When Blogging Doesn’t Go As Planned

“But I think it is always difficult to have high expectations of yourself or anyone else.”~ Uma Thurman

DEAR NEW BLOGGERS:

So you’ve had a blog for an extended period of time. And your own personal goals are not being met. Frustration has settled in for what seems to be a permanent vacation inside of your head, and is staying there rent free.

Your personal reasons as to why you began to blog in the first place are yours and yours alone. Nobody can take that away from you.

But it just seems unfair that it appears that you are not getting what you were hoping for to begin with.

I have also experienced the same frustrations and confusion over my own personal blog. I’ve had up to five different blogs at one time, and now I am down to three. Two of which are honestly seeing any kind of creativity or usage at any given time.

Three and a half years later after beginning DAMBREAKER which is the first and original blog, there’s only 125 subscribers/followers. Nearly 142,000 total views in that time, but I honestly would have thought that if  in three years or more I would have thousands of people reading, viewing, commenting, and participating. But I don’t. Not publicly at least.

Is it the content? Is it that I am not writing about the right things? Am I focused on things that are just boring?

Well, all that can be said in response to that is that there are different strokes for different folks.

I cannot count or remember how many times that I had thought about trashing the entire blog. DAMBREAKER was going to be complete and total history and I would have sat here in front of my computer fuming about how it would have been a huge waste of my time to have ever been involved in blogging in the first place.

But hold on!!! Before you go tapping away at that DELETE button you should probably consider a few things. 

This posted image is something I relate to when dealing with the so-called “success or failure” of my blog, DAMBREAKER.  The same could be related to your own blog in deciding whether or not YOUR page is succeeding or failing.

Let’s keep things simple for right now though.

#1- LIKES. There is (at least for WordPress) a “LIKE” button. We’ve all seen it on other social media websites. It works the same way on WordPress. If someone enjoys the post, they can click the “LIKE” button. Ask yourself: Have I received any of these “LIKES” to any of my posts that I’ve written on my own blog? If the answer is YES- You are successful.

#2- COMMENTS. Again, the same as social media websites there is the option for the reader to leave a comment. Some people use it for compliments to whatever it is that you have written. Others are adding their own opinions. Some still will relate to your post and will tell you about it, which allows for further discussion on the topic. Ask yourself: Have I received any comments on any of my posts? If the answer is YES- You are successful.

#3- FOLLOWERS. Ask yourself: Do I have anyone following my blog? Is there anyone that signed up to have anything that I put on my blog immediately directed into their e-mail inbox? If the answer is YES … even if the number is ONE- You are successful. It tells you that at least one person is interested in what you are writing about and want to know and read about more and more and more. And wish to keep in touch that way.

#4- PERSONAL FEEDBACK. Sometimes people do not subscribe to your blog or follow your blog. Sometimes your blog doesn’t go to someone’s e-mail inbox directly. They don’t leave you comments. They don’t click the “LIKE” button if one is available or rate your post. But they come to you in other ways and forms of communication and provide you with feedback. They either found it on their own or you have published the post publicly somewhere else and they followed the link to your blog and now they are talking about it. Good or bad- whatever it is that they have to say is evidence that they are at least reading your blog. If they are reading your blog- You are successful.

You don’t need thousands of followers with thousands of comments and thousands of people clicking “LIKE” to know that you are doing something good.

Yes it would be nice to have those things, but they are not completely necessary to have success.

As a matter of fact, I’ve come across a lot of personal feedback in which the person admitted to reading this blog and then gave their feedback in what they did like about it or how I have been such an inspiration to them which caused them to change their lives for good in some certain way. When you hear things like that ….. you know that its all worth it in the end. And sometimes that’s really all that you need.

These kinds of things are what we as bloggers should remember whenever we get down about what we are doing with our blog posts and thinking that its not doing anyone any good because there’s no “activity” and we assume its a failure. To remember this checklist is all the validation that we will ever need.

Things I Don’t Understand Make Me Angry

“I know all about cheating. I’ve had six very successful marriages.”~Bobby Heenan

People often get excited when they enter into a full blown new relationship. I know that I do!

I witnessed one shouting from the mountain tops this afternoon of her new found love that was right under her nose! And was feeling pretty silly for not considering the guy to give him a chance at something more long term.

