Broken Wheelchair, Final Push

Before I dare to mention anything that went on during SXSW 2017, I must address the issue that my wheelchair broke and has rendered me essentially home bound until the situation is taken care of.

Sadly less than two years of having a brand new wheelchair paid for by insurances, the front wheel bit the dust and I went spilling onto the floor H.A.M.

For the past two days, I have been doing what I can to bring this to the attention of many people to help get a brand new wheelchair, as well as have the old one repaired.

I started a GoFundMe campaign and for the first two days has done extremely well. If you donated and you are reading this, THANK YOU from the bottom of my butt, because its bigger than my heart.

The goal is in sight now. It is so close to being reached. It is in the final push now.

If you can, donate. Donate & SHARE. With your help, we can tackle the last bit that is left… the part that will pay for fees and other expenses in addition to the cost of repairs and the cost of a new wheelchair. This time, it is personal!!!

Anything helps. Donate here.

Thank you.

Silent Angel Project

“I just want to say, good night, sweet prince, may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.”~ Harry Dean Stanton

I have not been asked to do this. I am not being forced to write about this either. I do this because I still have love in my heart.

But I wish to take this time to share with you something that was close enough to become personal.

For those of you who have been reading my blog for the last year or so will probably remember the blog post that I wrote when I had reunited with my beautiful friend that I had not seen since I was a child over breakfast.

She was the one that I called the Bear Queen. She still is, to me. I still respond to her with “yes your highness” and she could be rolling her eyes at me. But that’s who I am and that’s what it is.

She’s still around. I talk with her every once in a while…

For those of you who are unfamiliar, here’s that post:

https://dambreaker.wordpress.com/2013/02/09/reuniting-with-the-bear-queen/

This weekend will come again the annual breakfast but this time I will not be graced with wonderful presence of the Bear Queen. How her absence will be felt and missed.

But fate has other things in mind. Her best friend in the world just recently lost her 16 year old child. And so the Bear Queen has been that pillar of strength and love and compassion for her best friend.

The Bear Queen even has set up her best friend to give her a little help with everything that has been going on. A little help to relieve some of the burden put upon her by this tragic loss. I tend to agree whole-heartedly when I hear people say that parents should not have to bury their children.

And I wanted to share this opportunity to help her friend in her greatest time of need. She is so close to reaching the goal. I would love to see her get there and go beyond. So many people already have contributed their love but this truly is a project that I believe in because it IS so personal to me.

Take the time to look around. To read everything there is to know. And do what you feel is best.

So please consider. I’d much prefer someone helping in this time of need more than anything. Now would be that time, and this would be that way of helping.

And to those who do decide, Dambreaker PERSONALLY gives you thanks in advance.

http://www.gofundme.com/6qrihc

 

A Personal Kick In The Ass

As I strive to find something POSITIVE to end the evening on before retiring for bed. I stumbled across something that was said to me on my birthday.

I originally had intended on posting about this shortly after my birthday, but things got messed up.

Ironically enough this person has a personal image that one would not seem to have the ability to say. Or the desire for that matter!!

I personally think that its those people are the true treasures in life because once they say something so profound and it hits deep, you never really forget them.

Once we find them, what we do with these people is up to us.

But here I was discussing the fact that I don’t honestly have that many years left to live on this planet, due to the disability that I have. And the response that I received? Well… read for yourself:

“Don’t let numbers like that worry you. It is not the years you get but what you do with them. Live each day to the fullest and waste nothing. You have just a good a chance of dying in a bus accident on the way to a gig in Houston as you do from your condition. We are all guaranteed to die, but each of us must choose to live. You always do, and it is one of the qualities that I respect and admire the most in you. Your condition has always been your challenge…never your master.”

Thank you, Dr. Froth.

 

11 January 2014: Surprise Visitation To Six Minute Century

“You must spray that shit for da bitches, sir.”~ Dr. Froth

I know that back in October I mentioned that I would not be continuing my trips to Houston.

However, this time around the premise and purpose was no different but there circumstances were.

Back in December, Mrs. Froth put out a message for those who were going to be involved in the January 2014 show to help me out, financially. Members from both SIX MINUTE CENTURY and ECHO TEMPLE were kind enough and gracious to have donated all of the money needed to make sure that I had a successful journey to the show.

