Harvey

Houston, Texas: August 2017

“Anyone who says they’re not afraid at the time of a hurricane is either a fool or a liar, or a little bit of both.” Anderson Cooper

I decided to blog about the experiences of the most recent of days. I know a few people have reached out to find out if I was okay and I am appreciative.

Texas is a giant mess right now. However locally it is not as severe as other places.

Harvey was brutal when it made land as a category 4 hurricane. By the time the true outer bands of the storms had reached my area it was only a Tropical Storm. And as of the time of this blog being written, it remains as one.

It began to rain late Friday night/early Saturday morning. And it has been ever since in this area. The storm either was not moving at all or not very fast which caused so much rain to fall in the area. The more east you go from where I am the worse it gets with rivers flooding and mandatory evacuations being put into place.

All day Saturday and much of today (Sunday) there was a lot of wind and rain. The only problem was that the wind never stopped. It never slowed down. And it gusted over 50 mph at times.

My biggest worry throughout this event was the possibility of losing power. And that being over the weekend when nobody is really around. My home phone is connected along with my Internet service provider. If the power went out, the home phone went out. And with nobody around because of the weekend, had their been something that came up that I needed to reach out and call for help, I would not have been able to do so at all. I had my cell phone stolen while in a crowd of people the weekend before. So essentially, if the power went out, I would have been totally lost and in the dark.

I am thankful that never happened. The power did flicker once Saturday evening, but it just “blinked” and that was all.

I had barely used the telephone at all and never really opened my front door through it all.

By the time this whole thing could end and be gone, my area could potentially receive any where between ten and fifteen inches of rain. So even though the storm threat is gone, we will have to deal with the threat of major flooding for quite some time.

We had what is called the Memorial Day Weekend floods happen in 2015. I am not sure if Harvey is going to end up being a worse event than that or not. At least for this area.

My heart is crushed though because of the Houston area. Knowing so many people in that area and now realizing the horrible weather conditions that they are suffering at the moment is a horrible feeling. And it gets even worse knowing that its not over for them as of yet. With that area projected to receive over 40 inches of rain!!! I suspect that this will be a worse storm than Alison that they went through so many years ago.

I am safe for the most part. But due to the damage that the area did suffer through, it will be a struggle to adapt to until this storm clears out and the city is able to clean everything up. Even though the worst parts of Harvey are seemingly done for me, its a battle to be able to get out and get things I may need.

But I am alive. Thank you to all of those who reached out. My struggle alive and well, but it isn’t as bad as it is for the people in the Houston area. My thoughts are with them.

Don’t Know If I’ll Make It Until Then

“I love bringing roses to a woman when she least expects it.”~ Esai Morales

I’m sitting here, staring blank at the clock and I realize that in just a few minutes, it is about to be a new day.

I also realize that it will be one day closer to that ill-thought that is Valentine’s Day.

I thought that this year would be different for me. I no longer have that thought any more this very night. And with under a week to go….. the answer is unclear at this point.

I had asked someone to “be my Valentine” and in my past experiences, either I was lied to or my request was denied. And even if I had offered an evening full of PLATONIC surprises to a woman, having a date for that night would never ever happen. Not ever.

The closest thing that came to a Valentine’s Day celebration was with my last girlfriend. She didn’t want conventional gifts such as roses and chocolates. But she was able to chose what was to be had for dinner and I was the one that cooked it and had it ready to be placed on the table by the time she got home from work. There was no intimacy that evening either as she had been feeling bad days prior and all the excitement of the surprise was too much for her to handle. She went to bed long before I did that night.

So I’ve not been given the experience of chocolates, and roses, and diamonds, and kissing and making love. And yes that makes me VERY BITTER towards the holiday in general almost to the point of hating it.

But yes, I did ask someone to be my Valentine this year. And they said yes. Okay, great… now what? Now it was time to go into the pages of the books written by Jodi Ambrose and take a refresher course of the do’s and do not’s. Even though this woman ….. well, there’s nothing there. Just me being interested. 

