Measuring The Rage

“Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.”~George S. Patton

I mentioned in polite conversation that when I was about the age of 8, I made two state wide commercials for a fundraising project for the disabled.

The following day, I mentioned that I’ve been known to sing and have participated in a few band projects along the way.

The day after that, I mentioned that I was in a background shot of a TV program many years ago.

All of which was met with the same elevated surprise, wonder, and curiosity. I had anticipated a certain level of that.

Not to say that I was bragging. On the contrary, I was asked specific questions… such as “Have you ever been on television?” or “Have you ever met anyone famous?” and the like.

So when I answered in the affirmative, instead of just having the usual line of questions that would follow with the intention of going into more detail about these experiences, I was met with this overwhelming shock and surprise and disbelief from those who had heard my responses.

I just do not understand why people have to take it to such heights. I am human. I have done certain things in life that, yes granted not a lot of people can say that they have, and that’s just the way my life has gone and has been going recently. But to explode in such a manner that it is an impossibility for anyone to comprehend that I have done these things….. WHY? What makes it so damned impossible?

Am I supposed to just sit at home and do nothing? Am I subjected only to being online 24 hours of the day and never leaving my home? Am I supposed to measure up to YOUR expectations of me? The heck you say!

I get it. To a certain degree. These are things you previously had no idea that I had done these things or experienced them. I totally understand that. That’s part of why we as human beings should ask questions…. to gain that knowledge. But to receive the answers to your questions and blow steam about it so bad that its so unlikely or impossible? Seriously now, what is wrong with you??? I do not get it.

And with that, knowing there’s a certain amount of innocent ignorance… your reaction is deplorable. I’m left to sit and wonder how much of your response and reaction is TOO MUCH,  and should I be taking offense? If at all??

Personal lives are to be just that: personal. They are NOT obligated to be subject to public knowledge and opinion. Not everyone should be an open book. I for sure am not. But I will answer any question you have about my life, for as long as it feeds the curiosity… for the sake of common knowledge. And NOT for your personal amusement.

But I sit here today (at home for once) enraged from the reactions that I received. So after I make this blog post available to the public, I’m going into my box fort. Because I am out of clean blankets and sheets. And NOBODY is allowed in without the password.

Think before you respond!!!!!

Getting Things Done For Yourself

“The whole house came up and I came up with it. I was just praying to the Lord to take care of me.”~ Willie Nelson

There’s someone new that I have been watching (willingly) on YouTube who makes daily vlogs and over the weekend makes a special video for audiences to enjoy. The daily vlogs are on one YouTube account and the special videos are on another.

The account with the weekly special videos just recently reached over ONE MILLION subscribers.

Since that point, the YouTube personality has been ranting a little here and there on their daily vlog account.

Now it all comes down to today.

Just under ten minutes of a vlog post that explains the necessity for them to take a break. The explanation that they are tired and exhausted and work hard every day to make quality videos.

The video is almost unnecessary in my opinion.

We all have our things that we do in life that keep us busy. We all have those things in life that take so much time out of our lives. And yes we often reach certain points to where we should take a break from them and then come back to them after a “reboot” so to speak.

YouTubers are no different. If you are someone who posts a weekly video or a daily video… it doesn’t matter. At some point, you’re going to feel like you are going to need to take a break.

Here’s my point:

You have this passion to make videos and upload them to YouTube. You ARE receiving some kind of monetary gift for making those videos. That’s great!!!

You also have a personal life too. The same as everyone else.

Whether you have 100 people subscribed to your YouTube channel or you have the record for having the most subscribers in the world….. you are human and will need a break.

What you do NOT need, is to go on camera and go on and on and on for several minutes explaining yourself to your audience about the decisions you are making in your PERSONAL life.

Your audience doesn’t really care because they have a personal life as well, and so when they decide to make time, they will log on and start watching your videos on YouTube. 

That’s right. I said it. Nobody cares! Nobody wants to hear you drag on for so long because you feel (for whatever reason) the need to explain yourself that you are going to take a break.

How about this: Instead of spreading the mustard on the badger, you fist the mallard and then come back and tell us all about it then?

Translation? Stop explaining yourself to your audience and take care of your personal business. And if that means you disappear from YouTube or the Internet in general for a few days- so be it.

Gather yourself, take a break, take a breather, then come back and get back to work. YouTube is NOT going anywhere… trust me!!!!!

