Posts Tagged ‘disappointment’


“Zoo animals are ambassadors for their cousins in the wild.”~ Jack Hanna

Finally! At long last!! I was able to convince my neighbors and members of staff to actually go to the zoo.

Working this project for almost four years, and going through three different social services coordinators… the hard would work pay off.

OR would it?!?

Everyone knew that this was “my baby” and everyone knew that I had been trying this for a long, long, long time.

So it was put on the calendar and suddenly there was more talk about what to do while we were out. Some of the rest of my neighbors saw to it that we would stop somewhere on our way to the zoo to stop and have lunch.

And so we would stop to eat.

It wasn’t bad. This new Mexican food restaurant.

Probably the only thing that would be worthy mentioning about this place is the SNAFU that happened when some other waitress placed before me someone else’s plate. And throughout the rest of our time sitting in this restaurant, I just would not hear the end of it.

Until I finally embraced it and fired back. Yeah, don’t barb on Dambreaker. Dambreaker will get you back!!!

So on to the zoo which is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy the hell out there! It probably took more than an hour to drive. And that was ridiculous point #1.

Another twenty minutes, we could have been in another city and visited THEIR zoo.

Upon arrival, you could hear the wild animals screaming. It was just slightly disheartening as it sounded like someone was screaming “help!” for some reason. Turned out to be the peacocks that were roaming around on the property towards the front entrance of the zoo.

These loud mouth fowls were everywhere. Although they did not spread out their feathers on display.  peacock

Yet they were the ones that were screaming.

Inside the main office building was their basic central operations.

Admissions, business, administration, and of course gift shop.

And what do we know about me with gift shops?

Yes… you cannot leave me unattended. And the group of five other people did just that in the gift shop area of the building.

They have a sign up about their policy of if you spend $50 or more, then you get a FREE zoo admission for future use that will expire in about a year.

Yes, I have that FREE admission.  But I am about to tell you why I am not going to personally use it. I’ll either just let it go to waste or give it to someone who wants it.

Going out the back door to go see all the animals, there was already a problem. Gravel, dirt, and hills.

Geez!! I couldn’t really get up the first hill that passed into the main part of the zoo where the majority of the animals were. I had been found by a stranger who asked if I wanted help. It took three adult women to get me up that stupid hill.

And going down the hill was not fun either. Whomever designed the zoo and constructed its pathways is a complete and total idiot who had NO regards to the elderly or disabled.

None whatsoever!!

No, I do NOT care how old this zoo is… this was shady and ridiculous. rsz_41rsz_2165

I have no idea how many animals I missed getting to see because of this. But I saw some of the major animals that zoos normally have on display. Needless to say that before I left the office I asked about eagles and they admitted to not having any.

In an effort to be very mean I said outloud, “Then why am I here?”

Yeah… I absolutely did.

I probably should have been paying more attention as it would have been a giant red flag for me.

Simply put, the zoo is NOT a place for those who are disabled or have difficulty walking or other mobile issues and this would include the elderly.

Even one of the neighbors came back through and immediately complained about the place, especially for people like me and older people. The thing about her is that she is a REAL LIFE nun!! So people actually pay attention to her.

She was given someone’s card with information on it. And given an apology and the lack-luster excuse that they do not have the money to construct an accessible zoo.

I want to get my hands on that business card!!!!

And then it struck me. This zoo is not just your normal big city zoo. This is an animal sanctuary for rescued animals. Every last animal and species in this zoo has been rescued at one point or another. This is NOT just a zoo.

So I will not be returning again. And for several factors that would include the long distances.

I had more fun at the Houston Zoo a couple of years ago and I STILL didn’t see everything there either.


“People’s minds are changed through observation and not through argument.”~Will Rogers

It has been a very wild past couple of days. I’m not bragging or anything. I am just saying its been quite an experience.

I’ve gone through some heartbreaking experiences. Things that I won’t go into detail about, but with every experience that I have had that are similar to what I just went through, there’s always been a rainbow at the end of the storm. And that rainbow is the knowledge of what I did wrong, what others did wrong, and how I attributed to what did go wrong.

So the other day I was speaking with someone and I was expressing my hurt, anguish, and disappointment.