I won’t get into detail to spare anyone from the public shaming session that would be inevitable to come by colleagues and close personal friends of mine, but so close to being able to do what I would like to do on a Valentine’s Day ….. only to find out that the woman has betrayed my senses and my trust. I know that I will be receiving personal messages about this. And I am ready for some of those messages to be along the lines of “I told you so!” but I will not fight them.  Being tricked and deceived by someone in this manner is not fun. I find it earth shattering and it doesn’t help anything going on with me upstairs.   

So again with just so many days left.. I’ve not done anything about it. I don’t know at this point if I will or if I will just let Valentine’s Day slide and let it join the rest of the lonely Valentine’s Days that I have a nearly a lifetime of.

Maybe one day I will get it right.

Maybe I won’t.

If you are still reading this: blog posts are probably going to be this “sad” for a while until I am able to stand back up again. And I know that day is coming!!

It is honestly not meant intentionally to the masses of people to be reading about my pain but this IS MY BLOG!! And I shall turn a few posts into a diary if I feel like it.

And even if I make the rest of this week through… I’m just not sure that I will make it to BJ & Steak Day.

 

Fight Of The Fanatic

“It’s cool to meet your idols. It’s a good opportunity to travel. Those kinds of things are good.”~ Meg White

Idols. We all have them. Sometimes, they change throughout our lifetime for one reason or another. But there’s always someone that we are looking up to in our lives no matter if that person changes at one point or not.

We admire them. We think about them a lot. We daydream constantly and about what it would be like to maybe one day meet them.

And for many of us, that dream will come true. But not all of us will. I have met a number of people considered “famous” and a “celebrity” in years passed. From musicians to politicians and actors. The people whom I have a great admiration for are NOT the same people that I once dreamed about every night from a decade ago.

We’ll bump into someone that we’ve admired for a long time or find ourselves to take advantage of the perfect opportunity to finally come to face to face with them.

But I think that a lot of times people forget that our idols are actually human. And they even have idols of their own!!

Our lives certainly do change though when that magical moment falls upon us and we meet them for the first time ever with our very own eyes. The world becomes your taco.

The taco however won’t last forever.

And there are those times when we meet them and when the magical moment is gone, you’re left standing there reflecting upon it and realizing that there was nothing magical about it at all.

That happened to me once. I had met a musician once and an autograph was given, but the pleasant exchange of conversation wasn’t pleasant at all.

To be fair, I had met the musician based only on the fact that they were the idol of a girl that I wanted to get together with. And in thinking that if she knew that I had met her idol, it would place me at the top of her list. But in reality, it didn’t do a thing to help my cause. Instead of having the autograph made out to me in MY name, I had it made out in HER name and then I sent it to her. I didn’t even receive a word of thanks from her. Just an acknowledgement that she had received the autograph in the mail a week later.

At the end of the night I could not for the life of me figure out what was so awesome about their personality. I was aware of their musical talents as they had won Grammy Awards, but who in the world would willingly want to hang out 24 hours a day with a personality like that? Oh well.

Fighting over meeting your idol is true behavior of selfishness. They are also human like you and I.

But recently it seems to me that in the wide world of fanatics over one person, an actor or musician, that there are two groups of people within that circle. Those who have met their idol and those who have not. And I have noticed that for those who have met their idol have a sense of “holier than thou” over those who have not. And its really ugly.

The most recent example I can give you as that I read that someone had finally met their idol after 20 years of being a fan. They got to have dinner with them, took photographs, the idol signed autographs and was on their way. Pretty fancy, I’d say.

But now they are talking to other fans like they actually KNOW the person and they’ve been friends ever since the invention of sliced bread. To be honest, that kind of ego-trip is highly annoying. And all they are doing with other people who share that same idol, are pissing them off.