So I inquired. After all, this was a person that I had thought I had a few years to go before I earned “tenure” and going one on one never seemed to go wrong. With a few obvious and constant exceptions that were just mind meltingly annoying.

As expected, more details were being handed out as I was in a private conversation with her. But she could not restrain herself from being so damned bubbly about the new prospective relationship.

Okay, I get that. Nothing to get annoyed about.

Until I learned of their history together. It was someone that has been around in her life for a very long time. Just that he came in and out of it at certain points.

You see, I had met this person from the Internet over a decade ago. But at the time she was married with children. So I backed off knowing that even trying to attempt anything wasn’t going to get me any where.

“She’s single now. Go get her!!!”

Fast forward all that time and our paths crossed again. This time, she was divorced with children. I attempted to make my move and woo her as much as possible without having the fault of the Internet make me sound like some gushing pervert.

Needless to say that I failed. And realized that a factor in this problematic situation was the very large distance. And probably the age difference as well as she was a few years elder than I. But hell, age is nothing but a number. But the miles in between I was believing would be an issue.

So I almost gave up.

Besides, the annoying habit was that each and every time I corresponded with her online and I said something wooing or flirtatious or whatever, her response was always to hand over an emoticon of a smile.

🙂

Wait. What? Seriously?? How was I to win at anything when combating those stupid smiley faces???

Fast forward again back to present time. The “hero of her heart of the day” was a person that she had cheated with on her husband back during the days when she was married.

WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And to think I was attempting to take a shot at her, now that she was untied, unkept, and single.

I spent all that time flirting and complimenting and chatting, but for what? Absolutely nothing. Unless she just absorbed that kind of attention.

And I wondered what kind of major bullet did I dodge by actually LOSING the  task of winning her heart and/or affection?

Cheating is nothing that I understand. I do not understand why people do it. Although I have been the person that someone cheated WITH on a number of experiences in the past. Of course all of those just about ruining my life in the long run.

So yes, cheaters make me angry. And to believe that even if I would have won the affections of her… how long before she would have cheated on ME?!?!?!?

I’m pretty sure that science and history come together that when a person cheats, that it makes it just that much easier to do it again and again and again. And who needs that? Cheating is lying and lying is cheating. And I don’t know of anyone who wants to be lied to or cheated on. 

I suppose that in some twisted way, I should be thanking this woman for being honest with me about her past. I couldn’t help but be frustrated at her la-de-da attitude about what she had done, but then again… those are NOT my consequences. It was still shocking nonetheless. 

So here’s a lifetime of being spared the agony. The finances. The emotional turmoil. And the realization of being cheated on yet again as it has happened to me in my lifetime, by my first ever serious girlfriend.

NOT cool.

So yeah, I’m angry. Angry to know what she’s been through. Angry to know what she’s done. And angry to know what she is absolutely capable of!!!!

The question is, now that she’s falling for the man that she cheats with when she is with other men, who is she going to cheat with on THIS guy?!?!?!?

Doesn’t sound fair, does it?? 

There are no mistakes in cheating. It only causes damage of magnitudes that you never thought possible.

It turns the strong into fragile beings. It turns the faithful into the untrusting.

Worlds crash, people’s lives are changed forever, and for what? Because you decided to find happiness elsewhere and hide it. If you’re not happy ….. don’t freakin’ cheat.

 

 

 

 

Get Out Of My Way

“Don’t be mad because I don’t care anymore. Be mad because I once did, and you were too blind to see.”

Perhaps you feel that it is too difficult. Maybe you feel that it is too much money or expensive. Maybe you think that its a waste of time and resources.

Maybe it is because you don’t like the idea and you personally don’t want me to do it. And that probably is coming from the fact that you are either jealous because it seems like to you that I have a better life than you or you want me to be as miserable as you are because it seems like to you that you have no life.

Or you think that I am not going to be successful in life and will just fail and want me to stop.

If any of you fit the above descriptions. I have a few things to say to you.

First off- GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is NOT up to you to dictate what I do or don’t do in my life. I did not come out of your birth canal. And the fact that I am a grown adult. Your argument is invalid!

My successes and failures come from one person and one person only: ME!

Should I fail miserably, it is because of me. And if I succeed, it is because I had the will to try hard enough.