Come to find out that my misery was coming from personal disappointment in other people. I had been placing far too much faith and trust in them, and they turned around and broke it by doing something stupid.

For anyone else, they probably would look at this case and think that these people that I put so much trust in, were complete idiots.

So then why did it hurt so much with great disappointment? Others were doing virtually the same thing, but it wasn’t as consequential as the previous group.

Then came in the revelation. The lesson important to life: The ones that we actually care about and love dearly, are the ones that hurt us the most.

Damn. That was deep!!

The ones that we care about the most, are the ones that hurt us.

Through my previous agony, I realized that this was spot on. The people that I loved, were hurting me the most. Why?? Because whatever they were thinking, they were wanting to “help” me or “protect” me. And therefore did and said some really stupid shit, in my opinion. Stupid enough to hurt my feelings to the core.

I’m becoming better and better at recognizing veils of pain and insults. I’m not saying that I am a professional, but I am getting better at detecting them.

And so those who were disappointing me were attempting to veil their harsh words.

The other thing that makes it true is the fact that when we regard certain people in such high esteem (or even place them up on that pedestal) then we crumble within when we find out that those who we regard so highly does something so low. We believe that they know better, and therefore wouldn’t do it. And then when they actually do it in our faces, your faith begins to shake, and in some cases begins to crack and fall apart.

But these are the same people that will actually hurt you because they care so much about you. Just as much as you care about them. Unless its unbalanced. Then you are just a stalker.

And besides…… if someone does something to you that was wrong, and you don’t care that much about them, it is not going to hurt as much. Why??? Because you do not care and will not take the time to allow your emotions to get tangled up in pain.

I’ve had these past few days to think about who has done what to me and why. And it just comes down to these two main points. That those who care about us the most are the ones who hurt us. And those who we care about the most, hurt us for what they often do.

Its a hard lesson. But I think it is an important lesson to learn.


“At a time when we’re having to take such difficult decisions about how to cut back without damaging the things that matter the most, we should strain every sinew to cut error, waste and fraud.”~ David Cameron

My heart and prayers go out to those people effected by the events that transpired in Boston, Massachusetts today.

I sit here this evening with four days left before the birthday bash for Chuck Williams of SIX MINUTE CENTURY. I have yet to even buy my bus ticket and usually I would have had that done by now.

But about a week ago, I became sick. And its a long and gruesome process to feeling better. I have to take things day by day.

Sufficed to say that Saturday and Sunday were very good days where there was not a lot to contend with. Today however just wasn’t up to par with the past weekend. And I still have that decision to make whether or not to go to Houston this Friday evening.

The thing about Friday night shows is that it always comes up so quick. And I cannot explain it but Saturday shows they just arrive.

I know that I won’t be 100% by Friday. That’s a given. But I keep thinking that in the back of my head that IF this Friday could be like this past weekend then I won’t have much of a problem. However I am not assured of that to happen.

I could medicate the hell out of myself with medicine, but I won’t be as clear and “all there” so to speak. But if I pass on this weekend, it will be the second time I have missed the birthday celebration for lead singer Chuck Williams.

Last year was just a tragic time as I had lost my brother-in-law. I think a better way to define it was bad timing. It just wasn’t something that I had any control over.

But will my going to Houston this weekend cause me to pay a price that I truly am not able to afford? Had I been asked this question either last Saturday or Sunday, I would have told you that I had NO problems whatsoever.

I also don’t have the plans for a possible option B in place as far as traveling back home as I was offered a ride from one of my colleagues. I’m just not feeling 100% on that either. Perhaps I need more faith.

It just really stinks because over the past couple of years I have become really good friends with Chuck Williams. His birthday celebration is actually ON his birthday. How cool is that?!??

Not to mention that I will get some face time with Dr. & Mrs. Froth which always something that I look forward to. And there will be others there that I enjoy hanging out with. Including someone that I just met last month at the WELL OF SOULS show that I actually have some kind of curiosity and interest in getting to know better… without saying where its going to go from here.

I hate the feeling of not going because of my illness because it does in fact feel like I am letting people down. Even though I am aware that isn’t the truth. Disappointed people? Sure. We are all human.

So I ponder the implications of going while trying to recover. Whether to go and heavily medicate myself to a point where I can manage pain. And whether or not that will bite me in the butt in the end.

