Your Laugh Of The Day

“I’ve put up with more humiliation than I care to remember.”~ B.B. King

I am going to tell you this story before I start digging a hole in the ground to hide in for the next week or so.

Life is filled with joy and it is filled with lots of humiliation.

This is a story of the latter.

This morning, I was hunting for some change. And finally I pinned down the apartment manager only to find out that he had no change. In total frustration, I started to spew. And the apartment manager started to spew back.

And then I heard and saw someone walk out the front door away from the office doors. I was curious because I thought I saw someone leaving that I had not seen in probably well over a year, possibly two by now.

I asked the apartment manager if I just saw who I thought I saw and his answer was “Probably.”

I tore out of his office like a lightning bolt, hoping that the person I was chasing was in no hurry to get into their vehicle and leave.

When I got outside, I saw her by the gates and I waited for a second before whistling at her.

And yeah I know, someone’s going to have a problem with that. But this is someone I’ve known for years and years and years and I know that once she saw that it was me that was whistling, she’d just giggle it off.

But whistled LOUD and PROUD. I was definitely making a bold statement to get her attention.

Then I waited for her to turn around and look in my direction.

IT WAS THE WRONG WOMAN!!!!!! 

Ohhh, what have I done? What have I done? The wave of shock and humiliation warmed over me like a cloud of death.

The strange woman looked in my direction and then proceeded on her way. She did nothing, she said nothing. And that was the end of it as I scrambled to turn around and go back inside of the office building.

She could have yelled and screamed and chewed me out. And I would have deserved every last bit of it, but she went away.

And now I sit here and think of all the different times I saw someone with long hair flowing down their back, only to find out that it was man. And that has happened more times than I want to admit.

Similar situation here.

I know that I am not the only one that has gone through this, but it is still humiliating nonetheless.

My Monday is starting out to be embarrassing. How’s your Monday????

Dumbass Award For February 2014

“When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people.”~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Wow. Well, I knew that this was coming soon. I could feel it in my bones. The problem was that I never thought it would hit on a local level. 

“You always hear about it happening. But you never thought it would happen to you.” Yeah that. EXACTLY that! 

So here I am on Friday evening, sweating the weekend. Knowing that this is not going to be fun. In fact the entire weekend is going to be nothing but not-fun-for-me full.

Instead of going into a panic, such as running out into the middle of the street, pulling what hairs I have left on my head from getting my head buzzed a few weeks ago, and ultimately getting hit by a bus or some idiot without a license, I went for the “next best thing” and asked the neighbors to take me out of this place for a while because it was going to be the only escape I would receive for the entire weekend. 

Sadly though this means that my suggestion to go out to eat comes with the fiscal responsibility of paying for the guy driving me there, and his wife. But I struck a deal with him that he was to know full and well that I would be reimbursed once he was paid next week. And any and all debts that were still outstanding with me would also be paid. 

He agreed and then we went to his wife to see what she thought about the idea. And she didn’t get what we were pitching at her. We had to walk her through it with baby steps. 

Finally, we were up and on our way to go out to eat at a restaurant of THEIR selection. $42 was the bill and I was told that $26 (plus tip) would be added to their current debt and be paid off next week. 

But I will say this before I go into the reasons why the nomination was so close to home. I was out of the house for nearly three hours, and the time just melted away. Everything that I had been poisoning my mind… I hadn’t even thought of. I am sooooo  thankful for that. 

So at the end of our evening, our waiter by the name of Jose came by and asked if we needed anything more. We declined but then the neighbor’s wife spoke up. 

Holy crap! What is she doing??

She was feeling absolutely rotten because neither she or her husband could participate or pitch in on at least the tip that was being left on the table. And it was really eating her up inside. 

What does she do?? One of the weirdest and dumbest things I have ever heard in my life!!!!! 

She asks Jose for his business card. And poor Jose!! English as a second language Jose. 

Between his faulty grasp of the English language, the babies that were screaming, crying, and carrying on. The multitudes of people talking all at the same time…. he just could not understand what she was asking for. 

So he brought over someone else who was actually busy trying to direct traffic of customers who were just coming in for their dining experience of the evening. And so the neighbor’s wife again explained the following scenario as I will write it below from her point of view: 

“My husband and I were invited here as a special treat to come eat here. And we don’t get paid until Tuesday of next week. So I was wondering if y’all could give me his card.”

Confusion set in on their faces again, just like Jose. 

“What I mean is write his first and last name on one of y’all’s cards so that the next time we come in here to eat, I can give him our half of his tip for tonight. We come in here regularly, and I just wanted to make sure that we gave him his tip.” 

WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT, OVER???????

