Summertime Delivery Blues

It’s very HOT in the state of Texas right now. Record temperatures are being broken almost daily. And there’s no relief in sight for well over the coming week.

For me to get anything, I have been staying inside and using online delivery services for what I need.

I created a small order for groceries. I found this second online delivery service that is far better than the first. Maybe one day I will write a post about it and show you the comparison. But that’s not important right now.

Living in a gated property, instructions were given on how to reach my front door along with the delivery and waited for the selected time in which it was to arrive.

Then the telephone rings. The driver is outside one of the many gates that stretch along the property and wants to be let in.

I verbally repeated the instructions to this woman. And the following responses from her were less than professional or nice.

Over and over again she kept telling me which numbered apartment she was parked in front of. But couldn’t find a key pad to enter a gate code to get on the inside.

A second and third time of repeating the instructions to her, she shouted back “Can’t you just let me inside?? I see a door. Just come open the door.”

I told her she was at the wrong gate and she needed to drive a little more to get to the correct gate. And more argument came from her as she screamed “Just come get me and open this door. I see a goddamned door.”

The first thing that came to mind was to tell her that I was not dressed to come outside.

She then began to cry and whimper about it. She said that if I was not going to come outside and open the door that she was looking at that she would not know how to get my delivery to me. She was obviously starting to give up and was probably getting ready to leave.

I told her that I was on the way.

I had a feeling inside of me that told me that if I actually went around to the other side of the building and opened the door that she kept talking about that she was going to find a person in a wheelchair attempting to make their way down the path and she was going to instantly regret it.

Needless to say, that I hung up on her as she was in the middle of another whining fit.

So out into the horrible heat I went. Today with another record breaking temperature today of 103°F/39°C.

As I rounded the building and she turned and saw me…. the look on her face was PRICELESS. Maybe even Internet worthy.

I did not think of it until now, but I should have went up to the door inside of the gate and told her that the door was locked and I didn’t have the key, or that the door was welded shut to keep people off the property who don’t belong here.

So I opened the door and she immediately went into this wave of apologies and excuses and then back to apologies. She claimed she saw no other gate. And I physically pointed it out to her. She still said she could not see it. So I gave very descriptive terms to her along the lengthy gate on where to find where she should have gone in the first place.

The bags were heavy and she did offer to carry them for me to my home. But I did not want her inside of my home.

I led her to the front door. And as we went along the path I explained to her how roads work and how much easier and more convenient it would have been for her if she would have just followed the instructions that I had provided for her already several times.

She walked in front of me and then I told her which apartment to walk towards. She got to the door and then she proceeded to open it. That is until I told her NOT to open the door and just leave the bags next to the door on the patio area.

Again she gave me another priceless look of disbelief. I really think she’s got a problem with following instructions. Perhaps she’s one of the many kinds of people that don’t like being told what to do. And I would think that if that was the case, she shouldn’t be working as a delivery driver.

I understand that it is hot outside. And I also could believe the possibility that she was running behind on her deliveries.

And I also understand that trying to find where I live can be very confusing. My family had plenty problems of their own when they first tried to visit me here. However the screaming, the whining, and the not following instructions is deplorable.

Just another day in the big hot sweltering city of Austin in the summertime, I guess.

Freakin’ idiot.

Distracted Or Easily Amused?

“I don’t want my body to be a distraction from my talent or my brain.”~ Shania Twain

 

If yesterday’s post was to have caused any worry or concern on the part of the reader, then this blog post will probably cause them to either roll their eyes or giggle. And maybe, just maybe, if the reader is freaky enough… they just might do both.

 

Am I in a better mood? You betcha!

 

Clearly yesterday was probably the worst day since my discharge from the hospital. I had done so much activity that it was overwhelming and I did too much that caused me some very serious and great pain. Some of which I am still recovering from today. Which is getting better for those who wanna know.

 

But today, I had gone to a birthday celebration for one of the neighbors. She is 90 years old. That’s a lot of candles on a cake!

 

This is someone that I do not normally speak to on a daily basis. We’ve had our run-ins before and disagree quite frequently. But this was a time to put all of that aside and be happy for her.