This was an actor, not a husband prospect, and simply just another human being that was actually beyond more than kind to have offered them to have dinner and talk. And now that person who had that wonderful opportunity is parading around with proverbially no pants and showing off.

And this week, someone else who has NOT met their idol really wants to. But they have been meeting constant resistance from that one person who thinks now that they are virtually family. And now a fight has broken out. Its scattering other fans to choose and pick sides. Two groups of people (those who have met their idol and those who have not) have splintered off into four, five, even six smaller groups of fanatics. But they have hatred and malice toward those who are not on their side.

I sit back. Watch. Stay silent. And shake my head in great disappointment. I would give them ALL the quote from Rodney King, but unfortunately those involved in this ridiculous dispute are too young to remember who Rodney King is. Which I suppose, makes me old.

But the quote still remains a vital and truthful statement and poses the great question of why cannot all of these fanatics get along with one another?

I have no problem with other people meeting their idol. And I have no problem with other people meeting those people that I admire the same as they do. But to have done so, and then get in the face of someone who hasn’t and speaking like they are the idol’s representative that the other person can’t have their dreams come true, just makes me so sad.

I understand the thrill and joy of meeting your idol. Nobody says that you cannot be overjoyed with emotions of happiness when you have met your idol. And nobody says that you cannot share freely of your experience. There is always someone willing to listen and share with you.

 

In the past month, I have been able to receive several autographs in the mail from people that I admire. Some of you will know what I am talking about, but most will not. And that’s because I’ve decided that I was not going to jump to the top of that mountain and start screaming about it. These were not people that you will find on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, but people that I do admire… after all, I DO have other people that I admire. More than what I discuss about frequently in this blog.

What I do not understand is how that one person who has met their idol will continue to inflate their own ego to the point where they’ve become obnoxious, rude, and turned into a monster… believing that they’ve somehow entered a new world and became a member of some secret society.

The theory that I have come up with is that they are attempting to hold on that that precious memory for as long as they can. And by letting their ego loose is one way of allowing them to continue holding on to that experience to keep it alive. But I  could be all wrong about that!

So its all about egos it seems. But I swear that these fights that I have witnessed over the past six months over actors, musicians, politicians, and other idols are unnecessary and awfully mean.  

In my opinion, instead of fighting one another, we should be helping one another out.

Life is too short to be fighting with people. Especially if you have a common bond with that other person. Rather we all should be caring and kind and show respect. Be genuinely happy for those who have the “once in a lifetime” opportunity to have been able to meet their idol. And help those and hope for the best that other people who share that common respect and admiration that they too can meet their idol. It creates yet one more common bond that you will be able to share with one another.

I will say again, our idols are people too. They are human just like you and I. People just really need to learn to get along better.

Enjoy the taco if the opportunity arises. But when you are finished, don’t forget to SHARE it with others.

 

 

2011

Almost there.

I noticed that several colleagues of mine who live in other countries have begun to wish everyone a happy new year. But for myself, 2012 is still several hours away.

And as extremely taxing and difficult as 2011 has been for me, I can honestly say that there’s been a whole lot of good that I could possibly reflect upon.

I started this blog back in February. Hoping to use it as a tool of releasing frustration, confusion, and overall make it an outpouring of negativity to get it out of my system based on some events that were just plain awful. Naturally, the tone to a majority of the posts would change. And today, I’ve accumulated nearly 200 posts. And I’ve had over 6,000 views to my blog. I am quite proud of that. I enjoy writing in this blog and I do see myself continuing to write.

I’ve made some new connections with people. Acquired several new acquaintances. And even walked away with my head held high from the bad ones.

I’ve made new friends. And friends I’ve had before, have become closer friends. And what is even more endearing is the fact that some of them who had been already close to me, I now cannot fathom life without them. To remotely think about it, makes me cry.

