Record Breaking Havoc

Ladies and gentleman, readers, subscribers: Its time again. 

Oh yes, we’ve come to yet another record breaking event in my own life. It is just too sad that I don’t have enough money to hand out rewards for this kind of thing.

This evening, I was reading from my good friend and fellow brother of the musical scales. He had written a new blog post. That blog of course, is Frothtonomy.

Those of you who have been with me for the longest time know that I’m always finding something amazing whenever he writes. He’s shown his “softer side” for a lack of a better term. But what usually gets me, is his totally unique and profane ways of telling a story.

Tonight was filled with ZERO TOLERANCE. All who read his blog post from tonight, will genuflect to his commands.

Not since the blog post that he wrote back in January 2011, have I laughed so damned hard. Tonight was even worse if you were to compare to the two. Worse being a loosely given term.

If you want to read this particular post that actually got me interested in following his blog, you can find it here:

 http://millsap.wordpress.com/2011/01/20/pass-the-bubble-yum-its-class-action-time/

 

Tonight’s read broke and shattered any and all records that were kept in the books. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! And that includes “The Great Garbage Can Bowling” event of my childhood.

I started laughing at one point, hearing about the “Tea Pot Girl” and once I got started it created an avalanche of hilariousness to the point that I had tears just streaming from my eyes. I could feel my face turning a deep red and feeling quite flushed and warm, and I could no longer take in any oxygen. I was expecting the drool to come.

It happened once before when I read the first post. The neighbors were calling me to see if I was okay. I was laughing so hard and so loud that they could hear it from my living room, THROUGH my bedroom, THROUGH the walls that separate my place from theirs, and into their living room.

Tonight, it happened again. TWICE!!!

And what puts the cherry on top is that tonight, the security watchman that patrols the grounds (and nothing else mind you) knocked on my door to see what in the world was going on. I’m just waiting for someone to call the police on me one of these times for laughing so much that it has scared the crap out of them.

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY has ever caused that kind of a response out of me. No woman or man or child.

And this is why I highly suggest that you go and take the time to read his entire blog from beginning to end. Dr. Froth’s visionary ways of using the blog to produce a great laugh has always baffled me.

He tells me that he does not have my readership — let’s change that!!

You can find “Frothtonomy” in the Blogroll, or immediately be transported to a wonder land of laughter by clicking on the link below:
http://millsap.wordpress.com/

 

 

And yes, he does use profanity a lot. But seriously… you have to look passed all of that in order to understand what he is telling you.

Leave him a comment. Subscribe to his blog.  Tell him Dambreaker sent you!!!

As for the rest of the Disciples of Dambreaker, more blog goodness to come this week.

The Best 216 Minutes Ever

“Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing.”~Allen Klein

Two telephone calls. Two people. 216 minutes well spent.

Yes, I was on the telephone for that period of time combined with the two calls that were made.

And in that time frame caused a series of human reaction and emotions that were off the charts!

I laughed so hard that I couldn’t breathe, and then I laughed so hard that I cried. I laughed so hard that I snorted and drooled… SEVERAL times. And I think maybe I farted once or twice when doubled over, but I hope the people I spoke to didn’t hear it.

There’s only a few select people that can make me laugh so hard that I come completely unglued to the point where I just fall out of my wheelchair and hit the floor, and then I start to laugh about that. These were two of them.

I don’t remember exactly where, but I had heard a long time ago that laughter actually does help in lowering the possibility of having coronary problems such as a heart attack and stroke. If this is true, I won’t have my first heart attack until I am 628 years old.. I laughed THAT much!!!

I’m feeling blessed to have these kinds of people in my life, rather than sitting here with my head in my hands, fuming about those who cause me pain and mental strife. But then again when I look back, I’m very fortunate to have those people in my life that know how to make me laugh.

I am usually the one who MAKES people laugh. So to get me to laugh that hard and that much, either takes a talent that is much higher than mine or I must take stock and admit that I’ve found some absolute gems in life.

And besides, other than those who prescribe to “misery love company”… who wouldn’t want to be around those who make you happy???

Its always so easy to feel dumped on. But for whatever reason it is a challenge for many for them to find their rays of sunshine on a gloomy day when they’ve been sitting on a pot of gold all along.

So yeah, nearly three and a half hours on the telephone (for those of you who can’t count and haven’t figured it out yet) and I laughed so much in that time frame than I have in a lifetime.

I’ll prescribe to the funny bone on any given day of the week, and keep THAT company instead!!!!

 

 

 

 

Reuniting Friends in Friendswood

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”~ Unknown

As I left for Houston over the past several days, I was able to stay with friends in a place called Friendswood.

My gracious hosts, Keith & Sharon, I had known since I was a small child. The last time I had seen them, I was only nine years of age.

