Condom Conundrum

“Taylor Swift seems to be the type of chick that would poke a hole in a condom.” ~ Unknown

So I’m sitting here this evening catching up with one of my best friends over the telephone. And she knew that my demeanor over the past week has been sour.

She tells me that she is house sitting over at her parents house. And we talk for a while. Not as long as we would normally, but long enough.

So she proceeds to tell me this story that she had receive a “shit ton” of condoms and other prophylactics that is stored in a bathroom drawer that she used when she was living at home.

But the thing is that she also had stored in the home of her parents, a vibrator and a bunch of the morning after pills.

As she came back home to house sit, she saw that the condoms were gone. Disappeared!! It had been evident to her that her mother came into that bathroom and just cleaned out everything.

So I don’t even wanna know WHY she has a “shit ton” of condoms and a vibrator and the morning after pills stashed at her parents house. And I don’t wanna know where she got them all from. But I will say that she’s quite horny.

Meanwhile I am on the other side of the telephone conversation dying with laughter and on the brink of pissing in my pants.

The vibrator and the pills were removed, but the condoms were left behind believing that she would smuggle those out of the house at a later time. But they were gone.

And I am sitting there laughing until I cannot breathe because that had to be so frightening to know that your parents took away your safe sex items from you.

Thankfully the condoms were not removed. Otherwise this could have happened.

My own climax from the laughter came when she admitted that she found the condoms neatly stacked  and organized in another part of the bathroom. They were not confiscated, just relocated.

So we sat there trying to imagine what it would have been like for her mother to find the pills and the vibrator. Its just too damned funny.

What kind of reaction would ANY parent have to find such things in their home that was set aside by their children? Especially condoms?????

What would YOUR reaction be if this was happening with YOUR CHILDREN???? I am sure that we all would have different reactions.

The tale of the missing condoms was just too great for me to deny. Yeah, I was in a shitty mood earlier. But now I’m sweating profusely and trying to gasp for air for laughing so hard.

And I’ve probably yet again alerted the neighbors that I found something to be hilarious.

I truly and honestly have one helluva group of friends. And I love them all to death and they know it.

But the missing condoms story was too funny.

 

Don’t Tell Anyone!

“Nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret.”~ Jean De La Fontaine

Whenever I am talking with someone, and the topic begins with “Don’t tell anyone I said this..”, or “You didn’t hear this from me”, it immediately sends up red flags.

There seems to be a lot of that floating around in this day and age. Everything seems to be a big secret.  And I am not 100% sure why that is or why it has to be.

These kinds of phrases seemed to be echoed over and over again, especially where I live. I find myself thrusted into the streets of “Peyton Place”, rather than having a decent conversation with another human being.

Through my experiences, it is not so much that the subject matter is a secret but rather it is the beginning of a conversation turning into gossip. And for those people who are trying to initiate the gossip only use those kinds of words and phrases to cover their own butts, so it doesn’t seem like they are such a bad person for beginning to gossip in the firs place.

These words trigger my defenses so quickly that it has become more or less, an automatic response. I KNOW that whatever is about to follow is either not true, partially true, or simply unnecessary to be discussed.

Yet society does have its own secrets. I tend to believe that a lot of things that I am told “in secrecy”, is only a test to see if I have the capability to keep my mouth shut. So when I hear about someone not quitting their job, or someone just found she was pregnant, or something like that, then it becomes a test of whether or not I can keep this information to myself.

The joke is on them though. Not everyone on this planet knows how to separate secrets from gossip. Mainly because they LOVE to gossip themselves. So then whenever I am tol something in secrecy like this, and the words get out anyway… there’s no way that it can be pinned on me. Try as they might.

Trust me, with the fact that a majority of my neighbors are of the elderly class… all they have time for any more, is gossip and talk. I get to hear everyone’s dirty little secrets. The interesting fact is that I get to hear these kinds of stories over and over again because they believe I am the innocent party and I have not been given such information that they feel it necessary that I should have it. But then turn around with their personal disclaimer of how it should not be repeated when the truth is that by the time you have told me, its been repeated to me four or five times by then.