I’ve met in person many wonderful people! I came away with some memories that I will never forget!! And in others, I’ve crossed the lines, shattered the boundaries, and still came out squeaky clean on the other side.

I’ve received so much support from others. More than I would have ever been able to imagine. And I am grateful for that, and for them.

I’ve been given so much help in my hour of need to the point where I probably would never be able to thank them enough or repay them. But knowing that “thank you” was just enough caused me to learn that there are some people still left in this world who genuinely do care for me.

I keep making progress in sledge hockey, even though I was not able to finish out last season due to illness and the fact of the matter is that this season has barely gotten off the ground.

I know that I have repeated myself time and time again about how desperately I wanted to get away from 2011, but I feel that there’s so much more to be thankful for that did happen this year. Many blessings were bestowed.

And I look forward to advancing in 2012 with the hope and faith that regardless of the low-times of this year, which were plentiful, I can stand tall and push forward towards a better year, with all of the lessons and experiences to take with me as I learn. And leaving behind the bitterness, sadness, and things that would drag me down so heavily.

May we all learn our lessons both from the good and the bad of this year and apply them to better living in 2012.

To those who have played such a pivotal role in my life, I want to say thank you and .. I love you!!

 

 

 

September 11th, 2001

“OH MY GOD!!!”~ America, on September 11, 2001

For those of us who can remember, this day will never be forgotten. This generation has their own “Day of Infamy”.

Not since the attack at Pearl Harbor in December of 1941, had their been such a deliberate and deadly attack on U.S. soil. 

And even though this tragic event still lies fresh in the minds of every American today, the world too… will never forget.

The Internet is full of commemorative articles, blogs, and posts today. Every American has their own haunting memories of that day of where they were when they had first heard about this attack. I already have read a few of them, and they have brought me to relentless and unending tears.

I recall writing about my own experiences after the fifth anniversary, in a blog on MySpace. And now, this is the tenth. I shall do so here in this blog. Please note: that all times listed are written in the Central time zone. This is very difficult for me, so please bear with me as I recall my own experiences, thoughts, and emotions.

Where was I on September 11th, 2001?

My story will actually begin a little bit before that. On the 20th of August. That day,  I had moved from a small town in southwestern Kansas over to Austin, Texas. My sister who had been here since she decided to go to college in Texas. Had been married a few years and had previously offered to come live with her, because the town that I was living in was only populated by less than 50,000 people in the entire county. Her proposal was for me to move into a much larger city area of over 1 million people. It would give more opportunity, more chances than where I was at.

So that day in August, was a Tuesday. I had taken the bus from Garden City, Kansas to Amarillo, Texas. From there, I flew to Austin, with an hour layover in Dallas. I mention the layover because I was placed in the front row by the flight attendants and the pilot had come over the intercom and announced that this was that aircraft’s “maiden voyage”. That airplane that I was on from Dallas to Austin, had never flown with passengers. And there I was in the front row. 

From that point, I was picked up at the Austin airport and began a new life. This was three full weeks from what was about to happen to America.

The night of the 10th of September,  I had stayed awake. I was still used to chatting with friends through all hours of the night, but now that I was living with other people, I had to wait until my sister and her husband were asleep before I could do that. Mainly, I still had contacts that I was communicating with who lived on the west coast.

Sherman Oaks & Los Angeles, California… as well as Portland, Oregon. Of course it was not “late” for them as they were two hours behind. So by about 3:00 AM on the morning of the 11th, my contacts on the west coast said ‘good night’, but I did not go to sleep. I still was trying to get used to my new area and surroundings. So I decided to try and unpack a few things and re-arrange things in my bedroom. But I did not go to sleep.

By 5:00 AM I had enough of being stuck in my bedroom. I went out into the living room to watch television, but with the volume low. But of course there’s nothing on at that time of day. By 5:30 AM, I went into the kitchen to attempt to surprise my sister and her husband by making breakfast for everyone. But there really wasn’t much to deal with. I ended up slapping together this really gross & disgusting mixture of hamburger meat and rice. I thought at least it was something.

