Posts Tagged ‘hilarious’

red-velvet-bundt-cake-andee-photography“All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.”~ George Harrison

The Blog Train rolls. Next stop: A little bit of humor before hitting the town of serious and confusion.

A few weeks ago, I went to the grocery store with many of my neighbors and was rolling around in the bakery.

Side story: If you know me, you know that I LOVE red velvet cake. I go crazy for it.

I even was going to have a red velvet groom’s cake way back when.

So as I was meandering, I saw red velvet cakes on display.

However, they were only bundt cakes. And not the full sized  cakes that I was used to seeing. I WANTED the full sized cake. I didn’t want a bundt cake.

The other thing that I noticed about it was the fact that there was only frosting on the top and nothing on the sides of the cake.

I sat there in awe of the missing frosting. I kept wondering what was going on. And why the heck would I pay almost $8.00 for this freakin’ thing when there’s only cake on the top??

Maybe that’s how bundt cakes work. I don’t know. I just know that I wasn’t happy with being ripped off of that creamy and sugary deliciousness.

As I began to fall into a daze, a bakery employee came up to me and asked if I needed any assistance.

I picked up the cake and asked them to double check the price. And they said that it was the real price.

I snarled to myself. What a robbery!!! And you haven’t even finished with the frosting!!!! redvelvet

I curled up to them nice and close and pointed to the empty center of the cake as is a bundt.

I asked them, “Where is the rest of the cake?” and what happened next was truly amazing.

Yes, I was being sarcastic but I was also being sincere at the same time as I wanted MORE cake.

They were confused. Until I made a nuisance of myself at poking at the cover of the cake at the center, telling them that the center of the cake was missing and the frosting was missing as well. Let me tell you that they were none too happy about the question and they couldn’t believe that I was being that serious about it.

I told them that I just couldn’t see myself paying that much for a cake that had a hole in it, because they baked it that way on purpose.

I was told to leave the bakery section of the grocery store and never to return. They were so upset about my question that they felt it to be a huge waste of time.

I mentioned this fact when it happened on Facebook. All I got was a bunch of perverted queries about baguettes. Shame on you all!!!

I do not think that I am asking for too much. Just put frosting all over the cake. NOT just the top. I don’t care if it is bundt or not. Spread that stuff, baby!!!!! Be a good Samaritan to those who want to purchase your delicious bakery items and give them their worth of money if you are going to insist on being a rapist of wallets and purses and bank accounts.

Give what the customer wants!! Hell, I had time. You probably could have baked a fresh cake and drowned it all in frosting. But no… you got offended.

Sad.

renard-II-2-mur-atelierNET

So I knew that when I got home, I had to write this down. You know, for prosperity. And the future generations of children to come.

On a last minute decision, I returned to SXSW and good ole Sixth Street to watch Beautiful Disturbance play again. Yeah I know that a few of you are tired of reading about it. But I say BUCK UP!!

This time it was at The Touché Bar.

Had some close encounters with both Auggie Del Ray and Brenda Flores as they were right in my face with high octane. And I STILL didn’t know what to do about it!! I even admitted to them out on the sidewalk that when Auggie is that close to me… I have no clue what to do.

Nonetheless I had a great time and they will be performing the next two nights. Unfortunately I will not be able to attend those nights.

I was feeling more comfortable about the bus route and whatever, I knew better of where and when I had to go in order to catch the bus home.

Unfortunately, I missed the very bus that I was needing to get home. There wasn’t another one coming. I had to get on another bus and hope to make a connection to some other buses that I knew more about.

Never in a million years would I say this, but when I got on that other bus, I had a seat buddy. A companion.

I sat next to Boba Fett. BobaFettMain2

That’s right. I sat right next to some guy dressed as the bounty hunter from the Star Wars saga. And he had a full on conversation with me. The only thing that he said out of character was “Is this the bus stop?” and those who could hear his voice from underneath the helmet just started cracking up.

But he sat on the bus with me and stayed in character. Asking my opinion about Ewoks and Wookies. He asked me if I too was a bounty hunter and if I had any good catches recently.

Then throughout the 30 minutes that I sat next to him, he kept saying that Jabba was going to kill him for being late. And that Lord Vader may use The Force to choke the life out of him for not calling ahead of time to tell them that he would be late.

I asked if by “Jabba” did he mean his wife and he should his head no. I asked by “Lord Vader” did he mean his wife and he hung his head low and then nodded yes. Then he took his gun and mimicked shooting himself in the head, signifying that he’s going to be dead when he arrives late.

It was the funniest thing that I had ever witnessed or experienced.

 

 

“All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.”~ George Harrison 

The story that I am about to tell here is 100% true. This is going to go down as the funniest moment in the month of July 2012 where I live.