Get things done. Get your personal life straightened out. Priorities will always come first before your hobby of vlogging.

And stop worrying about what your audience thinks/says.

JUST DO IT!!

Cancel the Cancellation

“Do not just look at your boyfriend as just a boyfriend. Look at him as a friend, too.”~ Vanessa Hudgens

I do not honestly recall how long ago this news story was, but there was a man who had secretly recorded his telephone conversation with big time internet provider AOL, and he recorded the miserable conversation that he had to endure when AOL had realized that the purpose of his call was to CANCEL his services with them.

I don’t remember just how long he was connected with them but it was at least twenty minutes to a half an hour.

The longer it took, the angrier he became. Eventually, he was screaming and shouting and everything else in between before AOL finally bid him adieu and he was able to hang up satisfied.

Just as this man had suffered because he wanted to cancel, so did I recently with another business.

My experiences are finding that most if not all online dating websites are in reality, all the same.

They operate in the same manner and they attract the same clientele day in and day out. Just because you’ve decided to leave one dating site for another doesn’t mean that the quality of those people are going to honestly change.

This morning, I was alerted to the fact that someone had sent me a personal message through one of these online dating services. I haven’t been to it in such a long time. So long of a time, that it took nearly an hour to remember what the heck my password was to sign in to be able to read whatever message was waiting on me.

As I opened up the website, I didn’t even bother to really look to see who had contacted me. I went straight to the message.

“I keep seeing your name on other dating sites. Man, you must be lonely and desperate!”

That was it. That was the all-important message. And it was very rude, in my opinion. 

I decided to go and check out this woman’s profile while the fires in my mind steadily began to burn.

The “About Me” section was very aptly named and filled out. Whomever this 24 year old woman was… the entire profile, including the “About Me” section, was about HER, HER, HER… and HER.

But then she provided links in her “General Info” section. Links to about a dozen and a half OTHER online dating websites and was apparently her personal profile.

And “I” am the desperate and lonely one??

So I came to the decision to cancel. Not because of the 24 year old woman but because I simply never really use the website for what it is there for. Seriously though: an hour trying to remember what the password was. That is speaking in volumes.

And that’s where the insanity started. I attempted to simply cancel the account online. But then “A survey” came in the form of a pop-up and would not go away until I had filled it out. And this took several minutes to go through, as they were questioning what was wrong and why I was making the decision to leave their site. 

Just about the time that I thought that I was done, I was put through the process of chatting with one of their representatives in a quick chat log box that popped up in the corner of the screen. And it was a very persistent bugger. I clicked OUT of it. And then I would receive an error message and a new one would come up.

I probably should have went for the power cord at the back of my computer at this point, but it didn’t come to mind until much later. Instead my mind went through questioning whether or not I contracted a computer virus through all of this garbage.

More time wasted chatting with that person, that which I assume was really a bot.

And then I just clicked off the browser entirely. Within moments, the telephone rang and it was someone representing the dating site claiming that “we had a lost connection and so we looked up your personal information to be able to speak with you.”

Wow… privacy violations, anyone?!?!?!!?????

I felt like that guy who had to deal with AOL all of a sudden. But I didn’t lose my cool like he had, I stuck to my guns and only honestly answered about six questions and anything else that was asked, I told them to refer to my previous remarks.

For future reference to anyone wanting to cancel their online dating accounts and have to go to through with this: THEY DON’T LIKE THAT!!!! I am guessing their attention spans are not that great. I am only speculating though.

So a grand total of 3+ hours to get this thing cancelled. Starting the clock from the time I read that rude message by that 24 year old to the time where I felt that the job was done. 4 hours if you count the hour wasted trying to remember what in the world the password was to get into the website to begin with.

Ahh, life. You are something else!!!

Drowning

“It feels like I am choking on my own air, or as if I am drowning.”

The month of November has been brutal for me. With the exception of the quick trip to Houston, it comes across to me that I am surrounded by a giant wall of flames that takes the air right out of my very lungs.

And then more comes along that seems to push me into the deep end to where there is no escape. I am at the point of breaking.

I find myself being the one that is having difficulty looking at the brighter and positive side of life as we know it. Even though I have in the past posted relentlessly about forgetting about your negatives and focusing on the positives.

