Happy Birthday, Nancy Silva!

“Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.”~Plautus

As the evening comes to a close and midnight is approaching here, I felt the desire and the idea to express my absolute best wishes to Nancy Silva of NANCY SILVA PROJECT on her birthday today… the 24th of August.

From the moment that we met at SXSW Music Festival and throughout these past weeks… all the way to the countdown of less than one month before she comes back to town to perform again, I’ve got a special place in my heart for her and her friendship.

Life is far different now with her, but I don’t recall much what life was like BEFORE her. And I guess that shouldn’t be the point.

I just am very thankful for the very personal friendship that I have with her and glad to see that with every day it grows and grows and grows and grows.

For a very busy musician, I have been very lucky to get behind the scenes and discuss with her everything else under the sun. Not too many musicians do that. As challenging as it may or may not have been, I hold it all within!

Nancy… you are a wonderfully talented person, and a terrific addition in my life. Thank you for your love and friendship. I hope you’ve had an awesome birthday! And may you be blessed with many more! I’ll see you soon when you come to town to play again.

Still counting the days!!!

Growth, Chapter I

That says it all right there in the image. I think I’ll leave the size of it as is, so that anyone who reads this has no mistake in understanding.

I swear though that I come up with something new each and every week that is either life changing or mind changing in the very least.

Allowing someone else to own the keys to happiness doesn’t create more happiness. It just forbids you to be happy when you want to be happy… and that only scratches the surface.

What a difference life has changed in the past 1,177 days.

The effort of being the “perfect friend” or at least the putting forth the effort to prove that I am the one true honest friend does come with personal limitations.

What I have learned in this growth is that those people who are willing to push you beyond your personal limitations, really are people who are just willing to use up your kindness, your time, your energy and focus on them and never on you.

In those one thousand plus days, I’ve stopped “wearing the tie” and in fact, I’ve thrown them all away. The lesson finally sank in that one does not have to sacrifice in making the effort of keeping a friendship alive. All I had received was numerous nights of lost sleep, frustration, and one sided conversations.

One question remains to be legitimate in any relationship: WHAT ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF IT BY BEING IN IT???

I found myself faced with that question only to find that the answer for me was: Nothing.

Or if it was “something” it was anything that would be deemed undesirable.

In many cases I had placed my happiness in the hands of others. Especially with those that I wanted to prove to be the one true honest friend. What was I getting out of it? Nothing. Or something I didn’t want.

Besides, in the almost 3 years and 3 months since … the list of people that I felt I needed to prove something fall into categories that I never thought would be possible.

#1- I no longer associate with them.
#2- Involvement in a one-sided relationship.
#3- Responsibility of my happiness was in the hands of others. And 99.9% of those people’s hands didn’t care in the end.

Anyone that I “wore the tie” for either is out of my social circles or no longer seeks me counsel, or ear as it were.

I know that this seems scattered, but allow it to sink in for a while. It will make sense.

The big question is WHAT DO YOU GET OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? 

IF you come up with nothing- then perhaps its time to end things.

I simply refuse to “attempt to be there for someone” who dares to take advantage of the situation. And nobody should be treated like that. As well as your happiness is your own. Don’t allow others to dictate it.

 

 

Annual Birthday Postings Of Joy To Jodi Ambrose

“When we look into the fires, we can either break open in song or we can go blind from the heat.”

It is the 5th of June which only means one thing:

Time to come into the blog and adulate the living crap out of author Jodi Ambrose in celebration of her birthday and in the process piss off everyone else who reads this who doesn’t know or understand what the big deal is.

But the friendship with Jodi Ambrose is in fact a really big deal for me. So much that I would break concrete buildings with my own face if she was trapped inside while it was on fire.

Tell me, who has that kind of creepy dedication???

Yep. I do.

Whatcha gonna do about it? Ya wanna fight? Put em up then!!!

I didn’t think so ………..

With all seriousness definitely put aside, being a part of the Ambrose Nut Society (or ANuS) has been a thrill and a joy to say in the very least. The jury is still out for what the “u” stands for.

So here we are with another birthday for Jodi Ambrose. Life must be tough to be on age repeated at 22.

A few more years from now though, when she gets older… I will be able to date her! Woohoo!!! 