 

I had actually arrived about ten minutes early than what the posted time was for the gathering and noticed that no other neighbor of mine was present. To be honest, it was a bit disappointing as I was sure that there would be people there. How quickly did my mind turn to the negative when I thought, “Well, she has been known to piss off people so it shouldn’t be a surprise that nobody is here.” But really? C’mon! This is a monumental birthday celebration we are talking about.

 

So a little bit later I would realize that a few of the other neighbors were there and it was a decent group of people. The weather today is rainy so it may have had something to do with it. But more people showed up later on.

 

But as I was the early bird, I went into the party room and immediately locked eyes with one tremendous piece of eye candy. I nearly fell out of my wheelchair, this girl was so cute.

 

She came right up to me and welcomed me and told me what was going on. You know, tea and coffee over here, birthday cake over there and what not. Luckily, I didn’t go into my usual “speechless” state of mind. I instead communicated with her.

 

However I had to quickly excuse myself and leave the room and go and talk with someone else. A “guy talk” if you will before I was able to compose myself and re-join the party. I mean, I had to talk this out before I just made my first entrance and then blow it. You know what they say about first impressions.

 

As I returned to the party, I was greeted by ANOTHER girl who was equally as attractive as the first. I thought to myself, “What in the world is going on and how are these girls related to my celebrating neighbor?”. It has to be the gene pool.. it just has to be.

 

I was offered coffee, and then later a piece of birthday cake was presented to me. These girls were so cute and attractive that I just couldn’t deny it, or them. If they would have offered me a plate of cow manure, I would have taken it ever so graciously.

 

After composing myself again, I noticed that all of my neighbors were sitting at one particular table by themselves. I found it so strange that even during a birthday party that they would feel that they would have to cut away from mingling with other party guests, whether or not they knew who they were. I mean, I didn’t know ANY of the friends and family members who were there, and I mingled and talked. Why not them as well??

 

Then, I decided that it was time to stop staring and start sharing. Or at the very least try.

 

I went up to one of the cuties and began a conversation with them. I would find out that both of them were my neighbor’s great-granddaughters!

 

Holy smokes!! That many lines of family and generation connected these two hotties with my sometimes sweet and sour neighbor. Wow!!!!

 

I complimented them on the jewelry that they wore. One of which, had a diamond ring. Perhaps white gold or just plain silver? I don’t know, I’m not that savvy with jewelry knowledge.

 

I told her, “You’re too young to be married!”. She laughed a bit and said, “No. I’m not married, this is a promise ring that I was given. But I am to receive my engagement ring at any day now.”

 

I was floored. A promise ring. Does anyone else remember this? First, the lady would receive a promise ring, then the engagement ring and finally the wedding ring. You just don’t see that any more. Although it is something that I would personally do if I was to be in that position in a relationship with a woman.

 

Anyways, I was curious and I could not stop myself. I again mentioned that she was far too young to be married. If I had to have guessed, I would have said that she looked between 17-21 years of age.

 

She told me that she was 24 years old. Most certainly old enough to be married, or at least engaged. In which she is.

 

The flirting had to stop, at least with that one. But the other one didn’t look too much older than that either. I never found out how old the other cutie was. But if this first one was 24, then I would have to guess 24-26 years old.

 

The other did NOT have a diamond on her finger, but she had this really beautiful costume ring on in the shape of a blooming rose. It took up all of her finger and some of the next. It was in fact… really pretty.

 

I did not have success speaking with the other one though. She just never would sit still long enough for me to sit beside her and talk with her. But golly, I am guessing that she was with her immediately family and if the woman sitting to her left was her mother, then… umm.. yeah. “Hello, Seattle!”.

 

But my time had run out on me as I had to be home to wait for the daily nurse visit. What a buzzkill. So I returned home, experiencing a new kind of discomfort and pain. And I don’t think that I have to go into what I am talking about, you know??

 

Just when I thought I knew everything there was to know about post-hospital stays and the pain and recovery, I end up with a “newfound misery”. And then again, if yesterday’s blog post was any indication of the misery and hell that I was feeling, today one would have no other choice but to admit “it is better”. I just don’t know if this was quite the distraction from all that I have been going through these past few days or if its going to be something to “add on”.

 

Good grief!!!

 

Vexing Vocabulary

“Actually, I’ve always had a rather extensive vocabulary, not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar and a superlative command of syntax. I simply chose not to employ them.”~ Courtland Mead as ‘Uh-Huh’ in “The Little Rascals” [1994]

In my book, etymology rocks!!