I will say that my own demeanor has improved a little bit, and in keeping true to my previous posts, that I am fully aware that there’s nowhere else to go but up from here. And that time will soon come on its own.

This does help and make me smile in regards to the “early Christmas” season.

Perhaps its what they have been calling the “holiday blues” because in the United States, we have begun our “holiday season” which is full of Christmas cheer and joy. It always happens the day right after Thanksgiving Day.

And in my own opinion, I think that is nuts. Considering that there’s still a week left of the month of November left.

However that is just something that annoys me personally. Not to mention the debate and discussion over whether or not to wish someone a Merry Christmas or greet them with Happy Holidays.

And sadly, that’s not the bulk of my distress.

The snowball effect came when there was talks between my sledge hockey team and the team from Houston.

Houston is doing what they can right now to make sure that they are going to the next sledge hockey tournament in 2013 which is being held in Philadelphia. Houston calculated that it would cost about $2,000 per player to go. And they’ve narrowed it down to ten players from their organization to go.

I think that Houston has more opportunity for sponsorship and successful donations. And I say that its great for their organization. On the other hand, the Austin Blades do not have the same kind of support or donations or funds as Houston does. So our team must work so much harder.

Houston started talking with my team about the possibility, but when someone asked about cost and how it was going to be done, Houston said that any player would be paid for by their own organization.

It makes complete sense to me. But for the Austin Blades, there’s not enough funds in the organization to even send one player.

I knew that would be the case when both teams returned home from the last tournament in Dallas last April. I knew that my team wouldn’t ever have the funds to make such a journey. And that is why I created in part, the donation site on gofundme.com.

All I have been able to have donated is $260 and it has seemed to come to a crashing stop. Basically, my donation site was “live” about the same time the shooting took place in Aurora, Colorado. So donations have been understandably going towards the victims of that tragedy. Then other tragedies happened. And with Hurricane Sandy still fresh on everyone’s minds on the East Coast, donations are going to them.

Add that with a tough economy, and that’s basically all I have been able to receive is $260.

Then I knew that with the Thanksgiving Day holiday coming that it was going to be a difficult four day weekend for me. As a bachelor with no transportation to speak of, being stuck indoors gets to be a drag. And because of the feeling that one gets, instead of it being really early Sunday morning, the 25th, it feels more like the beginning of Saturday part IV.

On Thanksgiving Day it felt like a Saturday. Even on Friday it felt like a Saturday. The usual whip and wear was nowhere to be found.

I did have a Thanksgiving meal that I could attend. It was held at the complex where I live. They have one for people like myself with nowhere to go for the holiday weekend. I was glad to be a part of it on Wednesday. However, that joy was short lived as the afternoon progressed, the activities here went right into Food Pantry Distribution.

How many times do I gotta complain about this??? “My time of the month” is what I call it.

I had about an hour in between both the meal and then the beginning of Food Pantry, but when I thought I had showed up just a few minutes before, staff had already started without me.

Then I was informed by the social worker that I could take off for that one time. That I didn’t have to help out with Food Pantry distribution, if I did not want to.  So I decided that if the social worker was going to do my job for me that one time, then I was going to just stay and hang out and socialize with others.

That’s when I started to catch a lot of hell and grief.

The social worker was doing the job that I volunteered to do over a year ago, but in her own way. She was not doing it the way that I do it. And that’s fine, it was working. But ohhhhhhhhhh noooooooooo…. neighbors got to be pissy about it all and insist that I take over the social worker and do what they considered is my job.

Many of them were just angry because there was not enough donations to go around to hand out turkeys as they have been used to in the past. Again, the economy and all. But they just need to get over it.

I totally understand that I cannot please ALL of the people here. But good grief!! Going up my butt because you still are not getting your way, is beyond ridiculous!

So then about 30 minutes later, I did jump in and relieved all staff members that were involved and things were back as they used to be.

After it was all said and done, the social worker made a comment about how she did not envy what I do in order to help with Food Pantry distribution. And that she believed that I was in need of a raise. But because I am not getting paid, I do not know how in the world “a raise” could be given.

The whole day just choked me and didn’t let go because I would have to face the fact that I would have a four day weekend practically by myself. And socializing with many friends and colleagues would not be possible because they were going to be busy with their own Thanksgiving Day celebrations with their own family and friends.

