Posts Tagged ‘focus’

hot-ex-girlfriend

not ACTUAL girlfriend!

 

“Well, a girlfriend once told me never to fight with anybody you don’t love.”~ Jack Nicholson

This morning I was met by a friend request from an ex-girlfriend… again.

This is probably the third time I have dealt with such a request within the past four years. Each and every time, ultimately was denied and then blocked. It didn’t matter which social media was used either. MySpace or Facebook.

However today had a little bit of difference as her Facebook profile and cover photo were of her at her wedding which apparently happened sometime last year.

I still have no idea what it is that she is wanting. I don’t know what it is she thinks the connection is. Even though I have on more than one occasion expressed to her personally that I no longer wish to have any communication, any socialization with her ever again. That we should leave the past in the past, and hold on to the memories that we have. The relationship happened and then ended almost twenty years ago.

And yet this morning, I receive yet another friend request on Facebook from a completely new Facebook profile. The difference being that her last name is hyphenated. Is she only doing this to make a statement to show that she did in fact get married? Is she attempting to be a thorn in the side to shove it in my face that she is married? I don’t know. Honestly, I just don’t want to know.

I then spent the next two full hours losing myself over it all. Until I spoke with someone else who was there and willing to just listen.

I felt and heard myself getting so animated as I spoke of this rather brief situation that had happened. I mean how DARE she come after me with yet another friend request after she’s been told more than twice that I want nothing to do with her?? After all, who does she think she is???????

I even felt a bit light-headed once I had actually stopped talking to take a breath. And that’s when the person that was listening to me slapped me with a hardcore lesson in reality. A lesson that I hope to be able to share with you as you read this post.

As I reached over and grabbed my drink to take a sip, I heard them respond to everything that I had shouted and screamed and bitched and moaned about.

“Why are you giving this so much of your energy?”

Crowbar to the nuts in 3… 2 …. 1 …….. wait for it ……………………….. BANG!!

What they were telling me made sense. What I had told them, I couldn’t take back. I was exposed. I was out there and I had allowed everything to eat me up inside. A person that I haven’t seen face to face in nearly twenty years. A person in which feelings for have drastically changed. A person that I don’t even want to be bothered with- I had allowed to bother me.  fingerred

Then I was given a bonus lesson through an analogy:

If someone gives you the finger. It is up to you as to whether or not you do or say anything in response. You have that power to take care of you.

Are you going to just laugh at the person? Are you going to ignore them? Or are you going to stand your ground and pick a fight?? 

YOU have all the power in the universe to take care of you. It is your choice in how you deal with that particular situation that you have found yourself in.

Another analogy as a bonus-bonus was then presented before me in the statement of:

You cannot control who is going to knock on your door. You can control whether or not you answer the door and how you deal with the person who is knocking. Or you can choose to ignore it and just wait for the person to go away and stop knocking. It is all within you. 

And so we should take the lesson of knowing what is worth spending our energy on, what are we going to do with the power that we have in taking care of ourselves.

Here I was… on my eldest brother’s 50th birthday, and just days away from my own birthday. More information on its importance as the day arrives.

And then realizing that I am in the middle of making plans for a Round #2 with someone that I never thought I’d lay eyes on again. Once more, more information on that as it happens.

And yet with all these happy and positive things happening and about to happen in my life, the fact was that all of my energy was focusing on my ex-girlfriend’s attempt to contact me. The power was handed over to ex-girlfriend and all focus was on her, rather than being in the most happiest of moods because of many personal triumphs and celebrations.

What do you use your energy on? On what should you use LESS energy and power on? On what should you use MORE??

“Look at him. He gets out. He goes to shows. He does whatever the hell he wants to! He doesn’t sit around at home and shit. He isn’t sad about his condition. He doesn’t let it stop him either.” ~ Dr. Froth

This was the words of Dr. Froth not that many years ago about me at a time long before I had ever met him or SIX MINUTE CENTURY.  Someone who apparently had some kind of illness or medical condition was mentioning that he wanted to go to the next show of theirs, but could not do it because of the condition.

Dr. Froth turned around and didn’t believe it for a second that it should be a legit excuse. He had used my life as the example of his encouragement to this man in order to boost his spirits and get him to realize that he can do whatever he wanted.

Ironically, Dr. Froth didn’t know that much about me at that time. His idea of using my life as a positive example was actually correct. Lucky hunch? Not really. He just really took the example of my life as he had known it to that point in order to prove his point. Several months later, he would work with me on an itinerary to get me to my first show.

All evening long tonight, I have heard excuse after excuse after excuse from many people. And as I sat there in silence, I kept thinking about Dr. Froth’s words that were spoken so long ago.

Even though it is true that I will personally never be able to do the exact same things as other people around me doesn’t mean that I should just allow myself to be swallowed up by the dark cloud of depression and sit in the corner inside of my home… waiting for death.