I am sure that the Centurion family would tell me that if I am just not feeling up to it, then not to worry. But I worry still regardless. The least I can do for my friends is to show up. But there would be some who could argue that if I am not 100% … then I am useless to my friends.

As I said, today was so very difficult for some reason. But I still have just a small window to figure it out.


“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. ” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I guess that this post is going to be one “in review”.

I am not going to fill this blog with a lengthy sob story or how it relates, because I’m not going to waste my time about it.

But it appears a bit necessary to repeat that life is not perfect.

Life is not ever going to be all peaches and cream. If it was, then everyone would have pie and there would be no one left to eat cake.

Disappointment strikes us all at some point in our lives. Some more often than others. But what I am going to focus on is the fact that sometimes when we want to know something, we don’t always get the answers that we were actually looking for. Or we get the responses that we were not expecting.

So then what? What are you going to do?

Most people would actually dust themselves off and press on to find an answer, if they have received none. Others would take up the understanding that they were not meant to have the answers that they really wanted deep down. And of course, they are crushed. But they also move on.

Sitting around and pouting actually gets people NOWHERE. Being rude and acting like a child doesn’t either. That is assuming that you are not still a child. I can honestly say that I am simply astonished on the amount of people out there who are adults that still cry and whine like children whenever they do not get their way.

Either find the answer another way or just move on and forget about it and maybe hope for the day that the answer will come your way.

But for those who get answers to their burning questions, and it ends up being something that they do not like or care for? SUCK IT UP!

Dwelling on the fact that you got shut down won’t get you what you wanted in the first place. In fact, it will only separate you even further from succeeding in your path of knowledge.

Treating others poorly who give you answers you don’t want to hear makes you look like such an undesirable person. And what you will probably end up doing is make yourself look like you don’t deserve what you want. And it will not matter what your worth is or isn’t, you will have destroyed that by your own selfish and immature actions.

Get over it. Life will sometimes tell you NO!

Pick yourself up and find another way or learn to accept the things that you honestly cannot change as stated in the common and popular “Serenity Prayer” that many of us know by heart.

GROW UP because others around you already have. Time to live your life like responsible and sensible adults.

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”~Jonathan Swift
Well, dang.
Two weeks into this entire business of healing at home and I have absolutely no way of knowing whether or not I am healing or if my health is going in the right direction in order for my body to heal with wound left from surgery.
Some days, I’m doing fine. Other days I am not do so hot. It is a relentless dance of taking four steps forward, two steps back, then three steps forward, and another step back. This dance overall is annoying.
And then it struck me like a ton of dirt being dumped on my head.

'Reality Calling!'

So far I’ve not really “missed” anything important. Since the closure of two ice rinks and the beginning of fights over who will get ice time at the last remaining sheet of ice, let’s just say I’ve not practiced or played since last November. And so in that regard, I have not missed anything since my hospital visit and beyond.
However I know that there will be events coming soon. And with an open wound somewhere on my body, it really would not be an intelligent move on my part to strap myself down in a sled and go out there breakin’ heads and scoring goals from miraculous angles of awe and glory and just setting the scoreboard on fire.
Soon though, we will be on the ice. Performing our first exhibition in front of thousands of screaming, drunk hockey fans in about a month from now. We had done that before in front of almost a sell out crowd a few years ago. Doing it again last November in Houston in front of even thousands of more fans, was totally thrilling. So I want to do it again and experience that supportive roar of the crowd. And like I said, I have no way of knowing whether or not my wound is healing.
It is truly disappointing to think that I may have to sit out the rest of the season. It’s not over yet, as many people have thought. Our schedule will go on through the month of May.
But last season, I had such difficulties finding sufficient transportation to and from practices in January that by February I was out for what would be the rest of the season because I ended up with pneumonia.
Then when the pneumonia had passed, I had two opportunities to make practices. But then again, transportation issues.
That was then. But now… this.
And with the rumor of our team captain giving up sledge hockey, and wheelchair basketball because “he’s getting too old”, it would be a personal opportunity for me to step up for my team and go from co-assistant captain to team captain. Since a lot of my teammates seem to think I would be a better candidate for that anyway, it wouldn’t be such a move made in pride or snobbery. I think deep down that I AM their captain in their minds.
But I will not bend to rumor. Whether or not he stays or goes will have no bearing on whether or not I continue my participation with the team and the season and the seasons to come.
What I must do, is get BETTER. And FAST!!!!!!!!
In March, we’ll be doing our exhibition locally. In April, there’s a possibility of participating in a giant tournament in Dallas. Of which if we do participate, we will get our asses beat to a pulp. But we’ll have the experience under our belts. And then in May, back to Houston for another “Paralympic Experience” as we hosted here back in January.
It is breaking my heart into pieces to think that I might miss all of that. I could go looking for something or someone to blame, but I won’t because it is what it is and that’s the way it is.
But if nothing I think that my silver medal would be to actually go with the team and be their support, even if I am not going to be on the ice. To miss the experience altogether would be a shame.
I know that many are looking forward to the events in March. People that have been so curious to watch me play and learn what I do because they are so interested in it. I will focus on whatever the heck it is I have to do to heal and get better. And if I am not there yet, I will show up anyways. I’m pretty adamant about that.
The dance though of forward and backward is killing me. Keep me in your thoughts as I tackle this bad boy with tenacity.