I cannot say thank you enough to the people who did donate!!!!!!!!!!!!

And as a matter of fact, I ended up with a little MORE than what was originally designated based on their generosity. So I came home with MORE money than what I had coming. So humbled.

Off I went again on the bus to the great wonders of Houston, Texas.

It probably wouldn’t have been nothing but just another show, but Mrs. Froth had given birth to a son a few days later and this was going to be my chance to see the baby first hand. There was nothing that was going to get in my way.

Its weird that with the bus, that I can delay the bus driver to get me properly secure inside and that will take ten minutes out of his time from handling other passengers. End up anywhere between fifteen and twenty minutes late departing, and still some how make up time.

Going TO Houston, fifteen minutes behind. Arrive ten minutes early.

Leaving FROM Houston, twenty minutes behind. Arrive only ten minutes behind.

Thankfully for this blog post, I don’t have anything CRAZY to report. No staring strangers, no dead cats in luggage, no bratty children…. nothing at all. Just a peaceful to and from in which somehow I fell asleep and screwed up the back of my neck. Yipppppppppeeeeee!!!

Dr. Froth and his newborn son, Merlin. At the hospital.

When I arrived though, I got swept up by Dr. Froth, got fed, and then off to the House of Froth to meet the newest addition.

I was there for a few diaper changes. I was there for a few feedings, a few belches.. which surprised me a little bit. They were bigger than I expected.

“Baby Froth” is a sight to behold. That is for sure.

I got to hang out for a while and listen to Dr. Froth play around on his bass as he got ready for the show.

Then he realized that this was about to be his son’s first ever experience listening to music, and listening to his father play music.

A few jokes about him not sucking were passed around and Dr. Froth took that NSStick and TORE-IT-UP!!!

One thing that I will never forget was Mrs. Froth singing “Under The Moonlight” to her son as her husband dwindled away at the NSStick to an album recording of the song.

It was one of the most precious parent/child moments I had ever witnessed.

Also…. did anyone else know that Dr. Froth was a man of many huge talents?? He cooked up some walnut chicken and we all had a good time with it. Dr. Froth really is an extraordinary cook as well as a well-talented musician.

I’m blown away!!

But all good things had to come to an end, before the next good thing was allowed to happen. It was upsetting for me internally as Mrs. Froth would not be joining us at the show.

My first SIX MINUTE CENTURY show without my +1 of many, many years! Very strange!!

I was greeted by members of ECHO TEMPLE who were already there. It was like a meeting of the brotherhood. At least that is what I personally call the members of ECHO TEMPLE… my brotherhood, my brothers. And bountiful and moist conversations took place before the music got started.

It was there that I would actually be greeted by and then introduced to the original bass player of SIX MINUTE CENTURY, John Sample, aka Sampy. I had never met him. By the time I got to see the band in person, he had already left and Dr. Froth was in his place.

A really nice and gentle guy. He’s the kind of bass player that plays with a unique style that he bends over at the waist and lets his bass guitar drop to around his ankles and sits there and plays. He was part of MYSTIC CROSS, the headlining band.

Then I saw the succubus. If you go back to about August 2013 with Dr. Froth’s last birthday extravaganza post… there’s a little something there to it. But again, its not worth complaining about.

But with all the women that I have ever had trouble with, that I had met in Houston during a show…. she was not someone that I thought I would ever see last night.

I was kind of hanging out near the bar where the restrooms were and she had to get by to go to the ladies’ room. But coming out was a different story as the crowd shifted around and she couldn’t go back the way she came. She had no other choice but to walk right by me.

Let me just say that my peripheral vision kicks ass. I knew the moment she walked out of the bathroom and I knew the moment that she found that she could not “avoid” me on her way back from the bathroom.

So she touched my shoulder, said something while VICIOUS CYCLE was playing, but I can’t hear crap in there. So she asked another question that I understood.

She asked if I had gotten into town yesterday and I acknowledged that was fact. Then she said that it was great to see me again and she walked away. I never bothered with her again. Even though I had thoughts of trying to take a photograph with her. But why bother? ON WITH THE SHOW!!!!

VICIOUS CYCLE got up there and played first. And it sounded really good. I didn’t know them from before. I’ll have to keep a closer eye on them.