Wait! What? She’s married?? Damn.

OH well. What could have been, could have been. Tee hee!!

But here’s to the woman who means a lot to me… personally, professionally, and everything in between. She’s been probably THE MODEL FRIEND that I could have ever asked for and more.

Her links can be found in the BlogRoll.

Happy Birthday, Jodi! With much love I celebrate your special day.

And we’ll see you and everyone else here in this blog next year.

Happy Birthday, Jodi Ambrose!

Ladies and gentlemen, please turn your books to page four. Thanks!

So I must make a fuss today in honor of the birthday of author Jodi Ambrose.

Jodi has been around just a little over a year now. At least to my knowledge. However (and with absolutely no complaining from my end) Jodi has turned into one of those kinds of friends that I cannot fathom being without by any capacity.

Why is that? Pretty simple: Jodi’s personality is infectious. It is so infectious that you WANNA get bit by the bug just to see what its like. And once you do, you just never think about leaving because it would be like leaving home.

This cool and charming sassy mouth has put her own mark into my brain. She’s definitely someone that I cherish having a friendship with. And for those of you who have been around even longer knows exactly what that means!!!

So as Jodi turns twenty-ish again, I decided to take time out and wish her a wonderful day and hope that her birthday is as beautiful all-around as she is.

You guys need to subscribe to her blog and join her on Twitter and  Facebook pages. Missing out on this wild and crazy gal could stand to be a horrible day.

Her books of course are still up for grabs as it is tied in with the fundraising website for the tournament in Boston. As well as available on Amazon.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JODI!!!!! YOU ARE MY ROCK STAR!!!! Stay vulgar, stay beautiful, stay …… you!!!!

Jodi and her husband

Radiation Burns

“You made me confess the fears that I have. But I will tell you also what I do not fear. I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to leave. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake and perhaps as long as eternity too.”~ James Joyce

A few days ago, I was hanging out with a friend of mine who is female. I do not get to spend a lot of social time with her and so any opportunity that I am able to get my hands on, I go for it. To the best of my ability.

It was a pleasant visit with her and I really cannot complain all that much to be in her company.

All of a sudden, my cell phone began to ring. I ignored it because I was busy. But then a few minutes later, it rang again and for another time I did ignore it.

Moments later, another time it rang. So I excused myself from my friend and answered the call.

At the moment that I realized that it was not necessarily an emergency but rather a social call, I explained that I had company and was not able to sit down and socialize but I would return their call when I was at home.

I ended the phone conversation with, “Okay. I will call you later. I love you.” And then I hung up.

To which my female counterpart took that as an invitation for taunting and teasing and to play 50 questions.

No… to this day, I am not married, engaged, have a girlfriend, involved in a relationship, or gay. And these were the extent of the questions that I endured. As I said, I do not get a lot of time to hang out with this friend of mine. So it was understandable to me that she would not be aware of current events in my life. And that basically was the purpose for hanging out with her… to catch up with one another. But she could not understand why I had such an affectionate ending salutation to the conversation.

I explained that it is just who I am. That I say it to all my friends. And then things got heavy between her and I.

She said, “You do not say that to me whenever we hang up.”

My reply??

“That is because in the past when I have attempted to make such a ending salutation with you, you detonated a nuclear device to protect yourself in your own defense. And I got tired of having radiation burns.” 

As it may be very true that I do love and care for all of my friends, this still is something that I just do/say. Some accept it, some reject it. That’s just how things are with certain individuals that I choose to have in my social circles.

Some reciprocate the verbal displays of affection. Most do not.

And although I do not believe that there’s anything wrong with telling all of your friends that you love them. One must understand and respect the boundaries of other people’s feelings. You must acknowledge that some people just aren’t that expressive. To which that is not their fault. Nor is it yours.

If that is the case, just because it is not verbalized doesn’t mean that the you or the other person does not care about you. Or that you do not care about the other person. It boils down to every individual’s comfort zone. And if one person shows signs that they are not comfortable with such an exchange, you have to respect that and not push the issue.

We all have at some point gone and said the “L word” to someone and came back with such a major burn that we began to think that we wouldn’t be able to survive the night. But in reality, we all survive. Perhaps a little broken and hurt. But we learned that it is a boundary that should be noted not to cross again. In time our wounds did heal.