Keep your hands off of me and stop trying to drag me down to the ground so that I will fail. Your name is not “God” and my destiny is not in the balance because of your own opinions or actions. Again, get out of my way and let me try!

You tell me that I shouldn’t disturb people or step on their toes. YOU are the one who who has been stepping on my toes this entire time. Keeping me from accomplishing what I have been wanting to all along in the first place. Maybe it is time to step on toes and knock on doors. Because with as many times as I will be told NO (and I will be- I understand that) there will be someone who will tell me YES. Let me find those people!

If you are not going to support me, believe in me, or even let me try? Then all you will find is the back of my head as the dust begins to rise.

 

 

Failure To Lip Launch

 

“A man’s kiss is his signature.”~ Mae West

You know… as if it isn’t already difficult enough, having that special bond between friends where you are met with salutations of a hug and a kiss on the cheek has had its benefits for me. But has also caused me to forever be lost in this state of mind where I just cannot wrap my head around it to the point where things are kept in its policies and welcoming procedures.

Not to say that I am complaining about my female friends who greet with a kiss, I’m not saying that at all. I’m NOT stupid!

But when my daily routine is stuck in a wheelchair and every once in a while, that day comes where I find myself in the presence of those who are physically affectionate in their greetings, I always seem to find myself in a situation where failure is inevitable.

This morning I was up at such an early hour that it was personally disturbing. Within an hour though as I drudged through the first few cups of coffee, my eyes would behold a sight that I have not seen in many, many months. It would turn out that my eyes were not deceiving me and that I did see my friend of long ago.

Yep, you guessed it by now. One that greets me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

However my brain was too slow in processing what I saw and by the time I realized it was her, she vanished.

I wasn’t sure what to do at that point. I sat there in the community room chugging down more coffee to wake up quicker. I didn’t know whether to go home and call her cell phone or just wait there for her to come back through. I decided that creating a stake out was my best course of action, especially if I wanted to say hello to her. The only “con” to that decision was that I would have no idea of what time she would be passing through again. It might be fifteen minutes, it might be five hours.

Hunting her down was not an option because I knew where she went in all honesty, but she was there not just for a visit rather on business. So I didn’t want to get in the way of that.

Luckily for me, it was somewhere in between that. And when I saw that she was approaching… well, I blazed a trail so quick and so fast that I was surprised that the floor didn’t catch fire. But I had no idea that she would catch on that I was busting my ass to reach her.

She saw me, and instructed for me to hang out and that she would be right back. Then she turned around again and said jokingly to slow down.

And as always when it was time for her to depart was the physically affectionate gesture that I failed miserably at.

I just don’t understand why it has to be so difficult. It is not like I am trying to play a few quick rounds of tonsil hockey with her. But at this lower altitude definitely has its horrible disadvantages.

I don’t know if it is technique or timing. Maybe its a little bit of both? If I move in first, I run the risk of coming across as aggressive. If I move a little bit slower, I could reach lip to lip. And some women wouldn’t find that all that amusing. If I move too slow, then I miss out on the opportunity as I did today.

And at times when I have attempted it, and I have missed? Well, I’ve ended up brushing my lips on some really awkward, weird, and messed up places upon the face. Most of them, too horrible to mention.

Help me out here. What in the world am I supposed to do??

I know that the average height of a woman isn’t so much higher than I am sitting in this wheelchair. As a matter of fact most women that I know if they were to offer to push me somewhere, and I were to slowly lean my head back, I would be able to lean my head back into nature’s “head rests” if you know what I mean.

So I am not sure if I can calculate the distance between how much the average woman that I know has to either lean down or bend over to embrace me. And where do I land that kiss on her cheek? Not all of them move at the same pace either.

And what if I don’t reciprocate the kiss? Some women would get offended.

I am truly at a loss here.

Today’s episode though when I missed the opportunity to reach the cheek, I went into a panic. And so what did I do? Instead I grabbed her by the hand and went all 18th Century on her and kissed her hand. To which her response to it all was something that I had not expected. 

“OHH, AREN’T YOU TOO SWEET?”

Paging Dr. Love– where the heck are you?????????????

Goals

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.”~ Hannah Moore

When I was a young child, I remember crying because my parents were leaving the house for the night and my siblings and I were in the house alone with a babysitter. My parents were going out to celebrate their wedding anniversary.