Don LaFon

SIX MINUTE CENTURY took on second and so many people were having a great time. But again, I was entirely disappointed with the numbers that were in attendance. There had to be less than 60 people at the peak. What the hell has happened in Houston and what is going on with music fans? I understand most of them got sick, and even Mrs. Froth was honestly in no condition with a new baby… but what are the excuses for the rest of them? I don’t freakin’ get it!!

Those who were there, were celebrating guitarist Don LaFon’s birthday. I too, have a birthday this month but SIX MINUTE CENTURY removed my favorite song of theirs of all time from their rotation. So no more birthday dedications at the January show. Damn….

At least now I know who was responsible for that. Ironically enough, I’m not mad…?

Lead Singer Chuck Williams didn’t even mess with LaFon as much as he usually does about how OLD of a man LaFon really is. And I keep forgetting the cantaloupe to hurl at the request of Frothtonomy and its followers. I think though that was a 2012 request. It may be void and no good any more.

I’ll have to check with Dr. Froth.

MYSTIC CROSS got on stage and it was sooooooooo fucking loud that it even pushed me outside into the back, out on to the patio… where it was a nasty 42°F/5°C at that time of night. Well, even though it is winter, this is still TEXAS! That’s not supposed to happen until next month some time where it will get nasty and bitter cold.

Dr. Froth then came running out and decided that he was going to pass out cigars like the old tradition after having a baby. He gave me one of his very select collection of very few. I was honored. A group of us stood there outside puffing away like dragons and even fewer of us knew what the hell we were doing.

I  think for many of them, it was their first cigar. And others their first tobacco experience EVER. I kept the tube in which it came in and put it away, this will be a souvenir to keep until the end of days. My first ever “Baby Cigar.” 

And still since the music was so loud we could enjoy the sounds of MYSTIC CROSS, which is another band that Don LaFon plays in.

Then when the cigar silliness was over, ECHO TEMPLE took the stage and I hugged the stage like a mad man. The same as I would always do for SIX MINUTE CENTURY. A monitor in my face and a filler at my chest… beating away.

And I’m not deaf yet?

As I was enjoying ECHO TEMPLE, Chuck Williams came by and hugged me. He slurred his “I love you man.” for whatever reason. I guess he was thinking about it too hard and he panicked. Oh well. The poor guy had teeth pulled less than a week before and he admitted this afternoon that he was in pain at the end.

I then was told that Mrs. Froth was having a difficult time at home with the baby, and Dr. Froth handed off the duty of getting me safely back to the hotel to Don LaFon… but I freaked out because — its his birthday show– hadn’t he been drinking?

A few minutes later I realized that my luggage bag was in Dr. Froth’s vehicle so I sent a text message to him expressing my concern. No response came.

It worked out though because Dr. Froth had forgotten some equipment that was still on stage and so he waited to get it all at the end of the night and THEN he brought me back to the hotel.

The biggest surprise (for me) was that the drummer of MYSTIC CROSS would come up to me during the ECHO TEMPLE set and try to talk to me while music was going on. I couldn’t hear. So he left and a few minutes later, he gave me the printed out set list of MYSTIC CROSS.

Drummer Austin Gartman was totally adoring me and I couldn’t figure out why. It was then that I found out that Don LaFon was at it again, adulating me to anyone who would listen to explain that “the guy in the wheelchair is SIX MINUTE CENTURY’S #1 FAN EVER!” and that he takes the bus every time to come to a show.

Yep, he had done it again and this time it caught the attention of Austin Gartman. It blew his mind! So then he swiped the set list away from my hands and grabbed a Sharpie and made everyone in MYSTIC CROSS  autograph it.

Now keep in mind, Don LaFon has autographed many things for me personally as many things. Mainly SIX MINUTE CENTURY, but he is probably getting used to it all by now.

Austin Gartman gave me many bro hugs and nearly he cried. I saw this with my own eyes. And he thanked me profusely for my dedication.

Now with Mrs. Froth gone, there was an option of going out to eat without her OR Dr. Froth would just drop me off. But since things were getting a little hairy at home with the newborn… I was dropped off at the hotel.

But its a trade-off and I understand it. I can either stay out a few more hours and then have to stay awake long enough to go get on the bus to come back OR I can leave and go back to the hotel earlier and attempt a few hours of sleep before having to get up and get on the bus to come back.

