Posts Tagged ‘feelings’


“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Ever know the kind of guy that can watch a film and just pick it apart with finding and spotting inaccuracies throughout the whole thing?

To some degree it can get annoying. Especially if the film that you are watching has never been seen before and there’s someone in the room just talking throughout the entire thing talking about this mistake or that mistake.

On the other hand, it can be an interesting “talent” for lack of a better term. The ability to spot something that others just don’t see no matter how many times they watch.

YouTube has a channel that has been around who does just that, called CinemaSins. They count every little inaccuracy or blown story plot or point out something that doesn’t make sense. And I have been watching their videos for a short time now.  My personal thought is that it is done to be funny and entertaining.

Then you have your vloggers, who do daily vlogs. And just in case you haven’t been on YouTube or have been hiding under a rock lately, there’s a person by the name of Matthew Santoro from Canada who has been practically everywhere via the Internet. His YouTube channel has exploded with people subscribing to watch his videos. One in particular that he puts out a new Top Ten list of interesting facts every Saturday. It has gone skyrocketing into space with 2,755,083 people subscribing……….. and counting. His secondary channel is where he posts his daily vlogs and that channel has 320,535 people subscribing… and that too, is still going.

He’s just become suddenly popular with people and good for him for being so successful at what he does!

Then CinemaSins recently asked him to do some voice over work as a guest narrator for one of their videos in which they were going to count the mistakes and errors pointed out in a particular film.

This is the video:

ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!!! And Pandora’s Box wasn’t just opened but smashed to pieces.

Go ahead, go take a look. Read all the filth in the comments.

Here is the thing:

I have followed both Matthew Santoro’s two channels and CinemaSins for a while.

From time to time I have strongly disagreed with Matthew Santoro’s comments or opinions or whatever there is. And that’s fine. However I just DON’T sit there and go way out of my way to say that in the comment section of his YouTube videos. He says something, I disagree, whatever… everyone moves on to live another day.

You don’t have to LIKE the way the video is, that’s your right and YOUR opinion.

If you HAVE to go out of your way to express your dissatisfied or unpopular or disagreeing opinion, there’s something wrong with you. Something TERRIBLY TERRIBLY wrong with you!

Some people just chug down the Haterade. Some people are just trolls. We all have our different opinions and some way we are just going to have to find a way to live with that. But damn, Matthew was invited to do something and yeah I know … its “different” but that doesn’t mean its bad. Just means that its different. The poor guy didn’t really do or say anything to deserve the reaction in the comment section.

Damn. Just another day to remind me how much the world can stink.


“I love bringing roses to a woman when she least expects it.”~ Esai Morales

I’m sitting here, staring blank at the clock and I realize that in just a few minutes, it is about to be a new day.

I also realize that it will be one day closer to that ill-thought that is Valentine’s Day.

I thought that this year would be different for me. I no longer have that thought any more this very night. And with under a week to go….. the answer is unclear at this point.

I had asked someone to “be my Valentine” and in my past experiences, either I was lied to or my request was denied. And even if I had offered an evening full of PLATONIC surprises to a woman, having a date for that night would never ever happen. Not ever.

The closest thing that came to a Valentine’s Day celebration was with my last girlfriend. She didn’t want conventional gifts such as roses and chocolates. But she was able to chose what was to be had for dinner and I was the one that cooked it and had it ready to be placed on the table by the time she got home from work. There was no intimacy that evening either as she had been feeling bad days prior and all the excitement of the surprise was too much for her to handle. She went to bed long before I did that night.

So I’ve not been given the experience of chocolates, and roses, and diamonds, and kissing and making love. And yes that makes me VERY BITTER towards the holiday in general almost to the point of hating it.

But yes, I did ask someone to be my Valentine this year. And they said yes. Okay, great… now what? Now it was time to go into the pages of the books written by Jodi Ambrose and take a refresher course of the do’s and do not’s. Even though this woman ….. well, there’s nothing there. Just me being interested. 