On the last Wednesday of the month, we celebrate in a collective spirit all of those neighbors who celebrate a birthday in that particular month.

Luckily our glorious new social worker found a company or a business who actually will make a cake for us and then donate it to our monthly gathering of people.

This cake was chocolate, with a mint green color butter creme frosting.

But there was some left over.

This afternoon, it was set out for anyone to enjoy. I noticed it sitting there and I thought that I was going to grab a piece of this cake for someone. Obviously staff wasn’t wanting any leftovers and so it was, what I call “free range”. Any and every man for themselves!!

As I sat down with my piece of cake, I began to feel a little tired from out of nowhere. So I poured a cup of coffee. But by the time I had finished my cake and coffee and was ready to rinse out the cup in the kitchen, I did notice that there were at least three cut pieces of cake left.

I rolled on into the kitchen and rinsed out the coffee cup and put it away. Then I came back out.

One of the neighbors who was there in the community room already was standing by the cake box. I moved around her only to see both of her hands digging in. No fork, no serving knife– her very own hands!!

This woman was going in fist after fist of chocolate cake and literally taking “nom, nom, nom” to a whole new level.

The only thing that I could think of was the fact that there might not be a piece of cake left for me to take to someone else. So I asked her what in the world was she doing.

She backed up and smiled and laughed maniacally. When she turned and faced me, she literally had that mint green frosting and bits and crumbs of chocolate cake on all ten of her fingers. The frosting and cake was also spotted in a perfect ring around her mouth, that went up her nose and along one side of her face.

I then made the comment “You look like a seven year old celebrating a birthday!”, I was actually horrified.

Someone who was on the other side of the room shouted back “She IS celebrating a birthday this month!!”, and I wondered where that had come from.

Then she walked away and went into the women’s restroom. Frosting just oozing and dripping from her fingers and falling onto the floor. It left a nice messy trail.

I laughed for a bit, thinking that this was all silly. But I stopped laughing when I saw what she had done with the remaining three pieces of cake.

There was only left what looked like discarded frosting in clumps all along the bottom of the cake box. And one piece of cake that looked like it had been smashed and stepped on.

Given into account that this woman is in her mid to upper 60’s, I wondered if delirium had set in. A seven year old though would have done less damage similar to this. I probably should have said three.

I’ve yet to determine my feelings on this. I don’t know whether to be upset that she would do such a thing at her age OR just kind of laugh it off knowing that she is “getting up there” and what not. But I think either way, I’d be making an excuse.

I shared this story with someone else over the telephone earlier this evening and the laughed until they could no longer breathe and eventually that caused them to have to go get their portable oxygen tank and put it on so that they could restore their breathing.

Oops.

But for you dear followers, I had to share for you on this Friday for one heck of a laugh for yourself.

This place that I live in, is insane. And I’ll continue to write about the misadventures. Stay tuned.

 

This photograph was taken very recently at ComicCon at the San Diego Convention Center  in San Diego, California. It is a mixed bag of hilarious, shocking, humiliating and infuriating. But all of those are just different levels of WRONG. 

Although I must admit that I have never been to any of these kinds of conventions, so I honestly could not say whether or not to expect something like to this happen, that would be “the norm”.

I’m not sure what costume this woman is wearing that would correlate with the convention. Other than the fact that if you dress like that, you’re going to get attention. Both good and bad. And the thing of it is, is that this woman probably knew it before she even arrived at the Convention Center that “all eyes” would be on her.

But let’s continue to explore this photograph and discuss the WRONGNESS of it.

I do not understand is the presence of certain religious organizations at these kinds of events, and why they are so opposed to it. It would seem as if they are misplaced there to the degree that I honestly do not see the point of them being there at all. I do not know what they are so adamant for being there.

What is it that is going on at these conventions where people’s souls are in danger of being lost?

And for this lonely guy who is out there with his picket signs… Dude, you obviously got busted staring this woman down as she passed you by! What would your religious organization say about you eye humping women like that???

What is in your back pocket too? Could it be your pass to get into the convention? IF so, and you’re so against it being there… then why do you have a pass? The only other thing I could think of the item in his pocket being was a pack of cigarettes. And again, what would your organization think about it? Or maybe something as innocent as a wallet. I just happen to think that there’s a good chance its a pass to get into the convention.

The woman obviously has hers, and its quite visible. IF you are against the entire convention, wouldn’t that mean you are against the woman that you are lustfully gazing upon? That kind of defeats the purpose of staring at her if you are against whatever she is attending. You’re chances of hooking up with her are G-O-N-E !!!

I am going to say again.. that I am guessing this woman got eye humped by MANY people. If she didn’t want to be bothered or stared at in such a way, she should have known a little better.

