Posts Tagged ‘devotion’

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“I’m not a movie star like other actors in the way that I need to walk with a bodyguard.”~¬†Olivier Martinez

I’ve pondered this and many other situations all day long. And with this blog post I realize that I am probably going to break every single rule in the book that I have when it comes to communication, socialization, relationships, and connections. In other words, I’m speaking out of anger. So please forgive. But also pay attention.

But there comes a time when a person reaches their limitations and then feels the pressure applied by other people that pushes things over the edge.

I’m now over the edge, and I am most sufficiently angry, disappointed, and frustrated all at the same time.

I do not think that I have to go into the science or psychology of human nature at times when someone is feeling threatened that they put their walls up or they come out swinging in an effort to protect themselves. Their main goal is for their own personal protection. And I think that the same is true for cases when the people that love and care for are feeling threatened or being threatened. That our sense of fight and protect just comes naturally.

So when I found out that those who are close to me were being trashed, brought down, spoken of poorly, and all-around being dumped upon because someone else didn’t like what they did or said, a.k.a. — no good reason whatsoever, then yes… The moment I found out about it burned me from the very core of my soul.

My first instinct was to attempt to calm and soothe, but as of the past couple of years, my ability to do that most successfully has fallen into non-existence. Its no longer good enough to say, “Its okay. I love you.” at all.

The second instinct is to fight and protect. And believe you me…. its very wise to NOT to judge me by what you think you know. I cannot physically lift my leg and insert my foot between your butt cheeks hard enough to where you can taste my sock, but there are other ways that I can deal with the situation at hand.

I don’t have to be right there and on the spot. But the offender will soon find out that I am quite the force. And I think that is true of everyone. Not just me. So this is not about me tooting my own horn of outrage. We all have that horn within us.

But let me tell you what I think, and what I believe to be the most accurate and utmost truthful statements in life when it comes to the situations that have fallen into my lap.

To talk about someone and not do it in front of them…. is cowardly. Opening your mouth because you are discontented with someone and making sure that your words are spoken with the person that you are no longer enchanted with any more is absent and will not get word about it first hand… is contemptible beyond measure. And quite honestly your reactions are unworthy of anyone’s attention.

To discuss matters of your discontent and then draw their family and friends into it makes you look even worse. Honestly, drawing a bad scenario or giving a bad name to someone who is totally and completely innocent?? Yes, this only makes you look like more of an evil jerkwad of a douche nozzle than what you were before you opened your mouth.

Moving on to your other transgressions.

Attacking and defaming those who cannot defend for themselves is not honorable in any way, shape, or form. Who died and made you ruler of the universe to where you are judge, jury, and executioner of all human life on this planet? Get the hell off your high horse, pull your head from your own butt, and take a deep breath of this thing called REALITY.

Children, the elderly, the disabled, and the pregnant. These are not subjects for your forked tongue. These are also not targets but people like you, presuming that you are showing signs of humanity because your words prove otherwise.

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Talk with evil words about those that I care about, and I will instantly become their protection detail.

But I was the subject of some malicious content today. Unlucky for that person, I have people in my circles who are willing to break that Honor Code and make me aware. And as I said, I’m not physically capable of making you stop and smell the roses, I can do most other things.

I will not stand for your mouth against me, against my family, against my loved ones, and against my friends and colleagues. The same as ANYBODY ELSE!!!!

I’m coming down like a bodyguard and I will deal with the situation as it deems necessary with appropriate actions. And I will not hide my emotions of disappointment and anger in this.

I’m pretty pissed off!!

I did this once before but then hid it from the public. This time, not so much. The ones who are guilty or in violation will not get that same opportunity as this will go live on the blog as soon as I finish.

I’m just not putting up with it any more.

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“At a time when we’re having to take such difficult decisions about how to cut back without damaging the things that matter the most, we should strain every sinew to cut error, waste and fraud.”~ David Cameron

My heart and prayers go out to those people effected by the events that transpired in Boston, Massachusetts today.

I sit here this evening with four days left before the birthday bash for Chuck Williams of SIX MINUTE CENTURY. I have yet to even buy my bus ticket and usually I would have had that done by now.

But about a week ago, I became sick. And its a long and gruesome process to feeling better. I have to take things day by day.

Sufficed to say that Saturday and Sunday were very good days where there was not a lot to contend with. Today however just wasn’t up to par with the past weekend. And I still have that decision to make whether or not to go to Houston this Friday evening.

The thing about Friday night shows is that it always comes up so quick. And I cannot explain it but Saturday shows they just arrive.

I know that I won’t be 100% by Friday. That’s a given. But I keep thinking that in the back of my head that IF this Friday could be like this past weekend then I won’t have much of a problem. However I am not assured of that to happen.

I could medicate the hell out of myself with medicine, but I won’t be as clear and “all there” so to speak. But if I pass on this weekend, it will be the second time I have missed the birthday celebration for lead singer Chuck Williams.

Last year was just a tragic time as I had lost my brother-in-law. I think a better way to define it was bad timing. It just wasn’t something that I had any control over.

But will my going to Houston this weekend cause me to pay a price that I truly am not able to afford? Had I been asked this question either last Saturday or Sunday, I would have told you that I had NO problems whatsoever.

I also don’t have the plans for a possible option B in place as far as traveling back home as I was offered a ride from one of my colleagues. I’m just not feeling 100% on that either. Perhaps I need more faith.

It just really stinks because over the past couple of years I have become really good friends with Chuck Williams. His birthday celebration is actually ON his birthday. How cool is that?!??

Not to mention that I will get some face time with Dr. & Mrs. Froth which always something that I look forward to. And there will be others there that I enjoy hanging out with. Including someone that I just met last month at the WELL OF SOULS show that I actually have some kind of curiosity and interest in getting to know better… without saying where its going to go from here.

I hate the feeling of not going because of my illness because it does in fact feel like I am letting people down. Even though I am aware that isn’t the truth. Disappointed people? Sure. We are all human.

So I ponder the implications of going while trying to recover. Whether to go and heavily medicate myself to a point where I can manage pain. And whether or not that will bite me in the butt in the end.

I am sure that the Centurion family would tell me that if I am just not feeling up to it, then not to worry. But I worry still regardless. The least I can do for my friends is to show up. But there would be some who could argue that if I am not 100% … then I am useless to my friends.

As I said, today was so very difficult for some reason. But I still have just a small window to figure it out.