I didn’t mind taking sleep. Trust me on that!

I laid there in bed with my eyes probably sore from being red and I thought about all the wonderful things that everyone had done to get me to that show. All the love, all the financial assistance, all the support. I literally wept in the darkness until I fell asleep.

I took in four hours of sleep. Not bad, considering that the last couple of times I’ve had less than an hour while still in Houston. Its a little easier to get motivated to go when you have a little sleep.

It is abundantly clear though. I still will not be using my own money to make these kinds of trips to Houston. If anyone wants me there, they can pitch in. They’ve done it before. Last night was not the first time this has happened this way.

However, if there is any hope or idea or belief that there will be “more” after the show, then I am simply going to have to take in two nights in Houston. That first night will be the night of the show, and then take that night to sleep. The following morning I can do whatever. Watch television in HD or anything else and then go to bed early that second evening and then get up in the morning the second morning and return.

When I returned, my brain just wasn’t working well. So I’m going to need more sleep.

All in all, I totally enjoyed the trip. Glad that I didn’t have to deal with any stupids with the bus too! Meeting with old and making new friends. And enjoying music. How can you beat that???

 

 

Kindness

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.”~ Princess Diana

Kindness. It seems like such a simple thing. It seems like one of the easiest things to manage. One of the most simplest of things to accept.

And yet I saw the struggles within a grown man as he attempted to give a little cheer to someone who was hurting. Someone who honestly wasn’t in dire “need” of anything, but the man wanted to give to that person some compassion, some love, and something to smile about.

Instead, I overheard a length combative conversation that even made me cringe to the very core of my soul.

Kindness and compassion. Love and generosity. These things shouldn’t be as hard as this. I realize that everyone is different and they react to things differently.

Some don’t know love and kindness and compassion. You just never know whom you may stumble across that you are being kind to, and they honestly react in a way that you were not expecting. Simply because they do not know honestly HOW to react. Others are experiencing what you and I might call pride.

But no matter what it is, it is hard to understand how or why people are not willing to open up to kindness. People don’t accept compassion and love and generosity. Because mainly, they always think in the back of their minds that you are wanting something from them in return.

Your intentions are clear. And so is your motive. But their brain fog is unfortunately not.

In this new year of 2014, I solely intend on showing more love and compassion. No, this isn’t a resolution. This is not some lofty goal where I expect a wheel of cheese at the end of each day if I am successful, and then I can have two desserts.

Hopefully nothing will kill the kindness. And that people will open their minds and hearts.

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!

DFW Sled Hockey Has Equipment Stolen

“Rape, mutilation, abuse, and theft are the natural outcome of a world in which force rules, in which human beings are objects.”~ Chris Hedges

Recently, it has been in the news about how the sled hockey team located in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area had equipment stolen from them.

http://dfw.cbslocal.com/video/9359854-equipment-stolen-from-dfw-sled-hockey-team/

It becomes more and more surprising for me that there are more people in this world who are so low that they have to engage in criminal activities such as these.

And now all the extra equipment for the Dallas team is gone and they have to rebuild.

I decided personally as a member of a sledge hockey team, as well as being part of the Texas Sled Hockey League, that I would put this out there to everyone in the world to read about. Hopefully with your kindness that is within your heart, you will be able to help DFW Sled Hockey get back to where they used to be.

Send your donations to the address below:

SWAA
Attn: Sled Hockey Equipment
PO Box 1389
Hurst, TX76053

Excited For A New Day

“In this business, life is one long fund-raising effort. “~Alvin Ailey 

Happy to say that now since the Independence Day holiday is over, that reminds me of two very special and important things that are about to happen.

One, would be the approaching Halloween season, and I have to keep reminding myself that its coming and if I ever wanted to have my dreams come true of working at the House Of Torment, I better get my game face on.

But then “game face” reminds me of the OTHER special and important thing that is soon to happen. And that is the 2012-13 season of sledge hockey!!

Needless to say that our team is still beaming with tons of pride over the fact that we claimed third place in our first ever tournament. Yes, its still being talked about. And we have every stinkin’ right to do so and be very proud of our accomplishments.

And we now are looking forward to perhaps doing it again in the upcoming season. However, it will not be as easy for us as there is talk about it being in Pennsylvania in 2013. Philadelphia, maybe????????????