And even later in the evening, I caught hell from neighbors as they sprouted off about how I allowed staff to “control” me and take over what my duties are with Food Pantry. If I was getting paid, then it would be another story. But since I am not, then they need to learn to shut their mouths.

My helper got sick on Wednesday when I finally returned home from Food Pantry Distribution. She called Friday to say that she was in the hospital. I don’t know what her status will be for Monday. And that is a worry because I have inspections on Tuesday. If she is unable to come on Monday, then I have so much to do to cover for her and its not going to be easy at all.

So I am really hoping that some good cheer will come along real soon. With the last week of November, let’s hope that December brings something merry & bright.

 

Lacking In Literary Genius

 

“Just because someone hands you a S’more, does not mean that they’ve made it out of chocolate.”

In the stillness of this night, it feels as if my brain had caught fire. Perhaps it is just the after burn of all of today’s activities, perhaps its a fever. Either way, until this burning sensation leaves my head I know that I will not be able to sleep.

But to be honest, I know what the problem is. Self-criticism. And they’ve always said since the Dawn of Man that you are your own worst critic.

Over the past three days, I went back to my most recent writing project and attempted to connect the dots so to speak of what I have written already. I had taken a different approach when I began writing and now all that I have, is collection of pieces that need to be connected to this giant puzzle I have created.

I think that it does work in my favor that when I get burned out with writing that I put it aside for a while and then pick it back up again. And that’s what I have been doing. Yet I put it away many hours ago, after writing down certain parts of the story that I had come up with in my head from the very beginning. Some of the pieces now are starting to fit but I have a very long way to go. I know that one day, it will be complete and I will have something to be proud of.

These kind of writing projects are not as scatterbrained as… let’s say… this blog. I’m well known by now to throw randomness all over the place here. But with these projects, I’m a little more uniformed.

Or so I thought.

Especially over today and yesterday, I had built up on one of my main characters. At some point I describe just how rotten and terrible the character is. I spent many hours on describing how devious and deplorable the character is and even wrote in a scene of him doing what he does best which is being evil, uncaring, and unfeeling.

I felt that this action from the character needed to be portrayed to the reader to show just how nasty the sonofabitch really is. And to me, it seemed like it took forever to write it all down. And it was only one specific way in which to explain to the reader just how bad of a person the character is. It was honestly the only contribution I made towards the project yesterday.

I felt fine with it. I knew that it was a bit long and that I would have to edit and tweak it a little so I don’t bore the reader but as it was, I was okay with it. Knowing that I would go back eventually to help clean it up.

I even went as far as to pause for a while and look up helpful writing tips on how to work these situations out. A lot of what I found was extremely helpful. So it was all good.

This morning and this afternoon I worked on the story’s biggest dilemma. The pinnacle point in which everything comes to light and the characters must deal with the sudden and abrupt change and somehow overcome it, one way or another.

I did not finish that particular part of the story. I was distracted by other things and I didn’t have the time (or energy) to fully commit to what I was doing. And so I put it aside.

Now I just wanna throw it all out.

The whole thing about writing what the character was doing to be evil and show the true side to the reader is long, and now just seems unnecessary.

I am aware that authors and other writers often go through many edits. But I wonder how they handle the frustrations from time to time when everything seems like a brilliant idea in their minds but once they get it written down suddenly turns into crap? 

What has often boggled me is that my muse usually strikes when I am not able to sit down and write. Commonly when I am away from home or laying in bed. It’s always something like that. I suppose that what I have been told is true. I need to keep a notebook with me at all times. I was even told once to keep a notebook next to my bed so that I could write these things down when they come to me in the middle of the night.

I actually tried that. But I found myself writing in the notebook all night long and never getting any sleep. And when I finally got to sleep, I would wake up and NOT want to transfer the notes into the project.

I’m notorious like that when it comes to poetry writing.

As much as I have the inner desire to go back and just delete pages upon pages of the stuff that I wrote- knowing that “my time has been wasted”- I know that deep down, I do not have the desire to give up on the writing project entirely. I’ve kinda opened my mouth about it with too many people to do that. I’ve received a lot of “I can’t wait to read it” kind of responses. So in a sense, I do have something of an audience who is patiently waiting for me to finish.

I won’t say how long that will be. I never do. I still have OTHER writing projects that I haven’t touched in many years. And those were ideas that I was certain that I wanted to work on getting published. So who can say when this current one that I am working on will reach that point that I can share it with people so that they can read it.