And then I remember finding out that my father had married my mother at the age of 26. From that point, I knew that I wanted to be married at that age too. But it didn’t happen. The goal that I had set for myself was a goal that was unrealistic because it was bound to change as I grew older. People still today make goals in their life that are unrealistic. And those are the ones that are bound for failure from the start.

The goals that we set often are unrealistic. For one reason or another. They are too high or too low, or not right at all. We all have dreams of what we want to do. We fantasize about what we’d want to be doing by a certain point. Not just a few of us- we ALL do it!! Some of us succeed while most of us fail. And its all in the process of deciding what we want and how we plan to make sure that we are able to reach that point.

Often goals are set too high. You don’t hear a lot about setting them too low, but it happens. But usually they are too high. And when we do set them too high, it no longer becomes something that is plausible, but rather we’ve aimed too far and we’ll never hit the bullseye and then it seems in the end that it has been an impossibility.

If our goals are set too high, the inevitable disaster will strike. And unfortunately, it becomes more than something that we bargained for in the first place. When are our goals are too high, and we’ve seem to come closer and closer to the end timing of that goal and we are nowhere near reaching it… we often find ourselves throwing away common sense as well as common courtesy. We begin to step on those around us and damage our personal relationships because in our minds, we find them to be obstacles in the way of us reaching those goals. The very sad part about it, is that we don’t realize that is what we are doing to our personal relationships with others- until it is too late.

The goals are unrealistic and we say “Damn the Torpedoes!”, in an all-out effort to prove to the world (and ourselves) that we are right and they are wrong. This begins the whole process of the damage that I just mentioned.

Depending on what we were doing and what we have done, there is a chance that those damaged relationships can become salvaged and mended together. The problem is that nobody is thinking about it as it bursts into flames while we sprinkle fuel all around us because our focus is on one thing and one thing only- REACH THE GOAL.

So then we don’t reach our goals. They never happen. Now what?? Well, usually a few things go on when we’ve realized that we have failed. Usually we go through a lot of different emotions. Mainly depression, stress, and anxiety. We are crushed because we didn’t make it and we become very sad. The stress levels begin to rise because we begin to internally beat ourselves up for what we have done (or in this case, have not done). And then we go and allow our flawed human nature to take over and we assign the blame on others when we should be looking in the mirror. Our anxiety levels as well as our stress goes through the roof when our goals are just so far out of reach and we’re running out of time.

By the time I was twenty years old, I still wasn’t married. Not that I thought I’d be married while in high school, but still there weren’t any even any prospects of marriage at that point. I had only six years left to make that goal that I made as a child. And I placed all of the blame on all of the women that I thought at the time, were the ideal person to make for me a wife. And when nothing happened with them, I blamed them. I blamed all of the women in the world for a lot of things. I destroyed relationships with females during high school because that’s all that I thought about. And when things were not going as planned, I made them worse and ultimately killing any chance of any kind of relationship- friend or more- with any of them. Which is partly why I no longer have any communication with them today.

I should have been looking at myself in the mirror and thought things over and realized that my goal was not going to be something that would be attained. Mainly because the goal was never really defined or planned. It just was “a goal”.

When we make our goals, we have to actually stop and think about whether or not these things are attainable. Most of us will have to admit defeat a lot of the times because the things that we want, probably just won’t ever happen. If we can work on separating what is attainable and what is just ‘a fantasy’, and acknowledge the two then I think we have a better chance of setting better goals for our lives.

If we don’t, then we are going to end up living a life that is miserable and full of depression. Our relationships will begin to fail, and our overall physical as well as our mental health will soon fade into those dark and creepy places that we never want to be in the first place.

I would love to travel to Utah, and all states westward. But I would also like to travel to Denmark, Germany, France, and Romania. There would be nothing wrong with making these a goal in life. Except for the fact that they would be unrealistic goals. Why?? Because I do not have the money, or the means to make them happen. I might be able to visit a few of the states but going to Europe is something that really isn’t something that is plausible at this time.

I needed to realize this, and because I had then I was able to breathe a little better. Sure it was sad, but life is not always going to give you what you want.

Instead, we all should strive for goals that are within our means. Goals that we are certain we can achieve. There is nothing wrong with setting goals, in fact it is a wonderful idea. Setting the wrong goals however, will always be a burden.