There’s Something Worse In The Water

“When heard someone’s boasting, I could smell shit of bull from afar.” ~ Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

So the neighbor situation hasn’t improved. I’ve not been able to discuss with them the fact that them talking to the working attendant is not a smart thing.

I also just realized that the attendant who is talking to me about the neighbors is also at fault.

So it is up to me to at least set the attendant straight about what she talks about in my home. And that has to stop with the gossiping and talking about the neighbor.

Nonetheless, we’ve come to a close with regards to dealing with the neighbor. At least on a social level.

As was the habit, I returned to the neighbor’s home to watch NCIS. But the greeting when I showed up was less than cordial. I mean, it wasn’t even close to being friendly. The wife saw me, got up from the chair and called for her husband, announcing my arrival. It was he that got to the door and invited me in.

And then hell would break loose that I would not think clearly when I should have just up and left the home.

During the commercial breaks, I was accosted by the wife for everything and anything under the sun. The first commercial break I was accused of giving her “the finger”- 1960’s & 70’s style– with the crossing of the forearms this last Friday during the farewell party of the social services coordinator.

As much as I must admit of doing the gesture, I did NOT point it or aim it or intend for it to be AT her. But, she swears up and down I gave her the finger. And so I said softly “I’m sorry if you feel that way. But I did nothing wrong because I didn’t do anything to you.” It was juuuuuuuuuuust enough apology to smooth that wrinkle out before the program resumed on television. But it was hardly the personal apology she wanted and believes that she got.

All in all she was offended by the arm gesture. Basically that was all it boiled down to.

The second commercial break, I was accosted and accused again. This time of “being/acting like a shit.” Whatever the hell that means! 

Accosting number two, I was not given any moment of peace or any time to defend myself or explain my behavior to her. It was all 100% my fault. And she wasn’t liking it.

But wait. She was totally offended by the gesture that I made on Friday afternoon, but she’s not offended by her own foul-mouthed profanity and calling me names? What in the world is that??

So yeah she wasn’t liking my behavior as of lately. Too bad. When people are going through tough times, particularly when a lot of it is mental and emotional, they aren’t going to act the way that you want them to.

Third commercial break I was told the tale of a different neighbor who had come to visit her this past Sunday and she had nothing but vicious and attacking words about me behind my back. Even though she (and her husband both) were discussing the situation they refused to tell me what exactly was said because this different neighbor prefaced her speech with “don’t share this with any one.”

Last commercial break was her to strongly encourage me to go talk to this neighbor who was talking shit behind my back. And made the suggestion that I kick her ass. Then report back.

Ummm… do we have to go back and ask the question about the profanity again? Or can I just imply it at that point.

Those who have heard me tell this story in person have said that they would have left after being accused of acting like a shit. But I didn’t think that I would be able to escape to be honest. At least not before someone else had something more to say. Yet I didn’t think to leave in the first place.

So that was Tuesday night. Wednesday afternoon I saw the woman that apparently had been blabbering about me and I asked her if she needed to talk to me. I never was cruel with her. I never yelled at her. I never pointed any finger. And I never called her names. I simply asked if she had anything on her mind that she needed to say to me.

And she did. She confronted me with an issue that she was genuinely concerned about. The problem was that she had already gone over to the neighbor’s home and gossiped about it there rather than coming to me instead. That was her only mistake.

But she never jumped down my throat like the first original woman.

The one that I confronted and I both learned that the woman that I had been keeping company week after week after week, to enjoy something on television with company…. is probably one of the WORST people on the planet. And that she should not be  trusted with any kind of information or news. 

I have a feeling that she’s going to go back to the queen of gossip and they are gonna have it out with one another.

So we’ve reached the end of the road for the gossiping neighbor. I still have to deal with the attendant and her eagerness to run her mouth. But at least I’m not going to put up any more with the neighbor.

And besides, all of those times that I’ve come on to this blog and complained about her  tendencies to gossip and the food that gets prepared in their home that eventually causes some kind of digestive distress from within…. I’m not missing out on anything.