That day was going to be an important day. I had been in Texas for three full weeks, but had not left the house except for one evening. Other than that, I was pretty much stuck there to that point. 

So that is probably why I was not able to sleep. Knowing that we would be leaving that morning early to go into Austin (as my sister lived out in the country). 

I remember hearing the alarm clock go off. My brother-in-law woke up and got ready for work. I started to prepare a plate of that culinary abortion that I made. But instead he just walked through the house and out the front door and left. He never said a single word to me that morning. Just walked right out the door. And I thought, “Jerk!”. 

So in an immature effort to get revenge, I ate that plate of food that was set aside for him. Not like that proved anything. It was terrible!!!

A little later, I heard the alarm clock going off again. My sister was waking up and I was getting excited to know that we were about to leave the house soon.

I had turned on the television again, but still there was nothing. So when my sister woke up, she turned it off. Geez.. thanks.

She was late and running behind, and we had to make a few stops before we could reach her work. She was going to be holding a presentation for something that she was involved in. But had to go to the store and the post office before reaching there. Hell, I was just glad that I was getting out of the house!!

The exact and very moment that we walked out the door to leave……… the first plane struck the World Trade Center.

We did not know about it.

As we drove the long roads, my sister had her radio tuned into NPR. But the volume was turned down very low as to make it easier for her and I to talk as we rode together. Two grumpy and tired siblings arguing with each other over silly little things. We had no idea what was going on in Manhattan or anywhere else in the world.

When my sister pulled into the grocery store parking lot, she left the keys there so I could listen to the radio. I was not about to listen to NPR, so I switched it over to 101X. I needed MUSIC!!

There was no music. Only talk. But I was not paying attention to it. Then finally after so many long minutes of commercials, which I thought was weird, the radio station started to play Alient Ant Farm’s cover of “Smooth Criminal” by Michael Jackson.  So I turned up the volume. 

But it was stopped. Interrupted. I thought to myself, “Are they having technical problems?”.

A few moments later, they had repeated their reports that two planes had crashed into the World Trade Center. And then suddenly another voice jumped in and reported that they just heard that a plane had hit the Pentagon in Washington D.C.!!

I heard one of them scream out, “Jesus Fucking Christ! What the hell is going on??”…… live on the air. And I thought “Ohhhhh boy, the FCC is about to hand it to you guys.” 

My sister had been gone in the store for what seemed like an eternity. My mind was not processing what I was hearing. Scattered reports all over the radio station, and they were not making any sense. Nobody really could tell what was going on. All that they knew, that airplanes were crashing into places across the country and that this was no accident. This was no mistake. And I began to realize this too.

FINALLY my sister was walking back from the store. I rolled down the window and screamed at her, “WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.

My sister just kinda smiled at me with a look on her face like “Oh really? That’s nice.” Why wasn’t she reacting in horror and shock as I was at that very moment when I had told her?

When she got into the vehicle and was hearing what I was hearing, she snapped to where I had been for several minutes: SHOCK & HORROR. She too then realized this was not good, that this was something that was being done to us on purpose.

Our younger brother was in the military and all we could think about was “Well, he’s going to war soon I bet.”

And he did.

I knew that because of this attack that we as a nation were going to get our justice, and that meant through military force. I myself, was ready to go after the bastards who pulled this stunt. But of course they were already dead. I knew though that something or someone was behind it all and they were still alive, and I was ready to go after them!

I noticed later on that there were no airplanes in the air that morning. I kept asking my sister over and over and over again if her workplace was in downtown Austin. I begged her mercilessly NOT to take me down there as I was not sure if Austin was going to be struck by these terrorists as well.

When we arrived, there was a television turned on, and I saw the World Trade Center buildings burning. What scared me so badly was the sight of people trapped above where the planes had struck, and they were hanging out of the windows. Several thousand feet above the ground, and they were hanging on to the side of the buildings for as long as they could before they either fell or jumped.