First of all, she lied. Neither she nor her husband frequent the place that much. Probably once every couple of months. That’s not “frequent” by any definition. It might be consistency, but that’s not high frequency. 

Secondly, who does that and can say that they are of sound mind?????? NOBODY! Who gives an I.O.U. for a tip?? I have never heard such ridiculousness in all of my life. 

Besides…. there was already a tip on the table that I left. It wasn’t a lot. Nor was it the “average” but I gave what I could. And this woman decides to go pull this stunt. Probably because she felt he deserved more. But when you are being treated to dinner, it is really not your responsibility. It becomes yours only if you decide to chip in. And she was wanting to but found out that she was unable to. And pulls a stunt like that. It only caused her to get strange looks and an explanation in return that there’s a privacy policy that needs to be in place to protect their employees and she was not going to get what she requested…. but thank you for coming in and come back again soon! 

I do not know what her husband thought or was thinking at the time. But we were trying to leave and she insisted that she was going to wait for that second person to come back with a card with Jose’s full name on it. We waited ten very long, boring, and grueling minutes before she saw that same person again and realized that she was going to receive nothing. 

We marched our way to the exit doors. Our stomachs full of disgusting buffet food that was probably not good for anyone to eat. And the wife again found the second person she talked to and asked for that card just one more time. By then it was just embarrassing. And I bolted out through the front door into the chilly night air as the sun had disappeared for the evening and I realized we had been gone for hours. 

This is the quality of people that I live around. NOW can I get some sympathy?????????

 

 

Terrible Talks

”Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

Well it is over. Finally! Elections where held for our Resident Council where I live. Maybe now the weirdness between neighbors will come to an end.

This is the good news. The bad news is that we’ll do this crap all over again next September.

Someone however, had given my name to run for Vice President, but I said “NO WAY!”, just more emphatically if you catch my drift.

In our Resident Council, there are four positions: President, Vice President, Secretary, and Treasurer. Pretty simple stuff.

This year however, we had THREE people running for the President nomination of the Resident Council. I have not in my years of living here, ever seen more than two. This time, there was three. For Vice President, there were two. And oddly enough the person running for Secretary was running without an opponent. And two for Treasure, but one bowed out at the very last and final minute.

So basically, only President and Vice President offices today were the full extent of our elections.

What really gets to me, is that each person running was asked to say a final comment or two about why they were running for whatever office. My theories on this place and how these speeches decide the winners both proved me right and wrong.

Let me share with you the speeches for the three who were running for President:

#1- If I am elected into office again, I will do to the best of my ability to work with everyone living here to make sure that all the needs of the residents are met as I work along side staff. (Side note: this person had been President of the Resident Council back when I moved here in 2005. He was already in place at that time. “Staff” was meant by the apartment manager and our esteemed social worker.)

#2- I just wanna say that if I am elected into office, then I want to go and see everyone. I want to go and visit each and every single apartment building and go into the homes of everyone that lives here and talk with them.

#3- If I am elected into office, I will do the best to my ability to make sure that we continue on in our projects that we have outstanding. You know, the ones we have going on right now. (Also side note: this person was already in office, but as Vice President, and was running for President.)

I kid you not… I have not edited, censored, or even paraphrased anything. These were verbatum speeches that happened today.

Vice President speeches were a little off because one candidate spoke, then got out of line and started on a tangent about security. But nobody stopped that person from going on and on about it. When they were finished speaking, the person who was President and running the meeting simply said that it should be discussed at another time. The other candidate for VP wasn’t even present.

If you aren’t going to be present during the monthly meeting in which elections are held, and you are running for office: Chances are, you aren’t going to win. And that’s what happened in the VP race.

But going back to these speeches for the office of President. Who do you think won out of the three? That’s right! #1 .. and from what I am told, blew everyone out of the water. But that is speculatory and heresay.

I was absolutely horrified to hear the speech of #2. Wanting to come into EVERYONE’S HOME? Seriously??? You’ve been living here how many years and have not gone to visit your neighbors– why??

I don’t know. But that really scared the crap out of me personally. I’m not going to allow him to just knock on my door whenever he wants to and allow him to get away with it, just because he’s been elected President. Are you on drugs??

Poor #3 though, I think that she just couldn’t come up with anything that was better than #1 and knew it, and had defeated herself knowing that she could not do it. And went into panic trying to come up with something that sounded proper.

As I said, someone had nominated me for Vice President. But I’ve had my share of “politics” here along with the Resident Council already.

Back in 2006, I ran for President and I did not know until two days before the election that I had someone running against me. I thought I had it in the bag.

I ran against a woman who was originally from England. Even back then, the speeches were very important. She said:

“If I am elected President, then I will thank you from the bottom of my heart. And if not, that’s okay too. If you want to vote for this fine, handsome gentleman, then that is okay with me. I will not show any hatred towards anyone who does not vote for me…..”.