It is something that totally fascinates me and usually I do what I can to make sure that I am increasing my own vocabulary.

Throughout the years, I’ve done so for various reasons. One to be smarter, one to sound like I know what I am talking about, one to be cool. And so on.

But I think that I also enjoy learning about the origins in which particular words and phrases come from. And I am always trying to find other words that would fit so closely to the original word to make sure that I don’t sound like I am a broken record with the rest of society.

Several years ago I had actually started a code with two other friends. We used the English language, but when spoken… it didn’t really make much sense to those listening. And that was the point! Being at that young of an age where the discovery of females had just begun, we wanted a way to talk about them without them knowing it.

Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t perverts. The code was not as degrading as I am probably making it sound. For example: “sapphires” were blue eyes. “Emeralds” were green eyes, and so on.

It was just our own personal take on the English language.

But the English language has also changed so much over the past several years. There are words now that we say, that had a completely different meaning so long ago.

Words like gay, bitch, hot, and cool.

'i' before 'c' accept after... oh screw it! I don't need this, I'm hot!!!

The word “gay” which was used to describe being happy now has its own definition of describing someone’s sexual orientation. The word “bitch” used to be solely describing a female dog, now it is said in a derogatory meaning, commonly against women. “Hot and cool” were defining temperature, now its defining the social statuses of being attractive and socially acceptable.

I can even remember a time when on television, you were not able or supposed to say the word “bitch”.

Just the other day, I found something that actually made me happy. The word DIVORCE has more meaning or definition than the commonly understood “dissolution of marriage”. When the word “divorce” is spoken- many people shutter. Many MARRIED people, I should say.

But the word is more than just a dissolution of a marriage contract.

Some people have actually heard me say, “If you do that- I wanna divorce.” Those who have heard it, either understand what I am saying, or they get all wonky and uncomfortable because they don’t understand.

In this case, the second definition of the word DIVORCE means to separate or break apart. So then if I say “If you do that- I wanna divorce”… means “if you do whatever it is you are going to do, then I’m not going to speak to you any more.” I am going to have to separate myself from you, or divorce myself from you, essentially. And that should be a great indication to you that I am saying that I disagree with your wanting to do that and strongly advice you not to go through with it.

Brushing up on your vocabulary couldn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean you have to completely talk differently. It just means that you have more than a few words to express yourself in other ways. Even if your goal is to sound impressive, I am sure that you will succeed. But as I always say, and always will say: “Knowledge is power.”

Sickening Summer

“It would be a shame for you to miss New York in the Spring.”~ Tom Hanks as ‘Joe Fox’ in “You’ve Got Mail” [1998]

Well, this isn’t Spring, its Summer. And this definitely isn’t New York either. Thus, there really isn’t anything out there that I would consider that I would be “missing”.

But I think that irony is a funny thing as I am sick. It is early August, and this is commonly the hottest month out of the year, and I’m sick. How does that happen??????

So now I am sort of confined to the ceiling fan going full blast, three oscillating fans blowing, and the air conditioner doing its job. Meanwhile, I cannot seem to be able to feel any better.

Sufficed to say that it is not heat stroke or heat exhaustion or anything of that nature. I just simply lack the fortitude and desire to want to do anything in this heat. And then I found my own body temperature almost as hot as the air temperature outside. Well, not quite THAT high, but high enough to be called a fever.

I’m just a rolling mess I guess you could say. But at least my mess does not require me to go and venture outside in this heat any more. I did my errands before it reached 99°F today. And was glad that I did. One must do what they must do.

After that, I’ve had a few comforting phone calls from friends. Great times. I love the diversions and distractions of the pitfalls of life when I am able to speak to them. But other than that, the day just went downhill and I am just surprised at my own self for coming to the realization that it is the Summer, and I am sick?

Doesn’t this crap normally happen during the later months of the calendar year? Perhaps Spring as Joe Fox had put it in “You’ve Got Mail”?? I don’t know. It’s a wild sensation. Nothing enjoyable no doubt.

My guess is that it has something internal going on that is making me feel like the crud. I’m just waiting for someone to steam roll me over and then shove me in a closet. But I don’t suppose that I will be so lucky.

Nevertheless, being sick in general is never much fun at all. Our bodies adjusting to the weird and wonky things that really give our immune system a battle. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. I suppose that I could say that I lost this round.