But last November when I went to play sledge hockey in the Houston area, they did come up to see me play. It was so long ago that it was truly something of a wonder in my mind that I would actually ever see them again.

And so when they found out that I was wanting to come back in January for the next SIX MINUTE CENTURY show, they had agreed to play host.

So much time had gone by that the last time that I saw them, I only recall them having one child. Now they have five. The youngest being a teenager. Now that’s a long time and I just aged myself.

It was a great time, needless to say. I think that I met all of their children at least once. I actually had an opportunity to arrive on the bus a few hours earlier than previously scheduled but poor Sharon, she was not ready for that kind of thing. I believed that she was kind of in a panic to make sure that the house was cleaned and ready and all of that.

I told her that she was making a mountain out of a mole hill. I even bet her $10 that things would ultimately be okay and that I would have them all laughing their butts off. It didn’t take but midnight that very first day that they were all cracking up. She lost the bet.

It kinda got a little ugly as there were two buses going in the same direction and they just couldn’t figure out which bus I was going to get on, even though my ticket said which one I needed to board.

Once that was decided, then they couldn’t get the doors open to operate the wheelchair lift on the bus. They tried and tried and tried, and even called a few people to figure out what in the world was going on. I figured that it was going to make us late. Yet I found it funny. Grown adults trying to beat up a bus in frustration because they could not get a door open.

Once I got to Friendswood, we all were just fine. Quite busy doing things and different activities to be honest. That following day I spent with Keith taking in the sights. Luckily for me, he works with NASA at the Johnson Space Center. I got to see things that people normally wouldn’t get to see. But I will talk about that more in a future post.

$10 mints left on my pillow

And I did make Sharon pay that bet though. What was so funny was that she was preparing the bed that I was going to sleep on while I was there, and she left the $10 on the pillow, like a hotel chain would leave a mint. HILARIOUS!

I KNEW that I should’ve made it $100. But I think that Keith would have had some objection to that.

So the whole thing about the “mints on the pillow” was a joke throughout my entire visit.

I would find that the bedroom that I was sleeping in, had a television which was hooked up to the cable in the house. Television in HD, baby!! I don’t have that in my home. Neither do I have cable, so I did what I could to take advantage of it all, without trying to seem like I was being anti-social. I watched as much cable as I could and enjoyed cable channels that I didn’t even know existed. I did worry about whether or not they felt that I was being anti-social though.

Keith, Sharon, and myself traded a lot of stories about our past when it was connected. We filled in a few gaps in all of those years with highlights of our lives. And even some of the lower points that we all went through.

Memories galore.

I cannot complain though. They took me into their home willingly and were very welcoming. How can anyone go wrong with that?!? It was awesome to be with them and play sort of “catch up”, as it were.

I am very grateful for their hospitality, even if they were concerned about my comfort. But hell, I was just fine.

I was so busy doing things with the family, or even if it was just Keith and I. It was a GREAT time.

But as always, it had to come to an end. They brought me back to the bus station and I didn’t want to drag out any scene of uncomfortable farewells. I knew that I had cried my eyes out last August while riding on the bus because I just didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to leave this time either. But I wanted to fight the impending tears, avoid the scene.

So as I checked in to the bus terminal, some random man was apprehended and brought into a side office for questioning. I have no idea what the problem was, and evidently from his screaming pleas- he didn’t know either.

I moved on, trying to mind my own business.

Then I got to the security checkpoint. There was this big burly, muscled man with tattoos on both arms.

He asked if I was checking any baggage and I told him that I was not. Then he asked to see my luggage.

Now what I am going to mention here is that I had a bag on the back of my wheelchair. He FAILED to notice it and never checked it.

Anyways, as he was going through my luggage he asked the standard questions:

Do you have anything in there that is going to stick or poke me?

Clearly, no.

And then he asked something that nobody could’ve predicted:

You don’t have any weapons, guns, knives, explosives, inflatable bitches, grenades, or bombs?

What the …???

I told him, “No sir!”. And then he gave me back my luggage and wished me a bon voyage.

When I got away from him far enough– I lost it. I just couldn’t hold it in any longer than I did. I will never forget that for as long as I live.

And when I finally was through the checkpoint, I stepped outside and I noticed that the very same man that was apprehended earlier was back out on the streets. Within seconds, he was screaming and cussing at someone else and just making a total dork of himself. Hmm, and he wonders why they pulled him in??

I was boarded fairly early. And we also arrived about 15-20 minutes ahead of schedule.

But one thing always seems to happen to me whenever I take these trips to Houston. Its that my CD player always seem to have dead batteries before I even leave the official city limits of Houston. It is ridiculous. I think that I am going to have to buy a bunch of batteries and just use them specifically for trips to Houston.

I can’t wait to go back again. And depending on where I am, I might connect with Keith & Sharon again. If I can do it, then I will. They have always been awesome people. They still are. And I thank them profusely for having me stay with them.