 

 

The Dance Of The Hiccups

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”~Jonathan Swift

 

 

Well, dang.

 

Two weeks into this entire business of healing at home and I have absolutely no way of knowing whether or not I am healing or if my health is going in the right direction in order for my body to heal with wound left from surgery.

 

Some days, I’m doing fine. Other days I am not do so hot. It is a relentless dance of taking four steps forward, two steps back, then three steps forward, and another step back. This dance overall is annoying.

 

And then it struck me like a ton of dirt being dumped on my head.

 

Hockey.

'Reality Calling!'

 

So far I’ve not really “missed” anything important. Since the closure of two ice rinks and the beginning of fights over who will get ice time at the last remaining sheet of ice, let’s just say I’ve not practiced or played since last November. And so in that regard, I have not missed anything since my hospital visit and beyond.

 

However I know that there will be events coming soon. And with an open wound somewhere on my body, it really would not be an intelligent move on my part to strap myself down in a sled and go out there breakin’ heads and scoring goals from miraculous angles of awe and glory and just setting the scoreboard on fire.

 

Soon though, we will be on the ice. Performing our first exhibition in front of thousands of screaming, drunk hockey fans in about a month from now. We had done that before in front of almost a sell out crowd a few years ago. Doing it again last November in Houston in front of even thousands of more fans, was totally thrilling. So I want to do it again and experience that supportive roar of the crowd. And like I said, I have no way of knowing whether or not my wound is healing.

 

It is truly disappointing to think that I may have to sit out the rest of the season. It’s not over yet, as many people have thought. Our schedule will go on through the month of May.

 

But last season, I had such difficulties finding sufficient transportation to and from practices in January that by February I was out for what would be the rest of the season because I ended up with pneumonia.

 

Then when the pneumonia had passed, I had two opportunities to make practices. But then again, transportation issues.

 

That was then. But now… this.

 

And with the rumor of our team captain giving up sledge hockey, and wheelchair basketball because “he’s getting too old”, it would be a personal opportunity for me to step up for my team and go from co-assistant captain to team captain. Since a lot of my teammates seem to think I would be a better candidate for that anyway, it wouldn’t be such a move made in pride or snobbery. I think deep down that I AM their captain in their minds.

 

But I will not bend to rumor. Whether or not he stays or goes will have no bearing on whether or not I continue my participation with the team and the season and the seasons to come.

 

What I must do, is get BETTER. And FAST!!!!!!!!

 

In March, we’ll be doing our exhibition locally. In April, there’s a possibility of participating in a giant tournament in Dallas. Of which if we do participate, we will get our asses beat to a pulp. But we’ll have the experience under our belts. And then in May, back to Houston for another “Paralympic Experience” as we hosted here back in January.

 

It is breaking my heart into pieces to think that I might miss all of that. I could go looking for something or someone to blame, but I won’t because it is what it is and that’s the way it is.

 

But if nothing I think that my silver medal would be to actually go with the team and be their support, even if I am not going to be on the ice. To miss the experience altogether would be a shame.

 

I know that many are looking forward to the events in March. People that have been so curious to watch me play and learn what I do because they are so interested in it. I will focus on whatever the heck it is I have to do to heal and get better. And if I am not there yet, I will show up anyways. I’m pretty adamant about that.

 

The dance though of forward and backward is killing me. Keep me in your thoughts as I tackle this bad boy with tenacity.

 

 

 

 

Holy Shit! Where’s The Tylenol!?

“Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”~ Chevy Chase as ‘Clark Griswold’ in “Christmas Vacation” [1989]

I can totally relate at the moment.

In as much as this is a favorite movie during the Christmas holidays, and the fact that me and my siblings have tried and tried and tried and tried to memorize this rant from the film, we never could seem to get it all. We’ve had better opportunity memorizing lines from “A Christmas Story”.

But this scene in the film (and a few others as well) has become something of a must-do in my family every year.

Still though, I’m wishing it was 2012 already. As we enjoy (or suffer) the last few hours of the Thanksgiving weekend and not to mention most of us with a four-day weekend, can we skip December??? I didn’t think so. Oh well, it was worth a shot! You don’t get anything if you don’t ask!!

As frustrating and depressing as 2011 has been, there’s still just under five weeks of it left and I’m so terribly looking forward to the new year. Plain and simple. I am full of the hope and wonder that it will be a far better year than this year has been. Even though it’s not completely over.

