. And because of those wild and running feelings of that crush, I was blind to that ever being the possible reason why she did not return those feelings. Yet my father knew of the situation, he knew that she would turn me down. But he said nothing. Even when I went to him with tears in my eyes, asking the question of “Why won’t she talk to me?!?”, he kept silent throughout because he knew that the only truthful answer that he could give, was going to hurt my feelings.

Would it have been best for him to say something? Possibly. Although there was that chance that yes, my feelings would have been hurt. But then I may or may not have been responsive to it, so I think in this case my father allowed me to learn my lesson on my own.

Comfort- Let’s face it. Sometimes in life, we are ignorant. And I think that is why we talk about certain things, and ask specific questions… because we do not know and we are willing to take that risk and ask a question in order to lessen our ignorance and lean more towards knowledge. There are those times when we think we know a person, but then there are those times in which we touch a nerve by mistake. And the next thing we know that person is feeling uncomfortable (but not to our knowledge) and therefore that’s when the attempt of a new topic of conversation comes into play.

However this is my bottom line opinion on this entire scenario: We should not ignore people and try to manipulate what is being discussed.

If it is a situation of not being comfortable, I think that the other person should take up the responsibility to just simply and calmly say, “Hey, I do not wish to talk about it”. There should be no resentment at all for having to say that.

“If you don’t mean it, don’t say it.” — Does anyone remember hearing this growing up??

If the conversation is making you uncomfortable, you have the option as well as the right to change it, but allow the other person to know what page you are on instead of line dancing around it.

As far as defensive, there are times that I think people need to hear certain things. Particularly if it is clear and obvious that they are going down a dangerous road in their life. They really do need to be told of the warning signs that you are seeing, and apparently they are not. If you honestly care about a person, wouldn’t you feel that obligation to let them know how you feel?

As we all know, we can’t stop people from doing stupid stuff. But if we warn them about it, then it does return the responsibility back on to the other person who brought it up in the first place. Dodging the conversation because you don’t like it, is pretty lame.

Everyone has their own equal rights to say how they feel, think, or believe. Yet at the same time, if you actually engage in correspondence with that person, you are taking up the responsibility for that conversation, particularly your side of it. You’ve made the choice to talk to them, rather than not.

With equal rights comes equal responsibility. Use that responsibility, and use it wisely. Allow the other person to know that whatever it is that they are saying or asking about, is something that you don’t care to discuss. When you have done that, you have taken the mature step to ending a conversation that could ultimately become uncomfortable. And if they are not willing to accept it, then you are NOT responsible for their own actions.

I think that it is totally ridiculous that conversations bounce all over the place. Unless these certain things don’t take up a lot of breath and time and you are able to say what you wanted to in the first place and then swiftly move on to the next thing that you wanted to talk about.

Don’t be a conversation killer. In the end, it kills more than just current conversation.

Internet Security

“Never think you’ve seen the last of anything.”~ Eudora Welty.

Well, let’s face it. We should probably add this phrase to the list of oxymorons. Is there such thing as Internet security?

In some cases yes, there is. But most cases, no there is not.

Probably the number one thing we overlook as far as having our security online is the infinite ways of mass communication. Sharing sites, social networking sites. Even though you are told that you are secured- you really are not.

I am not referring to some high-tech illegal hacking ring somewhere thousands of miles away. I am talking about right here at home, the neighboring state, even in the other room.

Confused yet?

The information that we pour out into the Internet via e-mails, message boards, social networking sites, and other ways of mass communication drops that curtain of security and allows others to come into our lives. Even though we are not embarking on a journey to pass out our credit card information, we are sharing with others the OTHER kinds of information that sometimes we feel is safe.

After all, you would never had known I was wearing underwear with holes in it, if I had not told you so. Right? And no, I am not going to turn on any camera and prove it either! (Freaking perverts.)

These social networking sites are the worst. This is my main point. It allows us to say whatever we want to say, knowing that others are going to see it and read it. On a few rare occurences, they do strike back at us.

Photographs being uploaded of us soooooooo drunk the weekend before that now we are embarrassed that it ever happened. Or even some random rant that we scream at the top of our lungs about something, only to find out that we were wrong in the first place. Its out there and its there for forever.

The best thing for us to do is to not say anything. That is, if you are looking for absolute total security. But then again if that is the case, what are you doing on the Internet??

Some people WANT to be seen and heard because they have something to say. And I will say, that’s a good thing. Even I can come up with a gem of a statement a time or two, sprinkled here and there.