But I can honestly say that in the past decade there are some wonderful examples of my life experiences where I had gone and made a decision to do something or go somewhere. And even though it might have been difficult, I did NOT give up. And I think back on those times and I can honestly say that the experiences were rewarding in various ways. All because I made the decision to do it.

And to add to it all, I have so much less opportunity than others do and I STILL DO IT!!! So then yes, if I CAN do it……… SO CAN YOU!!! And even though I can do far less than you, I am still successful. Just think of the rewards that YOU can achieve.

With this evening’s bombardment of people throwing excuses left and right just really made my stomach turn. There’s something inside of them that is allowing them to bow to defeat. Meanwhile, people with less fortunate lives are out there surpassing what you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t done yet because of the excuses you have been making which has stopped you.

I personally don’t believe the excuses that I’ve heard tonight. I believe that these downtrodden people have come up with their own excuse that they think is legit and its their way of saying to themselves that they’ve quit and its okay.

Bullshit.

And yes, I do understand that there are things that we would love to do that we probably never will be able to if we lived ten thousand lifetimes. Everyone still has their boundaries.

Ten years ago if you would have told me that I would be playing sports, particularly sledge hockey, I would have kicked you out of my home on the grounds of believing you were insane. But now I have been playing it for many years now. And I keep getting better at it. 

Make the decision to do the things that you’ve dreamed of. Start out slow and small and work your way to the top. Failure should never be an option in life. Neither should one be afraid of failure. That is why they call it dusting yourself off and getting back up and trying again.

How about this: You never know until you try.

Ever hear that one before? You probably have and you have just forgotten about it. Shame on you.. to be honest!!

I have done some pretty awesome things in the past decade. I have done a lot of traveling that took me places that I never thought I would be. I have met people that I would never thought that I would meet. And the greatest reward of all of that was that they are still a part of my life today.

I’ve done things that people are just simply amazed at when they hear about it. Why? Because I am not laying on my bed wishing for a miracle to be delivered to my front door. I get up out of bed just like the rest of the world and I have gone through that front door and entered into that world and made myself a force to be reckoned with.

And if that doesn’t do it for you, remember one thing.

While you are sitting there thinking of ways that you cannot do something that you want to do, I am finding ways to do the same exact thing and then I am doing it. Thus, I am BEATING YOU TO IT!

How foolish do you feel now?

 

Thinkology

Posted: December 4, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” ~Albert Einstein

The brain is a very complex and intriguing thing. For the most part, we’d all have to agree that it still is one of the most misunderstood parts of the human body.

How humbling and fascinating the brain can be, when we realize just how much we use or don’t use it.

Medical science still has a very long way to go to actually grasp what all the brain can do. Although I think that it is pretty safe to say that we DO know tons more about now than we did say; one hundred years ago?

The subject that comes to mind here is the brain’s power and the usage of thinking. How long do we think? How do we think? Do we ever stop thinking?

From the research that I’ve read and collected, as far as the question of “Do we ever stop thinking?”, the answer is no. At least not while we are conscious. I’ve not yet fully grasped whether or not the brain ceases to think when a person is unconscious. But that is not the focus for this post.

So then, what are we to do when we believe that our minds are thinking TOO MUCH??

The perfect example would have been myself about twenty minutes before I began to write this. Thus the spur of the moment late night blog post.

In a span of sixty seconds or less, I literally was asking myself these questions:

  • How hard is it supposed to rain tomorrow?
  • Would it be okay to ask a neighbor to take me to the grocery store in rain come tomorrow?
  • Will my friend call me at some point tomorrow?
  • Do I have the right to ask for a definition every single time that I feel confused about what someone has said to me, in order to understand what they are meaning or feeling?
  • Will I have time tomorrow to get some laundry done?
  • How do I know when someone is being sincere if I cannot hear their words with their own voices?
  • Is there a way that I can determine if someone is being sincere without inflection?
  • Will it stop raining long enough tomorrow for me to actually do some laundry in the laundry room?
  • Is someone thinking of me tonight?

Congitive Distortion rodeo, anyone?

I  just about had to say to myself outloud: STOP THINKING!!

So then, how do I do that? Because if I had continued to ponder these questions in my head then I probably would drive myself crazy. Mainly because I will not be able to get any answers for these questions UNTIL tomorrow!! And you know what they say, “tomorrow never comes”. But for sure the answers to these questions are not going to come until after a period of several hours of slumber.

There had to be a trick in order to stop myself from “stinkin’ thinkin’ “. That trick obviously had to be me saying “STOP THINKING!”. But only then, did I come up with the question: Does the brain ever stop thinking?

That question right there, caused enough distraction and re-focus to stop me from worrying and pondering about the previous set of questions that was going on in my head.

If we are worrying ourselves into an early grave because of questions we don’t have the answers for and drive faster towards that grave by dwelling on it, then we must find a way to shift the focus of our thinking. Since the brain never stops.