And I will repeat myself here: Just because its not said, doesn’t mean that its not felt.

As for my female counterpart, what I said to her would ultimately sting her. And I did make the effort to apologize for that because that was not the intention. But I made it clear that I was aware that she was not comfortable with hearing such sentiments from me as her friend, and therefore I simply stopped and respected that boundary. I also did mention that I totally enjoy the times that we spend together, as infrequent as they already are… in the hopes of mending things with her.  Going in for the kill was not the plan.

But she understood where I was coming from. And we were able to move forward with the rest of the day. And in the end when it came time to go, we hugged. So that was OUR way of sharing that particular moment of love, care, and of course– respect for one another as friends.

Pushing something on people whether its because you want them to do or say something is never the thing to do. It only causes a lot of friction in your social relationships and quite possibly, causes them harm. To which, you will end up having to switch gears and begin damage control. And that at times can become a hindering issue.

Always keep in mind: Once bitten, twice shy. If you strike and you are bitten then don’t fool with it again. How many times are you going to stick your hand inside of a fire before you say “Ouch! That burns!”

If you strike and its graciously accepted? Well, don’t abuse it either. Let things come as they may.

The greatest thing in the world is love. And love is defined in infinite ways. Don’t meddle with that. Its okay to love your friends as you love your family. Just don’t vomit your expressive feelings on them. Family is one thing, friends and social groups are totally another. Know the boundary lines.

Champion

“She’s just so talented, so beautiful, so kind, and has so much integrity. I’ve looked up to her and she’s taught me that you can overcome obstacles and work hard and become the person you want to be and achieve your dreams. Having her as  that example of what is possible has meant the world to me. She’s  the best singer in the world, I love her beautiful voice and her music speaks to me, but she’s far more than just a singer to me.” ~ L. Catalano

It has been a few days now since my last visit to Houston. The “high” from the excitement and happiness has begun to cool, but it has not completely diminished.

This blog post is about passion and the great things that can come from it. As is the passion in the quote, many of us are passionate about a lot of things or about people.

But as I reflect in my mind about the past weekend, my passion would lead me to a whole new understanding of what people have meant to me, and what I mean to others in return.

It is clear that I have a passion for the music of SIX MINUTE CENTURY. If you are a regular reader of this blog, and haven’t noticed that then you haven’t been paying that much attention!

I would have to say that I have become very fortunate to have met all of the people that I have met within the circles of the band. Both in their families and in their friends. And those relationships have definitely come a long way since my first show that I attended in April of 2011. I would not quite understand what that would mean until this past weekend.

I know that with each and every journey that I take in order to go see the band, I’m always feeling like the VIP. Of course, I naturally keep that opinion to myself as I would not want to come across as arrogant. Nor would I want anyone to think that I was selfish either. But honestly, it is how I made to feel.

I’ve gone through a lot of “behind the scenes” experiences with the band. And it was something that I didn’t beg or plead for. It simply was presented or given to me that I would have them. I cannot say as to what all I have been given, but sufficed to say that it blows me away as a simple “fan”.

And what I think has been incredible is that with each and every moment that I have gone through with the band and their families and what not, that I surprisingly found myself as “one of the family”…. the Centurion Family.

I was not aware of it until recently, but even the band members go out of their way to explain that whenever I come along to see them perform and the topic of conversation turns into “who I am” OR if I am being introduced by one of the band members or their wives, it is distinctly made clear about just how far I am coming to see the show. Or something to the effect of just how big of a fan I am of the band is almost always mentioned.

I had heard it a time or two, but I had not realized that it happens pretty much all of the time!! Even if I am not present at a show, the tale is told that I am one of their biggest fans and that I do so much for the band.

I have multiple copies of their CD. One of which is autographed. I made sure that I had photographs taken by the band. I have a nice collection of t-shirts, even if it is the same one. Again, one of them autographed. I talk about them at home to anyone that will listen. I even made a Facebook Fan Page for fans BY the fans.

I would absolutely believe that they are extremely appreciative of it all.