I won’t get into detail to spare anyone from the public shaming session that would be inevitable to come by colleagues and close personal friends of mine, but so close to being able to do what I would like to do on a Valentine’s Day ….. only to find out that the woman has betrayed my senses and my trust. I know that I will be receiving personal messages about this. And I am ready for some of those messages to be along the lines of “I told you so!” but I will not fight them.  Being tricked and deceived by someone in this manner is not fun. I find it earth shattering and it doesn’t help anything going on with me upstairs.   large (2)

So again with just so many days left.. I’ve not done anything about it. I don’t know at this point if I will or if I will just let Valentine’s Day slide and let it join the rest of the lonely Valentine’s Days that I have a nearly a lifetime of.

Maybe one day I will get it right.

Maybe I won’t.

If you are still reading this: blog posts are probably going to be this “sad” for a while until I am able to stand back up again. And I know that day is coming!!

It is honestly not meant intentionally to the masses of people to be reading about my pain but this IS MY BLOG!! And I shall turn a few posts into a diary if I feel like it.

And even if I make the rest of this week through… I’m just not sure that I will make it to BJ & Steak Day.



“Oh, that clock! Old killjoy. I hear you. Come on, get up, you say, Time to start another day. Even he orders me around. Well, there’s one thing. They can’t order me to stop dreaming.”~Cinderella

The Killjoy. Everyone knows one. Everyone has them cross their paths once in their life.

Sad to say that I have them in droves. Inside my social circles and family. It drives me insane to the point where I come here to WordPress and blog about it late at night.

In a recent blog post, I talked about the end of the sledge hockey season for the Austin Blades. And the great possibility that the team has to join the Houston team throughout the summer so as not to get rusty over the hot months.

Earlier this evening, GOOD NEWS came from the Houston team as they were able to pinpoint where the USA Hockey Disabled Festival for 2014 will be held.

The 2014 tournament will be held in Marlborough, Massachusetts just outside of Boston. It was a bit disappointing as I had hoped that it would be held in Florida. I was hoping to meet a colleague there. But instead, I have the opportunity to meet YouTube personality, AskCarrieLee. (And maybe Michael Buckley from WHATTHEBUCKSHOW, if I asked nicely.)

I found both of them online probably six or seven years ago, and I’ve been able to establish a personal friendship with them both in one degree or another. So I think that it would be great to meet them in person as well as show them this magnificent adaptive sport.

Nevertheless, the excitement and joy rushed over me like a tidal wave. And I began to contact people who follow my sledge hockey career here locally. Friends and family both, I began to tell them that we just found out where the next tournament will be at.

Apparently I need to enunciate better over the telephone. “Boston” sounded like “Austin” to some of them. Oops!!

I have a full year to prepare and save and do what I need to do to fund raise in order to be able to participate. I really hope that I can, it being the tenth annual tournament.

But all I ran into was a bunch of killjoys. People just crushing my excitement, joy, and enthusiasm.

I sat there getting lectured about how expensive it is to travel to this tournament. And this was something I am already aware of. I received more lectures of the fact that I would fail in earning enough money to go, if I attempted this on my own as well as there’s nobody around here locally that could help.

Where do these people get the guts to say stuff like this to me?? Most importantly, why am I just sitting there listening to this garbage???

It occurred to me that these kinds of people are the exact types of people that I honestly don’t need to be associating with. All they do is troll my life, my joy, and my excitement. Looking for a way to knock me down out of the stars when I have gone shooting up in the air for them. blahblah

There’s no law that says that you have to listen to these depressing and negative people. You can walk away from them. And most likely, you probably should. If all that they do is bring you down when you are up, then the influence of these people are not necessary and they will hold you down and not allow you to succeed in anything….. if you let them!

So yet again, I am swinging the blade to cut and sever these kinds of people from my life. Those who have been nothing but negative, must go!!! They should all know that sledge hockey is very important to me. It is something that I excel in as well as enjoy doing. And for them to try and cut me down and say that I shouldn’t do it or cannot do it? Its uncalled for and so yet again, I edit those who have any influence with me at all.