Moving on!!

There’s Gotta Be Something In The Water

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.”~ Oliver Herford

I was having a really nice day. “Was” being the key word there in that sentence.

I think there’s something going on and there are only two logical explanations that I have come up with.

People have either lost it and have gone insane. Or there is something in the water.

I am trying to give the benefit of the doubt and say that there’s something in the water.

Nonetheless, I am still quite frustrated and angry over the events of this afternoon. Just when I am only hours away of going back to the Dirty Dog for music by BEAUTIFUL DISTURBANCE tonight.

My neighbors and I share the same attendant. The attendant actually is helpful in doing things around the house that I am simply either unable to do or have great difficulty doing on my own. It actually is a great help.

But I had to fire my last one because of stupidity and struggled through hell to get the one that I have now who happens to be helping a neighbor in the morning and then she comes to help me in the afternoon.

I think it works out well.

Until today when my attendant came to work for me.

The neighbor that she works for in the morning has had the fortitude to sit there and tell the attendant what to do in MY home. And tell her how to do HER job when it comes to MY home. And today is the biggest straw that was broken because now the neighbor is just so upset that I flipped the bird the other day in humor and she took great offense to that. And suddenly now, I’m the devil and “I’ve changed” and now the attendant either needs to watch out or actually quit working for me, because I am the one that isn’t doing right.

What business is it of hers? What business is it of ANYONE around here what happens in my home??

So now I’m pissed. And there’s gotta be something done. I know that I need to confront this neighbor and unfortunately, its not going to be pretty and definitely will not end well for someone.  

It is ridiculous that this neighbor is just talk-talk-talking about me the way she has been. Its not right.

And they wonder why I wanna move outta here??

I’ve had enough.

Firestarter

‘Hearing through the grapevine’

“Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement.”~ Henry Ford

 

Well, I guess I’m potentially gonna be a butt load of trouble soon. I probably have tomorrow to live through it, a few days from now I might not be so lucky.

 

What started out as an innocent private and personal investigation, could possibly turn into a bunch of back biting and mistrust amongst the nurses, the physical therapist, and other employees within the home health agency that is currently working for me. Hopefully not, but at the very worst on my end, they’ll drop me and I will have to go with another company. Or things are about to get very dull and anti-social because they won’t wanna talk with me in fear of being brought up again.

 

This agency is working out for me so much better in the first place. Not like the one that was shoved into place without my input.

 

Needless to say that I still believe that the grapevine is NEVER a place to receive information. Believing in gossip and rumors is terrible and involving yourself in them is poison.

 

I was informed by a nurse this past week that “I” was discussed in length at their weekly staff meeting. A few people said different things about me and my current health status and other things.

 

So when I heard about it? Well, they mentioned names, but alas they had forgotten that I know the people in which names were dropped.

 

That wasn’t the problem. At least not for me. What was bugging the crap out of me was that I would begin to receive information about a conversation over me, and then suddenly right when things were rolling and I was hearing what was talked about, they’d stop and say, “I CAN’T TELL YOU!”.

 

Umm… you start a conversation and then end it in secrecy? I don’t think so! I don’t go down that easily. And besides, does anyone else in this world believe that to be fair? To begin saying something like that and then immediately shutting it off?? No way! Go from beginning to end. Finish what you started.

 

So that immediately began my investigation.

 

But today as the nurse came to do the dressing change to the surgery wound, I started to pull out all of this information that I had collected from the previous workers. This nurse isn’t stupid. She knows what was said by who at the meeting and who could possibly have told me that such information could have been given to me.

 

She stood firm and said nothing else about the meeting. The only thing that she did do was admit to what she had said about my case at the meeting, and in dramatic flailing style. Oy vey!!

 

Then I heard her say, “Guess I need to be more careful about what I say in front of certain people around the office.” Ohhhh boy! This one might look at the others like a group of people who will spill the beans to any patient, and particularly me.