The vision of those who fell or jumped haunt me to this day. I am unable to watch video of it or look at pictures of people who have jumped or fallen.

But because I was there for a presentation, we went on as scheduled. It was rather quick though. I honestly believe that there wasn’t a person in the room that could actually concentrate on what was going on. Their minds as well as mine, too focused on what was going on and wanting to know more.

It was not long before the television was turned back on to watch the scene still unfolding in Manhattan. More people were falling or jumping and I wondered how in the world they could allow these journalists to film this and broadcast it on LIVE television? Eventually, it would stop. I would see a person begin to fall and then the image was changed to a different viewpoint.

I recall watching from a camera on a helicopter the pouring of flame and smoke from both towers. The repetition of showing footage of the second plane hit the tower over and over again. Then go back to the inferno that was still going. I remember seeing that these buildings appeared to be swaying back and forth just a little bit. Almost undetected by the reporters.

And then they fell. The first one and then the second one. I remember seeing the second tower shake a lot just before it began to collapse, I screamed out “THERE IT GOES! THERE IT GOES!!!”.

I wondered if it was all over with. I wondered if more was coming. I wondered many more things, just like anyone else in America. Who did this to us? Why??

The reporting was non-stop. Even as we went on with our day, it was centralized around a television set. Eventually as it grew dark and nothing more had happened. I wondered how long it would be before we were announced that we were going to war. I wondered about my brother who was stationed in Germany at the time. I wondered if he was about to see more action. But I knew that we would need our justice for these cowardly attacks. I felt a burning deep down that whomever it was that had done this…. was seriously going to get theirs. I just was scared about how much of it would be delivered by my brother and his company and unit and just how much involvement he would have.

And was this going to happen again somewhere else in the morning? Or possibly even overnight??

A few days following the attacks of September 11th, I noticed an eerie absence of airplane traffic and noises overhead that would normally pass over the house every stinking day. There was nothing going on. So silent. After a while of course, that would change and airline travel would resume. 

I laid in bed that very night of the 11th, replaying the vision of the second tower being hit over and over and over and over again. It just would not stop. And then I remember thinking to myself: “I’ve only been in Texas for three weeks and this happens!”. I became even more horrified  because the thought had occured that I was on an airplane just 21 days earlier. A new one at that! It scared me to death to even begin to fathom something happening to me on that day in August. What if these attacks would have happened then? Would I have been killed? Would I have been stuck in Amarillo, Texas without anywhere to go? The thought just crushed my spirit so much. 21 Days. Three full weeks. 

The terrorists wanted to change things. They had succeeded. America lost a lot that day. And there was no real reason for it. All because a group of people who lived somewhere else far away didn’t like America.  

It was probably a couple of months after September 11th that I spoke to my brother on the telephone. And I told him to wipe out every last one of them… if he was going to be deployed. I told him to fill these people with so much lead that whatever area they were engaged with, would be a waste land. He could sense my anger and frustration. And I think he understood it as he felt the same emotions.  

With each anniversary that passes, the memories and emotions and feelings get brought up so quickly. The sorrow of loss, and the anger and contempt against those who did this. 

We have our “Day of Infamy”. We all will remember and know how to answer the question “WHERE WERE YOU ON SEPTEMBER 11TH?”. When I recalled this story five years ago on MySpace, it felt like it just had happened last week. Now that it is ten years later, it feels the same… just a little further.

MILLIONS of us will be able to recall that day and what we were doing. Many of us will share. Some of us will mourn while the rest of us will pray. And as we should pray, think about those who suffered loss directly in New York, Washington D.C., and in Shanksville. 

This nation may cry every September, but we stand strong and will not stay down whenever we fall. We will rise again and again. Each time, we will become more and more victorious in the end. 

GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!