People here are generally grumpy from the record setting heat. But it is almost everywhere else in the country. NOT just the south. I cannot speak for much of the country but our own heat records for the year are being shattered almost continuously for the past two months straight. When the meterologist on the local weather report are cracking open the Weather Almanacs, you know there’s something to be paying attention to because this heat is so dangerous. Records this year are being broken that were only set back in 2009, and again in 2007. Anything more that is still a standing record goes all the way back to the 1920’s. And this heat is punching forward to shatter those as well.

I am happy to say that I am staying hydrated. My bladder can testify to that. And I’m not outside a whole lot. Or should I say- that I haven’t been. Especially not today since 10:45 this morning. But my point is that I am doing very well with hydration.

Still my body and my moods suffers today. And there really isn’t much that I can think of that would make me so miserable, but here I am…. trying to get my temperature down and drinking so much damned fluids.

So as I sit in the dark, as the sun begins to set as I finish this blog post and realize the temperature is STILL at 100°F, I roll my eyes and just wanna curl up into a ball. Let’s hope that tomorrow becomes better for me (even though the weather will not as it is predicted to be even worse and possibly the HOTTEST day of the year!), and that future blog posts will have more to it than just blather.

Thanks for hanging in there, oh Disciples of Dambreaker.

Getting Scared Comes Early

such beautiful chaos at the House of Torment

The weather so far in June has been very uncomfortable for this part of the world. We’re used to the high temperatures and humidity of course, but this early in the season? It has been very dry and very hot. We normally do not get such weather until July or August. And then sometimes we deal with it through September.

 

I kept thinking to myself that all I had to do was make it to the Fourth of July weekend. And then it struck me: July, August, September, October.

 

Holy smokes!! I know the months of the year beginning in July ….. AND …… there’s only a few more months until the whole “Halloween Season” comes. But mainly the fact that the “House of Torment” will soon be auditioning for characters for the local haunted attraction.

 

For the past three seasons I have always wanted to audition to be a zombie or a monster at this nationally acclaimed haunted house. But I always had missed out because I didn’t know exactly when to go and audition. Not to mention not really knowing what they are looking for in a monster.

 

I had always thought that I could bring something to the table by sitting in my wheelchair, all disfigured and gross.. and just scare the crap out of people!! I mean, there are endless possibilities on how to do it. Trust me, I’ve spent a lot of time sitting around thinking about it. So I have been wanting to this for so long. Why not make it an equal opportunity scare business by employing the disabled? People get scared of me all of the time, but that’s because they are ignorant. In this way, I could give them a reason to be scared. But I digress.

 

Then about a year ago (after the Halloween season no less), I read an article that the House of Torment was looking for people. The article was written in the early part of August. I know that they go through an extensive training during that month and then they open their doors at the end of September and into early October and stay open until Halloween. At least that is how it is to the best of my knowledge.

 

Personally, I think its great because most haunted houses are only open on weekends during the month of October and some of them will extend their hours of operation during the week OF Halloween. But there has been a few seasons where the House of Torment opened their doors at the last part of September and kept them open every day for business until the first weekend of November.

 

What a great way to make a living. Even if it is for a short period of time in the calendar year. I can dress up, look horrible, scare people and get paid doing it for a couple of months.

 

But like I said, every year goes by and I never find out where I need to go or what I need to do, until it is too late and the advertisements are beginning to circulate and the very late night commericals are begining to air.

 

Allow me to tell you a story of my first (and probably last) experience with the House of Torment:

 

As a paying customer I went through the attraction to the best of my ability. These attractions really are not made for people with physical handicaps and wheelchairs because a lot of the times their sets are built on feeding a person’s fear of small and enclosed spaces. A lot of haunted attractions simply post bulletins that if you are handicapped, you won’t get in.

 

But that one time that I went, I did okay.

 

There is one character by the name of Mr. Creep. You can look him up online. Top hat, top coat, walking cane. A “posh monster”.

 

So anyways, I was in the attraction and I saw Mr. Creep… but thought he was only a prop. I didn’t pay attention to it much. I moved about the attraction but did not realize that Mr. Creep was following right behind me.

 

I heard something, and turned around. Mr. Creep was right there again standing in the same position as before. I thought that haunted house staff members were playing tricks with me by moving this prop everywhere I go.