 

In time they are all going to have to realize that I’ve established quite the friendly relationship with the physical therapist, since I’ve with her for a while before. For them to assume anything more than that, would just be wrong. So yeah the PT and I are going to talk. We have ever since I can remember. What we talk about is not the business of anyone but her and I. But then that seems a bit double-sided as I am pretty bad at this investigating thing to see what ALL was said about me in the meeting.

 

I told a dirty joke to one nurse. I think she got embarrassed. And so she announced that I am kind of a flirt. Ain’t that nice?

 

I only told the joke because #1- humor and laughter is the only thing that distracts me from them doing their job which on certain days can be very uncomfortable. And #2- I thought she’d be “adult” about it. But evidently it jumped the fence and did a sprint straight to her emotions and she turned red about it.

 

LOOK OUT!! I’m DIRTY!!!!!!!!!! Oh well.

But now I hope that things don’t get wonky with them. And just how much of a backlash could I expect from this? It is a bit creepy to think about. But I’m gonna do my best and try not to worry about it. I am who I am, and they all know that by now. I just hope that their information sharing isn’t going to get them all in a sticky situation.

 

 

 

 

Don’t Tell Anyone!

“Nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret.”~ Jean De La Fontaine

Whenever I am talking with someone, and the topic begins with “Don’t tell anyone I said this..”, or “You didn’t hear this from me”, it immediately sends up red flags.

There seems to be a lot of that floating around in this day and age. Everything seems to be a big secret.  And I am not 100% sure why that is or why it has to be.

These kinds of phrases seemed to be echoed over and over again, especially where I live. I find myself thrusted into the streets of “Peyton Place”, rather than having a decent conversation with another human being.

Through my experiences, it is not so much that the subject matter is a secret but rather it is the beginning of a conversation turning into gossip. And for those people who are trying to initiate the gossip only use those kinds of words and phrases to cover their own butts, so it doesn’t seem like they are such a bad person for beginning to gossip in the firs place.

These words trigger my defenses so quickly that it has become more or less, an automatic response. I KNOW that whatever is about to follow is either not true, partially true, or simply unnecessary to be discussed.

Yet society does have its own secrets. I tend to believe that a lot of things that I am told “in secrecy”, is only a test to see if I have the capability to keep my mouth shut. So when I hear about someone not quitting their job, or someone just found she was pregnant, or something like that, then it becomes a test of whether or not I can keep this information to myself.

The joke is on them though. Not everyone on this planet knows how to separate secrets from gossip. Mainly because they LOVE to gossip themselves. So then whenever I am tol something in secrecy like this, and the words get out anyway… there’s no way that it can be pinned on me. Try as they might.

Trust me, with the fact that a majority of my neighbors are of the elderly class… all they have time for any more, is gossip and talk. I get to hear everyone’s dirty little secrets. The interesting fact is that I get to hear these kinds of stories over and over again because they believe I am the innocent party and I have not been given such information that they feel it necessary that I should have it. But then turn around with their personal disclaimer of how it should not be repeated when the truth is that by the time you have told me, its been repeated to me four or five times by then.

Besides all of that, whatever happened to common sense? Where did it go that people absolutely MUST tell you NOT to repeat what they are telling you?? Its not in my job description for me to inform other neighbors, friends, or family members if your niece is in the hospital with a broken leg because she was stupid enough to jump off the roof of her house. If you want to share that with someone, then by all means YOU DO IT!

You shouldn’t have to pre-warn me not to repeat anything you’ve just told me.

Some information is meant to be shared. Other information is not. But don’t put me in that position where everything that comes out of your mouth has to be vaulted and sealed. Mainly because I am just going to believe that whatever you just said, probably isn’t all that true to begin with.

It makes sense to me that if you are talking to me in public, with people walking around that whatever it is you are telling me, just common talk. But if you and I are talking on a one-on-one situation, chances are that its personal conversation and I KNOW BETTER not to be spreading it around. And you won’t have me to blame when it does come out and you feel betrayed. You’ll just have to look to whomever else you told that held that same conversation with to see who it was that blabbed their tongues.