I know that the StarSkaters program in Houston is considering going. They are fully aware that they must get out there and do whatever they can to fundraise.

This actually is the time now to do fundraising for sledge hockey. At least for MY team. We lost our ice rink at the end of 2011 and we never got back on the ice to practice in our hometown. Each time we got on the ice after the closing of the rink, we had gone out of town.

So there’s the need to raise money for ice time. There’s one ice rink left in town and that’s just flooded with so many different other programs that it feels like we’re being squeezed out of it. Unless we wanna practice in the middle of the night, during the middle of the week. We had become used to our practices on Sundays.

There had been rumors of a brand new ice rink being built. But there was no clear evidence of it. Just a hole that was dug in the ground. Okay, now what? There’s still no rink.

But recently I was told that it was actually going to happen. A new rink was being built and they are expected to be open for business at the beginning of this upcoming season.

Can I get a “AMEN” anyone?

But with the good came the confusing and the potentially bad. The 501(c)3 that our team was beneath the umbrella of no longer exists. And that could possibly be a problem.

I need to find out just what is going on. We could be still under the protection of a 501(c)3 that I am not aware of.

With the financial support of other people that I am connected with, they have said in the past that the sledge hockey team needed to have their OWN non-profit going on. Suddenly I am aware that if this is true and that we are not a part of any, then we could start.

And that’s all fairly technical. I know. The team still goes on with the memories of our first tournament and the burning desire to go to Pennsylvania soon.

I spoke with the leaders of the Houston program. I asked what the magic number was.

$30,000.

They are trying to do their best with a budget without really knowing exactly when and where the tournament will take place. The idea is that with travel and lodging and everything else in between, it might cost around $2,000-3,000 per player. And Houston is wanting TEN solid players to go.

I am guessing that $30,000 is a conservative figure. It really could be a lot more. I am not sure.

So I’m set and ready to go for this new season. And I am in FULL funding mode!

I am open to any and all ideas of how this goal could be achieved. Because I do believe that it is possible. Even though it is a lot.

Both hockey programs, here and in Houston, ARE non-profit.

Any little idea that anyone can think of, please let me know in the comments. We need to get a good start at this before we attempt to hit the ice. Anything and everything is appreciated!!!!!

 

 

 

Using A Daily Oxygen Mask

Lead the life that will make you kindly and friendly to everyone about you, and you will be surprised what a happy life you will lead~ Charles M. Schwab 

If you have ever flown on an airplane before, you know how they always seem to take their time going through all of the safety procedures.

But some people actually fail to either hear or understand why they instruct you to place the oxygen mask upon yourself before administering one to a child or someone who is needing someone else to do it for them.

I’ve spoken to plenty of parents who get frustrated and downright angry and they say, “I’ll put it on my child before I will put it on myself. I’ll let myself die from lack of oxygen before I let my child die!”.

Well, that does seem noble. And even though I am not a parent myself, I can understand why they would want to help and protect their child.

There is a reason why they say to give yourself the oxygen mask before trying to help someone else. Because if there comes a situation where neither one of you can breathe… then how can you help your child? YOU need to be able to breathe first, otherwise you become useless in helping that child.

Now, I’m not trying to cheese off anyone but if you stop and think about it… it is all true. You need to help yourself before you can help others.

The same application can be used in daily life. If it seems to be hitting the fan and you want to help others, you need to make sure that you are okay and able to handle whatever situation it is that causes you the desire or need to help someone else.

It becomes wise to make sure that you have the strength and fortitude to help someone, if that is what you are wanting to do. If you are not happy, how in the world can you possibly cause someone else to be happy?

Because of our imperfect nature, we all have problems, faults, issues, and what not. And I could be the first person to tell you that it is a great feeling knowing that you have the ability to be able to help others in their times of crisis. I’ve written about it so many times before in previous blog posts about how good of a job I can help others by simply listening. So many that it could seem like to the reader that I am boasting and/or bragging.

However, how can I personally expect to be helpful to someone else if I am not happy?

Ladies & gentlemen, readers and subscribers… lately, I haven’t been happy. And I’ve almost come to the point where I have shut myself off to those who are so used to me just simply being there and offering a salutation or sentiment for the sake of getting them to either laugh or smile. I do feel bad about not being there, but I would would have to put on the oxygen mask of life upon myself before I can help anyone else.