To support and love me is to support my dream in this adaptive sport. If you’re not on Team Dambreaker, then you don’t need to be anywhere near me and involved in my personal life.



“You made me confess the fears that I have. But I will tell you also what I do not fear. I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to leave. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake and perhaps as long as eternity too.”~ James Joyce

A few days ago, I was hanging out with a friend of mine who is female. I do not get to spend a lot of social time with her and so any opportunity that I am able to get my hands on, I go for it. To the best of my ability.

It was a pleasant visit with her and I really cannot complain all that much to be in her company.

All of a sudden, my cell phone began to ring. I ignored it because I was busy. But then a few minutes later, it rang again and for another time I did ignore it.

Moments later, another time it rang. So I excused myself from my friend and answered the call.

At the moment that I realized that it was not necessarily an emergency but rather a social call, I explained that I had company and was not able to sit down and socialize but I would return their call when I was at home.

I ended the phone conversation with, “Okay. I will call you later. I love you.” And then I hung up.

To which my female counterpart took that as an invitation for taunting and teasing and to play 50 questions.

No… to this day, I am not married, engaged, have a girlfriend, involved in a relationship, or gay. And these were the extent of the questions that I endured. As I said, I do not get a lot of time to hang out with this friend of mine. So it was understandable to me that she would not be aware of current events in my life. And that basically was the purpose for hanging out with her… to catch up with one another. But she could not understand why I had such an affectionate ending salutation to the conversation.

I explained that it is just who I am. That I say it to all my friends. And then things got heavy between her and I.

She said, “You do not say that to me whenever we hang up.”

My reply??

“That is because in the past when I have attempted to make such a ending salutation with you, you detonated a nuclear device to protect yourself in your own defense. And I got tired of having radiation burns.” 

As it may be very true that I do love and care for all of my friends, this still is something that I just do/say. Some accept it, some reject it. That’s just how things are with certain individuals that I choose to have in my social circles.

Some reciprocate the verbal displays of affection. Most do not.

And although I do not believe that there’s anything wrong with telling all of your friends that you love them. One must understand and respect the boundaries of other people’s feelings. You must acknowledge that some people just aren’t that expressive. To which that is not their fault. Nor is it yours.

If that is the case, just because it is not verbalized doesn’t mean that the you or the other person does not care about you. Or that you do not care about the other person. It boils down to every individual’s comfort zone. And if one person shows signs that they are not comfortable with such an exchange, you have to respect that and not push the issue.

We all have at some point gone and said the “L word” to someone and came back with such a major burn that we began to think that we wouldn’t be able to survive the night. But in reality, we all survive. Perhaps a little broken and hurt. But we learned that it is a boundary that should be noted not to cross again. In time our wounds did heal.

And I will repeat myself here: Just because its not said, doesn’t mean that its not felt.

As for my female counterpart, what I said to her would ultimately sting her. And I did make the effort to apologize for that because that was not the intention. But I made it clear that I was aware that she was not comfortable with hearing such sentiments from me as her friend, and therefore I simply stopped and respected that boundary. I also did mention that I totally enjoy the times that we spend together, as infrequent as they already are… in the hopes of mending things with her.  Going in for the kill was not the plan.

But she understood where I was coming from. And we were able to move forward with the rest of the day. And in the end when it came time to go, we hugged. So that was OUR way of sharing that particular moment of love, care, and of course– respect for one another as friends.

Pushing something on people whether its because you want them to do or say something is never the thing to do. It only causes a lot of friction in your social relationships and quite possibly, causes them harm. To which, you will end up having to switch gears and begin damage control. And that at times can become a hindering issue.

Always keep in mind: Once bitten, twice shy. If you strike and you are bitten then don’t fool with it again. How many times are you going to stick your hand inside of a fire before you say “Ouch! That burns!”

If you strike and its graciously accepted? Well, don’t abuse it either. Let things come as they may.