The best way to do that, is to some how or in some way distract ourselves from the original point of thinking, and concentrate on something ELSE.

If we are unable to do that, then I suspect that we’ll all be having appointments to talk to strangers while laying down flat on a red leather couch once or twice a week for the rest of our lives. Or if we know how to change our ways of thinking and just let it run free, then in time we could possibly expect to have our wardrobes cut down tremendously to where we are only wearing white jackets that zip and buckle in the back.

If you find yourself frustrated because you cannot stop thinking about something, look away at something else. Focus on that particular thing or object that your eyes just glanced at.

Another thing that you could do is to concentrate on a sound. Perhaps the soft sounds of your own breathing. Concentrate on maybe on a soft noise that is happening outside through a window or something going on in the other room. Concentrate heavily on that sound and go through everything in your head about what it is you hear. Begin to think about the different things that you are hearing.

Most of my own personal problems in thinking happen a lot at night. And I kind of believe that is a majority of my insomnia problems when they arise. If I can lay in bed and shift the focus on something else, then I shouldn’t have too much trouble with whatever it was that was causing the issue. But I am sure that for many, it’s easier said than done. It will take practice.

I know that I get totally frustrated when I am laying down and supposed to be sleeping and my mind will begin to think about certain blog topics that I feel that I would want to write about. The frustration comes in because I have to battle with myself about whether or not I really want to get up out of bed, turn on the lights, turn on my computer and then set everything up just to get that particular thing off my mind? I don’t a lot of the time because it will cut into the time that I could be sleeping. And so often times I will believe that I will save that for the following day. But a majority of the time after I have awoke, the desire to write about what I was stirring about in bed the night before is gone or I have completely forgot about exactly what it is that I wanted to write about in the first place!!

But this particular blog post caught me as I was getting ready for sleep tonight. So I thought that I would write about it now, rather than lay in bed thinking about writing it and then losing the desire to go ahead and try it in the morning. And I probably should go to bed now that I have written what I wanted, before my best friend reads this and gives me hell for being up so late.

So the key I think is distraction and the shift of focus whenever we begin to feel tense because of the fact that we feel that our brain just won’t stop thinking about certain things that drive us up the walls.

Training the mind to do that, will eventually release us from our temporary state of insanity.

 

“Ah, to think how thin the veil that lies Between the pain of hell and Paradise.”~George William Russel

Too many times we find ourselves sinking through the quicksand of our own negativity in our personal lives. Too many things that we feel have “gone wrong” always keeping us from rising from the ashes and prevents us from exploring all of the things that we find wholesome, pleasant, and enjoyable.

Our human nature is fixed on thriving on the worst things in life. And we find ourselves in an seemingly impossible state to ever be happy again. We tend to allow our brains to thrive on what is keeping us unhappy.

We all have our own things in life where our situation calls for us to believe that “we are in hell.” Yes, we have the bad with the good. But if you ask the average person to name off twenty things that they are unhappy about, they will find themselves snowballing beyond that twenty item list and have the desire to keep going before you have to literally stop them from continuing on.

But if you ask the same person to name only ten things that they are happy about, chances are that they are going to have more trouble trying to fill the list to make all ten items. They might be able to do it, but it will take them longer.

Whether it be work, or our home situation, or even at play- we all have those things that we involve ourselves with and deep down we just cannot stand it because it gives us so much grief and unknown pain to the outside world. We grumble and complain about having to do things that we do not want to do. After all, it’s hell: remember??

I believe that our mental health actually is dependent on both the good and the bad. It’s called “balance”. But because we are all different and we all believe different things, it can be tricky to decipher what is heaven and what is hell. In this case, mental balance is relative to what we assert ourselves to believe.

But whatever those things are, our mental health cannot attain much good if we constantly think negatively. We will never find our heaven because we are setting up residence and forwarding our mail in hell. And we are considering a new coat of paint within the walls of our trapped mind.

So what if we pause for just one moment and find something that actually pleases us? A thought, an experience, an activity. What about those things that we totally surround ourselves in joy? Nothing can be lost if you just stop and think about these things for a single moment. And not allow the cognitive distortions to creep over us and try to convince us that even though these things make us happy, that we’ll never attain it. Which is an unfounded theory and just “stinking thinking”.

We’re going to have our hell. But it doesn’t mean we have to swim in it day & night. We can also have our own piece of heaven too!! If we just calm down, breathe, and pause. Focus on the POSITIVE things that keep us encouraged and motivated to be better people.

Needless to say that how we live inside our heads, also effects how we interact with other people. And they will notice whether or not you are in your heaven or drowning in your hell.

Stop drowning. Don’t even swim. Get out of the deep end and towel off. Then go find your ideal of what your GOOD mental health can actually be and take a break for as long as you can! Refresh your batteries while you are at it too… its free of charge!