Those who have something to share, usually do. Its those who say things just for the sake of being seen. Those are the people who end up getting burned because they opened up their flood gates and allowed all of this information that was personal about them to become known and exposed.

And of course even for those who have decent commentary and important issues to talk about, their words get twisted because of the lack of sincerity that is taken when read. Including the absence of vocal inflection. We cannot tell just how serious a person is about something because we cannot HEAR whether they are shouting from the mountain tops or just casually speaking up.

It happened to me as of recently. One comment that was “heard around the world” and back again to the point where I had heard being said to me. Unfortunately when it was repeated back to me, the person who told me did not realize it was I who had started that comment.

Always think twice when using the Internet for communication. Don’t be so shy to edit yourself, and for crying out loud… proofread yourself!!!! Nothing says “boring” more than a message that is filled with errors. And seriously though, if you are unsure about something that you have written then don’t send it. If you have any uncertainty about whether or not you should be talking about it then chances are you probably shouldn’t be.

 

Talking To A Nobody

Since the invention of the electronic mail and instant messages, the various ways of communication have been better and more convenient in times past. Or has it?

Nothing says it faster than typing up some random message and having it sent to the person it was intended for in less than a few seconds. Its quicker, its faster, its “instant”.

So then why is there so many problems? It is because of the absence of a real person in the flesh that you are supposedly corresponding to. A person can be as insignificant as the next one when it comes to dealing with communication via the Internet. Or they can be as large as any moonlit sky in the night.

We should all know by now that “faster” does not necessarily mean “better”. Not in this case. The Internet has reached its way to hundreds of millions of people worldwide. The opportunity for them to sit down, write an e-mail, and then be on their way again has opened the doors to what I call, “Fast Talking”.

But there is a huge problem. Almost to the point where I would dare to say that the Internet is flawed. The messages we are sending to one another doesn’t always carry its point across. It gets mixed up and then havoc appears. That one message that you just sent to carry on your conversation, just turned into the first bullet fired of World War III.

And all of this happened inadvertently. Have you figured out why yet?

It is because you are talking to “nobody”. Actually, you are talking to no body.

A few nights ago, I was reading a message thread that got really heated. Several people were involved, but”no body” was there. And I could see, as the outsider of all of this mess just how it came to be. And then in the middle of it all, I read this post (paraphrased):

“Without anyone there, to show body language or voice inflection, a person’s ‘tone’ can come off totally different from that person’s intention, depending on how the other person receives it and reads it. It becomes particularly difficult especially if one person does not truly know the other in which they are engaging in conversation.”

Okay that is grossly paraphrased, but still the point gets made. And I honestly could not agree with the statement any more than I do!

For years, I had been struggling in communication with a friend. Whatever I would say, I would receive back the answer, “whatever”. To me, that was just about as mean and cruel as it could get. I felt as if whatever I was telling them was only falling upon deaf ears (or eyes in this matter).

But as time went by, I started to get to know them better and better. Eventually, I would find myself in the same position of actually talking to them, using our voices to communicate. And then, with inflection, I heard them say “whatever”. Suddenly, it did not seem so mean to me. I knew what they were intending on communicating and I did not take it as personal as I once had.

Amazing, isn’t it? Something as simple as a voice that is missing from a conversation can totally turn the tide in which the waves have been crashing. One simple component of a voice. That’s all it takes.

We have got to be careful what we say, and just how we say it on the Internet. I have actually reached a point to where if I am writing an e-mail, I will go back and look it over. Not only will I correct any typos or grammatical errors (if I catch them), I will read it to myself and see if it sounds how I had originally intended it to sound. If I find just the slightest doubt within myself that whatever I wrote may not come across the way I would like it, I edit the whole passage.

I’m not saying that is what you must do. I am saying that is what I do. And a lot of the times, it works out better. I do still get snagged from time to time because I am still learning more about the person with whom I am communicating with. Commonly it DOES matter whether or not you know the person and how much you know them. If you’re a smart ass like I am and you are constantly using humor to express yourself, well… your humor often may be missed and the next thing you know you are on running damage control, trying to save yourself and the conversation from collateral damage.

Does anyone remember what it was like WITHOUT the Internet? With each day that passes by, many of this younger generation has no clue what it was like to have to either sit down and write a letter and affix postage. It was either that, or you would have to pick up the telephone and dial that person. At least then, you had voice inflection.

Now with cell and mobile phones with the capabilities to chat, send e-mails, and everything else in between- a majority of us still get caught up in this tricky and delicate situation of either misreading or being misread.

Personally though, when it comes to communication, give me the telephone and I will dial someone that I want to talk to.