My favorite song, “Zero Hour”, has now been given to me in a sense. Each and every single time that SIX MINUTE CENTURY performs it live, they dedicate it to me as well as the members of the United States military as it deals with the war in the Middle East. Once the band started to realize how much I really love the song, from that point on… it has been dedicated to me. Even during live performances when I am unable to attend. Even lead guitarist, Don LaFon, wrote to me in a note “From now on, that is your song!”. (I wonder if one day he might allow me to hold his blue Ibanez guitar?)

Lead singer Chuck Williams said last Saturday night, “He comes a very long way every time to come see us and he loves the song a lot, so this goes to him and to the men and women in our military.”

But some where in the middle, I have made a transition from “fan of the band” to “friend of the band”. And it is a lot tighter than I had thought.

My first clue was when MRS. Froth had asked myself and her husband about how she looked prior to arriving to last Saturday’s show. I waited for Dr. Froth to speak first as he was the spouse. And I just piggy-backed his compliments as to not outshine his words. Because that would be bad juju.

Before I could concur with Dr. Froth, she turned around and claimed that he and I both were biased.

When I asked HOW I was biased, her response was “Because you are one of my best friends”, something that hit me that I never actually saw coming because I hadn’t really thought about it all that much. Nonetheless it touched my heart. I had to turn my face away just in case because I could feel the tears begin to build.

She and I have been friends prior to her getting married to Dr. Froth last November. She and I get along quite well. Except when I end up doing stupid shit and get myself grounded by her.

It is because of her, that I was introduced to SIX MINUTE CENTURY. And I think that she and I share the same passion for the band.

That coupled with how the band has treated me as far as introductions to newer people. New to me, that is. And the band and their families with their endless generosity, it becomes a perfect fit. And the key is reciprocity. With as much support as I have shown for the band and their music, they return in kind with their words and their actions of appreciation and generosity. And it just floors me because it wasn’t something that I had thought about or have been dwelling upon.

When I asked MRS. Froth why it was that she felt that way and how it has become that she has been so generous with me… a simple fan, her response was: “You have been a good friend to me, in spite of SMC, and that’s all I need.”

This is very true. I do not talk about the band 100% of the time with her. Between her and I, it has become a lasting friendship that no candle can be held against.

The same goes for Dr. Froth and lead singer, Chuck, and others within the band’s circles. I am able to talk to them any day of the week about anything… not just “When is the next show?”.

The new understand of what “I” mean to them, has come to the surface. The mutual love and respect for one another grows each time I see them. And you know, I could almost cry.

I feel like I AM the #1 fan in the world. I have been turned into the champion.

I am still the fan and yet I am the friend. I have traded in my “horns” for “hugs”. And to me that is AWESOME!!

I’m so much into the band, because I enjoy the music that much. Therefore, I definitely become a very loud mouthpiece and wave their banner.

The passion that burns inside all of us can definitely have its wonderful consequences. All of my experiences are living proof of it. Don’t be ashamed of being so supportive in what you believe in and what you are passionate about… whatever it is. Never let anyone stand in the way of what you enjoy. Life will have its moments of rewarding you in the end.

 

 

Lessons Of Sorrow

I learned a lot today. Some things new, other things were more of a review.

This blog post comes unscripted, unplanned. And I will leave it up to the readers to decide whether or not it is good.

In trying to select an image for this blog post (once I decided that I would write it) I read a phrase. I don’t know if it is a quote from something specific or not.

“I can’t sleep because my pillow is all wet.”

The phrase clearly indicates that the person is crying in the middle of the night. And to be honest, I have been as well tonight. So I sit here in the silence of the dark, writing.

I have been living with a broken heart this evening. My lesson was that the past isn’t something that you can change. No amount of having the will or desire would ever change me into a super hero where I can turn back the hands of time and go back and FIX what would be that exact moment where my heart would begin to unravel.

And yet, there was something else that I would learn. Or at least remember about myself. And that lesson is the fact that I still have the capability to let go of my own hurt. More specifically, letting it go when I know that someone ELSE is hurting. And it is time for me to be that friend that they need because it is their time of sorrow, loss, and pain.

Right now in my life, there are a lot of other people who are hurting. They are lost, confused, sad, and don’t really know if the sun will ever rise again. It is my duty as a friend to be there for them in this stressful hour of need. And I know that I can be there for them and that I will be there for them. It is my duty as I took on the risk. My part of the bargain of maintaining what I have come to know as a friendship filled with love and compassion.