“It is astonishing what force, purity, and wisdom it requires for a human being to keep clear of falsehoods.”~ Margaret Fuller
It can honestly be amazing what kinds of personal advice that we seek from other people. We could probably ask 100 people and tell them that we are seeking their advice on one particular situation. Once their advice and/or opinion is offered, then it is also amazing what we do or don’t do with it.
It’s called a “choice”. The things that we choose to do or not do with the input that has been given to us after we request it, is the choice we have made.
But it can be pretty frustrating and disappointing once we have played the role of the sounding board and given our thoughts and input to those seeking our advice, only to find that the person never applied it to their personal lives in the first place.
This would become quite evident without the other person having to admit to you, “I didn’t take your advice”. Sometimes it just shows up on its own.
If for example,  someone came up to you asking for your advice on whether or not to break up with their girlfriend because things have been less than pleasant, and you knew that in the end the person seeking advice would be happier if they were single or at least away from the current situation- it will show up in their continuing misery because they never did call it quits and decided to press on with the relationship. Only to still be miserable and probably feel worse.
They didn’t have to admit that they didn’t take your advice. As a matter of fact, to my knowledge I have never heard of anyone ask for advice and then a few days later say, “I didn’t take your advice”.
I honestly would not find it all that surprising that anyone would do such a thing. Because what they are doing in fact, is admitting that they knew better but didn’t DO better.
That is the thing about it. They can come to you all they want and ask for it. But if it is not something that they honestly and truly want to do once your advice is offered, or they disagree with your advice then they are not going to follow it. And there’s nothing that you can do about it. You cannot make someone follow your advice once it has been offered.
I’ve given plenty of advice to all kinds of people. Sadly, most of them do not follow it. But then again, neither do they come back to me after they’ve been defeated in life and say, “You know what? You were right!”. That kind of thing just doesn’t happen in the real world.

Knowing your advice was not taken can often feel like this.

But it still feels so very disappointing when you’ve realized that you’ve given your time and effort to help a friend, and they continue to suffer with whatever it is that is giving them the problem because they chose not to follow what you had told them.
Let me repeat something for you:
You cannot make someone do something that they do not want to do in the first place.
I know that a lot of times when you do give someone your advice and the other person doesn’t follow it, that you sometimes feel like you never want to give that person advice ever again because since they didn’t follow it the first time, what will make you think that when they need help or advice again that they will the next time?
Even so, look at the other side of it. This person didn’t take your advice the first time. And now they are back for more advice- probably about something totally unrelated to the first. Instead of throwing your walls up and denying them, try to understand that if they are coming back to you again and again then it probably means that they still value your opinion. Even if it is something that they disagree with or do not follow.
Your thoughts, ideas, opinions, and advice are clearly of a greater value than you thought if they are returning to you again and again.
I know that from an earlier post called, “You’re Not Listening!”, I was pretty upset and steamed because I gave some advice and that person didn’t listen.
I will admit however, that the advice was just simply given and it was not something that was requested. I attempted to warn them not to get involved with something, and they did. And I knew that if they did, that they would regret it. And they did regret it. But there’s just nothing that I could’ve done about it. Still, I was pretty upset. And not to sound cocky but I knew that I was right. And so it became the next blog post so that I could just get my feelings of frustration out and let it go.
It was just a lesson that they were going to have to learn on their own.
I didn’t like it, I got upset and blew up. But after a while I calmed down and that was the end of it.
We’re not meant to police our family, friends, or loved ones. We cannot stop them from making what we might feel is the wrong decision. We are responsible in how we treat the other person when we are approached with the request for advice. What we say and how we say it. But we’re not responsible if it is not followed to the letter of the law… so to speak.
This is something that I hope to change personally in my own life in 2012.
And I am not saying that we are not allowed to be pissed off or disappointed or feel like we’ve wasted our time giving advice when it has clearly been ignored. I am saying that we’ve got to come to an understanding that whatever happens after we’ve spoken our mind is not up to us any more. If the person asks for it and then applies it to their situation and comes out smelling like roses, then HOORAY!
But if they don’t apply it to their situation and come out miserable, then there’s nothing much else that we can do. It will just have to be their cross to bear.