And they wonder why I don’t get out as much anymore?!?

M.Y.O.B. #1

When I was in grade school, we played this little “game”. The students stood in a semi-circle and it started with someone whispering in my ear something random. Something about “Jimmy has a new girlfriend. She had blonde hair and blue eyes”. There was more to it but I no longer remember what it was about.

The point was to whisper to the person next to you exactly word for word what you just heard and then by the time it got to the other side of the classroom, it was totally blown into pieces and hardly anything was accurate at all.

It was a lesson in gossip. Trying to show the class that gossip always loses the facts whenever its spread around. And probably the moral of the lesson was, not to do it.

Today, gossip is more popular than ever. The stories continue to be told and spread around but I believe that the same rule applies. By the time the story is finished being told, most of the important details have been grossly removed. And so the last of the people who hear these false stories believe in what they have just heard without any consideration that something might be missing or incorrect.

In the apartment complex where I live, gossip reigns supreme. (So does chaos for that matter.) I guess that is just the price that I pay because I live with a group of elderly people who honestly have nothing else better to do. They’ve lived their lives and now they are retired, so then now what are they going to do?

I tried to get a clear-cut definition of the word “gossip”. I would find out that even the definition of the term constantly changes and evolves. But a majority note remains the same. Its the talk about someone else’s personal and private life. And often times it is brought up through a lot of errors when it comes to the facts.

A person can talk another person about a third person without it being gossip. But it turns into gossip when it deals with the private lives of that third person, especially when the two people involved in the conversation has nothing to do with that third person’s life or situation.

Confused yet?

I can talk to my best friend, who lives in the West Coast, and tell them that my neighbor is in the hospital. And that would not be gossip. What would MAKE it gossip, would be to add details that are totally incorrect. Something like, “My neighbor got carried away by the EMT because they are so old and they were having a heart attack.”

The truth may be that they were taken to the hospital by EMT, but it turned into gossip when the untrue facts of having a heart attack become involved. We might never really know why that person was taken into the hospital. At least not for sure.

So that is the example that I have come up with to help explain the difference.

With that being said, I will repeat: I live in a place where gossip is spread every day & night!

I know some of you reading this will probably grumble, but I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t like the weekends any more.

I will wait for the grumbling………………………… all done? Good.

There’s really not that much to do when your capabilities and opportunities are limited.

So a lot of the neighbors and myself stay at home during the weekends and it becomes really dull and boring. Until the point where my phone rings and its someone calling me. And that someone lives only about 50 yards away.

They ask how I am and what I have been doing. It is funny to me about those kinds of questions is that usually they already know the answer. And then they ask about my personal life. Those walls of mine immediately start to build.

The questions get more and more specific about certain people in my life. They are asking very detailed questions and are seeking very detailed responses. Not even a fraction of a second ago, they were asking how “I” was doing. It is like they truly don’t even care. They just want to throw that in there so it doesn’t sound so bad when they finally get to the questions that they’ve been really wanting to ask.

I’m left sitting there thinking, “Geez, thanks a lot!”. They really could care less about what’s going on in my life, unless it has something totally oozing with drama.

And from that point where I deny them any information about my friends, contacts, or colleagues other than “They are doing fine”, the level of intensity to their devious ways goes way up.

Its a fact that they don’t really KNOW who my friends and colleagues are. And it would take probably a year and a half of explaining why they are the way that they are, and why I am in contact with them. They don’t seem to have that kind of time to listen. So they switch it over to the subject of other people that we mutually know. Such as, other neighbors.

A statement or comment that is just general knowledge will be said. “They have left town again this weekend for the sixth weekend in a row.” And then it becomes a free-for-all on them telling me their opinions about how they think the neighbors should be staying at home during the weekends.

As much as it might be true that these neighbors are out of town a lot during the weekends, we have absolutely no idea as to why. And it really isn’t anyone’s business but their own.