My younger brother and his family are coming soon here from Europe to be with my sister and her family. And I personally am getting excited to see them again. From that point, myself and my brother and sister and their families will leave out of town for about a week. And then when my brother and his family leave to go visit my parents, I will be leaving my own way to go to Houston that weekend to see SIX MINUTE CENTURY perform.

It is my intention that at the time I am gone away from home, that I will be doing a lot of self-reflection on all of the issues that have been causing me to be unhappy. And I will also take that time to figure out what I am going to do about it so that I am once again a happier person.

I will be with family, and I believe that to be a good thing. Even if things get rough with them (because we all sometimes have problems with family), I am even more thrilled to know that I will be able to hang out with people who have always caused my worries to disappear, even for a little while. It will most likely be so good to hang out with Dr. Froth and his wife again, among the rest of the band for one night and those in the band’s circle. Looking back at each time I have done so, I can honestly say that during those times I have never had a care in the world. And I was able to just calm down and enjoy myself. The worries of the world will just have to wait until I get home.

And so that is my personal relation to the content of this blog. I know that soon I will be able to have the time to fix what is wrong and begin to do better of what is right. And after that, I can be available for those who have used my shoulder to cry on before so that they could do it again- if necessary.

Remember, helping others is always a good thing. Being able to fix yourself before you can fix the problems of the world must come first because if you don’t, your efforts will become futile.

 

 

Kindness Comes With A Price

“But men are so full of greed today, they’ll sell anything for a little piece of money. “~ Little Richard

 

I was going to start this blog by saying, “I am speechless.” but then again that wouldn’t make sense because then I wouldn’t have the words to say to write. I’m nutty like that.

 

Somehow or another, I am absolutely struck senseless to the point that my mind is blown about how people’s greedy nature can strike so effortlessly.

 

I’ll provide a few experiences that I have recently gone through as examples.

 

My friends and neighbors are more than willing to bend over backwards to help me out whenever I am in need. But lately it seems that their kindness and generosity to help me is now coming with a price.

 

Now I should probably point out right now that I do understand that “nothing is for free” in this world. Even though they are willing to help, it is coming at some kind of cost or sacrifice. Commonly though, it is the use of their vehicle and that would mean the use of gasoline.

 

So it would make sense that I would pay them back for the gasoline that they had to use in order to help me in the way that I had requested. Sometimes I can, sometimes I cannot reimburse them monetarily. So when those times come that I cannot, I do my best to give back in some way that is above and beyond the cost of their used gasoline. Like, taking them out to eat and paying for their meal.

 

Let me get back to my original point. There are some times when they have called me or come and told me that they were going to the store or going out to eat or whatever and they ask me if whether or not I want to go along.

 

Almost immediately, the question comes to mind “Who’s paying for it?”. As I would come to learn, each time that they decide to go out to eat that I am responsible for my own meal. And that is fine. There are those kinds of people in the past that have asked me if I wanted to go out to eat, and they would pay for it. After all, they did ask me if I wanted to go out.

 

So then we go out to eat. We enjoy our meal and the time together and everything and then we return home. Then… greed hits!!

 

After departing ways once we are home, I hear behind me: “ARE YOU GONNA PAY US FOR GAS?!??”.

 

Umm… what?? Seriously?

 

YOU asked ME if I wanted to go out. I didn’t ask you for a favor to take me out. You thought that it would be nice if I joined you… now you want me to pay for gas? Don’t you think that should have been discussed in your proposal prior to our activity??

 

I am left to wonder. Whatever happened to kindness and friendship and doing things together because you want to and not to worry about “being paid back” for anything?

 

Do people still do this anymore?

 

Another person just recently has been coming by to visit and they ask if they can have something to drink. As I try to be a gracious host, I offer them whatever it is that I have and not think about whether or not they are going to pay to replace it.

 

So then I turn around and have been doing the same thing. But then someone else comes up and says, “You gonna pay him back for what you took?”.

'no dough, no blow, baby!'

 

Again, I am left with only to ask “What the heck are you talking about? If you wanna get nasty about it. HE is the one that owes me. So we’re trading the favors.” And to be accosted by someone who isn’t even involved in the bartering is even more ridiculous… and quite frankly, intrusive.