The greatest thing in the world is love. And love is defined in infinite ways. Don’t meddle with that. Its okay to love your friends as you love your family. Just don’t vomit your expressive feelings on them. Family is one thing, friends and social groups are totally another. Know the boundary lines.

“But, truly, I have wept too much! The Dawns are heartbreaking. Every moon is atrocious and every sun bitter.”~ Arthur Rimbaud
The one thing that started out as an announcement of pleasant, much happier news turned into a 70 minute fiasco against my emotions, feelings, and thought process. No matter how I fought it to allow that person to say what they felt, and then move on, only found me sitting there listening to them hit the repeat button.
Harsh criticisms and negative thinking in a fiery abundance which totally surpassed the original content of my conversation which was the joyful news of something positive and happy that happened to me today.
I wondered if they were even considering what they were telling me over and over and over again. After all, at last check, I am still human.
The only thing to do, was to walk away. Which I did- abruptly.
Guess what that did? Made me worse of a bad guy. As I gained a distance between myself and my “mental punisher”, I don’t think that it was anything short of a miracle that I made it within the walls of my home without shedding a single tear.
In every new experience, I’m frequently reminded that there are people out there who seem totally incapable of seeing the good and vomit the bad. No matter what we do, we’ll never measure up to their levels of satisfaction to where they will ever see us in a brighter light.
Often we are faced with those who feel the compulsion to be mean and nasty. And they do so without regard of others.
Yes, it does hurt. And it hurts a lot.
And on the flip side of the topic, there those of us who always see the train at the end of the tunnel, rather than the rewarding light. We are never happy when we find that others are happier than we. And we allow it to bother us. When that happens- WE are the ones who become the mental punishers of others. Not because they deserve it, but because of our own petty insecurities that keeps us stuck in the quicksand of brutal and insufferable gloom.
I grew up hearing “treat others as you would want them to treat you”. A lot of the times, that just never happens. Whether we are the ones being attacked or we are on the other side, attacking other people.
Of course we want to be treated with kindness and love. But often… do we treat others with the same respect? There are those times in which I feel we need to stop and reflect within our own hearts and ask that question. If we are experiencing misery when other people are experiencing joy.. don’t we owe it to ourselves to ponder that question inwardly??
Funny how this pendulum swings so wide.
If we fight our urges to keep the bitterness and nasty away from those who are sharing with us a moment of their personal triumph and joy then perhaps we just might receive it in return when it is our turn to bask the glory.
Being shot down by those with whom we share our triumphs and personal victories always catch us off guard.
It is a horrible feeling to drop out of the sky like that because of someone’s response or reply or feedback.
There’s no real cure for it. We can’t avoid or change how other people may view things, but we CAN control how we are interacting with others.


Deeper Impact

Posted: August 20, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion”~ Dalai Lama

Tonight, I was totally impacted by a conversation that I had with an old school mate of mine.

She spoke of my kindness and honesty that she has seen recently, as well as from what she remembers back in high school.

And then she told me something that I never knew. Something that was so profound and significant, that flattery could never be the word for it.

She told me of one day while in high school she felt depressed and alone. She had recalled that she had seen me talking to someone in the hallway of the school and when I saw her, I said something to her that made her laugh. Suddenly, she did not feel depressed any more.

Because this happened many, many years ago, I have no recollection of the conversation. Neither does she. But she said that she thought of that moment for many years and how important it had made her feel that I would make her laugh. The memory is faded, but the feelings that were brought on by it are still felt by her today.

I had no idea until today, that she had been so deeply depressed that she was contemplating suicide. But because I had made her feel important, she did not go through with it. My decision to make her laugh caused a big enough impact on her life that she chose to live, rather than end her life.

When I heard this, I did not know what to say. I did not know how to feel. Is it possible that I could say that “I saved a life”? Would it be selfish and egotistical for me to say that? And why would she even feel that depressed at that moment in her life that she would want to end it? When I had heard about this, “I” was impacted.