Yet, I would actually believe that this photograph, the woman is posing in it. And it just so happens to be funny because the guy holding the picket sign is also included in the photograph and busted for staring at her. So I think that if you took away the factor of the guy holding the sign making it so funny, that this photograph is still posed.

And its still so wrong on so many levels.

So whoever this woman is: If you’re exhausted from having fun at the convention and are tired of being harassed by so many people, should you decide to find yourself in my area… give me a call.

 

 

Ladies and gentleman, readers, subscribers: Its time again. 

Oh yes, we’ve come to yet another record breaking event in my own life. It is just too sad that I don’t have enough money to hand out rewards for this kind of thing.

This evening, I was reading from my good friend and fellow brother of the musical scales. He had written a new blog post. That blog of course, is Frothtonomy.

Those of you who have been with me for the longest time know that I’m always finding something amazing whenever he writes. He’s shown his “softer side” for a lack of a better term. But what usually gets me, is his totally unique and profane ways of telling a story.

Tonight was filled with ZERO TOLERANCE. All who read his blog post from tonight, will genuflect to his commands.

Not since the blog post that he wrote back in January 2011, have I laughed so damned hard. Tonight was even worse if you were to compare to the two. Worse being a loosely given term.

If you want to read this particular post that actually got me interested in following his blog, you can find it here:

 http://millsap.wordpress.com/2011/01/20/pass-the-bubble-yum-its-class-action-time/

 

Tonight’s read broke and shattered any and all records that were kept in the books. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! And that includes “The Great Garbage Can Bowling” event of my childhood.

I started laughing at one point, hearing about the “Tea Pot Girl” and once I got started it created an avalanche of hilariousness to the point that I had tears just streaming from my eyes. I could feel my face turning a deep red and feeling quite flushed and warm, and I could no longer take in any oxygen. I was expecting the drool to come.

It happened once before when I read the first post. The neighbors were calling me to see if I was okay. I was laughing so hard and so loud that they could hear it from my living room, THROUGH my bedroom, THROUGH the walls that separate my place from theirs, and into their living room.

Tonight, it happened again. TWICE!!!

And what puts the cherry on top is that tonight, the security watchman that patrols the grounds (and nothing else mind you) knocked on my door to see what in the world was going on. I’m just waiting for someone to call the police on me one of these times for laughing so much that it has scared the crap out of them.

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY has ever caused that kind of a response out of me. No woman or man or child.

And this is why I highly suggest that you go and take the time to read his entire blog from beginning to end. Dr. Froth’s visionary ways of using the blog to produce a great laugh has always baffled me.

He tells me that he does not have my readership — let’s change that!!

You can find “Frothtonomy” in the Blogroll, or immediately be transported to a wonder land of laughter by clicking on the link below:
http://millsap.wordpress.com/

 

 

And yes, he does use profanity a lot. But seriously… you have to look passed all of that in order to understand what he is telling you.

Leave him a comment. Subscribe to his blog.  Tell him Dambreaker sent you!!!

As for the rest of the Disciples of Dambreaker, more blog goodness to come this week.

“Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing.”~Allen Klein

Two telephone calls. Two people. 216 minutes well spent.

Yes, I was on the telephone for that period of time combined with the two calls that were made.

And in that time frame caused a series of human reaction and emotions that were off the charts!

I laughed so hard that I couldn’t breathe, and then I laughed so hard that I cried. I laughed so hard that I snorted and drooled… SEVERAL times. And I think maybe I farted once or twice when doubled over, but I hope the people I spoke to didn’t hear it.

There’s only a few select people that can make me laugh so hard that I come completely unglued to the point where I just fall out of my wheelchair and hit the floor, and then I start to laugh about that. These were two of them.

I don’t remember exactly where, but I had heard a long time ago that laughter actually does help in lowering the possibility of having coronary problems such as a heart attack and stroke. If this is true, I won’t have my first heart attack until I am 628 years old.. I laughed THAT much!!!

I’m feeling blessed to have these kinds of people in my life, rather than sitting here with my head in my hands, fuming about those who cause me pain and mental strife. But then again when I look back, I’m very fortunate to have those people in my life that know how to make me laugh.

I am usually the one who MAKES people laugh. So to get me to laugh that hard and that much, either takes a talent that is much higher than mine or I must take stock and admit that I’ve found some absolute gems in life.

And besides, other than those who prescribe to “misery love company”… who wouldn’t want to be around those who make you happy???

Its always so easy to feel dumped on. But for whatever reason it is a challenge for many for them to find their rays of sunshine on a gloomy day when they’ve been sitting on a pot of gold all along.

So yeah, nearly three and a half hours on the telephone (for those of you who can’t count and haven’t figured it out yet) and I laughed so much in that time frame than I have in a lifetime.

I’ll prescribe to the funny bone on any given day of the week, and keep THAT company instead!!!!