Thriving With Positive Results

 

“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.”~ Joseph Campbell 

The other day I was commenting about how in my own personal life that I find it necessary to get out there into this big scary world to socialize with the plan and idea of networking with people.

For those people that I have made a connection with, they all have been wonderful. But one just never knows who is out there searching for the things that I have that I can offer. And thus the networking can begin.

Not to say that this idea is fool proof as I have fallen flat on my face time and time and time again. But I’ve at least had the strength inside to pick back up and from some miracle of mind, find the motivation to start over again… only this time having learned the lessons that had caused me to fail the first time, so that I may avoid those pitfalls.

The response back to my commentary was one of ideal surprise and shock. A positive way of thought that apparently did not seem plausible to them before. But here I am showing my strength and resilience to face the challenges one more time.

Their surprise gave way to my own. How in the world can this person be that blown over at what I feel is necessary to have a fulfilling social life? I do not think or believe that it is anything more than what others have to do. But there are some few exceptions. Those exceptions however are of no consequence to this post. I simply do what I gotta do day & night. And then repeat when I wake the following morning.

But here is the information that my colleague probably had not put inside of their equation which caused their shock and surprise and I’m going to attempt to make it the focus of this post.

We are all free to do what we want in life. The need or desire of life’s fulfillment varies from person to person. But the one factor that does not change is the fact that we are the ones who need to find out what makes us fulfilled. We need to find out what it is in our life that makes us the most happy. Once we find out what that is, we should all bear down on it like a horny vampire trying to suck out the poison from a rattlesnake bite.

We’re not going to find it on a shelf at our local market. We’re not going to receive it from other people. Instead, we can find that happiness that we so much desire by going out on our own and reaching for it. Its not going to be falling into our laps any time soon. And other people do not know exactly what it is that we truly seek and desire. It is through our own will alone that we set off to do or say whatever it is that we say or do in order to achieve that fulfillment. Whether its volunteering in some place or doing something for others without any expectation or simply getting outside of your comfort zone and talking to people.

Don’t let others be responsible for your path to happiness. Others will almost always cut you short of what you want/need.

Be strong. Be positive. And thrive in life through those actions.

Now go out there and be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Growth, Chapter I

That says it all right there in the image. I think I’ll leave the size of it as is, so that anyone who reads this has no mistake in understanding.

I swear though that I come up with something new each and every week that is either life changing or mind changing in the very least.

Allowing someone else to own the keys to happiness doesn’t create more happiness. It just forbids you to be happy when you want to be happy… and that only scratches the surface.

What a difference life has changed in the past 1,177 days.

The effort of being the “perfect friend” or at least the putting forth the effort to prove that I am the one true honest friend does come with personal limitations.

What I have learned in this growth is that those people who are willing to push you beyond your personal limitations, really are people who are just willing to use up your kindness, your time, your energy and focus on them and never on you.

In those one thousand plus days, I’ve stopped “wearing the tie” and in fact, I’ve thrown them all away. The lesson finally sank in that one does not have to sacrifice in making the effort of keeping a friendship alive. All I had received was numerous nights of lost sleep, frustration, and one sided conversations.

One question remains to be legitimate in any relationship: WHAT ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF IT BY BEING IN IT???

I found myself faced with that question only to find that the answer for me was: Nothing.

Or if it was “something” it was anything that would be deemed undesirable.

In many cases I had placed my happiness in the hands of others. Especially with those that I wanted to prove to be the one true honest friend. What was I getting out of it? Nothing. Or something I didn’t want.

Besides, in the almost 3 years and 3 months since … the list of people that I felt I needed to prove something fall into categories that I never thought would be possible.

#1- I no longer associate with them.
#2- Involvement in a one-sided relationship.
#3- Responsibility of my happiness was in the hands of others. And 99.9% of those people’s hands didn’t care in the end.

Anyone that I “wore the tie” for either is out of my social circles or no longer seeks me counsel, or ear as it were.

I know that this seems scattered, but allow it to sink in for a while. It will make sense.

The big question is WHAT DO YOU GET OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? 

IF you come up with nothing- then perhaps its time to end things.

I simply refuse to “attempt to be there for someone” who dares to take advantage of the situation. And nobody should be treated like that. As well as your happiness is your own. Don’t allow others to dictate it.

 

 

Life Moves With Or Without You

Tonight I am reminded by the film quote from “Shawshank Redemption” where Morgan Freeman’s character says “Get busy living or get busy dying.”

I know that the quote from Dr. Froth is far better, but I don’t remember where it was placed or what exactly he said word for word.

Nonetheless today on this quiet Good Friday evening, history was doomed to repeat itself to drive home the fact to me that life moves on whether I want it to or not.

People are getting married. People are getting divorced. People are even dying and leaving this life on Earth. And it has been feeling like I’ve been watching all of it happen through a window while munching on snacks, sitting back lazily as everything just keeps going!!!

Often I have been finding myself at a loss because the people that I watch grow up, and live on, are doing so without me. Or in the very least, with minimal influence or contact.

That’s not the best pill in the world to swallow. 