Besides all of that, whatever happened to common sense? Where did it go that people absolutely MUST tell you NOT to repeat what they are telling you?? Its not in my job description for me to inform other neighbors, friends, or family members if your niece is in the hospital with a broken leg because she was stupid enough to jump off the roof of her house. If you want to share that with someone, then by all means YOU DO IT!

You shouldn’t have to pre-warn me not to repeat anything you’ve just told me.

Some information is meant to be shared. Other information is not. But don’t put me in that position where everything that comes out of your mouth has to be vaulted and sealed. Mainly because I am just going to believe that whatever you just said, probably isn’t all that true to begin with.

It makes sense to me that if you are talking to me in public, with people walking around that whatever it is you are telling me, just common talk. But if you and I are talking on a one-on-one situation, chances are that its personal conversation and I KNOW BETTER not to be spreading it around. And you won’t have me to blame when it does come out and you feel betrayed. You’ll just have to look to whomever else you told that held that same conversation with to see who it was that blabbed their tongues.

And they wonder why I don’t get out as much anymore?!?

Exes and Stalkers

Well, ain’t I something special? I guess you just figured out that now I have a few online stalkers. So far, its nothing that is violent. However, I will not allow it to get that far because I will not allow them to control the situation.

But they slipped up, if they’ve been wanting to keep their identity hidden. I now know #1- that they’ve been sort of tracking me online and #2- I know exactly who they are. Someone tattled on them.

All I can truly say is- it sucks to be them!!

Now, I know that some people have a lot of problems with stalkers. It really ruins their lives, particularly women. But this “news update” for a lack of a better term, just goes to show that its not just females, but males as well.

I do not know what these people truly want, but I can only guess. I just know who they are and where and how I know them. That is the whole point of it, to not let anyone know you are doing it.

I suppose they are looking for information that is specific. Thinking that they are keeping me within their guidelines. Their problem, is that I am not giving out enough information as they would like to have. And you know what? Tough shit!

The Internet isn’t the best model forum to be an open book. There are way too many crazy and dangerous people out there. So of course, whenever I have posted something somewhere, if I have posted about an event or something that I did, I have ALREADY DONE it. So yeah, I could mention that I am going to the local bakery that is three blocks away. And that moron of a stalker could follow me there. But they won’t find me because I’ve already been there and back.

Now I know of several people (generally women) who have had their fair share of dealing with these kinds of people. And my heart goes out to them, it really does. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to have a man trying to control their every move. Some of the time, its not even a case of it being online.. its personal and in your face.

Yet in MY situation, its online. I’m sure it could become personal if they wanted it to. They know where I am at. But I highly doubt that they have the brain capacity along with intelligence to want to spend the money to do it. I’ve recorded everything they’ve done in my direction, and I’ve also made a note of information from third parties. Once something happens that is illegal, it will be reported and I won’t back down.

The whole point of stalking is to make the victim feel small and helpless. These people are NOT going to win!

So to you out there: I SEE YOU TOO!!!

Speaking about not winnning. Not that long ago, I received an e-mail from my ex. This person, I just don’t get.

It was not personal, there was no note attached to it. It was just a simple forwarded message about something in particular that she knew that I would enjoy. Something that has been circulating in inboxes for months, even years now. I’ve seen the damned thing 10 times already. But now I get it from the ex. Obviously she’s used a different e-mail address to be able to send it because she clearly would realize that I would block her.

Nevermind all of that though for a moment. The question I have is: WHY BOTHER?

What’s the point of communicating when it is over? She doesn’t owe me anything and I do not owe her anything. What’s the point of corresponding with me like this?

It has been over since September of 2008. That is when I left her. So yeah, it boggles this poor little brain of mine as to why. Done is done.

And of course me attempting to reply back to tell her to go away isn’t going to help things. It only gives her that opportunity for a false hope that she can latch on to.

Anyone else have that problem? It all seems just a little bit redundant to me.