The deep and meaningful impact and impressions that we have upon other people actually do happen on a daily basis. It is just that we are not told a lot of the times about these things and so we go on living our lives, not thinking that we are that impressioned person to which caused another person joy or happiness.

Just a few days ago, I was speaking to a new friend of mine, whom we had met through a mutual best friend. She and I both agreed that the person we had in common with, has greatly impacted both of our lives in such wonderous ways that we both in our own minds and in our own lives, are filled with love, appreciation, and gratitude for them.

I asked them, “Have you told her this? Have you told her how much she means to you?”. They had not, but they thought that it was an intelligent idea to do so. So I understand that they are seeking their feelings to find just the right words to say.

It is my firm and personal belief that we has human beings have personal influences in which we know that others are making such a difference in our lives. Those who are always there for us when we are down, and those who help us see the light at the end of the tunnel when we are jammed in the fog.

And therefore, we should be able to share with those who make us happy. We should tell them how wonderful we believe they are in our lives. To show our love and appreciation for all that they have done. Even if it is just a simple comment of “thank you”. I believe that if we do this, the relationship bonds will grow stronger amongst us. And we should not fear that. Why would we even think to fear our friends? We should let them know just how we feel. We should be secure in telling them because they ARE our friends and loved ones, that they would never shun us for our feelings.

How are we to know how others feel about us or how are they to know how we feel about them, if we do not say something?

I do not know what would have happened if that class mate of mine would have said something back then. All I know is that I am glad she said something now. Back then, I was unable to establish a friendship with her. But maybe now I will have my chance.

And I know that for me, I will be sharing more of my feelings with those whom I love and care for, because they deserve to know. How else would anyone survive on this Earth if they are never told what they mean to someone?

I would have to say that I have not changed much in that aspect today as I was in high school. Perhaps maybe I have become more in tune with it. But I am so glad that my class mate is with us today, and she did not kill herself back then.

So remember to keep those in mind who impact your lives. Share with them how you feel when they are there for you. Tell them “thank you”. And do what you can to keep your bonds of your relationships that much stronger.

“It would behoove us to suppress the minutiae….”~Diane Keaton in “The Other Sister” [1995].

Okay, it appears that some people are having a bit of trouble with how to interact as well as react to others online. And it is causing grief to dramatic proportions.

So gather on ’round kiddos! I’m about to re-educate some of you. And others I will prick the consciences. Hopefully it will stick.

There are no two people who are the same. There’s a lot of talk about whether or not two people are a perfect match. Well, I don’t believe in that. Compatible maybe! Friendly? Yes of course. But there are no two people alike. And we’re not even going to discuss the topic of twins.

Everyone in this world has their own ways of living their lives. They grew up believing in what they believe. No, don’t get me wrong already. This isn’t about religion specifically either. This is about opinions & assholes. 

Each person has their own way of doing things from day until night. Some do it fast, others take their time. Some get down and dirty and others just do it.

The Internet is a wonderful place to meet people. I’ve said that before I think in previous posts. Yet we all have to understand that not necessarily your ways are going to be their ways. Your beliefs and opinions are not always going to be theirs either.

How and what you do in your country, isn’t always going to be the same for another person in another country. That’s just the way it is.

So it is totally ridiculous for one person to be claiming that they are “friendly, sociable, and love to meet people” when all they are doing when trouble arises and they hit that first bump in the road is trying to swerve the others into their ways, their beliefs, their opinions. It just doesn’t happen!!

Society has a very difficult and bad habit of taking more than they give too. One cannot continually take and take, and not be expected to give in return. That is called being selfish. How are you supposed to live this life of being friendly and sociable when all you are doing is sucking the life out of someone by taking everything. And you expect them to be nice to you? Nope! Doesn’t happen that way!!!

So people, I verily say unto you: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over?!?

Understand that people in this world will not go along with you 100% of the time. That is their choice and their right as a human being. You don’t have to like it, but you will eventually have to respect it.

It would actually do you far much better to LEARN the difference and find out their side of things of why they do it differently than you. Still, you don’t have to agree. But it will become far more beneficial to you if you do so, and these drama moments will not happen as frequently.