We’ve all been in the situation where we’ve heard about someone’s pain and we wished that we could just take it all away from them. But that magic pill hasn’t been invented as of yet. And until it is, it would just be better if we realize that we have to do the best to our abilities to sit down in silence, shut up, and listen to the cries of help.

One aspect of a friendship that I have learned through my own experiences is that “being there for someone” doesn’t necessarily mean you are there to give advice. “Being there” often means that you are listening to whatever problems your friends are having. Allowing them to say what is on their minds and in their hearts for the sake of them getting it off the chest and eventually work towards the healing process away from the current pain that they are experiencing.

I’ve gone through many times of being called on the telephone and the conversation lasted over an hour. And by the end of it, I’ve only said about a dozen words. Giving that person the opportunity to go through the motions and say what they need to say and having the thought process of what they are thinking outloud has always appeared to give that person some clarity in their confusing and frustrating world.

But no matter what whenever that person disconnected the telephone conversation has always been able to feel like they were starting to get back on their feet again. Because basically, all they needed was that attention for that time, without having the need for feedback or a sounding board.

That’s the kind of person that I am. Plain and simple.

I hate the fact that these people are hurting at the moment. I also hate the fact that there’s really nothing concrete that I can do. Other than listen.

I love my friends. And I am not a person who is shy to say it or admit it. Those who are really close to me know this about me. Because I tell them every chance that I get. Whether in times of rejoicing or in times of sorrow. This blog post just happens to be brought upon by a lot of people that I know who are experiencing sorrow. And should they call upon me again and again, I will remind them.

I have a very large reputation on the Internet for being this way. And so far, there’s never been any permanent damage from it. In fact, it is quite the opposite. When I have sacrificed whatever is going on in my life at that moment for the sake of someone’s heart who is breaking and I have listened? It has always turned out wonderfully in the end. Particularly for those who were previously drowning in sadness.

Again, that’s who I am.

I also believe that when the clouds are over us and we cannot see the silver lining, that we often forget that we are actually blessed with the fact that we have friends. Friends that we can depend on to be there for us in our need. Not so much that, but what is forgotten is the amount of friends that we have, that will support us. Friends that “have our backs”. Yeah sure, we call upon specific people because we know that we can rely on them. But there’s also those in whom we do not call upon. It doesn’t mean that they are not there sitting in our corner. It is something that is just simply forgotten because our minds are so concentrated on the fact that we are hurting.

I have no idea when all of this will end for everyone that I know specifically, who is hurting and is having a difficult time. I cannot tell the future nor read minds. But from what I have experienced personally- I’ve always come to a point where I have hit nothing but the bottom of the barrel, and still some how and in some way managed to reach the top again.

Those that I know who are down right now, will also reach the top. Each and every one of us has that capability.

Nobody said that life was easy. And then again, nobody said that we had to live our life alone.

But I surround those right now who are down, with the love from the bottom of my heart and I will open myself to them if they need me.

If we are able to do that, and not expect anything much in return (if anything at all), I believe that is the true definition of a friendship that has a foundation based on love, trust, and faith. 

 

14 January 2012: French Toast, Fruit, & Six Minute Century

‘Happy Birthday, Don!’

“We need more French Fry on the monitor?!”~ Dr. Froth

 

Well, I forgot the fruit. Thankfully, that is not a serious offense. And the ONLY offense of the entire trip.

 

But off I went again to Houston to see SIX MINUTE CENTURY play. My third show in less than nine months. The first time since last August. And believe me when I say, that it gets better every-stinkin’-time!!

 

Not having been to a “January show”, I didn’t know what to expect, other than awesome music and a guaranteed great time. This time around, they were celebrating the birthday of guitarist, Don LaFon. (a.k.a. “The Frenchman” as he is better and affectionately known.)

 

It was great as I was also there to celebrate my own birthday just a few weeks early. What better way to do so, than with SIX MINUTE CENTURY, right??

 

But I never would have truly, truly, truly expected the fun, the excitement, and the all-around fellowship of everyone there.

 

Don LaFon is a very experienced and elite guitarist. The poor guy was on stage the entire night, playing in with every act which included Logan and Mystic Cross. So he had a full evening.