Guitarist for the band BEAUTIFUL DISTURBANCE, Auggie Del Ray, almost daily gives everyone a reminder about how we should take life by the neck and hang on until it comes down into submission and we can control our destinies again. He also has wonderful insight on other facets of life that causes me to want to pay attention as well. I’m begging and pleading for him to come out with his own personal blog.

But we’ve had control all along I think. Yet what have we been doing with that control? Are we taking our lives and doing what we want to do with it OR are we allowing others the control and watching our lives spin round and round and round without knowing where to get off the amusement ride of life??

My doomed attitude of life got a swift kick in the pants tonight. Especially after seeing certain people from life either becoming the tops of their perspective fields or watching them dust off and jump back on and rise to the top again.

I don’t have to live a life that I am not happy with. I can change my life to true happiness because life will go on with or without me and one day, I will spend my last day on this Earth. And what will I have to say about it or to show for it before the presence of others? 

If you are not happy with life, remember you are not a tree. You CAN move in any other direction that you want. And you can return to the path of happiness, wherever it may take you.

Be in charge in your life. Be in control of your destiny. If you do not like where it is going, then change course. And do not fear the change that comes with it. For you never know what rewards await you on the other side.

Understand though that life will not wait while you decide. If you wait for too long, it may be too late.

Don’t be tardy to the party, that is your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When Reality Strikes Again

“If you catch me saying ‘I am a serious actor,’ I beg you to slap me.”~ Johnny Depp  

I know that there is a ton of information that a person can find on the Internet if they looked up the phrase “See the forest through the trees” but there’s fewer people who honestly understands that phrase. And still even fewer people who are able to see their own forest through their own trees. 

I was fortunate recently to be able to take a step back outside of myself and look back at my life and all of who and what is in it. 

The results were stunning and shocking. I could not believe the kinds of people that are in my life. I couldn’t believe the kinds of people whom I was blindly calling “a friend”… much less the kinds of people that I was believing that I was close to, and I would tell them all of the time that I loved them. 

Amazing what you miss when you do not stop to actually take a look at your life.

When I turned around and saw what these people have been doing to me all along, and behind my back… I was crushed and my world had crumbled down all around me until I was surrounded by nothing but darkness and fire. 

And yes, I am about to do something about it. And yes, there are going to be people upset. But I would much rather have them upset and then take time to get over it and move on, rather than have ME suffer this needless pain and misery, just so others can be comfortable, happy, and feel like they are in charge. 

Time for Dambreaker to do and live for Dambreaker. And time for Dambreaker to do whatever makes Dambreaker happy. And if  I am happy, then those are the things I should do. And if YOU are one of the beloved people in my life that I have endlessly loved and adored, and you cannot handle that? I’ll show you the door. 

P.S.- Johnny Depp: Your quote for this blog post? I HAVE heard you say this about your career. I am coming for you!!! 

Change For Nobody But Yourself

“Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”~ Helen Keller

Today I was met up by someone that I had not seen in a very long time. It was a nice moment from the beginning as I began to wonder what had happened to them since we had departed from one another. And then suddenly, those thoughts had changed. I began to remember why it was that I had departed from them in the first place.

I have been saying all day, “Some things never change”. And it could’ve been really depressing if I would have dwelled upon it longer. But I had the strength to shrug it off and move on.

I think that I’ve had a hard time as of lately because I see things in people that they cannot see themselves. But that’s not to say that other people cannot see things in me that I cannot. Particular situations and events arise and I stop to think to myself, “Why in the world would you allow yourself to go through with that?”. Quite honestly though, it really isn’t my call. It is not up to me to say what a person can and cannot do. I just have to worry about myself in the long run. And whatever is the outcome of the decisions of others, is not for me to worry about as it is only they, who must deal with their own actions.

I had then thought, “Maybe it is I who needs change”. And at that point, the entire struggle within myself came to an end.

Nobody should change for any one else but themselves. Sure, we can sacrifice our own happiness for the happiness of others as they say, and to do that is the greatest form of love above all.

But it is only one small and certain area in our lives that we are “changing”. We’re not really doing a lot of changing. It is more adapting than anything. To change ourselves would mean a whole new and different person. And the way that we lived our lives before is totally gone.

We should always do whatever makes us happy, and yet in the same sentence it should also be said that we don’t need to step on other people’s toes in order to do whatever it is that makes us happy. If we’re stepping on toes and running people over, its just greed. So I think that I should really throw caution to the wind in saying that being selfish is not the same thing as being happy. We might think that what we are doing will make us happy, but in the ultimate end we only made ourselves miserable.

We are in control of our own lives. We make the choices to allow every individual into our lives. And we have the control to omit them as well, if they are certainly not making us happy. Which is what I had done so long ago and hadn’t seen or spoken to them until today. And I was reminded of that by one of my best friends today. If certain people are making you unhappy, let them go.

There’s just no plausible way to make the entire world approve of us. To try and do so would be in vain. But we, can decide if someone is making us happy that we would like them to remain a part of our lives. And discard and walk away from those people who do not.