You say you wanna be friends with this person? Great! One can only benefit with having friends, and having a true friend is even better.

Wanna know how to do that? Get to know EVERYTHING you can about that person. You never know what all good and commonalities you may end up having deep down. Especially on a personal level. And this is exactly the reason why I am best friends with those whom I consider “my best friends” because I took the time to get to know them so much and so well.

You standing there with your backs turned because you don’t wanna hear what they have to say, especially since they disagree with you is absolutely immature. Particularly if you are an adult.

But we all know that adults act like children sometimes, and that’s for another time.

If you are in a position where you just will not bend to see their side of things but you want to remain in contact with them? There’s only one thing you can do:


If both sides can do that. You’ll be better off. You’ll be armed with the knowledge that perhaps you shouldn’t be bringing that kind of topic up again… until you are adult and mature enough to listen.

Nobody is saying that you cannot speak up for yourself. Or that you can’t feel how you feel or think how you think. Everybody is allowed that human right.

And if you just can’t get all of this in your head to where you learned something? Just remember this………

Opinions are like assholes. Everybody’s got one.

“If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music.” ~ Gustav Mahler

Anyone remember the days of stealing the telephone and escaping into your room, only to call the local radio station to have them play your request and/or dedication? I do… I totally was one of those kinds of people. Whatever was on my mind, I went to find that perfect song that was describing my personal feelings at the time. It drove my parents crazy. For one hour every Monday through Friday night, they could not find the telephone because I had it in my grasp. I try over and over and over again to get beyond the dreaded busy signal just to get in touch with the radio station and have them play that one song. Ah, fun times!!!

Now I am sure that some radio stations are around that still do so, but I haven’t actively listened to any particular radio station in quite some time. So I haven’t really given it much thought.

Until I come along certain message boards and forum that are just for general purposes. There’s a lot of people out there that just make their own musical dedications for their own reasons.

I must say that I find it amusing. Someone will have their “dedications” posted for the world to see. They feel on top of the world that they’ve found the love of their life. So they post ANYTHING that has the word “love” in the song title. And it’s not just one or two or even three times, try a few dozen times… and in a row.

And then after a while, it dies down. They still find that perfect playlist and drive each and every song into the ground as they play it over and over and over again. Then, Heaven forbid- the love of their life breaks up with them. The feelings of that high are gone, and now they are posting every song in the world that deals with heartache and pain.

To the outside person, that whole thing can be annoying. So true. However, music has a way with ALL of us. Not just those who “fall in and out of love” and those who want to share with the entire world. Music is that one thing that exists that we all enjoy. I am no exception. I listen to music every day & night. No doubt about it.

Music also alters our mood. Whether it enhances it, or changes it. I mean, who hasn’t heard a song that caused them to break down into tears? Or who hasn’t had that feeling of having a good day and then hearing a song that just takes your soul flying until you feel like you are on top of the world?

I’ve heard certain songs and it made me think of someone. Or it had triggered a memory of something. I think that is why we always enjoy making those radio dedications. We hear that perfect song that makes us think of a certain someone and we enjoy the thought we have. Yes, in fact it is a super-wonderful-fantastic feeling.

At times, music and songs allow us to express ourselves in ways that we cannot through our own words. So then we absolutely latch on to that perfect song and “dedicate it” and then stand by it until the very end. Even years later, no matter where we are in life when we hear that song, we stop and ponder the moment over again. Why? Because that song is OURS… and nobody else can have it!

To be honest I miss those days where we all passed around mix tapes. The collection of songs that we put together on one cassette that we deliberately chose to express ourselves towards another person. Now we can burn CD’s and what not- but does anyone actually have a “mix CD”? I don’t.

Anyways, I love music. I think we all do. It doesn’t matter what kind of music we choose to listen to. We all have our favorites. And we all have our personal reasons as to why they are our favorites.

So as I finish this post, I’ve turned up the stereo to listen to one song in particular that really strikes me in my heart. Such a great feeling I get when I listen to it.