 

Chuck Williams, lead singer, announced Don’s 55th birthday. The comment is hilarious as there is a video on YouTube when Chuck announced last year, that it was Don’s 22nd birthday. Way to go, talk about leap years!

 

And of course, I need to give a great big “hats off” to Chuck for his courage and strength has he had been battling with laryngitis for the past two months and he STILL nailed it, vocally.

 

I think the grand moment was that when the rest of the band gave Don an air balloon-typed walker and they set it up in front of his microphone stand. Signs that said “Senility Ahead!”, and what not to signify that yes, The Frenchman is old. The way these guys pick on one another and just have fun is so great.

 

I was surprised that Don didn’t think about kicking it off the stage. I am guessing that it stayed there the rest of the night. SIX MINUTE CENTURY was the first act, and Logan was second, and throughout the Logan set, it remained.

 

But as I said the fellowship amongst the family and friends of the band was so great. I was able to actually capture several of them in photographs with a camera and some of them I actually held decent conversations in the loud and rocking music club.

 

And then I would be stunned.

 

I got this logo necklace. I had seen it worn before by Dr. Froth’s wife, a.k.a. “Vampiress of Metal”. (yes, they all must have nicknames, cuz they said so!) I had told her that I would want one, but they had never given one to a male before. So some of the frills of the original piece were removed to make it more masculine I suppose. Still, it was really awesome. I tried to pay for it but I was denied. Looking at me like I was insane or something.

 

I’ve always said that I am the “SMC VIP”. And yes to a degree I still believe that I am. I think that its so cool.

 

I also was able to replace my t-shirt and CD as both were originally autographed by the entire band last August. Now I’ve got something to wear and listen to, and the originals can be placed on my shelf as rare collectibles.

 

After the show, I went to hang out with half of the band at a restaurant. I think that’s always a wonderful bonus. But I did kinda beg for that to happen. A few days before, suffering a little bit of personal issues, this trip was the perfect thing to do to be able to re-group and relax. Either way, I’ve got a “neener neener” moment of “I hung out with the bannnnd!!…”.

 

It truly does get better each time I go see SIX MINUTE CENTURY. The music is great, even live. The people of the circles are just so wonderful and precious to me that I always have such a hard time leaving Houston when I come back home.

 

I still believe it is worth the effort to go.

 

The band usually will have shows in January, April, and in August. Celebrating the birthdays of the members of the band. As I said, I went in April and August of last year. Now I’ve got January under my belt.

 

SIX MINUTE CENTURY is nearing the finish line of the completion of their second album. They hope to have it done this spring/summer. I understand that they will have a CD release party, and I WILL be going! I was told that I was, and I couldn’t argue about it. (As if I would have!)

 

I love the people of the band, their families, and all of the friends I’ve made and continue to make each time I make this trip. They are the best group of wild individuals that I’ve met. And now that I am home, it is time to plan the next trip. And I cannot wait.

 

So Happy Birthday, Don! You’re one of the best musicians I have ever met!!

 

And, after all. I AM A CENTURION!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pouring Ashes

“Don’t pour ashes on those who are willing to save you from the flames.”

There are many types of people in the world. Many of them who have a lot to offer and in many different ways too. We all some how fit in this giant puzzle we call life.

We all have a purpose, and a calling. Some people know what it is that they are meant to do, and others it takes time to learn and process before they know what it is.

There are those people in the world that will bend over backwards, go flat-broke, and even sacrifice their own selves for the benefit and happiness of others. They are giving people and that is what they know they enjoy doing.

Naturally, there is nothing wrong with wanting to help someone. In fact, we all should probably do a little bit more than we actually do in everyday life. Not to say that we should always try to go above and beyond, but if we just do a little more each day to the best that we can, life could be so much easier for ourselves and others. Because we never know when we might need someone ourselves.

Let’s face it, we all need help sometimes. It just would be nice to know that we have someone to give us a little extra push whenever we need it. And when we find that in someone, we actually feel better and more confident as we battle our every day demons.

There are those who help and there are those who need help. There’s no other way of putting it. Sometimes the roles will reverse and sometimes the roles will stand on their own.

So when we get to the point where we are in trouble, we call out for help in whatever way that we can. If we are blessed enough, those around us will come and save us from our dark hour and take us out of the proverbial building that is completely engulfed in flames.