 

Why don’t you let him decide and mind your own business!!!

 

Maybe its the kinds of people I am dealing with that I go through these kinds of experiences. Perhaps I should find some other people to hang out with. Someone who is willing to give you a little bit of money if you are needing it, and then won’t be breathing down your neck six minutes later about when you are going to pay them back.

 

This is a huge reason as to why I don’t like asking people to lend me money. I understand that it is a loan, and that I will have to pay them back. But those who get so uptight about when they will be paid back… it just drives me insane.

 

I’ve gotten to the point when someone is offering to pay for me something, I tell them right then and there that I probably won’t be able to pay them back, so if they are looking for reimbursement, they probably shouldn’t pay for whatever it is that they are saying they will pay for.

 

If I am able to pay them back, that’s a different story.

 

People in general who come with a price often are the real greedy ones. And it is probably a good idea to stay away from them if at all possible.

 

It just rattles my cage and bugs me to death that people actually have the depth to be that greedy.

 

 

 

Suicide

“Is there no resolution?
Vulture’s perched, ready to feed
Chalk lines left to erase
Toe tags for the deceased
Oh Lord PLEASE, send a savior”~ ‘Just Remains’ by SIX MINUTE CENTURY

Suicide Facts

• Suicide takes the lives of nearly 30,000 Americans every year.Many who attempt suicide never seek professional care.There are twice as many deaths due to suicide than HIV/AIDS.Between 1952 and 1995, suicide in young adults nearly tripled.

  Over half of all suicides occur in adult men, ages 25-65.

  In the month prior to their suicide, 75% of elderly persons had visited a physician.

  Suicide rates in the United States are highest in the spring.

  Over half of all suicides are completed with a firearm.

  For young people 15-24 years old, suicide is the third leading cause of death.

  Suicide rates among the elderly are highest for those who are divorced or widowed.

  80% of people that seek treatment for depression are treated successfully.

  15% of those who are clinically depressed die by suicide.

  There are an estimated 8 to 25 attempted suicides to 1 completion.

  The highest suicide rate is among men over 85 years old: 65 per 100,000 persons.

  1 in 65,000 children ages 10 to 14 commit suicide each year.

  Substance abuse is a risk factor for suicide.

  The strongest risk factor for suicide is depression.

  By 2010, depression will be the #1 disability in the world.

• In 2004, 32,439 people died by suicide.
• Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. (homicide is 15th).
• Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-old Americans.
• It is estimated that there are at least 4.5 million survivors in this country.
• An average of one person dies by suicide every 16.2 minutes.
• There are four male suicides for every female suicide.

Research has shown medications and therapy to be effective suicide prevention.

Suicide can be prevented through education and public awareness.

Last year SAVE educated 10,618 youth & parents on depression and suicide prevention.

Last year SAVE received 810 requests for information from 72 countries.

In 2004 it is estimated there were 811,000 suicide attempts in the US.

• There are three female suicide attempts for each male attempt.
• According to the Violent Death Reporting System, in 2004 73% of suicides also tested positive for at least one substance (alcohol, cocaine, heroin or marijuana).

Symptoms and Danger Signs

Warning Signs of Suicide

• Ideation (thinking, talking or wishing about suicide)
• Substance use or abuse (increased use or change in substance)
• Puposelessness (no sense of purpose or belonging)
• Anger
• Trapped (feeling like there is no way out)
• Hopelessness (there is nothing to live for, no hope or optimism)
• Withdrawal (from family, friends, work, school, activities, hobbies)
• Anxiety (restlessness, irritability, agitation)
• Recklessness (high risk-taking behavior)
• Mood disturbance (dramatic changes in mood)
• Additional Warning Signs of Suicide
• Talking about suicide.
• Looking for ways to die (internet searches for how to commit suicide, looking for guns, pills, etc.)
• Statements about hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness.
• Preoccupation with death.
• Suddenly happier, calmer.
• Loss of interest in things one cares about.
• Visiting or calling people one cares about.
• Making arrangements; setting one’s affairs in order.
• Giving things away, such as prized possessions.
• A suicidal person urgently needs to see a doctor or mental health professional.

In an emergency, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK

Common Misconceptions

The following are common misconceptions about suicide:

“People who talk about suicide won’t really do it.”