But I won’t give up! Hope that is. That’s just not within me at the moment. Even though it would be SO easy for me to surrender and say, “This year has been crap.” And just allow myself to slowly wither away.

Well: This year HAS been crap…. so what??

I got scammed out of $1500. I got bulldozed by a Mercedes-Benz. I’ve dealt with and some how survived one of the worst summers and droughts in history with terribly hot temperatures. I’ve had to play judge and jury in between arguments and disputes amongst the elderly. And of course, having to have to defend myself and my own life just two days before my birthday.

Clearly, there’s a lot more that I could add. But that’s just going to break down the spirit of those who read this blog post.

So yeah. I’ve definitely had a difficult time this year. And my temperament has been “below average”. I will leave it at that.

However, there is a flip side to all of this. And I am so appreciative that I have the cognitive skills to realize it.

I just played sledge hockey in front of a crowd of over 9,000 people. And there’s the promise in 2012 of doing it all over again in front of many, many more. The team is actually getting to travel. Something that I have never experienced before.

I’ve learned how to do a slap shot and make the puck go into the air. I’ve even scored some backhand shots.

I am excelling in the sport this season so much more at this point in the hockey season that I have nowhere else to go but up. According to personal stats.

I’ve been to Houston for the first time in my life this year and have been there a few more times.

I’ve got to meet SIX MINUTE CENTURY in person and each time that I have, I’ve received the VIP treatment.

I’ve met my literary hero, Jessica Trapp, in person. And I’ve been able to establish quite the wonderful friendship with her. How awesome is that?

I’ve developed social interactions and turned them into wonderful lifetime relationships. And one of them even turned into my best friend.

So do I have anything worth complaining about? Some may say “yes”- others would say “no”. It all depends on whether or not I am going to let those things that have greatly curved my life, and let it go into a tail spin. Or I could learn the lessons that were given to me and move on.

Last night my best friend told me, “You need rest. Not stress.” And even though I cracked a joke back at her with my response, she’s right. And I probably shouldn’t have been such a smart ass about it. But I do admit, she was totally correct.

There’s a lot of things that cause stress in our lives. But we need to figure out a way to manage that stress. I’ve certainly had a lot of stressful situations overwhelm me this year. Or at least it seems to have been overwhelming. And I’ve dealt with them the best and only ways that I know how. I probably could learn a little more to deal with it better. But that is the great thing about our lives is that it is an ever-growing, always evolving opportunity to learn.

Stress will be something that will NEVER go away. We all will have it in our lives. But we must do the best that we can under those circumstances to not let us end up like the movie character of Clark Griswold, and snapping every five minutes because we cannot get a grip on our own reality and life.

The Boiling Point

“Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!”~ Samuel L. Jackson as “Nevelle” in ‘Snakes On A Plane’ [2006]

Yeah buddy! That’s about right. Although I’m not currently dealing with a problem of infestation of snakes or any other poisonous animals. But the sentiment has been all the same the entire weekend from start to finish.

Ever since I was a teenage I would say whenever things would get out of hand, “All I need now is someone to fire a damned bazooka through the window and my day will be complete.”

This past weekend, I was actively looking for a bazooka so I could fire it myself!!

There was a ton of things on my plate that were just suddenly dumped on me. Things that were mainly out of my control. I was lost in a whirlwind of absolute frustration, anger, and pain. Without any chance of guard or rescue to come to my aid.

The summer heat. The fact that I thought my computer was dying. The long, drawn out days and days of trying to put travel arrangements together that was not seeming to work out in anybody’s favor. And the fact that those whom I would run for shelter were not around. All factors made for a piss poor time. All in all, things were really not all that bad, and I do think and believe that the heat was only making things worse.

There were many more factors, but I will refrain from listing everything. And honestly, it was too much! I had reached that boiling point because I never really had that much control over what was going on the entire weekend. It just left me with such negative emotions. And I knew that I could not necessarily show myself towards other friends & colleagues because I knew that my poor attitude would come through and quite frightfully, spill into them and cause them to be dragged down with me.

I needed a life raft, not an anchor.

But it really taught me something about myself when the smoke cleared. Much of the frustration was vanquished when the heat subsided, travel plans were made better to be set in stone, and I was able to talk with those whom I put my trust in.