How wonderfully enriched we are to have them.

And when the flames die down and there’s nothing much else to do but to go back and save what is left, we are amongst the ashes of the disaster- but we are alive!!

Isn’t that the most important part?

But what most saved people in this hypothetical sense of speaking often forget is that there is someone who just stepped away from their OWN lives in order to save them. It might not have been too tedious or difficult in what it was that they did or it might not even seem like there was much effort involved. The fact of the matter is that they stopped whatever it was that they were doing to do it.

Where is the appreciation?? Did they happen to thank them after the initial time of rescue??? Unfortunately we often forget to show our appreciation for those who did help us. And for a few select people, they never even bother with it at all.

Often times when we are saved, we look up to the person who did it. They instantly become “our hero”. For whatever reason, we believe that what they had done for us was heroic and that I guess would be just a matter of personal opinion. But for those people who enjoy helping others, they are never going to see themselves as “a hero”. Those who are saved will always remember that time when that person did help them. And so that is how they feel.

For many though, it turns into a negative behavior when someone shows enough kindness for nothing. They believe that no matter what you are doing, no matter what is going on with your life, that all they have to do is start to call and you are going to jump to your feet and save them again.

They start to take advantage of your good nature and kindness. And honestly, it totally is wrong.

I believe that no man or woman was built with the sole purposes of being at someone’s beck and call. That is only my personal opinion.

I believe that I am one of those kinds of people that are willing to stop and help someone, to the best of my own abilities. And I think that in many cases, I have been successful. But I will tell you: I will be absolutely adamant and opposed to your selfish behavior if you for one fraction of a second believe that since I did help you once or twice or one-hundred dozens times, that I will be there for every single little thing. There will come a time when your selfish nature will expose itself, and I will realize it and that will be the end of it. For good.

Saving you from the flames is not a question of whether or not I can. Neither is it a case of whether or not I want to. If I don’t want to, then I simply will not. But those who know me a little better know that I will do whatever it takes. And that is only because I know that they would do the same for me in my hour of need.

I am talking about once I realize that I am being taken advantage of, then your goose is so cooked. And there will definitely be no discussion about it.

Therefore do not take the ashes of your previous fires and dump them on me, and expect me to still be there for you when you’ve abused me by doing that.

The best way to avoid it is to actually show your appreciation for what was done for you in the first place. Whether almost immediately afterwards or a day or a week or a month later. The point is, be full of gratitude because someone’s life was some how interrupted in order to save you. If you do so, you’re going to greatly reduce the cognitive thought that they are being taken advantage of, especially after a certain point of saving you time and time and time again.

The other day, I was on the phone with my best friend and I thanked them for saying something to me that just turned into a situation where it was unavoidable to smile. I had verbalized it and I really don’t think that they had heard that too much from me. It is something that I really intend on working on.

Had I not said thank you to them for anything that they’ve done, I am sure that they would have paused and wondered whether or not they were being taken advantage of. They didn’t say it, but I think that it touched their heart just to hear the two word phrase “thank you”.

Manipulators and the selfish however will always show themselves. In time, their poor and hurtful natures towards people will surface.

As I said, we all are going to have our fires. We all are going to find ourselves in a moment where we are in need of someone’s help. Even those who help others have a time of personal need. That’s just life.

If we show that we are appreciative and thankful, and never dump the ashes from the old fires on those who are willing to help, we will be presented with the opportunity for a strong and solid friendship with those people. The perfect example is when you see or hear on the news about how a disaster struck and someone completely from out of nowhere came to help. Those people usually will connect later on, at a personal level after the disaster or crisis has initially ended. Some of the times, it creates a new relationship and a chance and hope for friendship.

Those who are selfish though will see that they just might have someone on their side that would help them in a real crisis. The problem is that they suck the life out of you by showing no restraint or appreciation and continually bombard you with their life’s infernos and expect you to come flying to their aid with sires blaring. Even if we don’t have sirens. They will be waiting for you to come through for them over and over and over again.

If it is not something that you cannot do, or feel that you cannot or should not be doing, then never, NEVER succomb to someone’s beck and call. Especially if your own life is becoming impacted in a negative way. Save yourself!!! Because you cannot save others if you are not in a position to do it. If you are crumbling yourself, you’ll only make things worse for everyone involved.

