Keep Your Asterisk Out Of My Conversation

“Have you ever heard the expression: Walk a mile in my shoes, and then judge me? And write your own books.”~ Ann Rule

How times change so quickly. One can tell by the way language changes in each society and culture.

I know I’ve spoken about the deadly conjunction in almost every sentence which that simple conjunction just unravels what has been previously said.

There’s something that I am finding far worse than the overuse of the conjunctive word.

It is that secretive asterisk that we place in our every day speech. For those who do not know what I am talking about, its those key words and phrases that we add into our conversations that has no true purpose or meaning to be spoken, other than to cover our own butts.

One that I have received all of my life, and that is probably because of pure and innocent curiosity is the the prefacing of the question of “I don’t mean to be rude, but why are you in a wheelchair?” and other similar questions.

It really could be an innocent inquiry. It still does get to me once in a while.

One that I have always received ever since I can remember is the prefaced question of “Can I ask you a question?”… how this has become so silly to me anymore.

I don’t know– can you? Are you able to use your voice??

Its frustrating sometimes.

Now there’s these other phrases coming around a lot recently and its even more of an acceleration to getting a headache than ever before.

The asterisk phrase. 

Phrases like “I’m just saying” are in my opinion just redundant. Depending on how it is being used, its quite similar to the other phrases that are either prefaced to statements or questions or placed at the end as an immediate dismissal of responsibility.

DON’T JUDGE ME.

Ohhh geez… I think I am going to be sick!!

As soon as you say something like that, you are immediately asking for what you just requested others NOT to do. How can people not see that?  

Sometimes it is used in such ways that the person who just said it has actually cast their OWN judgement on the situation that is relative to the conversation. And that’s supposed to keep them free of responsibility from their judgement. It is exactly to say that its okay for YOU to judge me, but it is not okay for ME to judge you!!

Opinions are free. Yet they still have consequences and responsibility if they are openly expressed. Not everyone in the world is going to agree with you. You can believe or think what you want. There’s nothing against the law that says that you cannot.

The moment though that you express it, you will be running the risk of having to deal with someone who disagrees with you. And then depending on how you handle disagreements with others will take a key role on how the remainder of the conversation will continue and how it will ultimately end.

You still are responsible for your words and actions. Saying “DON’T JUDGE ME” is NOT a free pass to have diarrhea of the throat with a mouthful of opinions.

Gain the fortitude to be a mature and responsible adult. Understand that there will come the time where you might say something that others will disagree with. Prefacing your statements and comments with the asterisk phrases don’t actually work! The faster you learn that, the better off you will be.

 

Judge, Jury, And Executioner

“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. “~ Wayne Dyer

 

I have a tale for you.

 

The relationship is over. As least for these two. And it is all because of someone falsely judging another.

 

Holly had a birthday party. She invited her best friend Kimberly to come. But Kimberly had given her RSVP as a “NO”. At first, Holly didn’t think too much about it. But soon after that, Holly began to become bitter that her best friend wasn’t going to be there at her birthday party. Kimberly was the best and only friend that Holly had. And it had started back when they were both about six years old.

 

The party came and went. Kimberly of course wasn’t there. And Holly had a miserable time at her own party even though she stuck it out with wearing a mask of smiles to the rest of her party guests.

 

Holly never did go to her best friend to find out why she didn’t attend the birthday party. Instead, Holly made up her own assumptions and investigated Kimberly’s whereabouts using leads outside of simply asking her.

 

Holly decided that Kimberly was not the best friend she thought. And refused to talk to her for weeks and even months. Even though Kimberly did attempt to communicate with Holly some time after the party. Holly was too set in her ways to “punish” Kimberly for what she had done until Kimberly saw the light.

 

But because of the silent treatment, Holly ended up losing Kimberly as a friend. By the time Holly was “ready” to talk to her again, Kimberly had moved on. 

 

Holly absolutely took it upon herself to be Kimberly’s judge, jury, and executioner. Because of the fact that Kimberly didn’t go to the party, then Holly deemed Kimberly guilty of being a terrible friend and chose the method of execution to be the silent treatment. But what Holly didn’t realize is that the longer she stayed silent, the worse it got for their relationship.

 

This is just one example of how our attitudes and behaviors can actually do more damage than good. All because someone has said or done something that we did not agree with. Where in the world do we get off believing that it is “okay” to punish those people for saying or doing those things?

 

We receive the answers that we deep down, don’t want. And because of it, we set out to make those who gave us those answers to suffer. Does this make any sense to anybody out there?!?

I’ve done it. We ALL… have done this in some form or another to those whom we say that we love. But in doing so, did it ever give us the result that we truly wanted? Absolutely not!

 

If life was meant to be a peach, we’d all have pie. But then nobody would want cake. Life is full of disappointments and in some cases- failures. A lot of the times, these disappointments are out of our control. Instead of forcing our views upon people for the sake of getting our way all of the time, we should be learning from the times when things just don’t go the way we had hoped.

 

If we continue to behave like this… are WE really being the friend that we say that we are? Are we, really??