Living in an area where the group of people have nothing better to do than talk about someone’s private life, sometimes can just suck.

They take what little information that they know and began to assume. Assumptions are lethal too. But that’s for another post. It goes along with the earlier post that I wrote “Things Aren’t Always What They Seem”.

Just because I am one of the youngest residents here, doesn’t mean that I get out as much as they would like to think. I don’t go around visiting with other neighbors just to collect information and get their scoop. 

Yes, I KNOW that these neighbors are going out of town a lot. But if you wanna know why, then you need to go and ask them why. Not call me up in the middle of the afternoon during the weekend because you are bored, and believe that I am going to know everything.

What truly prompted this post out of me was that this situation happened. Both on Saturday and on Sunday. I called one neighbor to ask for a ride to the grocery store and I had to sit through a list of questions about other neighbors for about an hour before I was even able to put in my request for transportation.

Two things about it both amuses me and offends me at the same time.

When the “conversation” was finished, I literally heard them say, “I didn’t used to be like this, until I moved here.” It sounded like they were trying to justify why they were wanting to hear gossip or involve themselves in gossip. In which I feel is pretty lame. If you did not used to be like this before, why did you even start??

And the second thing that just really offended me was that they told me that I was their source of news around here. What was worse, was the fact that they have noticed that I do not speak to them as much as I have in the past, so suddenly they believe that “something must be wrong”. That I must be going through a difficult time in my life at the present because they haven’t heard from me, or have had me come and visit them in their homes in such a long time. It is like it never has dawned on them that I saw the face of reality and saw that all they were doing was pumping me for information about the other neighbors who live here, instead of them going out and visiting with them and finding it all out for themselves.

So that’s my rant.

I will say that I am thankful that I am starting to learn the red flags about how the neighbors here gossip. It has caused me to change directions and whenever they are asking me about someone else, I am smart enough to say, “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask them.” Believe me, after a few times of having to say that they quickly change their tune, as well as the topic of conversation.

Don’t Mess With The Elderly!

The following story is true. No details have been changed. Names are not changed to protect the innocent nor the guilty. What follows may shock you, disgust you, and quite possibly change your perception on what you thought before.

I will first start off by setting up the story by telling you that at the apartment complex in which I live, is a lovely place. I have been told by so many people who have visited here that its scenary is totally breathtaking and serene. As for myself, I enjoy living in this place.

Only the physically disabled, retired, and elderly can apply. And since I am one of the physically disabled, I qualify to live here. I have grown to know my neighbors in a delightful sense of companionship and have spent many days and weeks including myself with them in their activities which happens to be on the calendar of events.

With that said, there is one day in which I fear. Food Pantry Day. It happens once a month for three hours on one day, and a full hour on another day. The bulk of the residents come to the community room to receive their food items on the day in which time is of the majority. That’s when I receive my items as well.

But it has been something of a disaster in recent months. It was only about two years ago that I had decided to volunteer to help in any way that I could, in order to keep chaos from happening. Clearly, things have gotten better but its definitely not a case that we’re out of the woods yet. To take a quote from the movie, “The Antichrist”…. “chaos reigns.”

Our usual system had a break down, probably about four months ago it was changed. It had been getting better since I decided to try and help. It became my task to call names from a list in which each resident would sign their name and their apartment number in order to keep a more accurate count in how many people were participating in receiving items from the Food Pantry.

Food Pantry items are actually picked up from a central food bank. The community donates food items and it gets distributed to those in need. I’m not 100% sure on how our complex qualifies to receive these items, but my money is on the fact that we are a non-profit. These donated food items comes to us, and they are distributed to the residents here, for free!

Sounds pretty good, right?

I will say personally that the Food Pantry has come in very useful for me when funds are low during the month. Having that extra collection of food to get me through whatever I need to before I am able to have some money to go to the store again. I cannot complain about the Food Pantry at all. But this is just my rambling. So I digress.