 

After a few times of this silly little game, I decided to test it out and see if this was a person in a costume or a prop. So I did everything I could to make it move. Maybe blink. But nothing happened. I then put my hand in front of its nose and mouth. The actor knew very well to hold his breath. So then I was moving my arm, waving it in its face and then I mistakenly bumped my arm onto theirs. So Mr. Creep ended up moving.

 

In a blink of an eye, Mr. Creep screamed at me!

 

I turned around and I was GONE BABY, GONE!!!

 

I literally ran over the group of friends I went with, passed them up and then ran over two other groups of people in the attraction that were ahead of me, all the while knocking people over onto the floor, and out the door I went without stopping or looking back. Screaming like a little sissy girl in the process, the entire way out the door!

 

Apparently, Mr. Creep followed me every step of the way and thought it was so funny as he stood there in the doorway holding his sides and laughing hysterically and yet some how still able to stay in character.

 

I didn’t think it was that funny. At least not at the time. But I laugh about it now and don’t get so upset when I tell others this story and they start cracking up.

 

I never went back there again. At least not as an fear enthusiast and a customer. The attraction really isn’t that far away from where I live. I go by it all of the time- all year round.

 

But then how ironic is it that I am absolutely craving the opportunity for employment at a place that just about scared the piss out of me? Wild, wild stuff!

 

The Halloween season of 2010, I kept up with the House of Torment as much as possible. I never got a chance to go to the area, but I was so amped that it was opening up again. I talked with a lot of people who did go to the attraction and had them tell me their stories and experiences. I even contacted via the Internet about possible employment but never heard back from them. I guess they were already in full swing of operation by the time I had done so that they didn’t need any more help.

 

I joined message boards, profiles, whatever had their name on it. I watched YouTube videos of people’s visits… laughing every step of the way when someone was using a cell phone to record video and an unindentified monster or zombie that was NOT in frame would come up and yell “BOO!”.

 

Now I understand that Global Fear Enterprises are the ones in charge. They offer a variety of wonderful services, including graphic design. But what I found was most thrilling was the fact that you could hire their monsters for public events and parties. I thought that was really cool. But I had to stop and think about whether or not that was just a seasonal thing, or of it was all year long.

 

Most people who have known me for the past year and a half now, know that I found this thing called “Monster Escorts”. Certainly it wasn’t how it sounded, right?!? So I sent a message inquiring about that particular service.

 

The language was a bit stiff, no pun intended. I was told that “Monster Escorts” was for more of an intimate time. That did not help!! Because the zombie chick in the photo of this blog post, I saw from others who went and took pictures, I became intrigued by.

 

Since I knew last year that I would not get the opportunity to go to the House of Torment to go get my picture taken with this actress, I wondered if their “Monster Escorts” would allow that chance for me to meet up with her and then I would have pictures taken.

 

Very wisely, I asked them to elaborate on what “intimate” meant. It was quickly explained that it was referring to more of a one-on-one scenario, like going on a date to the movies or out to dinner, rather than having a whole bunch of monsters come out at the same time. It would be just one monster to make an appearance.

 

Naturally, each monster comes with their own “handler” as they called it. Of course for safety reasons. That didn’t bother me too much. But I never got specific when I inquired to ask whether or not I would get the chance to see this particular actress in an intimate setting.

 

For the longest time, I contemplated the whole idea. It was kind of hard to take that it would cost $200/hour. But a business is a business. And they are to make money. I just couldn’t make up my own mind on whether or not I wanted to go through with it.

 

So I asked for a general consensus on Facebook. I said that if I received 40 ‘likes’ on that particular status that I would go through with it and some how manage the money to set up a date with a zombie chick. I only got 17.

 

Still though, the thought intrigues me again as the season is not that far away. Whether or not they will still be offering the escort services, I do not know. I will have to find out.

 

What are your thoughts? Should I go for it or should I just leave it alone? Leave your thoughts in the comment section.

 

But it is coming. The unforgiving heat of June is telling me that once the unbearable weather disappears, then the House of Torment will be open for business yet again. It is something I can look forward to as I lie here miserable in the heat and the relentless use of air conditioning. Something that I can focus on positively.

 

I suddenly just find myself totally stoked and pumped for it to come! I can’t wait!! Time to get my scare on a little early.