“Opportunity is often difficult to recognize; we usually expect it to beckon us with beepers and billboards.” ~William Arthur Ward

A person can really go through a lot of self-induced pain and misery when the realization sinks in that an opportunity had been presented before them, and they did not take advantage of it.

We end up having the urge to kick ourselves in the butt as hard as we can, but physiologically we know its not possible, and still we have the urge. Others go to such extremes as to find other ways to actually inflict some kind of physical pain to ourselves because we know that kicking our own butts would hurt, and yet we some how deserve to feel that pain.

A few years ago, I felt that desire to kick my own butt because of something of a missed opportunity. I had known a woman for about five years, not intimately or personally, but socially and I found her very attractive. But because I was aware of a large age difference between us, I did not seize the opportunity to get to know her intimately. Instead, I chose the path of the socially acceptable person, aka “the friend”. And then after a while, this woman began dating someone else. I was genuinely happy that she was happy, and it appeared as if the her relationship was blossoming. Eventually, she would pop out three children who were fathered by this man. And with each birth announcement, I was still filled with joy for her. But the one thing that was missing was that she was unmarried still.

I would see her again later on in life, and find that she did have this many children by him. I was with a few friends and all of us knew her, and we asked her if “wedding bells” was in the future.

Her answer would stun and shock us. Well, some of us.

She said that she had no idea whether or not they were going to be getting married any time in the future, but she was ready for it and all he had to do was ask.

All I could do was nod and feel the inside of my own chest begin to collapse as my heart sank.

One of my neighbors that I commonly socialize with on a daily basis, actually had it right all along. He once had told me, “Do you know why you see attractive women with really, really ugly guys? It’s because THEY are the ones who asked.”

I began to recall the conversation in my mind as if it just had happened. I couldn’t believe that he was right. I mean after all, this old man has a reputation of being dirty and perverted- so what the heck would he know, right??? Well, in this case he did know!! Even the sick and twisted make sense once in a while.

I lost the opportunity for something, or for nothing. But the bottom line is that because I did not ask, I lost. Plain and simple. I chose not to go for the hunt and ended up watching her make a family with someone else.

And it’s not that I think that the father of her children is ugly. I don’t know the guy that well to make that kind of a judgement. And even if I did, I’m really not the kind of guy that would do that in the first place. It is the fact that he DID ask, and therefore he was the one who was victorious.

Carpe Diem – It still means something that is so true today, even if it comes from a language that is basically dead. We must “seize the day” if we wish to become successful in any adventure in life. Whether it is for family, for work, or for love.

Even if you don’t speak or understand Latin, there are so many other phrases out there, that are coined to help us understand better and allows us the empowerment of what we need.

“You cannot make an omelet without breaking some eggs!”… who remembers this one??

Had I gone to that woman and expressed an interest, who the heck knows what would have happened. Sure, there would have been a chance of rejection. But that’s just part of “breaking the eggs”. And honestly, nobody will ever know what could have happened if I just stayed strong and chomped down on the bullet.

Break the eggs! Life will get nowhere if you don’t even try. And let’s not forget what our parents and teachers and educators taught us when we were growing up in school: “You will never know, unless you ask.”