Clearly she was speaking of me as the “fine, handsome gentleman.”, but then it got worse:

“….. I do not hate against people. I do not discriminate against Brits, Asians, Yanks, Mexicans, I don’t discriminate against blacks, whites, reds, tans, browns, yellows, alien purple, or green. I do not discriminate against man or against woman. Nor people with walkers, scooters, wheelchairs, or canes. I do not discriminate against those who are young and those who are old. Babies, mothers, fathers, grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters, or brothers.  I do not discriminate against the rich or the poor. Those who have cars or those who have trucks. Those who have more than one vehicle or those who have one vehicle or those who have no vehicles at all. I do not discriminate against those who walk. I do not discriminate against those who ride bicycles, tricyles, or buggies or even wheelbarrels. I do not discriminate against those who are tall, I do not discriminate against those who are short. I do not discriminate for those who are medium height. I do not discriminate at all. So please vote for me. If not, please vote or him.”

You know that whole ideal behind the “slow clap”? Yeah, that’s what happened.

Two things happened when she sat down all of a sudden. The first thought that popped into my head was, “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over?”.

And then I was waiting for her to finish all of her phrases with “Sam, I am.” 

And then they asked me to speak. I said:

“I promised that I would run in 2006. I have kept my promise. And I promise you that I will do whatever I can, to the best of my abilities to help make this complex a more enjoyable and loving place to live, and I will listen to any and all concerns that any of the residents may have during the time I am in office. With the help of staff, I will work swiftly to resolve any and all issues and/or problems. Thank you.”

Wanna guess who won? I did. Really- a no brainer.

I said three sentences in total. The woman said THREE MINUTES worth of “stuff”.

So I do firmly believe that at least here, people are listening. They may have their favorites running for office and they will show up for support and their vote. But they listen.  At least that’s how it was in 2006.

These two off the wall and very unstable speeches TODAY though from candidates #2 and #3… I don’t see how they could expect to win?!

Therefore in this case, my theory on speeches and the elections that are held here, remain true. But there’s more to it, because I was also wrong in a theory.

When I was President in 2006, at the time the term was for six months. And you could run as many times as you would like. At the end of my six months, or near it I should say.. the social worker that was “new” here, noticed there were no bylaws to go by when holding elections.

It was decided that a committee would get together and write them. I remember researching the Internet on how an example of bylaws would look like. I spent an entire Sunday afternoon and evening, drafting up a rough copy of bylaws that would be put in place here. Then I presented it to the committee. At the time, it was no surprise that nobody else had anything of their own. Minus the social worker. She had printed off an example of someone else’s bylaws. But my copy was more specific towards the apartment complex here.

I would say about 95% of what I had written for our bylaws, was actually approved by this committee. Only two sentences were struck from different places. We had changed the term of holding office to twelve months (1 year). And the person could run again for a consecutive second year, but then had to “bow out” so to speak for one year before running for that same office again in the future.

We realized that six months was just not enough time for any one person to get used to holding and running meetings each month. Heck, by the time I reached my end I was just getting started getting used to banging a gavel at unruly people, saying shit like “duly noted” and “the motion passes”. Stuff like that.

So I ran again, knowing that this was my “second term” and if I were to win, I would have to wait one year before running for President again.

And this is where the speeches from TODAY had proven my theory wrong.

I don’t really recall what all I had said in the fall of 2006, but I was asked to speak first. I did so, and then the other candidate spoke. Then the same for the other people running for the other offices. Each person that spoke LAST, was elected. I lost that election, by one vote. (That was not the case TODAY.)

I ran again in September of 2007. At a “political party” that was supposed to be provided with food and drinks and allowed all of the nominees to walk around to the residents and talk with them. But no, that particular day… just minutes before I left to attend, I received a phone call and was told that someone dear to me had been killed in a car accident. Needless to say, that this whole idea of going around, talking individually to other residents went right out the window and I was asked to speak about why I wanted to run for President. I chose not to speak at all, stating that I could not speak because of the terrible news that I had received only minutes earlier. My brain was still in the processing mode… and they wanted me to speak? No.

So I lost that election as well, because there was no speech. And I was expected to speak first.

Speeches though, capture the attention of the residents here where I live. I think that today’s example, #1 candidate for President was able to sway some voters.. after hearing the rubbish that came from #2 and #3.

Even at a mediocre level, such as an apartment complex, politics are just as bad. For many months, after the announcement of who was running for whatever office, the terror begins. The cliques gather forces unto themselves and people begin not to like one another for only those reasons. 

For now… that’s all over. With the elections done. Does anyone think I should run for any office at all in 2012?