Not True. Almost everyone who commits or attempts suicide has given some clue or warning. Do not ignore suicide threats. Statements like “you’ll be sorry when I’m dead,” “I can’t see any way out,” — no matter how casually or jokingly said, may indicate serious suicidal feelings.

“Anyone who tries to kill him/herself must be crazy.”

Not True. Most suicidal people are not psychotic or insane. They may be upset, grief-stricken, depressed or despairing, but extreme distress and emotional pain are always signs of mental illness and are not signs of psychosis.

“If a person is determined to kill him/herself, nothing is going to stop him/her.”

Not True. Even the most severely depressed person has mixed feelings about death, and most waver until the very last moment between wanting to live and wanting to die. Most suicidal people do not want to die; they want the pain to stop. The impulse to end it all, however overpowering, does not last forever.

“People who commit suicide are people who were unwilling to seek help.”

Not True. Studies of suicide victims have shown that more then half had sought medical help within six month before their deaths and a majority had seen a medical professional within 1 month of their death.

“Talking about suicide may give someone the idea.”

Not True. You don’t give a suicidal person morbid ideas by talking about suicide. The opposite is true — bringing up the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Suicidal Thoughts: What to Do

If you have thoughts of suicide, these options are available to you:

• Dial: 911
• Dial: 1-800-273-TALK
• Check yourself into the emergency room.
• Tell someone who can help you find help immediately.
• Stay away from things that might hurt you.
• Most people can be treated with a combination of antidepressant medication and psychotherapy

If You See the Warning Signs of Suicide…

Begin a dialogue by asking questions.

Suicidal thoughts are common with depressive illnesses and your willingness to talk about it in a non-judgmental, non-confrontational way can be the help a person needs to seeking professional help. Questions okay to ask:

“Do you ever feel so badly that you think about suicide?”

“Do you have a plan to commit suicide or take your life?”

“Have you thought about when you would do it (today, tomorrow, next week)?”

“Have you thought about what method you would use?”

Asking these questions will help you to determine if your friend or family members is in immediate danger, and get help if needed. A suicidal person should see a doctor or mental health professional immediately. Calling 911 or going to a hospital emergency room are also good options to prevent a tragic suicide attempt or death. Calling the National Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK is also a resource for you or the person you care about for help. Remember, always take thoughts of or plans for suicide seriously.

Never keep a plan for suicide a secret. Don’t worry about risking a friendship if you truly feel a life is in danger. You have bigger things to worry about-someone’s life might be in danger! It is better to lose a relationship from violating a confidence than it is to go to a funeral. And most of the time they will come back and thank you for saving their life.

Don’t try to minimize problems or shame a person into changing their mind. Your opinion of a person’s situation is irrelevant. Trying to convince a person suffering with a mental illness that it’s not that bad, or that they have everything to live for may only increase their feelings of guilt and hopelessness. Reassure them that help is available, that depression is treatable, and that suicidal feelings are temporary. Life can get better!

If you feel the person isn’t in immediate danger, acknowledge the pain as legitimate and offer to work together to get help. Make sure you follow through. This is one instance where you must be tenacious in your follow-up. Help find a doctor or a mental health professional, participate in making the first phone call, or go along to the first appointment. If you’re in a position to help, don’t assume that your persistence is unwanted or intrusive. Risking your feelings to help save a life is a risk worth taking.

Author’s Note:

Never in a million lifetimes would I thought that I would be covering this subject. No, I am not suicidal. But this subject as directly and indirectly affected my life. Suicide IS PREVENTABLE!! And I believe that if anyone is talking about it, that it should be taken seriously, even if the person says, “I’m just joking.” Death and killing oneself is not a joking matter.

If you know of someone who has suicidal thoughts, or you are having suicidal thoughts, PLEASE call 1-800-273-TALK, or 911. Because you never know what wonderful things may come your way the next day if you deliberately end your life tonight. Whatever is causing you this much pain, can be dealt with. And that pain is temporary. Seek help.

If someone is threatening suicide, PLEASE call 1-800-273-TALK, or 911. Even at the risk of embarrassing yourself or damaging your relationship with that person. It is far better for them to seek the treatment that they potentially may need rather than you save your thoughts because you don’t want to be embarrassed.