If you are met with rejection, then two things:

#1- You will then know and it will no longer be a mystery to you because you know you have tried.

#2- You now can deal with handling your rejection, instead of having to suffer the pain and anguish of the missed opportunity.

There’s so much to learn in life, and in this case I sure did learn the hard way. And honestly, I didn’t have to. I made excuses that she wouldn’t be interested and so I balked from the chance to further pursue anything.

Don’t let life’s chances pass you by. Yes, I know that it is very difficult to understand just when an opportunity has come before you, or a chance for you take is presenting itself. But whatever it is– take it!!! (And yet I would caution to be smart about it too. Make sure it is what you truly want, then go for it.)

Don’t worry yourself about consequences as they will certainly come later. And so why worry about something that isn’t even there yet? Cross that bridge once you come to it, if the bridge is even there at all.

You have truly nobody to blame but yourself if you miss out on life’s wonderful opportunities. And yes, you’ll want to find a way to physically kick your own butt. But you won’t find it. Instead, take the chance of falling on your face rather than burying it in the sands of disappointment.

“The best way to avoid any disappointments, is not to create any expectations.”

That’s what I came up with today. This is the phrase I have coined. Just that one little sentence can speak so much that is really makes a person stop to think and then they either agree and take time to reflect or they disagree and thumb their nose at me.

Disappointments do happen though. It is just a small part of life. Sometimes things happen that are far beyond our own control.  But I think that the greater asset would be  the knowledge of how we deal with disappointment.

The world changes daily. Not everyone in the world are just like us and so we must really learn to adapt. Things will be awesome one minute, and then turn into rubbish the next. We as human beings actually do have the capabilities within ourselves to pause, absorb & reflect, then change what we must. It is not whether we can, it is whether we really want to.

Sometimes we struggle with change. We find ourselves flat on our faces and lay there wondering what just happened and why? Clearly there was a life lesson to be learned and that is why you have fallen. The only to way to get back up is to learn what that was supposed to teach us. And then yes, adapt.

However, it is my personal feeling that we can better arm ourselves when circumstances of differences become involved. We cannot change people. And we would not want people to try and attempt to change us. I am talking about “expectations”. We should not focus on what we want from other people. Instead, we should focus that anything is possible. And nevermind the whole attitude of forcing someone to change just so that they will see it your way, or that you can have your way.

Do not expect certain things to happen. Because whatever it is you expect (or want) to happen, just might not come true at all. The next thing you know, your feelings are hurt, your emotional state is crushed and then life becomes so much harder to bounce back from.

I cannot expect my neighbors to want to go out on a Friday night, just because “I” want to. To totally rely on that expectation would be foolish. Especially if I offer the idea to them personally, and they just are not interested.

Hope is one thing. Expectation is another. And I am all for having hope. Yet if we allow our minds to play out what we “expect”, and then it does not go how we had imagined it, we’re going to end up with greater disappointment.

It comes into the same subject matter that I posted about before in “Things Arent’ Always What They Seem”.

Sometimes, we actually set ourselves up for disappointment. All because we have already surrendered to the possibility that no matter what, we are going to be disappointed. These are the people that have so much difficulty in life and usually are seriously lacking in personal happiness. I find it to be very sad.

So we really do not need to overload our lives with these constant waves of disappointment when we have the tools to make sure that if we do not expect anything, that we cannot suffer it.

Don’t buy a lottery ticket BELIEVING that it is the jackpot winner. When your numbers are not picked, then all you are left is the terrible feeling of that all you have done was wasted your money on that lousy ticket that did you no good. You’ve allowed yourself no opportunity for great happiness because you just knew that you would win. But now you didn’t, and you’re looking for someone or something else to blame but yourself. If you didn’t believe so hard that you were going to win, and ended up losing anyways, it would not have been such a big deal. But now its a huge deal.

I do not know how many other examples I can come up with to explain this any clearer. But I will not have any expectations of you as the blog reader. That way “I” cannot be disappointed if you are misunderstanding the entire intent of this blog.

So allow your mind to open up a little more. If you have faith and believe that anything is possible, then you know how to roll with the punches from whatever comes flying at you. Whether it was something that you wanted to happen, or something you didn’t want.

Change your habits. Life will become a whole lot easier!