Life without music is boring. I say, “TURN IT UP!”.

Express Yourself

Posted: February 15, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Three words. Just three. Doesn’t seem like a lot, but those three little words are the most potent ones in our language today. They also have the potential to be the most poisonous, if used callously.

I personally refer to them as the “make it or break it phrase”. Of course, I am talking about the phrase, “I love you.” These thoughts have been on my mind for quite some time and I couldn’t find the most appropriate venue to discuss them, until now.

Yet I still find it a difficult subject to talk about as we all have our own different belief systems on what love is or isn’t. You may find that you totally agree or totally disagree with me. No matter which side of the fence you sit, it still is something we all face at one time in our lives.

Personally though, I find myself going through great frustration when showing emotion or expressing feelings. I don’t know if it is a personal problem I have with the automatic response within a person or the immediate necessity for the building of walls to be built whenever the words are spoken/written.

I do know that there are several ways of “saying it without saying it”.

For example, “Love you!”. I think that in my personal experiences, this one is used the most. And it is the phrase that I have the most trouble with. WHO loves me? You? Your cat? Your creepy neighbor who doesn’t know how to iron a shirt? Tell me exactly, WHO loves me??

Then of course we have written form and not necessarily verbal.

Love U” or “Luv U“. Let’s face it, with the invention of the text message and electronic mail, it has greatly curtailed our ability to speak properly. And it has nothing to do with character limits. I find this to be a lazy away of showing your emotion and feelings towards another. Of course someone loves me, but again who???

So let’s go even further. Has anyone ever just typed “ILY” or even tried to be fancy and unique and written “143”? (Each number representing the number of letters in each word of the phrase.)

1= I

4= love

3= you

Seems like a neat trick, doesn’t it? I will admit that when it was first used with me, I thought it was probably the neatest thing in the world. Now that I have become used to it, and more or less immune, it’s not so cute any more.

Three words. Eight letters. One phrase.

I was once involved in a cyber relationship where the woman never really once told me that she loved me. I know that I had, but that was because I thought I was in love with her. But she never once repeated it back. Even when I realized that the relationship was not something that was healthy or in my best interest to continue with, I told her that she was loved. And when she finally got the hint that I was ending it, I received “Goodbye, God bless. 143“.

I now realized why she never said it. It is because she never felt it or meant it in the first place.

Now I am not going to go into the different types of love, because then this blog would take forever to write and forever for you to read. Besides, my blog entries are far from formal and wander off a lot in the first place.

So then why do we say it? Or don’t for that matter. And when its said to us, why is it such a massive undertaking to share that back with the person?

I know that there are people in the world that just have a very difficult time expressing themselves. They feel vulnerable and weak. Others are insecure about themselves and probably the case there is that they don’t love themselves and therefore do not feel worthy of receiving another person’s love. Much less hearing that they are loved.

One must believe in their words when they speak. That is my assertion.

I am the kind of person that once I become quite fond of another, that eventually I will tell them that they are loved. Many times I have been spurned for my words or actions but I was confident in what I was telling them. Just because I told them that I loved them, should not have been an automatic sign that I wanted to jump into bed with them. It was more of an expression of caring for them as an individual and a way to let them know how much they really mean to me, that they are in my life.

And that is probably why I have so much frustration and difficulty with others when they decide to shorten the phrase or not really bother to repeat it back. As I said earlier, I know that people are not exactly alike. I cannot expect them to respond with “yeah, I love you too!”. A life in that kind of world does not exist.

My own rule of thumb has been “Don’t say it, if you don’t mean it.” And that includes saying something that you perceive that the other person is wanting to hear. I’m not saying that I go out and tell every Tina, Dina, and Harriet that I love them. Or every Tom, Dick, and Harry for that matter. But if you’re hearing it from me, you need to know that I am caring about you. That I’m not just full of hormones and want to find a way to eventually bond flesh. But you are important enough in my life for me to express myself with those three words. “I LOVE YOU.”