Be a friend. Be strong. And yet overall, be smart.

One-Sided

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”  ~Marcel Proust

I would have to say that this is insanity. Maybe I’m just too burnt to a crisp at the moment or maybe I am not thinking clearly. But for now that’s what I will call it….. insanity.

My best friend called me after 11 PM the other night, and vented. I said nothing, with the exception of asking a few questions to make sure that I was understanding what they were saying. They felt better, took a deep breath and let it out. After that, they said “thanks” and hung up.

That’s fine. I believe that is a big part of the friendship. The sad thing is that they vented about this scenario about how someone ELSE called them to talk and vent, but gave no consideration to my best friend’s schedule or personal life. None at all.

Dear readers, I think that it is redundant to say but I will anyways: I don’t like it when people screw around with my friends and take advantage. I am certain that nobody likes it when their close friends and loved ones are messed with in any way.

Having a one-sided relationship with anyone, isn’t cool. It also isn’t healthy. I don’t know the full scope of the story with regards to my best friend. All I know is that they are receiving this person’s dumping night after night after night and there’s not been a lot of consideration for my best friend’s feelings, or time.

A neighbor of mine suffered a personal assault on their feelings as they were speaking to someone else and they were gathering the impression that the other person was just there to talk about themselves. So again, someone vented with me about this and I just couldn’t believe what all I was hearing.

Friends do not abuse friends!!

A friendship is in fact, a relationship. You take everything with it once you enter it. The good, the bad and the extremely ugly and off-putting. But you also reciprocate the good, the bad, and the extremely ugly.

I was fine when my best friend called me so late at night. The first goal was to allow them to feel better. Mission accomplished. I am fine with it because I know that I too, can turn around and vent with them whenever I am needing it. And I did so today.

But in the other case, I just was so stunned to hear that the casual conversation was just so one-sided that it gave the listener to that conversation the thoughts in their head that perhaps this was not a healthy exchange. I honestly do not know what was going on as I was only hearing one side of it. Yet it did sound like something that I too, would be upset about if someone did that to me.

Friendships are (or at least should be) based and have a foundation of mutual love and respect for one another. When someone takes advantage of that, the friendship immediately begins to crumble and fall apart. What in the world would make a person believe that they are still going to be maintain relationships with people when they are totally wreckless without regard towards others? What makes them believe that its okay to get everything off of their chest that is bothering them, without the consideration of the person who is listening and what they are or are not able to withstand? What is it about a person that makes them talk about “me, me, me” and not about “us, us, us”? There is a great responsibility when it comes to having to be the listener, and that is something personally I have understood.

It breaks my heart that this crap is going on with people that I love so much and hold dear. And yeah, today– I’m breaking the silences and probably just letting off a lot of steam.

There’s taking, but there is also something called “receiving”. If you are a true friend, you would do both! And to do both actions graciously, willingly, and without prejudices.

I always brag about “being on-call” 24 hours a day, seven days a week for my friends and loved ones. If you have someone who is like this, then you truly are blessed. Someone that you can turn to, someone to confide in all your deepest, most darkest of hours. But keep in mind, if this is someone whom you consider a friend then you should in a certain sense be aware that your turn might come to be the one who is listening.

If you are a person who is constantly taking advantage of your friends, living this proverbial see-saw life in a see-saw relationship then I can absolutely without a doubt, guarantee you this: The relationship WILL FAIL.

There will come a time when you decide to take just that much more from a person, and they will bitch slap you right in your tracks and because you are unwilling to admit your transgression, will be stunned when you feel their sting. Once the sting subsides, you’ll find yourself all alone and that person is gone because they’ve had enough of you taking advantage of them and have terminated the relationship.

Realize what you are doing towards others, when you ask them for help. Understand there are SHOULD be boundaries, and that you should stay within them. But also understand that you should open up and reciprocate.

And if you are the kind of person who totally desires to be there for your friends and loved ones, then more power to you. Yet set your boundaries and do not allow yourself to be bulldozed by those who are selfish. Stand up for yourself and let them know what is what.

It isn’t love, it is hateful. And that’s the way the person is going to feel once they’ve had enough. Stop taking advantage of those people you call your friends.