It has been turmoil these last couple of years. When that sign-up sheet gets put out into the community room at 12:30 PM each day of distribution, all hell breaks loose. I am not kidding. These people have pushed, shoved, stepped on (or over) other individuals in order to secure their place on that list as close to #1 as possible, even if that means someone with less mobility and speed gets shoved aside. I have personally witnessed a man getting up from his chair across the room, stepping over chairs and tables to get to the list. Brushing aside people in his path.

Again, let me remind you that this is donated food items from the community. This is nothing like steak, shrimp, glorious food items of luxury. We’re talking bread, canned goods, meat products at times, soups, pasta, and various other food suppliments. There is a nice display of desserts commonly on the table for their selection though. Mainly old doughnuts and other pastries.

They have overcome their own senses and thrown away all shame in order to be able to put their names on that list at the very top so that they are able to receive first choice at what is being offered to them.

I had been the one responsible to put that sign-up sheet on the table for a short time. Whenever I would do that, I would find myself literally surrounded by at least eight people at a time, on all sides of me to the point where I couldn’t even move my wheelchair to get out of the way. I would have to basically cry for help in order for someone to get out of the way so that I could move.

Suggesting that everyone step into an orderly fashion and form a line falls upon deaf ears (whether they are actually hearing impaired or not.) This system also has failed because one person would write the names of several people down before anyone else has a chance to grab a pen. So the first person in line would obviously be #1, but they are also writing down the names of their close friends and neighbors on lines #2-6. Thus, making the person who is actually second in line to be #7.

For sure, this has others in an outcry and they are suddenly calling for a lynching of those guilty. But don’t feel sorry for those who are being left out. Some of them had a strategy of getting into the community room as soon as it opened its doors in the morning and actually sat down and waited for that list to be brought out. So then comes the cries of “I was here first. I was here before this person so I should be before them!”. 

Umm no. That’s not how it works. Whenever your name is  written down on that list, that is your placement and that’s when you will be called. And another thing… if your name is called by me, and you are not in the room or can be found immediately? Your name goes to the bottom of the list. This is has been the structure of the rules and will remain as such.

Not fair? Well, “you gotta be present to win” so to speak.

This system was replaced four months ago. The new system was that each person would write down their apartment number (not their name) on a slip of paper and put it into the basket. Their number is drawn and whenever they are drawn, that is who is first in line, and the next and the next and so on.

It was tricky the first month as people were walking into the community room expecting one procedure and ended up with another. We all had to get used to it. By the second month, it began to show signs of weakness. The same group of people who were just so desperate to be the top of the list, were harassing me to draw their names first as I was the one who had volunteered to help out in the first place. I’ve stood my ground and given no favoritism. Clearly those who are greedy have not been too pleased with it or me. I just ignore them whenever they try to sweet talk me into drawing their number first.

Today though, was a very bold act of avarice and self-importance as I was drawing people’s names as they came out. Those who commonly harass me to draw their numbers first were right on cue. I had called a number out and had handed the slip of paper in so that there would be an accurate  count of who was there and who was not. Suddenly, behind me was someone totally different. Someone who had been bugging me since we had started at 1:04 PM. The four extra minutes was in fact, intentional.

The selfish party had claimed that the person’s name who had been called had given them permission to switch places but clearly they had not.

It was cruel act of selfishness as I understood that while I was handing in the slip of paper, the trading request took place. Yet the person who I had just called didn’t stand a chance in public in front of that many other residents to deny that request. Later I would find out that absolutely NO permission was given at all.

I do not understand the whole entire process of this. As hungry as we might be at this point in the month and eager to receive food items, to go through this is NOT a life or death struggle. Nobody here, including the complex staff will ever allow one of its residents to go hungry. Especially since so much food is being donated and brought in. Even if its something as simple as a few cans of green beans. They will not starve.

All I can honestly say about it all is DON’T MESS WITH THE ELDERLY! You may think they are quiet and frail and kind and sweet and loving. Some of them are. But to underestimate them is definitely foolish.