I think that there has to come a point for me in life, where I need to better recognize the signs that things just aren’t going to be peaches & cream. And I also need to find a better way to deal with it all, before it becomes overwhelming. If I would be able to do this then I will not have to worry so much about having a repeated performance like this past weekend.

I literally thought that I was in hell. And that there was to be no letting up, no salvation. I had no other choice but to let things go and hope and pray that maybe there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. It was my only hope for me, to keep me from going postal and ending up on your local news and Internet about all the evil that I had done because I gave in to the pressure.

All weekend long, I knew that everything that was going on was too much on my plate. I kept looking for the proverbial family dog to slip under the table so I could secretly brush away some of it to the dog so it wouldn’t be so much for me to handle. But there was no dog to be found.

How does one deal with overwhelming stress and frustration? How do you deal with it?? What do you find helpful in times like these???

Ties, ties, everywhere there’s ties

I have been there for my friends for as long as I can remember. But now with the Internet and social networking sites, there’s the wide range of possibilities to meet new people and create even more friends and colleagues.

And with that goes the responsibility of having to put up with other people’s days when things are not going so well. Life isn’t always a peach, so when it is the pits- that becomes the true test of whether or not your friendship with that person is true and loyal.

Ever since my first days of being online, I’ve always been there for my friends and colleagues when they have been having it rough. I allowed them to vent, cry, cuss someone else out behind their backs, and do whatever it took to make sure that by the end of all of it, they felt better. I would even be so bold as to maybe offering help and advice at times when they asked for it.

I have fooled around with the notion that I have become some what of an online psychologist. I’m that shoulder to cry on, that ear that will listen. Clearly I say this jokingly as I am not a licensed psychologist.

I have sat through many long conversations online where I have been told that they were in tears, and just needed someone to listen. Yeah, I’m “that guy”. I could probably log in enough hours to have my own little corner of the world and sit by a table with a sign over my head that says, “5¢ please.”

As the years have gone by, the scenario changes. But I’m still that same guy that will stop whatever I am doing and listen to someone if they are speaking to me. Especially if they feel that they are in some kind of crisis or if they feel that they are just going to explode inside.

If any of you have ever watched Dr. Phil on television, then you know where I get the new catch phrase, “I wear the tie.” Yep, that’s me! I am the one that wears the tie. A few people realize this. They laugh and think its cute. But they also understand that I am actually going to be there for them. Most others do not. And this is what I am telling you. I am there for you, and I always will be there for you.

A few people have taken the opportunity to have me listen to them. Others, have not. There are times though that those who do not take that chance, I sometimes wished that they would. But its all a matter of personal choice. I’m never going to force someone to talk to me. Especially during stressful and difficult times.

I have been burned a few times. This is true. I have given my full attention in the past to people and all that they ever did was use me for their chance to just have themselves talk. They weren’t seeking any kind of personal relief from their woes, just personal satisfaction from the thought that someone is finally going to listen to them, and all they do is talk to hear themselves talk.

With the good, always will come the bad. That’s just life in a nutshell.

I received a text message this morning around 1:30 AM. Someone who I had earlier in the day given a text message to, and they were finally able to get around to answering me back. Their day was so bad that it got stressful and confusing as well as distracting and so therefore, that’s what happened. The response came, but it came late.

So I got out of bed and got online and had them tell me what was going on, and explain why it was so late for them to get back to me.

I took a very brutal beating for nearly an hour as they let their frustrations go. But in the end, I had them laughing. They left and I went back to bed. And that was that.

I was not in the direct line of fire from their frustration, but they were able to just get it off their chest. I was glad to have been there for support.

I take these things seriously. Because I know that I too, sometimes need a shoulder to cry on. Does the reciprocation happen as often as I deal with it? No. So what though?

I will literally get out of bed and talk with someone on the phone, online, or in person if they are in need. Doors have been open 24/7 for over 10 years now. And I don’t suppose that’s going to change in the future because that’s the friend that I am.

People have needs. No matter how shallow or great. Its up to the true test of courage as to whether or not you are able to take the good with the bad OR if you’re the kind of person that will only take the good and remove yourself from the bad, trying to avoid it. Just ask yourself: “Wouldn’t I want them to be there for you?”.

I’m not saying let them walk all over you either. You should know the difference between a cry on your shoulder and someone just out for attention. But a friend in need should have friends, indeed.